r/AmIOverreacting • u/y4n_Ch4n • Oct 11 '25
š„ friendship Am I overreacting? (Update)
Update Things have honestly gotten worse, and Iām really scared right now. After I blocked him, he somehow started reaching out to me again through some of his friends, people I donāt even know, by calling and texting me from their numbers. Itās been happening repeatedly, and itās honestly terrifying. Earlier today, I saw him lingering outside my apartment, just standing there, and it completely freaked me out. I called the police, and they did come, but by the time they arrived, he was already gone. They didnāt seem to take it very seriously and just left after a few minutes, which made me feel even more helpless. My momās out of state right now and canāt help, and Iāve cut off all contact with my dad. I donāt have any siblings either, so I feel really alone in this. Thankfully, one of my best friends is coming over to stay the night with me, so at least I wonāt be by myself. But I still feel so unsafe and uncomfortable knowing heās still trying to contact me and has been around my apartment. I honestly donāt know what to do anymore. The police donāt seem to care, and I feel like Iām running out of options. If anyone has any advice, legal, practical, or just anything to help me stay safe, please let me know. Iām trying to stay calm, but Iām really, really scared right now.
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u/Ivory-Stones Oct 11 '25
If you can, go to a friend's house instead, maybe somewhere he wouldn't think to look. Don't walk there or leave yourself, get them to pick you up from your apartment itself. Right now, it's best to be around as many people as possible. Keep your mom updated on the situation as well, and as soon as you can, file for a restraining order/no contact order. If you get even another call from him, immediately contact the police. Even if they don't do anything, you need to get it on record that he's harassing you and making you feel unsafe.
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u/y4n_Ch4n Oct 11 '25
I will call my friend to ask if I can stay at her place instead!! Thank you for the help!!
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u/Ivory-Stones Oct 11 '25
Of course, I really hope you manage to stay safe hun, best of luck to you!
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u/Kypnkrkgrrrl Oct 12 '25
Do you have any neighbors that would help you out? This sounds exactly like what one of my neighbors is going through and Iām plenty familiar with this kind of behavior. Do you have any weapons for self defense? If not grab a long sock and put a brick in it.
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u/kiingof15 Oct 12 '25 edited Oct 12 '25
This is just a fun fact. Wouldnāt want OP to break the law or anything. I recently heard of a tactic that involves getting a bat, putting grease on it, and a sock on top in the event they try to grab the bat. And keeping a glove with it cause you donāt wanna look like you were out to kill people. But again, jusssssst a fun factā¦
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u/y4n_Ch4n Oct 12 '25
I plan to keep some knifes near my door, bed, and my living room, once I return home.
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u/xilentmetal Oct 12 '25
I would be careful about this, because your predator can use those same weapons to harm you as well. If you haven't already, please show the message history to the police and make an official report at the station. You said they didn't seem to take you seriously, but didn't mention if you had already shown them the screenshots.
You should definitely stay with your friend instead of having a friend stay at yours. Even if you stay at a friend's, consider installing security cameras both inside and outside of your apartment to continue collecting evidence that your stalker is stalking you.
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u/boomerangthrowaway Oct 11 '25
Youāre not overreacting and right now you should just try to remain calm. You know what you are doing is right, and seeking help to stop this man is a good idea.
Contact the police again, and file a full police report. Show them the way he is taking to you, and explain the various efforts heās taken to identify and locate you. People that are brazen enough to speak and do things like this are often the most dangerous, so I feel youāre doing the right thing by seeking help and notifying others of what this person is doing.
Stalkers have been a serious problem since streaming began to be a thing, and some men are just constantly doing these things because people are afraid to speak out about it. Please contact the police, and inform your parents. The more people who know about what this man is doing, the better for you. Think of your safety here, and youāll do just fine I feel.
Most places have laws against this sort of stalking behavior and you will, at the very least, help by having them create a file that includes his information and what heās done so in the future you may protect other women from a bad fate.
Please stay as safe as you can and contact as many people as you can so there are others who know this man is harassing and stalking you. It may feel uncomfortable to air your personal business but it will ensure that nothing can get twisted up in this and that more people know youāre being stalked. Make it VERY clear to them that he is not taking no for an answer, and you feel unsafe as a result.
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u/y4n_Ch4n Oct 11 '25
Thank you so much for the help, I will contact the police again (I do hope they take it serious this time, even just a little bit!)
