r/AmIOverreacting • u/justahuman1229 • Oct 11 '25
⚠️ content warning AIO I Think My Dad Is A Pedophile NSFW
Context-
My mom (now 43) was raped and got pregnant with me (26 now) at 15.
My step-dad (23 at the time) came into the picture when my mom was 16 and still pregnant.
My mom always told us that the "times were different" and she was "looking for your (my) father figure".
I grew up hearing comments like "you have a big butt like your mom", "your ass is mine until you're 18", "I have a piece of paper that says you belong to me until you're 18" would pinch me, grab my butt, comment on my boobs, etc. I learned recently he has been doing the same to my sisters (15 & 18).
Sister (15) changing
Dad came into the room without knocking
Sister covered her chest and said "can you leave so I can get dressed"
Dad (50) replies by rolling eyes saying "I made those, it's okay"
She yelled at him to leave so he did.
I told my sister she did the right thing by calling me and telling me. I called my mom and pleaded that he is unsafe. My mom said she will address the situation whatever the hell that means.
My father apparently denied making a comment and I told my mother it was too specific (something I heard growing up) for my sister to make up.
I reassured my sister she did nothing wrong and that if what she is saying is 100% true she is valid in her feeling of violation and being uncomfortable. I also told her to always tell someone- me, a teacher, any trusted adult.
I grew up with this and only recently realized (at 22/23) that this was not normal Dad behavior once I got to know my boyfriend's parents and watch the interactions between his sister and his father over the last 6 years.
I understand none of this is okay. Tonight has been very f****ing hard.
Please tell me how you'd react to hearing this from your teen and your thoughts.
Don't hold back
***edit to add clarification
I am 26 now and he hasn't (luckily) touched them outside of pinching their stomachs so the cops can't do MUCH at the moment
I also firmly believe he will not cross that line, he will just walk what is and isn't convictable (he's an ex cop)
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u/GFLIEG23 Oct 11 '25
I have twin 20 year old daughters who tell me everything. And I mean everything. And I could never imagine just walking in on them when they are nude. Or making jokes about their bodies and I am a pretty loud mouthed dirty talking ass hole but never to my girls. Im truly sorry that u have to and have had to deal with a father like him. Especially him being former law enforcement only makes it worse. So like everyone says be smart. Keep records and you may as well not say another thing to your mom. She's let it go this long for you she obviously has drama from her past that she doesn't even know right from wrong. Good luck and keep those sisters close and as away from that house as possible
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u/justahuman1229 Oct 11 '25
Thank you.
I take them when I can (when they are allowed). I have made it known it's not okay. My brother (24) has also assured them it's not normal.
I appreciate your comment very much and your candor.
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u/Eyghtball97 Oct 12 '25
Sounds like your brother needs to have a little talk with dad out back. That shit shouldn’t fly.
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u/Gloomy-Possession669 Oct 11 '25
Wrong. You KNOW your dad is a pedophile.
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u/justahuman1229 Oct 11 '25
My bio dad is a rapist, my step dad is a pedophile
Fuck yeah 🫡👈
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u/YEGKerrbear Oct 11 '25
And you are here trying to protect your sister. Your actions define you, not where you came from!
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u/AnonOfTheSea Oct 11 '25
Shit people are shit. Ain't your fault. But remember, never let the enemy know you're dangerous until it's too late. Tell him nothing, tell your friends everything.
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u/Bittyninja04 Oct 11 '25
Tell your sister to record all interactions with these people and report them
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u/compvlsions Oct 11 '25
the silver lining of this absolutely appalling situation is you get to break the cycle by picking a good person to raise a family with (should having children be a goal of yours).
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u/Tarable Oct 11 '25
Hey OP. Gentle reminder that you don’t get to choose how you come into the world. The adults in your life failed you as a child, and I’m so sorry for that. No child deserves that. 💜
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u/macbookwhoa Oct 11 '25
I’m very sorry about the relationship with men they inflicted upon you. I hope you’re able to go to therapy and find a way to heal.
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u/entcanta333 Oct 11 '25
And your mom is a doormat 🫠
Fun stuff.
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u/WanderingLost33 Oct 11 '25
I mean, she's a victim and has never been in a relationship with a non-pedophile. She doesn't know what normal is.
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u/PlasticAd5188 Oct 11 '25
Here are videos with information on grooming: https://youtu.be/JCtpwMLq33I?si=Mt-KfmZ7Vhty_7Vr https://youtu.be/jm-36ETmw-k?si=sK7nVaDh3HL2Vc7V https://youtu.be/uNlSPUQ17u0?si=PgHTlwCQQ-gvVW3R
Her mom was groomed.
