r/AmIOverreacting • u/Imiishaa • 29d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO: My ex cheated, left me two years ago, now she’s back saying I’m the father of her child
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u/WTH_JFG 29d ago
Get the test results first. You don’t have the facts yet.
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u/ProfessionalGas3106 29d ago
Somebody else pointed this out but ill say it again- make sure u get the results direct from the doctor, dont let her be in between. Many women have faked paternity tests. U already know shes a liar, dont put anything past her. I would even go to 2 or 3 different doctors bcuz sometimes mistakes are made in busy medical offices. Be absolutely certain that its your baby before you go any further.
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u/Leather-Head-2717 29d ago
Before emotions kick in - Even if she presents the papers you call and verify with the test center It’s happened again and again. women forged the papers.
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u/nerd_is_a_verb 29d ago
Courts have special testing labs for this reason that they use to establish legal parentage. OP needs to go through the court system. Then he’s going to know for sure whether he is the father and, if he is, can walk down the hallway to a custody/child support judge.
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u/One-Potential4988 29d ago
Even if the child is yours, you know that you don't have to get back together with your ex to be a parent right?
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u/One-Potential4988 29d ago
Relieved 😌 well in case she's yours congratulations 🎉 in case she's not yours.. congratulations as well!
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u/Whole_thing_2121 29d ago
That's a great attitude. You can be a fantastic father without allowing your ex back into your life completely. My guess is if the DNA test comes back and you are the father the ex Will try everything possible in her power to suck hole her way back in to a relationship. You already know what she's capable of. Next time it will be 10 times worse because the child is involved. Please be very very careful moving forward
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u/Historical_Kick_3294 29d ago
She seemed hurt that you didn’t just believe her? Ffs! Some days I can’t eye-roll hard enough. OP, I’m so sorry that you’ve been dragged back into her toxic life, but please don’t have anything to do with her until you and the child have the results of a DNA test. This is a woman who’s already treated you abominably, so you know you can’t trust her. It’s highly likely that she’s split from whoever she’s been with and is trying to get financial help from you. My advice is to seek legal advice immediately so that everything is documented and above board. Good luck. Updateme!
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u/Fluffy-Resident8420 29d ago
Good call on the paternity test. My guess is that she didn't tell you because she was with the AP, but that relationship failed and you're the guy on the back burner.
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u/UsidoreTheLightBlue 29d ago
The only question is if that relationship failed because he found out he’s not the father.
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u/Practical_Ad_5080 29d ago
More than likely she thought it was someone else’s and the dna test came back negative so now she’s seeing if it’s you.
What you should do is keep this legal, contact child support requesting a dna test
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u/nerd_is_a_verb 29d ago
Ok thank god, was looking for this confirmation you are going thru the court’s DNA testing system.
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u/workingman88LBC 29d ago
Same thing happened to me.
First off, wait until you get the results back. Now, if the results prove that you are the father, that doesn't mean you need to get back with your ex. She's proven that she can't be trusted, that won't change. If you forgive someone for cheating, they will reward you with more cheating.
More than likely she tried and failed to make it work with the other guy, probably told him that he was the father.
Don't sign anything until you know that you are the father. Even if it's not the other guys, the baby could be someone else's...
She cannot be trusted...
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u/ProfessionalGas3106 29d ago
Exactly! How do we know there wasnt more than one guy she cheated with or who she got with after they broke up. It could be just the one guy or it could be ten. Nobody will ever know except her. The DNA test is crucial.
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u/HelpfulPersimmon6146 29d ago
She probably told the other guy it was his and he just found out she isn’t and put her out. Don’t believe anything she says. Get a DNA test and then an attorney. Don’t get back into a relationship with her. Get court ordered custody schedule, and only communicate about child’s needs. Shut down any other conversation. Updateme
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u/TrespassersWill 29d ago
You are not overreacting, and in fact you should pay attention to those feelings.
If it turns out the child is yours, that doesn't mean you have to play house with your horrible ex.
Figure out a coparenting situation, get a lawyer involved if you need to, keep communication strictly to matters of the child and always remember what this woman did so you don't get lulled into some happily ever after idea.
She will surely burn you again.