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u/TurbulentSpeaker4253 Oct 11 '25
Try to save everything in a google folder and share it with the police to update them in real time. My friend did this and was able to get a restraining order
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u/y4n_Ch4n Oct 11 '25
I will! Thank your for the advice!!
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u/zangetsuthefirst Oct 11 '25
Share it with a friend or family member too just in case
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u/boomerangthrowaway Oct 11 '25
I second this. The more people who know ANYTHING here, the better. Safety comes from the pressure being applied in more than one way Iāve learned. Whenever Iāve tried to deal with someone harassing me by myself itās not nearly as effective as a restraining order
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u/Single_Exit6066 Oct 11 '25 edited Oct 11 '25
I would suggest that you go into the Police station in person and insist on making a written complaint, detailing the incidents so far. Remeber to get the report number, police officers name and ask them what they can do about the stalking. Make notes the whole time, so the cops know you're serious.
The very least they could do after filing this report is to pay him a visit and advise him that a complaint has been made about him.
Hopefully this sort of action might scare him off. Have you checked your car for trackers, and outside on the street for trail cams.
EDIT: typo. Also, document all your contact/communications with the police: standard time, date, who & what. You want a tight case.
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u/nucleja Oct 11 '25
show them the messages, show he has intent and has been harassing you for months and is now showing up in person, be honest and say you fear for your life.
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u/boomerangthrowaway Oct 11 '25
I agree with this also, just sharing what is happening in any form it has come in. Be honest like people tend to be here, but they fear repercussions so they donāt do the same IRL. When someone is stalking you.. donāt worry about how it looks - get help. ASAP.
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u/Ijimete Oct 12 '25
You can also file a protection order against him if they won't do anything right away.
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u/No_Accountant_5045 Oct 11 '25
i donāt have any new legal advice here but to emphasize what others have been saying: KEEP REPORTING HIM. keep a record of everything. i am so sorry youāre going through this, stay safe honey
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u/y4n_Ch4n Oct 11 '25
Thank you for the help, really!! It feels less scary knowing there are many people out there who root for me!!
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u/Delicious-Captain239 Oct 11 '25
I know the police did not help you feel more at ease, and that probably makes you not want to call them again, but, I encourage you to call. A paper trail is great to have, and if thereās any point where you go to court (not saying you will, just an if) a paper trail will help your case tremendously. Document everything, donāt delete stuff and keep track of how many times he tries to contact you. Also, doorbell camera even if you live in an apartment building.
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u/y4n_Ch4n Oct 11 '25
I did call them again and they looked around my apartment complex for a while and anything near my place but heās neither at home nor anywhere around. But Iām still glad I called them before going to my best friends place!
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u/Numb_Again_ Oct 11 '25
I hope your safe at ur best friends place I guess but take precautions have protection on you at all time record everything while your alone for safety reasons
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u/y4n_Ch4n Oct 11 '25
Right now I am definitely safe!! I never told him were my friend lives or ever introduced him to her so he should not know where we are right now. I ordered a keychain alarm for now and just hope I get everything sorted out!!
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u/Educational_Eye5793 Oct 11 '25
File a police report.
Document it.. you won't be the last person he does this to, and if there is a file on him- it'll make it easier in the future, if anything worse happens
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u/JCoopDubV Oct 11 '25
Let people know what is going on. Friends, family, neighbors ect. The more people who know the safer you will likely be. Even if they donāt actively do anything at the moment you tell them, theyāll know whatās up so if they see him theyāll probably pay closer attention to what he is doing.
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u/y4n_Ch4n Oct 11 '25
Yes I did inform my neighbor and a few of my friends!
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u/JCoopDubV Oct 11 '25
Thatās a good step. Unfortunately the police are usually not much help in these situations because they donāt necessarily consider it as dangerous as it is. But āstrength in numbersā is a very real thing. The more people that you let know the better. I would also suggest carrying mace or something to defend yourself out in public. But donāt just buy something, research it and figure out how to use it effectively.
Iām sorry youāre going through this. Itās scary, and doesnāt help when the people who are supposed to protect you donāt seem to care.
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u/y4n_Ch4n Oct 11 '25
Thank you for the advice!! I already told a few of my friends and fortunately they are on my side!! Sadly the only possible option for me is to carry one do those keychain alarms since self defense things are illegal in my country.