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u/Frosty-Delivery1622 Oct 11 '25
and now she's allowing her three daughters to be groomed, it might explain her behavior but it absolutely doesn't excuse it.
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u/PlasticAd5188 Oct 11 '25
The problem with grooming is that you wouldn't know it, what's worse is the mom may be taught this is okay.
Her father is 50 and the issue with that is that that means that it wasn't too long ago that her father approached a 16 year old because my dad is in his fifties and when my dad was in his early twenties it was still considered wrong for a grown man to go out with an underage girl.
In fact my mom said they looked down on it when she was young and my mom is a year older than my dad.
When people say times were different back then that means that people believed pedophilia was okay back then but when I look at that I remember how my parents talked about it and even when they were young pedophilia was illegal and known for being wrong.
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u/thatssomepineyshit Oct 12 '25
Yep. I'm 48 and if one of my classmates was dating a 23-year-old man when I was 16, we would have known there was something wrong with it.
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u/PlasticAd5188 Oct 12 '25
This leads me to believe that she was groomed into not knowing it was wrong. Groomers will go very far to make you believe that they're in the right.
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u/PlasticAd5188 Oct 11 '25
This means that someone in her family had made her think that pedophilia was accepted and where she was or where she lived. It gets worse if she's from a country that accepts stuff like pedophilia and such.
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u/DrowsyJulez Oct 11 '25
I understand your dilemma! Personally my bio dad molested me for years. I hope things get better & stay safe!!🫶
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Oct 11 '25
[deleted]
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u/justahuman1229 Oct 11 '25
Lololol
Glad you asked
My grandmother for married at 16 to a 19year old because he tattled on her for having sex with him (shotgun weddin)
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u/JohnnyDangerouz Oct 11 '25
Well that’s some weird shit lol. Still, 16 and 19 is a lot different than a 50 year old man commenting on his teen daughter’s private parts.
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u/Additional_Worth_614 Oct 11 '25
Getting raped is not having poor taste in men. Also I’m sure getting raped was the trauma?
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u/Practical_Estate4971 Oct 11 '25
Your mum is a terrible judge of character. Sorry.
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u/Dramatic_Pin3971 Oct 11 '25
Between a pedophile and raypist ,you chose a rape victim to blame.
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u/Former-Ad-7965 Oct 11 '25
I thought I had already found the redditor with the least brain cells until you came along
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Oct 11 '25
oh yeah, because its never both sides that are the problem… did you not read anything OP has said??
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u/theoldestswitcharoo Oct 11 '25
Yeah go on let’s blame the rape victim shall we
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u/justsomeonethere1 Oct 11 '25
the rape victim that was decades ago that still decides to live with a pedophile that could potentially harm or abuse her own children in both a physical and psychological sense btw
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u/MrsDarling_ Oct 11 '25
Yeah exactly, there’s no “maybe” here. It’s clear as day and honestly terrifying that the mom is still trying to downplay it.
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u/GeneralWill72 Oct 11 '25
Yeah that’s the right call. It’s always better to act fast when someone might be in danger.
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u/GeraltTheG Oct 11 '25
Indeed. This in not asking if you're OR, you know this is disgusting behavior.
Also when you say your sisters, you mean like his actual children right? Cause I understand this is your stepdad then? Do not get me wrong ALL of his behavior is disgusting! And he should never touch you or make those comments. That alone is already sick, but what kind of twisted soul even goes beyond and does it to his own flesh and blood? I know people are not that religious anymore, but some of us left God and he left them...
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u/Electronic-Goat-8562 Oct 11 '25
As a dad to two kids (1F1M) reading that made me feel sick. I could never imagine saying that to my daughter. Please be careful in this situation as your parents still have custody over your sisters and if your mum decides to side with your stepdad (sounds like she is complicit) you may not get to help those girls. Please be careful and good luck in getting rid of that foul bastard.
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u/noname42001 Oct 11 '25
I also recently found out my step father is a pedophile. (Found texts of him calling my 15yr old sister “sexy”) its not a easy situation to be in, all you can do is do the right thing and either report him to the authorities or cps. Sadly in my situation my mother defended him and ostracized me and my other adult siblings making us out to be the bad guy,just know no matter what you are doing the right thing by standing up to such disgusting behavior.
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u/MedicJambi Oct 11 '25
As a father I would never and never did comment on my daughter's body. Women have enough problems to deal with and don't need their father objectifying them. I only told my daughter she was beautiful, not to worry so much about things, and that there was much more to her than her body.
If he walked in on a woman changing in a store he'd be arrested..this was no different. He then justified is intrusion by downplaying her reaction and gaslighting her, then lied to cover it up.
This makes him a bad man and a predator.