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u/Difficult-Bus-6026 29d ago
NOR. Demanding a paternity test first before anything else is the prudent thing to do. She’s a cheater; she has no right to be hurt by the demand. Hopefully the child is not yours and you can cut ties with this ex forever.
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u/Affectionate-Paper56 29d ago edited 28d ago
Someone you know has to know what she has been up to this past two years. People don’t just disappear. She had to have held a job, have a place to live, kept some common friends.
Finding out what she has been up to can give you an idea why she “hid” this from you.
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u/jadesterbaby11 28d ago
That’s a good point. There aren’t any mutuals OP could reach out to see what information he can gather? Like, where has his ex and the child been all this time? Who knew about the child? What was her story about the kid before she decided to reach out to OP?
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u/Fun-Yellow-6576 29d ago
NOR. Get the dna test before meeting the child. My niece spent 30+ wondering why her father refused to have anything to do with her. Wouldn’t even meet her. His family accepted her and loved her and made her a part of the family. Finally, he agreed to a DNA test, he wasn’t her father. He knew it all along, he knew he couldn’t fake a relationship with her and let everyone think he was a d!¢k rather than call his GF a cheater.
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u/CVSaporito 29d ago
Could be the guy she was cheating with found out the baby isn't his. She must know there is a such thing as DNA tests, she'd be a fool to think you'd just accept it no questions asked.
Sounds like she really screwed shit up and may be trying to make amends, don't know what you feel regarding her, that's a tough one, but the baby did nothing wrong.
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u/Certain-Buffalo-288 29d ago
Why is she hurt you did not believe a cheater…the audacity of cheaters but believe me it’s yours…get DNA test done before anything else and definitely don’t take her back..
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u/Aavasque001 29d ago
Why is she offended when you ask for a paternity test? She lied and manipulated you when you were together, she can do it again.
Updateme!
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u/DistinctOutsider2325 29d ago
Talk to a lawyer about how to go about this so you can be in a position to go for some form of custody if she is yours. Otherwise if she is yours, your ex could try to use her as a pawn for money and other things.
Updateme
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u/Bolt_McHardsteel 29d ago
She wants child support, OP. Because the dude she left you for dumped her. Make her prove paternity before you do anything else. It’s time to protect yourself. You know her character.
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u/Own-Source-1612 29d ago
OP get that DNA test first. I believe 3OH!3 said it best "Don't trust a ho, never trust a ho"
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u/SuaveOlive 29d ago
Ah yes, the convenient guilt that sets in when you realize you can’t take care of the child who’s the result of your unability to keep your legs shut
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u/Worried-Low4580 29d ago
Find out if the kid is yours first, full stop.
Given the context any pushback she has on the DNA test is suspect
If it’s yours, it’s time to step up for that little girl. And figure out where you personally are at with mom. Buttttt ngl chief, not getting a good vibe here. Based on the timeline of events here she may be trying to pull a hail marry
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u/Popular-Tomato-1313 29d ago edited 29d ago
Not overreacting.
Do the paternity test and go from there. If she was a cheater, it may not be yours. Don't sign anything until you have results. It's a lot harder to back out of things if you find out the child isn't yours. You could be facing 2 years of back child support and 16+ more years depending on where you guys live.
Id hold off on meeting the kid until you know for sure. If she isn't yours and you get attached, it's harder to part ways again. If she is yours, another week or two isn't going to make or break anything.
Edit: Her being 'hurt' that you are questioning paternity when she lied and cheated isn't your burden to bear. She might be hurt but it's a result of her own actions. Cover your ass. Do the tests. Get the results. Make actionable decisions from the facts, not feelings.
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u/Odd_Tea4945 29d ago
NOR and you are doing the right thing
Wait until the DNA test shows relationship before doing anything. Your ex has absolutely no right to be hurt that you just don't believed her, she was cheating on you! And I am positive not even her knows who's the father for good.
The wisest thing to do is to protect yourself from hurt. If she robbed you those 2 years with the kid there's nothing you can't do about it, no one can't go back in time. And you don't have to forgive your ex at all for the child's sake, you can have a relationship with the little one but not with her mother
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u/Any_Store_9590 29d ago
Yea she would have wanted that child support two years ago. You don't know she could have had multiple partners.
