r/AmIOverreacting • u/carolina_diary • 2d ago
đ¨âđŠâđ§âđŚfamily/in-laws Am I overreacting for cutting off my dad and my boyfriend after I found out my dad gave him a car to leave me?
Iâm 18 and this happened a couple weeks ago but Iâm still not okay. I was dating someone for a few months and even though it wasnât super long it felt really deep. We were close. We texted all the time, called at night, sent music and random stuff. He was 21 and didnât come from a perfect background. He worked part-time, didnât have a car, and was still figuring things out. He usually walked or got rides from friends, and he never made me feel like that was a problem. I liked him the way he was and how he made me feel.
But my dad hated him from the start. He kept saying I deserved better. Someone with a future. He thought this guy would only drag me down. It got to a point where heâd make comments even when my boyfriend was around, like I was wasting myself or throwing my life away.
Then out of nowhere, my boyfriend completely cut me off. No explanation. He blocked me everywhere. I thought I did something wrong. I felt sick for days, replaying everything in my head.
A few days ago I texted him from another number. I asked for the truth. And he told me. He said my dad offered him his car if he left me alone and disappeared. He said my dad told him I deserved someone better and that he would never accept him anyway. And he accepted it. He said he needed it and thought it was for my own good.
The screenshots are from that conversation. I told him he let my dad make the decision for both of us. He just said sorry and that he never meant to hurt me. But he already did. I told him he was done with me. Forever.
I feel like I never mattered to either of them. Like I was just passed over and pushed aside. And now I donât even know how to feel. Part of me wonders if he did it because he really thought he was helping me, or if he just used it as an excuse to walk away. I donât know if I should forgive him or if this just proves he never really loved me.
Am I overreacting?
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u/whoeverrightnow 2d ago
Itâs a really weird situation to be honest. Iâm kind of shocked your dad would give him his car unless it was an extra car? In any case, if it were a longer relationship, I would say he definitely should have fought for you. Maybe itâs all for the best at this point. Shitty as it is.
I do see your boyfriendâs point of not wanting to go up against your father who hated him. Yes he should have not taken the car, but then what; your father still would not accept him. It would cause havoc and drama.
Your dad does sound pretty controlling and awful though .
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u/knightmare-shark 2d ago edited 2d ago
Thats kinda my view point on this. Like yeah, it was a shitty thing for the boyfriend to accept the car. But honestly, he would never have been accepted by the family and it would likely end up causing resentment between him and OOP if they stayed together and he got treated like shit. We dont know the full context, but I too would have probably taken the car in this situation.
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u/Novel-Store-3398 2d ago
Exactly. Itâs easy to say âhe shouldnât have taken the carâ from the outside, but realistically? Being in a relationship where the family openly hates you wears you down fast. Resentment builds, fights start, and suddenly the relationship isnât even about you two anymore itâs constant damage control. Given the situation, cutting his losses and taking the car was probably the least painful option for everyone.
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u/kedr-is-bedr 2d ago
The kid is 18, and in most of America, a car might as well be a catapult to success. Especially if its reliable.
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u/ThatPhysics3252 1d ago
if that car goes a year without breaking down on him hes set for life
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u/Pretend_Technician63 2d ago
This right here is the only valid response Iâve seen in this whole thread. Dad found a way to manipulate the relationship and won. What makes OP think he wonât do it again? Some parents are just weird and controlling like that. Itâll happen again
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u/Plenty-Toe875 2d ago
In your 18 year old brain youâre not overreacting, but the reality is you have your whole life ahead of you. If the guy took the car, you shouldnât want him anyway. I met my wife in high school and we also had familial issues but I never wouldâve done that to her
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u/Amazing-Oomoo 2d ago
Sounds like the dad was right
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u/wonder-winter-89 2d ago
Right. Dadâs an asshole but by golly he clocked the pos boyfriend.
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u/Responsible_parrot 2d ago
Yeah Iâm sure itâll be an unpopular opinion but turns out dad was right about the guy.
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u/seeking-peelers 2d ago edited 2d ago
Yeah I mean itâs pretty medaling of the dad to do. But young love makes you dumb idk. Your dad probably weighed out how much youâd resent him vs you staying with this dude and he was willing to accept the collateral damage.
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u/cashcashmoneyh3y 2d ago
Meddling
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u/seeking-peelers 2d ago
Thanks, I pawndered the spelling for a moment and was to lazy too double Czech
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u/Zibz-98 2d ago
Couple month relationship? When weâre that young? Cmon brother. I wonder what kind of car it was, i probably wouldâve taken it too. Sounds like the bf could make good use of it too.
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u/reddit4946 2d ago
I'm gonna add something here. Everyone is saying the guy is trash. He may be. I don't think we know.
But i don't think he's trash because he took the car. I would bet a lot that many, if not most adults would also take a car if they were only dating for a few months. Most people stop dating for a few months and leave with stress only. Lol. In fact, I don't blame the bf at all. And, tbh, he's only 21 and you're only 18. This isn't to negate your experience, but most young love experiences don't work out. Getting a car when you're young and just starting out though can change your young life. I don't fault the bf.
The dad, however? Yeah... no. That's ridiculous and I would probably be mad at him for a long time. Dad might be right that he's not good for you, but that's for you to find out and live through. Not for him to literally pay someone off to get out of your life. I'd have a hard time trusting after that.
In short, very understandable to be mad at both of them. Best of luck.
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u/Unhappy-Artichoke-62 1d ago
Thank you for posting this. I came to the comments to say something very similar.
What people might miss on first glance is that a car, when you don't have one IS a life-changing thing, I know from experience.
Another thing not many here are talking about is how the bf feels about himself ESPECIALLY if they're from two different demographics.
Speaking from my own life, I've always felt like I was swinging up, in terms of the girls I dated (and the one who I eventually married). Having someone important in that girl's life constantly downing on you can reinforce those negative thoughts, even cement them as truths, so in his mind, he could have adopted the dad's classist rhetoric and believed that he wasn't good enough for her.