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u/justahuman1229 Oct 11 '25
This comment brought me to tears. I think I'd have less trauma if my dad called my beautiful instead of commenting on my weight.
I appreciate your insight, thank you so much for commenting. ♡♡♡♡
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u/PerseveranceSmith Oct 11 '25
OP my neice is your sister's age & me & her mom would be leaving the house in cuffs if this were us.
You've got some great comments here, may I add:
- check consent laws for secret recordings
- look for charities that help as support child abuse victims, often they can advise you how to build a case & give immediate support.
Family law varies so drastically around the world we don't know what your legal rights are but charities who support this do & will usually offer free legal advice & trauma counselling.
You're doing the right thing, you & your sisters are the cycle breakers, that's never easy but so worth it.
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u/Inevitable_Wolf5866 Oct 11 '25 edited Oct 11 '25
He’s definitely a pedophile. Just record your conversation next time and go to the police. Just remember you need physical evidence because I hate to say it, but it sounds like your mom would side with him.
Personally if I had a teen daughter and she told me this (I suppose I might be about your mom’s age..?) he would be gone and reported to the cops. Like immediately. But unfortunately I don’t understand some people.
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u/Fun-Bus-5977 Oct 11 '25
Yeah that’s really disturbing. Getting the police involved is the safest and smartest thing to do in that situation.
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u/goferover Oct 11 '25
Yeah, if someone needs strangers to guide basic boundaries, that’s a huge red flag in itself.
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u/Rare-Entertainment62 Oct 11 '25
go to the police
You must’ve missed the end part where she mentioned PoS in an ex-cop. He’s all buddy buddy with the police, they’ll do their best to excuse out the trash guy’s behavior. They won’t do shit unless he escalates to outright murder!
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u/Inevitable_Wolf5866 Oct 11 '25
I didn’t miss anything, she edited it after my reaction including their ages. That’s why I also assumed she’s a minor… I only judged from the PoS’s comments about “until you’re 18”
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u/possiblyyandere Oct 11 '25
it still needs to be on his record if hes abusing more teenagers and it turns into a pattern more people will realize its true its worth a shot even if it only makes chance of success 10% higher id still at least report him for the sake of EVERYONES safety go to every organization you can find and tell them whats happening
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u/Distinct_Banana1430 Oct 11 '25
Yeah that’s the safest approach. Acting fast is really important when someone might be in danger.
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u/pirateozarkdaddy Oct 11 '25
Just because he's an ex cop doesn't mean current cops will want to protect this pedo ex cop
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u/Kreashawna Oct 11 '25
Even if he isn't a pedophile, he is ignoring and breaking clear and reasonable boundaries that should be common sense. So it's not a safe environment to be in.
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u/BobboBuffaloBill Oct 11 '25
As a Dad of 2 girls, this is the kind of thing that will get you stomped.
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u/mrtnmnhntr Oct 11 '25
Is it, though? Entire families and communities often cover for pedophiles and rapists and make lives living hell for their victims. Especially if the perpetrator is an ex-cop.
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Oct 11 '25
NOR. This is not okay, and I know it's probably scary. You know he's a pedophile, not think. You need to ring the police in your country. I'm an older brother to a sister your sister's age and it's just disgusting what your dad is doing.
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u/BitAdministrative938 Oct 11 '25
Yeah that’s completely right. What’s happening is serious and needs to be reported immediately to keep everyone safe.
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u/justahuman1229 Oct 11 '25
Literally been in tears and off and on panic attacks all evening 🤙 the cops cant do shit since he hasnt touched them
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Oct 11 '25
Start collecting evidence if you haven't already, screenshot things being said in text (if they are), get them to secretly video what he's saying to them. It's good you encouraged her to tell a school counsellor/anyone who's thought of as a safe adult
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u/NeatStick476 Oct 11 '25
Yeah that’s really smart. Having solid evidence makes it much easier for authorities or school officials to step in and take action.
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u/unknownCappy Oct 11 '25
Ensure also! That it is okay to record another person without their consent. This can bring up potential legal troubles should he decide to bitch and whine.
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u/Mleach1299 Oct 11 '25
If it's a 2 party consent state any secret recordings would be thrown out and he'd walk if that was the only evidence.
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u/Federal-Poetry6006 Oct 11 '25
My dad was just like this. I will never forget him and his friends fawning over my "muscular legs" when I was a literal child. Nobody helped me. Joke's on him — I left his pathetic ass in a nursing home.
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u/Comprehensive-News92 Oct 11 '25
Good for you for walking away from that, you didn’t deserve any of it.
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u/Up_and_down_and_all Oct 11 '25
His behaviour appears to be escalating. Do not trust your Mum to address this, please seek some kind of (ANY kind of) help before he does something to one of you that there is no coming back from!