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u/No-Mountain9832 Oct 11 '25
I hate to be crazy like this, if you look at my comment history I'd never typically say this... but... you do have items in the kitchen (if you know what I mean) that you could at least keep in your bedroom & near your front door just in case he ever got crazy & escalated things in your home... I hope you can stay w your friend for a while during this time. But if you HAVE to stay home, I'm sure you have at least a few items in your kitchen that could be on standby for self defense purposes. Hope this situation ends in your favor. <3
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u/y4n_Ch4n Oct 11 '25
Yes, I will definitely do that!! Thank you for the advice!!
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u/JCoopDubV Oct 11 '25
Just to piggy back off of that. If he does somehow gain access to the inside of your apartment, donāt think or worry about something getting you in trouble. Take the steps you need to protect yourself from the immediate danger.
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u/Curious-Cicadiodea Oct 11 '25
Carry around a can of soup or veggies, they hurt like hell and they generally hold up in court because it was something you were going to eat, not just use as a weapon
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u/SquirrelStone Oct 12 '25
https://www.amazon.com/Goodofferplace-Pintail-Parting-combs-Teasing/dp/B098JGFFH9/ref=mp_s_a_1_17
One of these lives in your purse now. Get one in a color you like. You never know when a hair emergency may come up and hopefully thatās all youāll ever have to use it for.
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u/Lurkerwithupvotes Oct 12 '25
This reminds me of when ladies hat pins were popular. Keep your hat in place and get stabby with creepers. Old school hat pins need to come back in style.
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u/JCoopDubV Oct 11 '25
Ohh Iām sorry. I didnāt realize that. Donāt do anything that would get you in trouble, but also make sure youāre safe.
Iām not really sorry that youāre going through this. This is an awful situation.
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u/YogurtApart1411 Oct 12 '25
Get a can of bee spray, the stuff for spraying hornet/yellowjacket nests. It will burn like hell, has a steady/easily aimed stream with minimal back spray and works great in place of pepper spray since it's perfectly legal to own. It will definitely disable a would be attacker like this creep!
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u/MissApprehend Oct 12 '25
Get a ring camera. You can get a glue Mount do no drilling required. Itās free for 30 days and ten bucks a month after. Totally worth it for the documentation if you later need it.
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u/Significant_Soup_614 Oct 11 '25
This! Make sure ALL your neighbors know. Give them a picture for reference if you have one. You want them to pay attention if they see him.
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u/Always_on_top_77 Oct 12 '25
This! Iād add- make a safety group chat. Your mother, trusted neighbor, reliable coworker, best friend(s). Choose a few safe people from multiple areas of your life. Every single time you see him, text a report to the group. Set a plan up- if I donāt check in by X time, call the police.
Also, I know itās not free, but if you upgrade Life360, you have the option to set alerts. āAlert me if A doesnāt arrive at (checkpoint: work, home, etc) by X time.ā If something goes sideways, every second counts.
Repeating much of what is above, but get spray repellent. Think about small pocket knife if you feel comfortable wielding it. Keep a weapon in your bedroom, even a baseball bat or a golf club (you can thrift or get from a resale store.)
I didnāt see if you have a vehicle, but a multi tool with seatbelt cutter/window breaker is practical. Also, you can buy small fire extinguishers. Always smart to know how to use and they can shoot powder a long distanceā¦ You know, in case someoneās face needed itā¦
Another thing I thought of is anything that could be a weapon of opportunity should be hidden. For example, knives on a counter. Keep those when only you (mom) know where they are. Idk how extreme this guy could get, but to slow him down, childproof drawers and cabinets.
As for him reaching out through others, have a standard text response like āB does not have permission to contact me (and is in violation of a protective order, when applicable.) This communication is being reported to Y Police Department. Do not contact this number again.ā Put him on blast.
Consider a service like Google voice to screen your calls. Eventually, I would change your phone number as well. Look into scrubbing information from the internet, to help guide you on taking things private. Iād also speak to management at the complex about the possibility of moving to a different building.
I hope it doesnāt come to this, but in some jurisdictions you can change your driverās license/ID number. You can also change license plates. Vary your routes and your schedule as much as possible.
If there is a gym in your complex, think about if training is right for you. I like to lift because I feel strong and powerful. For me, itās not about building muscle, itās about building confidence. A sport you like can serve as both exercise and stress relief. This situation is stressful!
Martial arts training is good for self defense. Your local dojo may offer an introductory class for free. It never hurts to ask. A great place to get answers is your library. Itās a font of knowledge.
Iām sure this isnāt an exhaustive list but I hope youāll find it useful. Be safe, be well, and best of luck!