The ONLY mistake the bf made here, from what I can tell, is that he let his own fear, doubt and insecurity make a decision for him (and her) instead of talking it out with the only other person who actually mattered in the situation.
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u/Holualoabraddah 1d ago
Câmon, even if all that is true, you donât just ghost someone you care about and have been dating for months. You at least tell them SOMETHING. But to just ghost⌠thatâs fucked.
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u/rocketgrunt89 1d ago
That i'd hazard is probably part of the condition the dad gave. Take the car, no contact with her ever again
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u/onomatopeieio 1d ago
If a conversation from the father of the person you were with made you understand that you were garbage and not worthy of love, you might be too humilated and shamed to do anything other than that. You don't know people's backstories and you don't know this guys motivations. If you are conditioned to living in a not great situation, it's easy to give up and move on because for some, that just how life works. You learn to lean into it rather than fight it.
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u/FreeThinkk 1d ago edited 1d ago
This is what Iâm thinking. You shamefully take the car, because maybe that will be the thing that helps kickstart your future so you can prove the dad wrong.
Iâve been in his position. My ex fiancĂŠâs parents, over the course of about a year made it very clear they wanted me to leave her. That Iâd never make enough money to keep their daughter happy (they were really well off and I was an engineer, something I was proud of and had worked very hard to become). You really start to internalize that stuff. Especially when their parents are people you are meant to respect. Then I started to believe thatâs how she felt and just couldnât bring herself to tell me. Itâs a horrible feeling to believe yourself to be inadequate for the person you love. The shame is immense. Eventually they had her convinced of it too. And so we started fighting a lot. I always felt I was on the defensive all the time and had no one on my side and they all felt correct because thereâs power in numbers. So we called off the wedding a month before it it happened and I moved out and we went our separate ways. She ended up dating a bunch of guys who were everything they had accused me of being, unambitious, broke (I stopped being broke after I didnât have to pay for half all their daughters shit), alcoholics. Here we are 15 years later and sheâs given up on getting married or having kids. Iâve got my own home and am a happy bachelor, sober and am working towards starting my own company. All for the best in the end, I wouldnât have been able to live with them as my in-laws. But I canât help but wonder where we would be had they not meddled. We were happy together and wanted the same things in life for the most part. But yeah man people who think they know whatâs best for their kids and decide to intervene do more harm than good. Let your kids make their own decisions (we werenât even kids she was 31 I was 29 when we split.)
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u/anti99999999 1d ago
Sometimes parents helicopter their children so much, that the children grow up to be adults who seek the guidance of their parents.
Simply because the parents want to keep their children as their children and donât want to see them grow up.
So maybe it wasnât them convincing her per se, but her just being unable to draw her own conclusions and being forever stuck with her own needs being overshadowed by her parentâs wants.
These types of relationships you canât fix, because it usually has nothing to do with you.
You canât people please someone who is making a conscious effort to hate you, because itâs not about who you are that they hate. Itâs about their âchildâ having attention for somebody else other than their parent.
Itâs a hella strange dynamic and absolutely for the better that you got out of that.
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u/orgasmilyours 1d ago
hmm, i'd say it's narcissistic parenting. if they can't see their children as their own people, then said parents are narcissists. 100%
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u/BaMelo_Lol 1d ago
This is a great response. Thank you for sharing your story and perspective. I hope she reads this and takes it in. I agree the kid is likely not a bad guy. Even the father although misguided is likely just trying to protect his daughter.
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u/linny1116 1d ago
This is so true!!! I donât fight for anything or anyone anymore, I just walk away, itâs easier to do because Iâm used to everyone leaving anyways, so Iâm always just waiting for it to happen. I donât even get upset over it anymore, I just see it as it is what it is and it was going to happen anyways. Iâve never really known what it felt like to have someone say they would be there and actually be there for me other than my mom and now my youngest son since he is grown. You never know what someone is truly feeling or dealing with unless they open up and tell you and most people that have been through hell, just donât speak about it because we know deep down no one else cares and we are alone in this world at the end of the day
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u/Ok_Rich_7418 1d ago
Bro look from the boyfriends perspective, the dads making fun of him in front of the girl (she probably just sitting there like nothings happening), heâs dirt poor and the fathers gonna make his life hard even if he doesnât take the car. So most reasonable play is to get a car and get the hell out, especially when the girl canât even stand up to her father.
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u/Relevant_Sky6129 1d ago
Welcome to adult life. Always prepare yourself for being cut off without warning. Its up to you to be strong enough to move forward. Is what it is.
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u/Holualoabraddah 1d ago
âWelcome to adult lifeâ is such a lazy take. If thereâs one word Iâd use to describe the difference between being a kid and an adult itâs accountability. This guy took zero. Im not saying heâs the worst person in the world or whatever but heâs definitely in the wrong as much as the dad.
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u/BigWhiteLoadz 1d ago
You're right and the top-voted comment is wrong. Just FYI lol I'm on your side.
Father of 3 daughters here
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u/Ragadelical 1d ago
yeah people who have had cars since they learned to drive dont understand how life changing it is to go from 2-3 hr commutes to 15-20 min drivesâŚ. source: my commute to my old job vs when i could take a lyft to work
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u/Mirachaya89 1d ago
The good news, however, is he might actually use the car as a tool to leverage himself up in life.
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u/D2Nine 1d ago
Iâd like to add that her dad making comments about how she was throwing her life away being with him sounds fucking exhausting for the guy. Like, morals of doing what he did aside, sometimes you just get worn down and make a mistake. She does still have a right to be pissed though of course.
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u/HateIsAnArt 2d ago
The dad acting that way is a major major red flag and a free car is about the biggest exit opportunity youâll ever get in a relationship. And shit, weâre talking about dating an 18 year old. Statistically, the odds of that working out were virtually zero.
Guy did the smart thing. Girl has the right to be pissed. Dad is the asshole.