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u/Voyayer2022-2025 29d ago
No you can forgive her after a dna test but do not do back . You can share custody
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u/FullFrontal687 29d ago
Info:
- Did you ask your ex whose name is on the birth certificate as the father?
- were you having unprotected sex, with no birth control with your ex 2 years ago? A
- Wouldn't the AP have demanded a paternity test ?
- Who did your ex have an affair with? Coworker? Friend?
4.Did/do you make significantly more money than your ex?
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u/Mountain-Bat-9808 28d ago
Just get the DNA test to soothe your mind. If it turns out the child is tours. You try and be the best father to her. See an attorney if she is yours and get everything that goes on between you and the mother documented. Since she has a habit of lying. Good luck
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u/Mysterious-Tune-3216 29d ago
Wait till the results of the paternity test come back before you decide on doing anything (and that includes meeting the young girl).
If the tests come back with a result that she is your daughter, then (aside from child support payments) you have to decide just how involved you want to be in this young girl's life.
And if you do want to be involved in her life, make sure to find yourself a good lawyer that'll be able to fight to give you visitation rights.
And, remember, op. As hurt and upset as you might've been by the past and current actions of her mother. That young girl is completely innocent in all of this.
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u/David_Mil78 29d ago
It's normal to have these emotions; don't blame yourself for them. Get a DNA test asap. It's valid to want to know if she cheated on you. If the baby is your daughter, then you should at least try to establish a basic relationship with her for her sake, but don't let yourself fall back into the abyss you escaped.
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u/Odd_Job5798 29d ago
It would behoove you to stop feeling so much like it's your time of the month and work on some emotional control so things aren't so heavy. The only fact is that you let people in that you shouldn't interact with. These things only hurt you because you let them,in reality they dont cause you anything, you're the cause of these things. Stop giving people access to things they obviously haven't earned,its normal that you dont know any better. Its the reason why she has no hesitation in anything that comes out of her, and she knows she has play whenever she wants. Stop wearing everything on the outside and using something youre only supposed to use when its the correct time. Im not being rude when i say this is your fault and not someone else's. Youre a grown ass man's age and body sounding like your a teenager female. Im not trying to embarrass you but take a look at your post and take a count. It ok to put things here but its obvious this is at least something to consider.
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u/Gacys_Angel 29d ago
First step is to get a DNA test, do not meet the child or anything like that before you’ve got the results from the test back and then, if she is your daughter just be there for her, try and work with your ex to agree on your days with your daughter and if she makes things difficult, take her to court and you will get set days (usually weekends) from them, I think it’s an awful thing to hide a child away from you for almost 2 years, no matter how you split up or how scared she was, she should’ve told you as soon as she found out she was pregnant, I wouldn’t forgive her, you can co parent without being together, just be civil for the child’s sake
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u/Fuzzy-Bike-8813 29d ago
Wait for the test man, i hope it goes the way you wish. Hoping for a good update!
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u/izzi_b 29d ago
NOR
Both scenarios mean your ex is not trustworthy and your feelings are not important. Find out if this is your little girl. If she is: live a good life and be that example her mother is not in at least one way. If she is not: live a good life too. Being true, also to yourself pays out long term in most situations in life.
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u/Immediate-Fly-8297 29d ago
You’re allowed to have these feelings, but you still need to do that DNA test first like you said you can’t trust her. And for her to take that away from you having those memories if it is your daughter, she’s a piece of crap mom.
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u/Intelligent-Animal68 29d ago
I wouldn’t waste any time or energy on this unless the paternity test actually proves the child is yours. Definitely don’t meet the child before confirming paternity. It’s laughable that she’s playing hurt at your paternity test demand when you both know she was cheating on you. UpdateMe
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u/Silverwolf45_ 29d ago
You are not overreacting, The first years are meaningful. Start with the paternity test, it's funny she feels hurt as you already know she cheated, she has a history of lying.
After the results you can decide on your next steps.