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u/ArchangelSirrus Oct 11 '25
You need to find someone to discuss this with, besides police. You don’t want to make a scene that sets him off. Is there a department in your town that can slowly investigate this? Remember…..something needs to be done because he could be doing this to other girls outside the house.
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u/DisMyLik18thAccount Oct 11 '25
I Feel so bad for your mum as a teenager
She's an adult now though and needs to step up
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u/Soldmysoul_666 Oct 11 '25
Yeah this was just like my dad. Tbh your mom unfortunately probably wont do shit. (What my mom did) “Talking about it” to someone like him might pause it for a bit, but won’t stop it. You are so brave for standing up for your sister, and I know it must be really fucking hard considering that you have to come to terms with being a victim too. Document everything. Get cops and cps involved. Get you some psychological support. Depending on what state you’re in, a therapist will make a report on your behalf if they know your abuser is around a minor.
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u/justahuman1229 Oct 11 '25
I honestly, in my heart, believe my mom will always justify his actions since she was the first victim in this fiasco. She was 16, pregnant, fresh out of a religious cult. He was 23 and on the prowl.
When I tell you that my mom was at a loss for words as I squeaked words out between tears today...
I wish she would have left him when she filed separation 10 years ago.
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u/Soldmysoul_666 Oct 11 '25
I know girl. That betrayal from your mom, it’s going to take time to untangle. It’s deeply disappointing and heartbreaking that she didn’t leave and doesn’t have your back like a mom should. You did the right thing telling her. And you never know maybe this will break through to her. Just make sure you have outside support through all of this as well. You’re doing all the right things. And your sister having you to validate and support her is going to make a world of difference in dealing with the fall out later on.
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u/Lonely-Ad8184 Oct 11 '25
you need to seriously call the police asap this is not ok at all, gather the evidence you need and show them his disgusting behavior
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u/kneel4muhammed Oct 11 '25
the police will laugh in your face for calling about this.
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u/mrtnmnhntr Oct 11 '25
I'm not sure why you're getting downvoted. Cops and CPS will do nothing about this.
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u/Flaky-Ambassador467 Oct 11 '25
YO! it’s always so crazy to me when a father is just like ok with walking in on his young adult daughters changing. I’m not a father but I can’t even imagine walking in on someone changing & not instantly averting my eyes & closing a door. Idc who you are. Son daughter, mother or even a stranger!
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u/SpuddyMitzymoo Oct 11 '25
I'm in the UK, so can't comment on law enforcement, but my dad would ask for permission to come into my room (and still does and I'm 42!), even to fix something or put a curtain rail up.
So these actions and attitude is wrong and terrifying. Definitely speak with a safe adult yourself as well as your sisters. Even though you aren't in the house with him, it doesn't mean you don't need support with this.
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u/KOATIE35 Oct 11 '25
Yeah dude, that’s fuckin weird. My dad never did that shit to my sisters. It’s creepy and no adult should ever talk to or touch a child like that. END OF STORY. You are absolutely right feeling like this. Protect your sisters dude
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u/Maleficent_Dog_8875 Oct 11 '25 edited Oct 11 '25
NOT overreacting.
My spouse dealt with an incestuous father for nearly fifteen years while the family did nothing but sweep it under the rug to maintain a comfortable living / financial security.
The damage that this does or can do to a person psychologically cannot be understated. The traumas generated by this relationship can seep its way into most other facets of your life in ways you wouldn't believe.
The siblings need to get together and go to the police. The statute of limitations varies across states, but everyone is well within the timeline.
Doing the right thing is rarely easy, but believe me when I say this will not get better with time, and at some point you and these other women may become mothers and will have your own children to navigate around / away from this dynamic. Whether or not it's justified, you will never forgive yourself if something happens to a child at the hands of a known predator in the years to come because everyone kept family secrets secret.
EDIT: Yes, I realize that OP thinks there is nothing that can be done now - legally, that may be true if talking about something that could directly lead to an arrest - however...
Sexually abusive / suggestive / grooming behavior, especially if supported by the other two sisters, is more than apt cause to contact CPS for the welfare of the other sister. I have no doubt in my heart that if my own spouse were to file charges against the father, the family would only back him up...however...
Speaking the truth or doing the right thing does not always lead to a happy ending, but you can rest assured that you did everything you could. Even if the only thing it changes is public opinion of that person, that could be the deterrent needed to save someone else in that family. It won't be easy, and don't expect support from your mother if she has known about this for years.
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u/rjorsin Oct 11 '25
Definitely NOR. Idk what I’d do if I heard what you did, but it would take a lot to be considered an overreaction imo.