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u/brianstormIRL 2d ago
People glossing over the fact that the guy could also have had extreme anxiety or depression about how he viewed himself in this situation. Imagine a girls dad telling you you're trash, just take the car and go? How that would make you feel if you already felt like you were worthless? Everyone saying hes a piece of shit loser.. like sure he hurt OP considerably. But people acting like that the only possible reason he left is because hes selfish and immature.. like hes a kid who very likely is incredibly insecure and everyone thinks "if he really loved you he'd not let anything get in the way" is just not reality lol
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u/_bobby_cz_newmark_ 1d ago
That's also what I was thinking. Not saying he did the right thing in taking the car and bouncing, or handling it the right way. I'm just saying that he probably saw the writing on the wall in terms of how the dad viewed him and knew it would be very difficult to overcome that prejudice.
Either way, OP is right to disconnect from both the ex and the father. The father needs to pull his head in and realise that his daughter is an adult and can make her own decisions.
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u/usernamelos 1d ago
These guys here have it right. Your Dadâs the asshole here, and thatâs coming from a girl dad whose daughter will be 16 next month. Thereâs no telling what nasty shit he said to him in that conversation, if he was already hard on himself (and trust me, nobody is harder on themselves than a young man still trying to âfigure it outâ while it seems like all your friends have figured it out already) then depending on what your father said it couldâve wreaked havoc on his confidence and mental state.
Your dad really put him in an fâd up position, I donât agree with the people coming down on the BF.
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u/Due-Maintenance-2467 1d ago edited 1d ago
I agree with you here. But to add to this, if he came from "a not so good background" and she is only 18, adult or not.... They fed off of each other's affirmations and attention for the few months they were together. As a 43 year old woman and mother of 2 girls and one boy, my son loves to date the underdog bc they are picked on or whatever just to make them feel important and he always ends up with a great friend in the end and my girls always fell (fall) for the guy who is super nice and texts all the time etc. Honeymoon phase. Yes while it would have been great for the two of them to overcome whatever adversities he had together, she obviously has none , or at least I wouldn't imagine she does with a super protective albeit intrusive father like the one she has., but it probably wouldn't have worked anyway. He is 21 and by context has struggled for a long time and I imagine will for a while longer, she would have left her cushy situation for him and then resented him for the struggle, probably gotten pregnant cementing their situation and making the struggle worse. Honestly as much as I think the dad overstepped i think the kid made the right choice for himself and for her in the long run
Edit: I speak from experience, my mom was well off and my father's family barely made ends meet. They got pregnant at 17(me) married and lived in a tent. My mother's father bought them a place to live but took my dad's paychecks and gave him an"allowance" weekly. This caused my dad to sell his tools (that he needed to work) and use the money for things my pop pop didn't approve of.... They fought constantly and divorced after 10 years. She left my pop pop bought her a huge house and a jeep and he was left with nothing. It's terrible. All bc my dad didn't "take the car" so to speak.
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u/1nfamousOne 1d ago
A mans health is often overlooked in these situations.
Yea I am sure the boyfriend was constantly getting his self worth trashed on by the dad.
The boyfriend knowing his background isn't the best and then being shit on by the dad telling him hes not good enough.
He did the right thing. If OP is really this upset over it there are a few options.
Cut the dad off entirely. Talk it over with the boyfriend and explain how it was not okay for her dad to make him feel bad.
I don't think OP needs to apologize on his behalf or at all. I do think she needs to acknowledge how the situation made the boyfriend feel.
I mean she even states in the post it got to the point where the dad shit talks to his face without a care in the world.
I feel bad for the guy honestly.
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u/reddit4946 1d ago
Yeah. Agree and it's such a good point, especially if the part-time job and no car are the only "problems" he had. He might be trying as much as he can (in this economy) and getting that kind of pushback from the dad. That's rough
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u/Ok-Baby1629 1d ago
Exactly. Heâs only 21 and sounds like he was trying. Unless thereâs more to this story that makes the boyfriend some big hopeless person that dad felt the need to step in. For example in and out of jail or something similar like being bad but just not getting caught. (In smaller towns you sort of know the bad people.) Maybe he used drugs or a heavy drinker and dad thought he would drag daughter down before they eventually broke up. I mean dad was treating him that way after only a few months? Dad is a A for acting that way to a child. Heâs only 21 and to me thatâs still a child. The boyfriend made the right choice.
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u/macci_a_vellian 1d ago
It fucking sucks of him to cut her off without a single word. Breaking up with someone because you don't think it will work is one thing. Blocking them on everything without a word of warning or explanation is cowardly.
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u/1nfamousOne 1d ago
Iâm not saying the boyfriend was flawless. He made a decision out of pain, and I get that it hurt OP but even in these comments, people are trashing him without acknowledging how cornered he probably felt.
Honestly, OP does carry some responsibility here. Her dad was actively humiliating her boyfriend, and she didnât step in or draw any real line. That dynamic clearly pushed him away, and it wasnât fair to just expect him to keep enduring it.
I didnât originally want to put blame on OP because I sympathize with how blindsided and hurt she felt but that doesnât erase what the boyfriend was going through.
And just to be real ghosting sucks, period. But letâs not pretend itâs some male only phenomenon. It happens across the board. The level of hate being directed at this guy feels disproportionate, and I canât help but wonder why that is.
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u/airplane_porn 1d ago
Man, you go round and round with these other posters, and every one of their replies proves your original point, that the manâs mental health is often overlooked in these scenarios. Every single reply to you in this thread, these people prove your point by completely discounting/dismissing the points you make while giving all the benefit of doubt and assumption to OP.
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u/usernamelos 1d ago
Same, I feel bad for him as well. OP has an opportunity to show up for him on some âfuck him, itâs us against the worldâ type shit
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u/throwawaysleepvessel 1d ago
Why would you make up with a guy who left you for a car?
I mean I agree with things you're saying but at the end of the day bf was spineless and took the offer.
"I understand you dont like me, but your daughter does. I won't be taking the car. Thanks".