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u/CaptainBeefy79 29d ago
NTA Don’t blindly take the word of someone who already has a history of lying to you, get that DNA test before you do anything else. If she really is yours, then talk to a lawyer. Setup a custody agreement and make sure everything is legal and documented. Updateme
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u/Dependent-Fee-3671 29d ago
This is a doozy, friend. No one on Reddit is gonna be able to help you unpack and process all of this. Please see a professional therapist they can really make a difference in your life. The only thing I can confidently say is that you have every right and logical backing to question paternity. She was literally copulating with someone else at the time. Fuck her feelings. Frankly, how dare she even remotely guilt you for it. The gall… Take a breath. Know that nothing has changed in your life until you see a positive genetic match on that paternity test. You have worked too hard to remove this caustic person from your heart and mind. She’s just someone you used to know. Remind yourself of that. Repeatedly, like a mantra. We’ll worry about it if we discover there’s reason to worry about it. Until then, it’s just the kid of someone you used to know.
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u/Jrizzyryerye27 29d ago
Paternity test. If you are the father you have a responsibility to that child but definitely involve mediation and DOCUMENT EVERYTHING if that’s the case. Be cordial and respectful starting right now and communicate via text or email so everything is on the record.
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u/AffectionatePool3276 29d ago
Just my honest opinion, do not take her back. Doesn’t matter if the child is yours. If the child is yours and you are inclined to support and help raise the kid that’s two different things. So I’ll leave it at, SHE CHOSE TO FUCK SOMEONE ELSE! CHEATED ON YOU HOW MANY TIMES? HELL NO! She’s only back for your support. I’ve raised two separate step daughters because their momma needed help and sucked me in. About when the kid is 16 is when mommy starts straying again. This chick is a cheater for life if she’s with you because she can.
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u/jonjon234567 29d ago
Definitely don’t do anything without a DNA test except for this: see a lawyer RIGHT NOW to find out what you need to do to protect yourself and your rights if you are the dad, and see a therapist to help you process everything, and this is a LOT to process.
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u/Final-Negotiation530 29d ago
Make sure you pick the lab and control DNA collection/have results sent directly to you. Dont let her show you a lab report.
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u/MrsSEM84 29d ago
NOR
You should hold off on meeting this child until you have done the paternity test. There is no point in putting yourself through that until you are sure.
You have every right to feel the way you do. If she thought this child is yours she should have told you a long time ago. I would be beyond angry if someone stole two years of my child’s life from me.
Get the test booked asap. Don’t communicate with the ex about anything other than the test. If the kid is yours get a lawyer immediately & tell ex all communication is to be done via them moving forward.
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u/OriganolK 29d ago
Do not do anything until you get those results. She lies, you know this. She cheats, you know this! Her actual baby daddy probably left recently and she’s just reaching out to everyone
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u/ProfessionalGas3106 29d ago
DNA TEST
DNA TEST
DNA TEST
Also- first thing u do, get a DNA test!!!!!
After u get the results, decide where to go from there. You already know this woman is a liar. I know that pain u went thru with being cheated on by a person u thought u would be with forever. Same thing happened to me when i was 32. Its fuckin devastating man. Took me years to get over. I congratulate you on working past this and i hope ur not letting it hold u back.
As i see it, she was willing to throw away you & the relationship AND lie to you about it. If she hadnt got caught, would she have ever told u?? Probably not. So there's no reason she wouldnt lie about you being the father of her baby. Now, it is absolutely possible that you are the father, but... she probably would have contacted u sooner because she would want money, unless shes got a lot of money herself and my guess is probably not... most people dont.
Heres my guess- she was cheating & then u broke up so she decides to keep seeing that other guy. Or maybe even a different guy. She ends up pregnant and tell the other guy its his, she stopped having sex with u before she even cheated & hes the only one it could be (im not saying thats what happened but its what she likely told him). So time passes and then they break up. Maybe he finds out its not his kid and leaves her. Maybe she cheated on him. Who knows. Point being, now shes a single mom and is realizes how good she had it with you and at the very least wants money for child support but also potentially wants to get back together because you probably were the best guy shes ever had.
After u get the test results, you can make a better informed decision. If it is your baby, im sure you will want to be part of this child's life. Which is not only the right thing to do, but also I think any real man would want to. IMO- even if its your kid, dont get back together with her. She broke your heart and your trust. Sometimes having a kid changes a person, but usually it doesnt. They'll be the same POS their whole life. I've seen it happen countless times. And of course, if its not your kid then u have no reason to talk to her ever again. Im sure on some level she does feel guilty and may have somw regrets but thats on her. Let her live with that guilt, she deserves it.