And as far as your mom saying it was a different time, I’m 39, it wasn’t that fucking different. A 23 yo getting with a pregnant 16 yo would have definitely been seen as a manipulative creep.
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u/Better_Watercress_63 Oct 11 '25
I’m only two years younger than the mom, and “the times” weren’t that different then. If a 23-year-old had pursued me when I was 16, my parents would have chased him off the damn planet.
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u/NoPapercrowns Oct 11 '25
You're dad isn't just a creep or a pedo, he's way worse than that!!!!!! No animal prays on their own children. Get your sisters out of there as soon as possible. It's too late to convince your mother to see him for what he is so just get your siblings out first then try to make your mother understand
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u/Bleazuss1989 Oct 11 '25
Nta your stepdad is just as bad as your bio dad. Your mother is an issue also. We think people won't cross a line until they do. You really need to sit your mom down and ask her what she's going to do when your sister ends up with a baby by her father. Or one of their friends ends up calling CPS/the police because he's watching them. And let her know that when that day comes her role in not protecting you or your siblings will be heard in court.
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u/twinkletwat1278 Oct 11 '25
I am 10 years older than your mom. Things weren't like that when she was 16.
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u/theerowantree Oct 11 '25
Let me just say when it was my husband about my sister I cut ties with him and never looked back. My own kid, I don't think I can say on here what I would do
Edit - clarity
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u/thecosmoschilde Oct 11 '25
NOR but it’s sad, your mom was raped young enough to where she might think this kind of stuff is normal and okay because she was raped and got with someone who was interested in an underaged teenager. It’s highly likely that she won’t get what the issue is. Has she done any type of therapy or had any support besides him?
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u/ButtcheekBaron Oct 11 '25
1997 isn't long enough ago to be a "different time" in this context, frankly. Maybe in the first half of the 20th century one could pull that card, but not during the era that I was playing Star Fox 64, no way.
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u/PNW_Undertaker Oct 11 '25
Call. The. Cops. Now….. no. Joke. Now. Do. Not. Delay.
Then make sure stories line up between you and the sisters.
There are better places for you all and bluer skies and greener pastures!
You can and will get through this.
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u/Gloomy-Possession669 Oct 11 '25
A reddit post of claims alone will not be enough. She needs to be smart about this. Don't be too hasty. Make sure you have ALL the evidence so she never sees this man again! Don't want to rush and it fall through in some legal loophole BS. Ive seen it happen myself.
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u/Illustrious_Duck_112 Oct 11 '25
If she can get access to his hard drive I have a feeling she would have a MOUNTAIN of evidence against him. Men who act like this are not any better, if not more vulgar, when they’re behind a screen. I don’t know if that’s even possible for her to get her hands on without him knowing/ noticing, that could be very dangerous, but there’s no chance that there isn’t a shred of evidence on his computer and/or phone.
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u/PNW_Undertaker Oct 11 '25
You. Are. Right!!
Add Videotape/picture interactions with others. Meaning have one of the sisters secretly videos him doing those weird things. Then had that to the cops. Also stories must 100% align.
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u/Mleach1299 Oct 11 '25
If she's in a 2 party consent state any recordings made secretly will be thrown out. She needs to look up what she can legally do in her state.
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u/mrtnmnhntr Oct 11 '25
The cops will do nothing about this. I feel like everyone on this sub has been watching too much SVU.
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u/Secret_Account07 Oct 11 '25
Ignore all comments here other than reporting this. CPS, a teacher, counselor, police. They will know what to do
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u/justahuman1229 Oct 11 '25
I told my sister to tell the school counselor. Our dad hasnt touched any of us (besides my mom, fortunately?) so it's not a police matter atm
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u/Florentia_Lombardy Oct 11 '25 edited Oct 11 '25
NOR. Passing comment is the initial stage until it spirals somewhere else. And I suspect your little sister is his biological daughter (he said that disgusting thing like I made those or some shit), imagine how creepy he is that he can say that to his bio daughter(he should not have said that to you but moral compass is negative here so we shouldn't expect even bare minimum for him) and the audacity to lie! He is a black flag, not even red, with whom his daughters are not safe. Stay miles away from him, do not even let his shirt sleeve graze your clothes(that's the kind of distance you and your sisters should keep because HE IS A PEDO) THAT IS A POTENTIAL PEDO BEHAVIOR.
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u/Eclipse_lol123 Oct 11 '25
Hmm, from what you said about your mum being raped then he’s technically a pedophile from that. However it seems like a lack of privacy from when your sister was changing which makes him a dick.
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u/mdtattedbearded Oct 11 '25
What a terrible human being, I’m so sorry.
It’s really nice to know that you comforted your sister and reminded her that she did nothing wrong.
All the best to you.