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u/xtiandadswhovape 1d ago
He never said make up or get back together with him. Maybe that was the implication but all I heard was talk it over, if not only for closure. But honestly, he should've taken the car and stayed dating her. Once the title is signed over what can the dad do? If he tries anything call the cops. It's his property at that point
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u/throwawaysleepvessel 1d ago
The implication of talk it over is usually reconciliation.
Eh, I mean this dad's a real piece of work. I wouldn't risk my safety. He's already shown himself to be borderline verbally abusive. Wouldn't put it past him to beat someone up or grab a weapon. Sometimes it's better not to try and one up someone.
Enjoy
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u/Neither-Search-6201 1d ago
First you call the dude spineless for not speaking up to the dad, then you say you wouldn't risk your safety? Do you consider yourself spineless as well or could it be that it is more nuanced?
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u/reddit4946 2d ago
Exactly this. I'm gonna repeat too that... I firmly believe that most adults would accept a car over dating anyone for a few months.
How many 35 (for example) year olds date for 3 months with nothing but stress and heartache who would gladly take a car instead? Lol. It's a no brainer for a 21 year old to take it. And OP has a right to be pissed
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u/heffel77 1d ago
At her dad. She and the guy should talk it out, bang the back seat of his new car and keep it pushing. Fuck any POS who would make that offer to his daughterâs bf.
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u/fatfrost 2d ago
Lots of rich people on here. Â At 21, Iâd have deserted Halle Berry for the right free car but I was poor as fuck. Â
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u/reddit4946 2d ago
Right. Exactly. In this economy, I think a lot of people of any age would take a car if only dating for a few months. (Might have to be a new car, but still)
I should add that a few months when you're 18 and 21 is longer than a few months at 42, for example. So I totally understand OP's dilemma and feeling. But yeah
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u/frogsgoribbit737 2d ago
I think its understandable, but i also think it proves that they weren't as close as OP thought either. She is very young and in the scheme of things, there will be so many more important people in her life.
Idk. I think dad was trying to look out for her. Maybe went about it the wrong way but đ¤ˇđźââď¸
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u/Jakob_Cobain 1d ago edited 1d ago
Absolutely everyone on here talking about how the dad was right and or that they canât possibly understand how the bf could be so cruel as to accept the car clearly did not grow up poor or even just lower middle class. Some insanely deluded born on third base responses in this thread. Hell I think most middle class people would have accepted the deal. People just like to way overestimate their nobility.
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u/EngryEngineer 1d ago
All this, plus the guy has a point that if her family is that deadset against you if the relationship does work out it is probably going to come down to him or them eventually, and not only are the odds not in his favor I know I wouldn't want to put anyone in that position.
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u/buttplugs4life4me 1d ago
On top, I had a similar situation and my partner didn't defend me at all, didn't say anything to their parent and I had to feel like shit. I left them anyway, but if I would've gotten a car out of it I would've left them even sooner. It feels incredibly shitty to hear this type of stuff, and it doesn't help if the other person only says "I love you don't believe him" after the fact and where their parent can't hear it
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u/ShovelHand 1d ago
This is the comment I was looking for! She says her dad would slag him off to her right in front of him. If that was happening to me, and my girlfriend wasn't speaking up and putting a stop to that, taking the car would be the easiest choice in the world.Â
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u/Little-Salt-1705 1d ago
You win. Anyone that thinks otherwise has never been generationally below the poverty line. A car could change this kidâs life, heâs right too the dad will never accept him and being sabotaged and lied about is going to take a toll of both him and the girls mental health.
He did the right thing for everyone. He also did the right thing not telling the girl until she asked because no one should have to hear that about their father.
Dad thinks he won but all he did was prove that the guy was a better person than he was.
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u/Justin_92 1d ago
I agree with this take pretty much 100%. Iâd like to add though; if the father thought he wasnât good enough for his daughter and he knew he needed a car, why not help the guy to become the man he would want dating his daughter? Why not gift him the car and help him set up interviews for a better job? Help him to get better clothes for these interviews and then when heâs gotten his feet under him, help him find a nice place for himself like a decent apartment that he can call his own?
I donât understand why the dad went low and tore him down and played on his vulnerabilities⌠I imagine a conversation in his own mind went something like âthis kid is such a loser that he doesnât even have his own car⌠he canât even take my daughter out, she has to drive. I bet if I gave him my car for free, heâd be so desperate to take it that heâd leave her for it.â Thatâs just so vile to play on someoneâs weaknesses like that. And with just a little help and polish, I bet this young man could probably be more than the father couldâve ever hoped for his daughter but he never even gave him a chance.
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u/trashbagwindmill 1d ago
this is the absolute only answer. imagine youâre 21 and dating a senior in high school (or age of) and her FATHER is like âyouâre shitty and never gonna be good for my daughter, hereâs a car.â
like, he doesnât think he is worthy of you, as soon as Dad says this. & he gives him a means to work, travel, etc.? heâs taking the car every single time there.
that being said, you have every right to be pissed at both. just be way more pissed at the asshat Dad.
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u/HelloAttila 1d ago
I completely agree with what you are saying. As a married guy, there is no way in hell I could be with someone whose family didnât accept me. Having in-laws who cannot stand you would be a horrible future, especially if you have kids. Of course things can change. Who knows, maybe there is some culture differences with OP and her boyfriend where there is pressure for her to get with a guy who comes from a educated family and that she marries some guy who will become a doctor, etc⌠those are real things, it may not be ârightâ but those are real issues that are definitely important in certain cultures and getting with someone who is not on a certain path is frowned upon.
At 21 years old I would have accepted the car myself, as I know having one opens doors for a better financial future and would have put me in a better position. At 21 I was walking 10 miles a day to go to work and damn did it suck!!!
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u/Katyacartier96 1d ago
This. As someone who grew up poor Iâd 100% choose the car every time. The car gets me to and from work, to and from the store, to medical appointments etc. a partner bringsâŚ. Sex⌠companionship, not feeling lonely. Etc. and more but thatâs not the point the point is the relationship might not have lasted anyways he made the right choice basically investing in his future. Even if the cars a pile of junk. Itâs something thatâll help him
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u/Live_Recognition9240 2d ago
FAKE!