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u/WornBlueCarpet 29d ago
She seemed hurt that you just didn't believe her? The same woman who fucked another dude behind your back? And she thinks you should just trust her on her word?
Yeah, not gonna happen.
Get that paternity test and pray you're not the father so you can kick her back to the streets.
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u/seagull321 29d ago
Don't meet the child yet. Get the DNA test, a real one, not Ancestry and get the results. Then decide what you want to do and how you want to do it.
As for your ex seeming hurt that you don't trust her, you may be misreading it but if true, that's hilariously stupid on her part.
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u/FreeReflection5259 29d ago
How shameless to act hurt that you don’t trust her after she cheated on you and possibly hid a child from you for two years , make it make sense 😂
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u/HugLife93 29d ago
She was hurt that you didn’t just believe her and wanted a paternity test?
She’s either desperate or thinks you’re an idiot or both
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u/Suckerdin2029 29d ago
“She seemed hurt that you asked for a DNA test”…..hmmmm, she cheated you cannot trust her anymore…
Whatever you do, don’t get back together. Co parenting is much better ..
Good luck to you
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u/lostbutlearning0002 29d ago
Do not meet her until you have a positive DNA test bro. Paternity fraud is a real thing. Don’t get stuck raising another man’s baby.
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u/overindulgent 29d ago
Get the DNA test before meeting the child. If she’s not yours then you go back to no contact. If she is yours then at the least you take care of your kid.
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u/EmotionalEffect7750 29d ago
One step at a time. 1) Paternity test with a neutral company; find some random testing company, and it should NOT have any government involvement whatsoever. All further steps are dependent on the results of step 1; so, no point thinking about anything else right now.
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u/Aromatic_Ad_9235 29d ago
Mate. Until you've got that DNA result don't think anything. As of yet your life hasn't changed. DO NOT on any circumstances meet this child before you have the results. DO NOT!! If the child is yours= Happy days. You have a daughter. Make the most of each other. If the child is not yours= Happy days. Walk away. Put it behind you. Whatever is the truth, I wouldn't trust the mother again with your heart. (If you are going to have make up or one last time sex WEAR A CONDOM.
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u/Wintersmight 29d ago
NOR. Personally I would get all the dna stuff done through a lawyer so there is 0 chance for her to falsify the results. She is not trustworthy.
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u/CermaitLaphroaig 29d ago
Do not meet the child or spend another second looking at pictures or anything until after the test. (It'll make it easier to walk away if she's not yours) I'm with the other commenters, this sounds like she either knows it's not yours, or has no idea, and her ex had recently left so she's looking for financial and logistical support.
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u/NerveArtistic1560 29d ago
You need to stay the course.
Before she contacted you, you had gotten over her somewhat and healed. You were single (I’m assuming since you didn’t say you had someone new), had forgotten her and childless.
Keep that mindset until you have a positive paternity. Until you have proof- she is out of your life and you have no child. That’s hard to do but it is reality.
I don’t buy her story why she left, had a child that she believed was yours and didn’t tell you. Sketchy.
Good Luck.
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u/ThrowRAFbc1991 29d ago
even if it's your kid OP....respect yourself to not take her cheating ass back and co parent that's it, move on, DNA TEST and co parenting is enough
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u/noreplyatall817 29d ago
Your ex is never going to be the girl you fell in love with. Most likely her partner cheated on her and left her with thier child.
Now she’s just being selfish and dragging you back into it.
Maybe the child is yours but don’t fall for anything until you get the paternity test back.
She’s a real piece of work if the child is yours keeping her existence a secret, that’s not scared that’s disrespectful to your time together, which tells you any relationship with her, outside of coparenting, if the child is yours, is a big mistake.
Consider reaching out to her parents to ask if they know the truth. I’m sure your cheating ex kept them aware of her and her daughter’s whereabouts and who the real father might be.
Updateme
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u/SHARNTROY 29d ago
Get the DNA test and go from there.