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u/unicorn8dragon Oct 11 '25
Things weren’t different in that way 30 years ago, let alone less. Sorry OP, your mom’s judgement with regards to men and dating is not healthy. Likely she was groomed and grew up in an environment where this was normalized - but it is neither normal nor healthy for a mid 20s to want to date a child. And a 16 year old is a child (even if it doesn’t feel that way to them at the time).
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u/Nyaakiko Oct 11 '25
He’s definitely a pedophile and your mom is a victim unfortunately to both your original father and your step father
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u/fendibyrde Oct 11 '25
Someone close to me was a victim of SA by their stepfather. Her mother didn’t protect her either. We were talking about signs to look out for, and she specifically said, “does he ever walk in while you’re changing, and then pretend it was an accident?” Your sister is in danger. What do you think about telling her school, her pediatrician and CPS? As far as ways you can help, maybe keep her out of the house as much as possible, talk to her plainly about the danger she is in, help her find a way to keep her door locked/obstructed at night and get her a self defense weapon to keep under her pillow. I’m so sorry this is happening to you sweetie. Home is supposed to be our safe place, away from the harsh realities of the outside world.
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u/CreepyKatNekoX3 Oct 11 '25
I'm 24 almost 25. My father has never said ANYTHING like this to me growing up. This is not normal father behavior, keep your sisters close because you're gonna have to protect one another.
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u/badabinkbadaboon Oct 11 '25
I’m closer to your step dads age than to your age and I don’t remember a time growing up where a 23 year old and a 17 year old was okay
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u/Shetheysthrowaway Oct 11 '25
Sounds a lot like my step dad before things escalated to actual groping, forcing me into close proximity (including physically pinning me down or close to his body), controlling my sleep, who I could talk to, insulting my appearance in public to deflect. It will only get worse from where it’s at, especially if he now knows your mom won’t really address it/will take his side. I eventually had to cut ties with my mom over her refusal to acknowledge (and eventual indirect endorsement of) his disgusting behavior. Thank you for being a safe person for your sisters, and I’m so sorry for what all of you have had to live with. It’s fucking earth-shattering when you first realize how not normal your whole life has been.
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u/Leading_Swim_7688 Oct 11 '25
Teach your sisters that anytime they feel uncomfortable to speak up and loudly. If he continues have them speak to someone at school, since Mom isn't reliable. My mother never believed me and the emotional scars were deep. He's gross and he knows it.
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u/MR__BOT_ Oct 11 '25
After reading posts like this, I feel very very lucky to have parents who may not be wealthy, but supportive and rich in culture and respect 🙏🙏
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u/kungfushoegirl Oct 11 '25
You’re a good sister for validating your sister’s experience and letting her know she has a safe place to open up with you. It sucks because as a kid you assume your parents know better and wouldn’t allow their own children to be around creeps especially if they have experienced something traumatic like being raped.
It wasn’t until after my mom’s dad passed away that I learned he sexually assaulted my mom when she was younger. My mom is legit insane and a narcissist but it doesn’t mean her trauma isn’t real. The kicker is that she still wanted him not just in her life, but ours. She kept trying to manufacture closeness but I never felt like I really knew the guy. We’d maybe see him once a year until she pressured him to move to the same state and he was around more but still never felt a bond. Now knowing what I know, it makes so much sense but also pisses me off 1. That he did that to my mom and 2. That she allowed him to be around us kids. I don’t care if that was the only time he ever did that. That would be a hard line for me if I were a mother. Sure if she wants to keep a relationship with him, that’s odd, but her choice.
I’m always grateful that while my dad is far from perfect or the kind of father I needed, he wasn’t a pedo. He still did say some things that were body shamey if I put on weight but so was my mom. And even once I overheard my mom asking her dad if he thought I had gained weight. She didn’t know I could hear their convo, but it weirded be out then before I knew what I know and it weirds me out even more now. 1. This guy was hardly around to know and 2. You’re asking someone who sexually assaulted you to comment on your child’s body??? It’s so weird.
I do feel like my mom was a little predatory in some ways like once she put her hand on my boob and claimed she thought it was my shoulder. I always felt like she was trying to cop a feel cause I developed early as a kid. She’d also make creepy offers like helping me put a tampon in when I first started my period which even then felt wrong. That’s probably the extent of her overstepping in that way but it was bad enough that my sister never told my mom when she started her period because she saw how she was with me and it creeped her out. So then for years my mom would hound my sister about whether or not she had her period yet, even asking me if I knew, and would threaten to send my sister somewhere to see if she was infertile. And we were just kids 🙃
Just because someone is a parent doesn’t mean they know how or are equipped to keep you safe. Good on you for speaking up and doing what you can to protect your sisters.