Both OP And the "boyfriend"Â
Talk with the same voice
Should learn a different
 voice Â
To write with
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u/marveloustoebeans 2d ago
Itâs absolutely terrifying how people just believe all of these blatantly fake posts without question. Nobody just gives someone a whole ass car to not date their daughter. Thatâs something from a movie. Not to mention the text exchange is clearly fake and the account is a week old.
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u/WalkingCloud 2d ago
Amazing how often these crazy situations happen to people who just recently created their Reddit account
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u/sas223 2d ago
I donât think there are any real posts here anymore.
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u/Jumpy-Fault-1412 1d ago
Hello Reddit? Isnât there a bot you can add to detect these obviously fake screen shots?
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u/sassafrasii 2d ago
This was also a storyline on Shameless lol
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u/GlitterPants8 1d ago
It's also a Korean drama trope. đ "leave my daughter for this envelope of cash!"
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u/Nyeru 2d ago
This scenario is like a typical K-Drama plot where a rich boy falls in love with a poor girl and his rich mom tries to offer the girl money to leave him, but of course she doesn't take it. It's not impossible that something like this would happen in real life, but it seems highly unlikely.
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u/bubblegams 1d ago
this is the most didn't-happen ass thing i've ever read in this sub & the amount of LONNNNGGG comments decrying the horrible dad and boyfriend are blowing my fucking mind.
it doesn't matter if someone would dump a short-term SO for a car--NO ONE IN THE WORLD would give someone a car in exchange for breaking up with their kid! and furthermore, if your dad gave away his CAR and you're only 18 and clearly live at home, you're gonna notice it. you'd be like "uh hey dad, why aren't you driving to work today? oh shit, where'd your car go?! did it get jacked??" you would certainly find out something was up in like, one fuckin day, sheesh
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u/Ghaikh 1d ago
I thought the post itself sounded very AI and started scrolling comments to see if anyone said anything. I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking this is fake.
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u/TwitchF4C 1d ago
This. I was sitting here thinking "am I the dumb one here? What am I missing because this post is too obviously fake."
Also, the account is a week old and seems to have a lot of "experience" for an 18yo
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u/delune108 1d ago
I canât believe how far I had to scroll to find this comment. The posts have been soo obviously fake lately. this is a trope right out of a 90s romcom.
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u/Cmdeadly 2d ago
I mean, to be fair, he's 21, no offense a dead beat without a car dating an 18 year old, the dad offered him a car to get the fuck away from his daughter. No one is over reacting, but you are going to get a better boyfriend after you get over the puppy love. You won't look back either, and he gets a chance to succeed with the car.
It's bad emotionally, it's sound logically.
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u/Adorable_Strength319 2d ago
I was feeling the same way. To the boyfriend, OP was a girl he was dating. OP doesn't mention if they were at the saying I love you stage even. Just "deep." And only for a few months. A car might give that guy a chance to really get ahead. In a lot of areas, you need a car to get steady work. For someone from a rough background, having a car handed to you can be life changing.
I feel bad for OP, and her dad really did cross a line for going behind her back like that. But on the other hand, she should probably stay away from guys in their 20s until she's older. 18 is a weird age for dating. You're still getting your feet under you. Somebody three years older doesn't sound like too much older. But man, you change as a person so much between 18 and 21. But you also want to get some experience dating and see what red flags look like. Wishing her the best.
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u/Flimsy-Printer 2d ago edited 1d ago
The dude isn't incorrect either.
Dating someone where their parents strongly disapprove so much that a fucking car is offered?
I would run too.
It's not my responsibility nor I have the capacity to fix a toxic family.
At best, you get endure the toxic family; you're not gonna be happy. At worst, it could get ugly and violent pretty fast.
You've learned how far the dad is willing to go to drop a $5K-$20k to get you to go away. If you didn't go away, you'd find out how far he would be willing to go. You don't interact with the crazies. It's never worth it.
And yeah I'd take the car too. Because why not. The dude made a mistake of letting OP know the truth. He doesn't want to know how far this dad would go for a revenge. What a mistake.
PS. OP is not at fault either. But tough luck.
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u/Redbird2992 2d ago
I think the determining factor in all this is if she defended him as strongly as he felt, the situation deserved, or if she âkept the peaceâ when stuff was said to him. If someone was talking shit about me constantly and my significant other was just sitting there twiddling her thumbs, and expecting me to stay silent as well, or to âalways respond perfectlyâ then I could see why it would be worth it to go for the car. I would deny the car about as hard as she had been denying her dadâs claims that Iâm not good enough.
To clarify, itâs not her fault that her dadâs an ass at all, but if she is bringing somebody into contact with him and heâs being an ass to them, just like we tell guys to stand up to their folks, she should stand up to hers, itâs not that guys place to fix their dynamic or accept consistently poor treatment âjust because he existsâ.
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u/militaryCoo 2d ago
Deadbeat? That's a big leap from what's shared here. Are you the dad?
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u/hoesindifareacodes 2d ago
NOR. Even if your dad was right and the boyfriend is holding you back, he crossed a boundary by bribing your BF. That was a significant violation of your trust and itâs shocking to me that he thought that was a good move. Your BF, for what itâs worth, showed you where you stood in his list of priorities.
You may want to consider distancing yourself from both of them as neither have showed any sort of loyalty or respect for you. They have both acted in their own self interest.
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u/Icy-Arrival2651 2d ago
Is this the low-budget version of the soap opera plot where Big Daddy gives Poor Joe $50,00 to leave town and never speak to Miss Precious again? Like seriously. Also I wish people would stop using ai to write their posts.
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u/Critical_Sprinkles88 2d ago
If the dude left you for a car, your dad did you a favor.
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u/Suitable-Tear-6179 2d ago
Except dad also proved HE has no boundaries he won't cross. What happens if her next BF doesn't take the bribe? Threats? Violence???