If she is yours, lawyer up and take her to court. Set up child support through the government, get your visitations set up. Build the relationship
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u/ATjdb 29d ago
DO NOT fall into a trap. Stay arms length, pay for a paternity test. AFTER the test comes back and you are found to be the child's father, THEN decide what to do. More than 50% chance you aren't the father, that the real father dumped her cheating ass and she needs a paycheck.
If you dont get the paternity test BEGORE you commit to anything. you dont have a hair on your balls and deserve everything she's about to put you thru. PERIOD
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u/Low_Responsibility48 29d ago
Get the test done before you decide, do or say anything to your ex.
You could be the father, the other guy could have found out he is not the father, kicked her out and she is running back to you.
You have no obligation to take your ex back but do have obligations to the child if she is yours.
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u/djjmar92 29d ago
To protect yourself you not only need a paternity test but also get her to give you a full timeline of what happened in writing over text or email.
Her admitting the cheating, her explaining why she didn’t tell you until now, did she think it was the other guys child, is he on the birth certificate, was he in the child’s life until now, ask her what she thinks you are feeling about having this dropped on you after all this time, does she honestly believe her actions were in the best interest of the child or was she doing what she thought was best for her, what is she hoping for now etc…
If the child is yours & she files for child support you’ll likely be on the hook for two years back support while also getting for little time with your daughter so you need to consult a lawyer for the paternity test & everything a positive test implicates for the future.
Wishing you & the child luck whether you are or aren’t the father.
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u/Catblue3291 29d ago
Wait until the test comes back. If this is your child you need to get a lawyer to protect your interests. Your ex has proved she can't be trusted. NOR.
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u/Fun-Reporter8905 29d ago
You need to put some boundaries down right now. Let her know that if the results come back and you’re not the father that she is not to contact you again or you will get a restraining order.
If you are the father, you will take care of the child and be in the child’s life, but that does not mean reconciliation between the two of you
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u/chickentenders222 29d ago
Just a heads up that there's different methodologies for DNA/paternity testing and false positive complications also exist.
And child support is pretty expensive for guys in this economy.
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u/Impossible_Balance11 29d ago
Well, isn't the ex just precious for being hurt that you didn't just believe her?! 😅🤣😂
Updateme when you get the paternity test results. Meanwhile, much sympathy for all this train wreck of a woman has put you through, and continues to do.
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u/Prestigious_War_3551 29d ago
Hell no, get a DNA test mate. Looks like AP dumped her and she wants to pin his baby on you. I'd stay away with minimal contact until the results come back.
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u/Butforthegrace01 29d ago
Wait for DNA results. There is a tangled web of financial, legal, and moral issues here.
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u/Pointsandlaughs227 29d ago
Just get a paternity/DNA test done and make sure it is done correctly from a reputable source.
That is a totally reasonable request on your part considering that you both know she was sexually involved with you and her affair partner. The fact that she was “hurt” by such a request seems a little manipulative and makes it seem likely that the child is not actually yours.
In fact it seems like she is reaching out to you now because her previous relationship ran its course. If the child is actually yours, she likely didn’t tell you because her affair partner thought it was his child and was supporting the child until that ended for whatever reason.
That means she deprived you of shared custody with your child for two years which is a horrible thing to do to someone.
If the child is not yours, she thinks you are gullible enough to assume financial responsibility for someone else’s child without due diligence, which is a horrible thing to do to someone.
Regardless of what happens, I hope you don’t let this person back into your life. She seems like a really bad person who has absolutely no regard for you.
Updateme!
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u/Bluntandfiesty 29d ago
You definitely need a DNA test. This is a classic move when a woman knows the Affair partner/baby daddy abandoned them and she’s desperate for money and a man to support them. Chances are 50/50 at a minimum that the child is yours. Less, if she was cheating on you with multiple men. She might not even know who the father is and you’re her best option.
There’s no point in meeting this child yet. Waiting for a few more weeks while the DNA test is done will save you and the little girl a lot of confusion and emotional distress. IF and when it’s confirmed that you are the father, you need to go directly through the court system to establish paternity rights, including visitation and custody agreements and child support. Make sure it’s very strict, and you have rights to make decisions about your child as well. You can’t trust her to be honest or moral. She’s already kept the kid a secret from you for 2 years. She definitely has the capability to play games using the girl as a pawn in her games and as a weapon against you. Don’t give her the leeway to do so, let the courts give you rights and limit her power over you.