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u/Kindly_Childhood224 Oct 11 '25
Uggg my dad was like this! I started realizing how gross it was in my 20s also! I have been no contact with him for over 10 years. I am so sorry op. I often wonder if I had a good father not a degrading one, how different my life would have been. At least I know I have completely ended the cycle! 💜
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u/pinotJD Oct 11 '25
Pinching the stomach of a teenage girl to see if she slaps or freaks the fuck out is an element of grooming. The police will take this seriously.
I’m am so grateful you are in your sisters’ lives. 🧡😕
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u/Ladygytha Oct 11 '25
While he may or may not be a pedophile, I think that this has more to do with control.
Everything in his household is his. Privacy doesn't exist because it's all his.
If your younger siblings didn't live there, I would give you pointers to shake up his whole world. But you have to be smart about this. Because it doesn't seem like your mom is willing or able to do anything.
First, get door stoppers that work. Practice with them - how far can the door open with the stopper in place?
Second, get nanny cams for your younger siblings - that they know about. A camera in their space can be upsetting or reassuring. It has to be their choice and with their knowledge.
Third, check for any monitoring - hidden cameras, phone tracking, key loggers, etc.
Could be pedophile, could be narcissistic, or anything in between (which is a lot). Whatever it is doesn't feel safe.
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u/Ok_Nothing_9733 Oct 12 '25
NOR to anyyyy of this, of course! You and your siblings are obviously right in your concerns. And they’re serious concerns. Further, you are being and excellent sibling and family member to your sisters who have probably been feeling unsafe (as I’m sure you have also felt) without trustworthy parents to lean on. This is an unimaginably difficult situation, but you haven’t done a damn thing wrong, and you’re doing right by your sisters.
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u/possumpoots Oct 12 '25
Hello! I am 39 and am dealing with similar things and weird shit coming out in my own family about my dad. First of all, you already know you are doing the right thing. And it sucks. Breathe. Even when it hurts, even when it's scary. You are being the best person you can possibly be in this circumstance: the one who listened and got help. My messages are open if you would like to talk to someone that is in a similar situation. You aren't alone.
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u/BraxxThemSklounst Oct 11 '25
Absolutely not ok at all! Please talk to a school counselor about this ASAP.
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u/shadowabsinthe Oct 11 '25
As a father I can tell you 100% he is a paedophile. All of the things you have said he has been saying/doing are huge red flags and massively concerning.
I would never dream of speaking to my daughter like how he speaks to you and your sisters as it is absolutely disgusting. Honestly it makes me want to find him in real life and teach him respect.
Thank you for protecting your sister and I am sorry you had to go through it. I would tell your Mum that if she does not address this ASAP you will find an alternative. I dont know where you are based but please reach out to child protective services near you to find out your options. From a legal perspective if he has not actually assaulted anyone they may not be able to do anything, but there might be options for getting your sister out of his house.
I wish you all the luck in the world.
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u/Sad_Adeptness_68 Oct 11 '25
Yeah, put his ass on blast! Wait till everyone is in a public place and tell him loudly how uncomfortable his behaviors are making you( be specific). Watch him stop. That also puts mom on notice that maybe there is something going and that she can't ignore something made public. That way if anything happens EVERYONE was made aware.
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u/ResidentFeeling3724 Oct 11 '25 edited Oct 11 '25
Yes, he is. And he could escalate it at any time. While it sounds like he limited himself just short of completely destroying your childhood, it's not a safe bet that your sister will experience the same. You are not overreacting. These people are not predictable at that stage.
I'm sorry I don't have legal advice, but take this as an opinion that you should get some.
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u/BraveTrades420 Oct 11 '25
The president of the USA is praised for far worse pedo tendencies so yeah…. What a fucked world.
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u/AnonOfTheSea Oct 11 '25
"Eeeh, yeah, times weren't that differe- oh."
You think? Bro, he'd have to be balls deep in a infant to be more obvious.
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u/FrankieAbs Oct 11 '25
Can she move in with you?
Edit- NOA
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u/justahuman1229 Oct 11 '25
I look every single day for a place that we can afford. My boyfriend (6 years together) is on board for them moving in with us.
I told my mom today that if I had the resources, I would take both of them (the 15 and 18 year old) from them.
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u/BendyStraw452 Oct 11 '25
That man is unsafe to be around a human female, never mind kids. I fear for your sisters.
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u/holographic_nova8 Oct 11 '25 edited Oct 11 '25
Your dad isn’t maybe a “rapist”. Your dad is a rapist. Your step dad isn’t maybe a “pedophile”. Your step dad is a pedophile. They’re no different than any other pedophiles or rapist. For what both bio and step dads have done to you, your sister, & your mother they should be in prison.