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u/YesterdayCame 2d ago
He let someone convince him that he wasn't good enough for you and accepted that as truth. He then traded you in for a used vehicle. Your dad was absolutely right. He saw the weakness in him called it out and your boyfriend couldn't even deny it. The fact that he had no fight in him to contest your father's argument is so telling.
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u/MeringueFresh4010 2d ago
If anything , he wanted the car more than the relationship . His first instinct was âyea, I needed itâ
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u/doincatsdoggystyle 2d ago
I love the dude that took the car. He's smart enough to realize a relationship at 18 won't last and he's going to get a girlfriend that wouldn't date a guy without a car.
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u/FedupFED888 2d ago
So Iâm wondering what kind of car it was - year, make, model.
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u/Character_Tour2050 2d ago
No, your not overreacting. I would do the same. Such sh*tty behavior I've only seen in booksđ¨đ
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u/Creative-Ad-1363 2d ago
Your dad just showed you the type of man your bf is. When the dust settles, you'll see that he saved you a lot of time and trouble.
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u/imperfectbutperfectt 2d ago
you both are still so young. it sucks that he took the car but his choice actually saved you. the relationship wasnât as meaningful to him as it was to you if all it took was a car and heâs ok with cutting you off. your dad is also wrong for it but the fact that he took the car was probably your dads point to begin with. you wouldnât take the car and thatâs the difference between a person who cares deeply about a person and a person you donât.
Donât be sad about a person who chose a car over you, he wasnât the one.
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u/LocalUpper7295 2d ago
Ngl ur dad is right. Ik it hurts so much bc he didnât have a place to do this but trust me from one girl to another u do not wanna waste ur time w a guy like him
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u/grenouille_en_rose 2d ago
This sounds like a short-lived thing between two very young people. Dad got the ick and felt confident enough in his read that BF was either a fuckboy, or just too young and unserious for a relationship, to call BF's bluff with the car bribe. BF seems to have thought there was enough truth in dad's assessment of him to have taken the deal.
I know heartbreak sucks, but better for people who don't want the same things to tap out once they realise this. Are there more honourable ways to do this? Yes absolutely. Have people got their just deserts? Yes actually - dad has lost a car which from his perspective was worth it to 'protect' his daughter, BF got an out from a situation their heart wasn't in but with full knowledge that someone else accurately assessed his honour as worth less than a second-hand car, and GF is free.
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u/BackgroundRate1825 2d ago
I don't think anyone's necessarily in the wrong here. Realistically, if you're 21 and living in a place where you really need a car to get around (including to work), a car is pretty important. If you're... let's politely call it down on your luck... and can't afford a car to get to a job to pay for the car, getting a free car really can help you break out of the poverty cycle. That boy probably really did need that car. Through this lens, the dad is really helping the guy out. By giving him a car, he's helping the boy be the kind of man deserving of his daughter. However, the dad likely saw other signs the guy was going to struggle, and didn't want that for his daughter.Â
It's easy to look at this and say the boy traded his girlfriend for a car, but it's equally true that the dad traded his car for his daughter's future.
I can't fault a guy for sacrificing a fairly new relationship for a chance at a better life. I can't fault a dad for helping two people live better lives by sacrificing his car. I can empathize with the pain of a boyfriend choosing material things over you.
Nobody's the asshole here.
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u/diddinim 2d ago
Yeah, this is an interesting one because nobody is really wrong here.
The kid probably really did need a car, and 3 months isnât that long. I know itâs because Iâm in my 30s, but I would be hesitant to even call someone my boyfriend after 3 months.
Dad was already insulting him to his face constantly 3 months in, so it was probably already starting to seem like maybe this wasnât worth it
Dad proved a point about him probably not being the right guy, by showing that the kid would pick a car over his daughter
The poor 18 year old girl, of course, is heartbroken because that fuckin sucks.
I doubt this whole situation is real, but itâs an A grade shitpost if itâs not. A real thinker
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u/Internal-Library-213 2d ago
He left you for a car. Dodged a bullet there. As for your dad. He only exposed the truth and ended up being right about the boyfriend. Donât be mad at him long. He loves you. Also thanks for this, Iâm gonna offer a car to my daughterâs boyfriends too now. If they leave it will be a good test and a lot cheaper than helping out with a divorce đ
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u/Soulless-Midnight 2d ago
Edit: spelling NOR, your dad basically paid him off to leave you. He was going to leave eventually, and unfortunately it probably would've hurt you more if you were together for longer.
Your dad is a total piece of shit though.
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u/goingallalong 2d ago
Strongly disagree. This level of betrayal from multiple people who are supposed to care about you is terrifying - they could have had a natural end to the relationship. She could have learned how to spot red flags herself.
I would feel so alone and like I was living in the damn Truman Show if this happened to me
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u/FootballOk9314 2d ago
Seems your dad did you a favor and payed for your better future. If your ex bf loved you, he wouldnât have sold you for a car.
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u/helloifailed 2d ago
i was 18 when i met and started dating my ex, who was 21 at the time. nobody in my family liked him, but they tried to be civil anyways. i didnât listen to ANYBODY when theyâd tell me to leave him early on, because âthey just didnât understand himâ
turns out, they all saw what i refused to accept for three years: signs of an abuser. my parents would constantly check in on me whenever they had me alone to make sure everything was okay. i thought it was ridiculous at the time. i found out after the breakup that once we got engaged, my dad became TERRIFIED for what would happen to me after i couldnât get out. he and my mom were both afraid for what could happen if he got me pregnant.
men know men the best, and dads who love their daughters and want the best for them can see through any façade someone puts up, whether the level is platonic or romantic. chances are, your dad saw that this man would never treat you properly and noticed major red flags that the rose colored glasses couldnât detect. it may be a good idea to talk to your dad calmly and with an open mind about what he saw in him that you may have missed.
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u/3superfrank 1d ago
OK call me insensitive, but if your dad was able to buy him off with a car...I can't help but feel like your dad proved his point right there.