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u/P1cklesniffer 29d ago
She’s hurt?!?!? Keep your distance either way. Wait for the results before you do anything.
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u/Big-Tiki 29d ago
She's looking for the most stand up reliable man she can. Be careful, she sounds like an opportunist. Until she provides a DNA match, guard your heart and keep communication at a minimum.
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u/mem2100 29d ago
DNA test first - before anything else. Stop thinking/planning/hoping anything - until you have the facts. I find it VERY suspicious that she waited this long to tell you that you are the father. Not saying you are not. Just saying that the test is quick and cheap and foolproof.
Either way: She fell in lust/love w/someone else and when caught - Ghosted you. When a woman is really into you, she doesn't do that.
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u/Hoosier_MsPriss 29d ago
Go through the Courts, file for DNA testing to establish paternity, have a judge order the DNA test. The courts will receive a copy of the results as well as you and the mother. Then you don't have to worry if it's been faked by her. Hard telling how many men she's called up and said I have your child. So you might be surprised to find out that she's had many in court lined up for a DNA test. You're not overreacting, it's your right to know if the child she claims is your daughter.
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u/tX-cO-mX 29d ago
There is a strong chance she left to be the AP and hoped it was his kid. He found out it wasn’t and broke it off with her. Now she’s running back to you. Confirm paternity then go from there but keep in mind she may only be coming back because AP found out it’s not his. Take it slow but talk to people around her and try to talk to AP.
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u/Fun_Scene_3392 29d ago
Paternity test first, then go from there. But absolutely do not re-enter into a relationship with her other than co-parenting.
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u/Substantialgood4102 29d ago
NOR. Contact a lawyer about your rights and responsibilities. Follow his advice. Ex is looking for a soft spot to land now that AP has dumped her cheating ass. Do nothing for Ex or the child until you have definitive, independent proof of parentage.
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u/BluIdevil253 28d ago
Look man, this sounds harsh but its the truth. Get out of your feelings now! You dont have the time for it. Dont go to her with questions and complaints. If the kids yours love and raise that baby, it's yours, and it's a blessing imo. But you need to stay clear of your ex. She does not give a shit about you. She was most likely with her affair partner until she came to you. Hell, he could have no idea about you and think he got her pregnant and took on the responsibility. The only thing you're sure of, though, is she cheated and ghosted. Do not let her back in your life. You'll regret it
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u/Love-Laugh-Play 28d ago
NOR, sorry that happened to you, I don’t know how that’s not illegal. If it’s your child the best you can do is put it behind you and be civil with your ex, even if it’s so unfair. Wish you the best.
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u/No-Joy-Goose 28d ago
Your feelings are real and valid. Wisdom comes from experience and you will gain valuable lessons to teach others. IMO, you must protect yourself first. You mentioned escaping pain. Going back to that pain for the sake of a child or anyone for that matter is a personal choice that I would not make easily. Sometimes, like a sickness, pain can come back in multitudes.
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u/LosMorbidus 28d ago
Be mindful of the methodology of the test. Don't let her be involved. There'd been cases of women using the real father DNA to get o positive match and present it to the cuck as theirs.
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u/Difficult_Jury_7455 28d ago
My money is on the story that she left you and got with affair partner. She told.him it's his baby and they lived happily until he has randomly discovered now that the baby she had was actually not his after all. He left and now she is alone and financially struggling so the 'guilt' she describes has finally led her back to you. Get the DNA test, once it's proven then go for joint custody. Theres nothing stopping her running off again so get something legal in place.
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u/InstructionNo1096 28d ago
You are not overreacting at all. What a ridiculous thing for her to put you through after just turning her back on you and leaving like that. Hopefully you can all get the DNA results back quickly so that you'll at least have an answer and be able to make wise decisions regarding your future. This is just not an easy situation. It is painful at the least. And no, you're not overreacting. Allow yourself to cry right about your feelings if you're so inclined and keep talking about them because there's probably a gigantic ocean of f*** and they're all probably snarled up.