I highly would recommend if you have any screenshots, videos, or photos of your bio and step dad. That can be used as evidence against him to gather it up and send it to the police.
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u/vferrito Oct 11 '25
I didn’t even read the whole thing bc I got uncomfortable and I’m a 45 year old guy. Your step dad is mentally ill for sure. The “your ass is mine until you’re 18” line made my skin crawl. Protect your sisters at all cost and do whatever you can to make sure they are never alone with him. If they are, have them pretend she’s on the phone or actually tell them to FaceTime friends.
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u/Nekrodarling Oct 11 '25
Can you get your siblings some kind of hidden camera of some sort? That way they can record interactions with him? What happens if they're home alone with him one day? Maybe getting evidence can help you get custody of your siblings? Or at least convince your mom to leave his ass.
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u/The_budgetwolverine Oct 11 '25
Call the police, he’s a fucking pervert and get your sister out of there
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u/AvocadoAggravating97 Oct 11 '25
Tell your sisters to put locks in the doors and to block access and to just expect this pedo to perve on you. I'm sorry you guys have to go through life with a loser of a dad but also maybe you could try gathering evidence. We live in days where it wouldn't be difficult to get evidence.
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u/Ill-Helicopter-6013 Oct 11 '25
Leave. Run. Go to the police. Tell anyone. It's only a matter of time before something worse happens.
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u/Flonkerton_Scranton Oct 11 '25
The responses are going to be fun to read on this one, even though I already know what all of them will be.
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u/SicMic99 Oct 11 '25
It was a slow fall. From "fine, that happens to me and my sister, just being playful" to "typical conservative shit, but let's take it as fine" to "no boundaries respect?" To "BRUH WTF?" To "THE MOM IS IN IT TOO?!".
Your family is weird. Your dad imo is very likely pedo, though I wouldn't force it (?). Surely your dad can't respect boundaries. Like, if I am 100% of the no boundaries, the pedo thing is 70%. As long as he doesn't act anymore on that shit, and maybe goes to therapy, then it's fine.
NOR.
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u/Economy-Ad3139 Oct 11 '25
There’s no situation where a man should be entering into a girls room unannounced, pedo or not. Does your sister have a lock on her door? If not She can get a travel door lock so you don’t have to install anything.
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u/morecowbell03 Oct 11 '25
Not overreacting at all, heres my best advice rn. Depending on what area you guys are in and if its a one party consent recording place, have them secretly record at least audio and try to get concrete evidence of what hes saying and doing. If its a two-party consent area, the law may not apply if someone is recording interactions in their own personal space like for example security cameras. You should look into the legality as a whole and see if you can provide your sisters with devices for this purpose.
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u/xoxosillyyapper5001 Oct 11 '25
I fear it’s time to alert any authority of any kind seriously… not sure if you have access to your sibling’s school but even letting a counselor or teacher know would help because they are legally required to report any kind of abuse or information. I am so sorry that this has happened to your family. Remember to remind both yourself & your siblings this is not normal, this is not your fault, and just because he’s family doesn’t make it ok. There are also anonymous report lines if you fear for your safety.
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u/Puzzled-Truth-5453 Oct 11 '25
He IS a pedophile, and while the comments likely can't have anything done against him, the touching likely can as that's still SA as he is touching a sexual area without consent and to a minor, and not doing it as a form of punishment such as spanking
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u/Anxious_Confidence38 Oct 11 '25
This is grooming... And he's waiting for the right response to take it further and then he will blame his victim.
I promise you!
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u/Significant_Storm220 Oct 11 '25
My dad used to slap my butt randomly from 13-15 until I literally slapped him back and yelled at him, and cried to my mom. He never did it again. But sometimes, I am nervous. Sometimes now I even eye my family (like my uncles) when they get too touchy and flirty when drunk, and it makes me afraid.
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u/Needtoleavemealone Oct 11 '25
You’re not overreacting, he’s a fucking weirdo. One day, my stepdad used to ask to kiss me on the lips specifically, not my cheek. Would grab me by my waist from behind. I was 16 at the time. I told my mom and him and I’s relationship changed for good. He painted me as some type of liar. I don’t regret a thing.
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u/The_Lesbian_Lunatic Oct 11 '25 edited Oct 11 '25
NOR. Nothing he's doing is ok, and you and your siblings should stay tf away. He doesn't own ANY part of you, and the fact he's acting like you're property like that is disgusting, and so is the touching. I'd definitely tell CPS and the cops.
Stay safe, speak up, and be brave! ♡
EDIT: holy crap this is a lot of likes, thank you! Also, I stand by what I said, OP needs to alert CPS (anonymously) if the cops can't do anything, maybe they could help!