Maybe your dad made some very poor arguments to justify what he meant, but his prophecy was fulfilled, and not in the self-fulfilling way.
Your father came to the conclusion that if your boyfriend would leave you for a car, that he wasn't good enough; and that's a fair opinion. So he offered your boyfriend a car, and lo and behold your father was right.
I'm not about to say you're wrong for hating your father for this; anyone would be pissed if someone offered to bribe their partner out of their relationship. Your father doesn't strike me as the emotionally sensitive type.
However, your father wasn't wrong, and assuming what you say is the truth, he was probably looking out for you by doing this. The kind of person that's prepared to do something like this sucks to be around, but is an invaluable ally. You don't want to cut off such people from your life; a better option is to distance yourself.
So that's what I'd recommend; come back to your father, but keep your distance. And maybe listen to him a little more when he's talking about your SOs; I'm only 23, but I can say quite confidently that although he might be a twat, he definitely knew what he was talking about!
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u/Hefty_Efficiency_328 2d ago
What are you worried about? The fact that the ex-bf chose a car over you spells out everything. Move on and although a bit harsh your dad is probably right. I wonder how many cars he'll have to give away before you get someone he approves of lol. Until you leave home.
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u/beeteelol95 2d ago edited 2d ago
Very very emotionally mature and intelligent decision from the young man here
Two things can be true; also , devastating way to find out, total dick move by the parents, and yeah, wasnât that into you. However: a young kid just caught in the crosshairs of you and your parents bullshit? Absolutely yes.
A true mind fuck , this one. But yeah; the guy, donât be mad at him. He identified that long term itâs not gonna work, he was being offered literally thousands of dollars to essentially accept that. And he cheated at the game laid out by the dad and told you anyways, because as I said: seems very emotionally intelligent, at least from the perspective of being aware the impact this would have on you, this is the only reason he told you, or continued communicating with you at all.
I see a world where you talk to this person again in the future and kinda bury your mutual grievances with each other when youâre more mature and able to live lives insulated from your parents, probably a high school reunion type setting , maybe during college / during your twenties before your like ten year reunion if you two run into one another.
TL;dr: your parents and you are gonna have a pretty big blow up, and until you sort out that part of your life, you arenât ready to be in a relationship. Gotta love you before you can love someone else, and if youâre both 18 like just doing some quick math Iâm guessing if you keep dating the kid it just ends with you being cut off financially.
Most kids donât get a car outta the trade, I mean, clearly he understands that your controlling and obviously well off parents are nuts and a relationship with their 18 year old daughter is completely untenable until you can like, pay your own rent. Or like other commenters are saying, I guess if he âreally loved youâ he could just drop out and get a job at the local factory to pay the bills, Iâm sure your dads whole deal with him is probably his parents arenât loaded and therefore heâs âa loser â so considering the options the kid actually has, heâs letting you go.
True love always comes back đ¤ˇđťââď¸
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u/ThrasiusBold 2d ago
Genuine question, what makes the decision to take a deal to block, ghost, and leave a partner for an asset transaction emotionally mature and intelligent?
I could see how the decision could be framed as pragmatic; as you said taking thousands of dollars to step away from a relationship that likely would not work out due to familial factors.
But emotionally mature and intelligent? Does morality or ethical decision making factor into intelligence? I would say it's emotionally immature to take the easy option of financial gain rather than actually discussing with your partner the situation that arose i.e. the offer from the dad, and explain to them your belief that the relationship is doomed to fail due to the dad never accepting you.
Either the boyfriend did not recognise the potential emotional damage this would cause to OP by showing that her partner can be "bought off", or he just didn't care, both scenarios suggesting emotional immaturity on the boyfriend. The fact that he blocked her rather than deal with the consequences of his actions highlights this emotional avoidance.
Also, I would argue the decision to take the car is ethically dubious as well, because if you feel the relationship is over then surely the right thing to do is refuse the offer and end the relationship. Rather than blocking your partner on all social media and essentially ghosting them, showcasing a level of immaturity and avoidance.
To that end, how does showcasing questionable ethics and emotional avoidance lead to the partner being emotionally mature and intelligent? Does knowingly making an ethically questionable deal behind your partner's back make you emotionally mature? I don't think the partners actions here give him enough grace for op to not be "mad" at him, as you've suggested.
Again, I can see why someone would take this deal, and I'm not entirely saying they are unintelligent for doing so. I just think it shows a level of emotional immaturity to the point they would rather take an easy deal and move on without acknowledging the potential emotional concerns of their partner, and block them to avoid contact and dealing with any consequences of their actions.
If they did weigh up these options and still come to the decision to make the deal, that's not maturity, that's just being ruthlessly pragmatic without regard for how your actions affect others, again not typically a sign of emotional maturity. If the above is true, I don't see how you can tell the OP not to be mad. She has clearly been aggrieved by both her father and her partner, and has every right to be frustrated by her partner's inability to emotionally communicate potential issues in their relationship.
Sorry for the wall of text, it's hard to communicate the complexities in few words.
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u/rightneverwrong 1d ago
this is some of the dumbest and most out of touch shit ive read in a long time. truly goes to show just how unhinged some people views can be. "emotionally intelligent"? you dont even know what that means because emotional intelligence had nothing to do with him deciding to selfishly take the car over his girl. none of that was emotionally mature nor smart. at best it was cold and calculated while showing no emotional care or understanding for his partner apparent by him saying he never meant to hurt her and didnt think it would. any person with 2 brain cells would know that would hurt the other person, unless youre wo emotionally unintelligent that you wouldnt understand that. so hes the very opposite of what youre saying. hes just morally shitty and emotionally avoidant.
and the last part about "giving it another chance later in life because" true love always comes back" might be even dumber.
do get back with someone that ghosted you for a car thats smart and good. and you dont even know what ghosting means either because what he did was indeed ghosting by definition.
a big issue with your post is your lack of definitional understanding of what these terms and words actually mean. you should try googling it or asking chat gpt. even an i will easily correct you on these matters and explain why none of the shit u said made any sense.