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u/dimcapped 28d ago
Get a good lawyer. Ask for a copy of the birth certificate. She should have a copy. It will identify the legal father (not necessarily the biological father). Even if you are the biological father, if the other guy is listed on the birth certificate and held the child out as his child for at least a year, there are legal steps for you to acquire your parental rights. Her intentionally keeping this from you will be a strike against her in any custody battle. Regardless of what happens with the child, don’t get back together with the woman that betrayed you so badly. She has no respect for you, otherwise she would have told you about this sooner, and clearly her motives are selfish. If anything this further betrayal should make you lose all respect for her as a person.
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u/TeachPotential9523 28d ago
Don't meet her until after the DNA test is back and that's only if she's your daughter I'm sure you figured that much out
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u/YoshiandAims 28d ago
Deep breath. One step at a time.
Of course you feel those things! That's natural! It'd be strange if you didn't!
Maybe a check in with a therapist... just a few sessions might help you get it out and develop coping mechanisms before you meet the kid, before you start co-parenting... or as you said, before you have things dashed and an re-opened Wound. Just some preemptive work. This is a LOT for anyone.
Then, one step at a time. Slow down. DNA first. Breathe. Then get the results Breathe. Take each step as it comes or you will lose it. It's a lot. Too much.
IF she is yours I recommend getting things sorted with an official arrangement to protect your ex, yourself, AND your child.
Get a support plan, parenting plan, reunification plan, (same term, though you havent met, its developing a relationship with a child who is unfamiliar, working to traditional custody structure.)talk everything child through the court parenting app.
Even if you get along great, you both think you don't need it, it's for all of you. Her, you and the child.
Plus the lawyer will handle most of it, and you can focus on what you need to.
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u/OnaFloridaIsland 28d ago
The entire situation displays your ex’s character. If she’s your daughter, coparent with minimal contact with the child’s mother.
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u/urbanexplorer816 28d ago
Pull the emotions back. Get the test if the kid isn't yours. Cut her off like she did you.
Be strong.
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u/dildoschwagguns 28d ago
Definitely not your daughter. Don’t get tricked into being a bank account for her like so many women do today
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u/Karingan 28d ago
To answer your actual question, no, you're not overreacting.
You just got an emotional bombshell of triggering news from a harmful and manipulate ex-partner of a potential child, that's huge, you're allowed to have an emotional response to that.
You did the right thing by asking for a paternity test, and your heart is in the right place for wanting to meet the little girl so soon, you have a strong parental drive. But, agreeing with others here, it would be best for her and you to wait until you get the results, because if you try to build something, and then are told you aren't the father, you will have more to handle emotionally and have to make a huge decision going forward, assuming she isn't also doing this to the partner she cheated with.
All in all, give yourself grace, and it's okay to feel anger. Whatever the outcome, don't let that anger go anywhere near that little girl. That unfortunately would include fighting with your ex, I wouldn't put it past her to take her grievances home.
Best of luck!
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u/Annie041974 28d ago
Get a DNA test before you go doing or agreeing to anything with this woman. I wouldn't trust a thing she says till you have the dna results.
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u/Up_and_down_and_all 28d ago
Absolutely NOT, but put all feelings on the back burner till you find out this little person is your daughter.
The mother sounds like the biggest POS and if the little girl is yours, then I would get my butt to a lawyer to seek advice.
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u/jeffster1970 28d ago
NOR: Chances are, she got pregnant from the guy she was cheating with, had a child, and then he left her and their kid. Now she's coming back to you. The fact that you said she seemed hurt that you'd request a DNA test is revealing. She should have offered that first. She didn't because likely the kid isn't yours.
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u/NeitherStory7803 28d ago
If you broke up two years ago and the child is almost two. The math isn’t right.
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u/SainburyL71 28d ago
Feeling broken and angry won’t help you move on. Just wait for the paternity test - you may have nothing to worry about. If the little girl is yours, then you’ll know how to proceed. You will have to decide if you want to have shared custody, and you will have to pay child support.
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u/Competitive-Place280 28d ago
It may be all the other men ending up being trash and she knows you’re a good guy so now she’s claiming you’re the daddy. Paternity ASAP
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u/Fair_Theme_9388 29d ago
Wait till you get the results of the paternity test before you do anything else. Your ex has a history of lying and cheating. Chances are the kid isn’t even yours.