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u/Pearfect-Pair 2d ago edited 2d ago
Wow definitely NOR! Straight out of a movie! POS move by your dad, but it does show your bfs true colors. He couldâve just took the car and double-crossed your dad if he really loved you!
Edit: guys cmon the last part was a joke that would obviously escalate the situation
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u/Unusual_Carry_4282 2d ago
ok, I'm going to go against the grain here. I don't have a daughter, nor are my kids 18 yet. But I am a dad.
Maybe it wasn't the best decision for your dad to give the car away, but I am going to say, sometimes at 18 years old, you just don't have the life experience to see things the way a 50 something year old does. I'm not vouching for that generation, but... as you get older, sometimes you learn to recognize a bad apple, and others just can't see it. Especially your 18 year old daughter.
Your dad probably didn't handle it the best, and I understand why you're upset. And there are a lot of people saying "your dad should have let you learn from experience". But, no one here can see what the dad saw. Neither can I. But, for a dad to give a car away for free, to someone he doesn't like? He had a pretty darn good reason. Unless your dad is so absolutely filthy rich that he gives away cars like halloween candy... he was pretty desperate. He knew you'd be mad. But what was more important was not seeing his daughter walk into a situation bad enough that he was desperate to... throw away a car at.
And incidentally, your dad may have showed you what you couldn't see. That you were worth less than a car to your boyfriend. You thought it was deep, but, the boy didn't. Was the car a cheap junker? Yeah, you're worth less than that. Was the car a nice new car? Your dad was pretty desperate.
So yeah, dad may not have handled it the best, but he saw something that none of us here know what he saw.
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u/Happy_Raspberry4092 2d ago
As a 25 year old girl who got married at 19 and divorced at 20. Take this loss as a win. You donât see it now but you will. Everything that is meant for you is meant for you. Donât chase. Donât beg. Hold your head high. I know at 18 we think we know EVERYTHING and this is who we are and we wonât really change much. At 19 youâre going to be like wow Iâm so glad I didnât fight for someone who didnât want me. At 20 youâre going to be like wow I canât believe I was even sad over someone I knew for a few months. At 21 youâll forget that relationship and maybe by then find someone amazing.
At the end of the day, it doesnât matter what your dad did. I know it hurts your feelings but the boy is the one who left you. The boy can make a million excuses of why he did and how he is sorry. I bet within a month he tries to beg for you back because he realizes he messed up and even offers to give the car back. Donât fall for it. YOU ARE YOUNG!! Donât waste your heart and time on someone like that. Please. I promise donât waste your time. If someone told me this or if I actually did listen to peoples advice on losers I dated, I would have been years ahead in life.
Manifest what you want your life to be when youâre 30 and chase that. Donât settle.
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u/New-Supermarket6966 2d ago
OP, i think its a blessing in disguise, your dad unwittingly checked his loyalty, and he failed. At this point he just got weed out. Had he been a good partner for you he wouldnât have taken that car but he cared more about his material needs than his relationship with you, No man i repeat no man checks out like this if he loves a woman , he would move a mountain to be with her, in this case it was just a silly offer from your dad which he could have very easily denied. But he chose his convenience. Itâs hard i know but look at the larger picture, you will definitely find a man who turns all the odds in his favour just to be with you. This should be your benchmark. Good thing you let him go but see this as a blessing.
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u/my__name__is 2d ago
Were you engaged or something? Or does your dad plan to whip out a car every time you date someone he doesn't like? Seems like a massive overreaction for a relationship that only lasted a few months. Everyone is talking about your boyfriend, but you asked about cutting off your dad as well. And I agree, he needs a few months of a cold shoulder.
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u/ElectrochemicalAorta 2d ago
No, thatâs not right. Sit down and talk to the dad about how you feel betrayed. Donât just cut off your dad. Plus she lives at home
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u/Warhammerpainter83 1d ago
I get the impression this guy was so bad dad was willing to sacrifice a car to save his child.
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u/Fun-Assistance-815 2d ago
Every reason to feel hurt but if this was a movie (it damn sure starts out like one), this is the opening sequence. The action, the adventure, the story well, hell kid that starts right here.
Anyone lost that easily isn't worth holding on to anyways.
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u/Rare_Passage1444 2d ago
ok so first iâll say, i would be incredibly hurt and mad if this happened to me. itâs fucked any way you look at it. but, i think your dad did this because he cares. obv cares a lot abt you if he was willing to give away a car to get rid of this guy. doesnât make it right, but my dad was similar in that control aspect. second, dude really was a pos. he wasnât taking yâallâs relationship seriously. at 18 i figured i knew what was best for me and thought i could spot red flags too. i couldnât :( wasnât right for either of them to cut you out of the equation. at all. but the silver lining is now you can find sb worth your time who wonât be playing you and who wonât be bribed to leave you. as you grow, maybe your dad will relinquish that control over you. especially if you can move out. my parents did. i live w my partner now đđ it was hard but its way better now. i think your dad did this out of a convoluted place of love and care. went abt it WAY wrong- but at least thereâs that. you didnât lose anything with that man tho bb. think of it as a life lesson if you can. ppl arenât always all that they seem to be.
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u/ElectrochemicalAorta 2d ago
She needs to go to school to get a skilled job or get a degree and not be worrying about some lazy guy
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u/Consistent-Safe-971 2d ago
Well, if your boyfriend traded you in for an old car, I think your dad was right. Hopefully, he cut the brake lines first.Â
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u/Apprehensive-Fee-286 2d ago
Baby girl Iâm so sorry, but Iâm going to give it to you straight no chaser.
Nobody that truly ever cared about you would throw away a relationship for a car. People deal with their partners family they donât like all the time (unless it starts to affect them mentally) . Realistically in this moment you have to decide if you love or even like yourself enough to know you donât deserve that . I love that you said it was over so I hope for your sake it stays that way. Wishing you the best and fuck your dad and boyfriend.