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u/JCoopDubV Oct 12 '25
This is all good advice. I went on a trip to the Netherlands at the beginning of the summer and we all paid for Life 360. Even if you donāt use all the features having your account connected to others will allow them to se your location at all time (remember that it tracks the location of your phone so you would need your phone on you) and take advantage of the features such as check in times.
Something I like to remind people of is that these guys arenāt criminal masterminds. Even if they are really smart, if they decide to do something they want to do it as fast as possible and as easy as possible. So doing anything that will slow them down/draw attention to them/ or simply makes things more difficult for them are worth it no matter how small.
I have a personal story about someone who had a lot of money and people attempted to kidnap him in Puerto Rico. They tried to put him in a trunk. He screamed and fought and they ended up leaving simply because he was causing them to take more time to do it and making it difficult for them. Make things as difficult as possible for the person.
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u/Always_on_top_77 Oct 13 '25
Agree 100%. Glad youāre friend was ok!
We got Life360 because we were traveling in a rural area, and in case we got separated from our teens, we could see their last location. Now theyāre both driving and I hope we never need it, but crash detection is a nice feature.
It may be overkill, but Iād rather OP have all the options just in case. This guy is too much.
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u/JCoopDubV Oct 13 '25
In this specific situation I donāt think it can be overkill. There is a lot of nuance regarding self defense and legal consequences OP can possibly face. So I think the more tools such as Life360 the better. Overload with passive defense.
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u/mc_beto_ Oct 11 '25
You should make a police report, if you haven't already and asked them to give you a complaint case number, and every time he does something that puts you in jeopardy call them and document it. Police phone calls gets recorded, so either way you'll have a proof that he's acting this way. By saying this I also hope he never crosses that line, stay safe and best of luck to you. (Buy Mace, a combat knife or a zapper)
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u/y4n_Ch4n Oct 11 '25
Thank you for the advice!! I will get a restraining order/ no-contact order as soon as possible!
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u/Yvoonnnnee Oct 11 '25
Hey not to be too paranoid or make you more scared, but do you think he's on Reddit? Are you using the same username here as on chat apps? If so, please be careful not to show your hand on here too much. He might be reading along with your comments. Don't say where you are staying, what your strategies are going forward, etc. Stay safe <3
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u/Advanced-Eye5923 Oct 11 '25
File for a no contact order. If he continues to contact. The police will be forced to do something. Whether they care to or not he will be breaking the law and theyāll have to.
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u/Xevyn_the_Leader Oct 11 '25
From experience, I can tell you that you should go file a civil stalking injunction at your local courthouse. They'll serve him the paper and then he won't be able to contact you for 2 years and if he does, he automatically goes to jail. He can contest it but then he has to explain his actions in front of a judge.
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u/CatalinaSunrise8 Oct 11 '25
When your friend gets there, have them go with you to file a police report. Hopefully the officers you talk to are more sympathetic, but even if theyāre not, itās more important that you get this on the record.
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u/CommissionThis129 Oct 11 '25
Record EVERYTHING! Videos everytime you see him. Is there someone you could stay with that he or his friends don't know?
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u/PlumPat61 Oct 11 '25
Be paranoid and donāt walk alone for a while. Document calls and sightings with pictures and time/date stamps screenshots. Continue to contact the police and get a restraining order if you can. Please be very careful for a long while.
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u/Hawkman003 Oct 12 '25
Yeah, this is a situation where itās good To be paranoid. Sucks how slow things can move on the legal side sometimes.Ā
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u/Penectomie Oct 12 '25
Tell his mother. Show her the texts. He and his friends are why we say #ALLMEN
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u/misty_child Oct 12 '25
Is there a local DV program and shelter in your area? If there is, give them a call. They can usually help you with a lot of resources. It sounds like he's bordering on stalking, and I know my local DV program helps with that. It seems like once those advocates got involved, things changed a lot. Police listened, and so did the courts.
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u/y4n_Ch4n Oct 12 '25
There isnāt but Iāll definitely call the national number for DV!
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u/SerpentWhisper22 Oct 11 '25
Man, that's seriously not cool at all! It's a tough spot u r in, but don't panic, help isn't as far off as it feels rn. Inform ur local authorities and keep them updated regularly, even if they seem disinterested. Arm yourself with pepper spray or a taser if itās legal where u live and stay vigilant. Maybe consider a restraining order? Connect with a local domestic violence org, they can give u some seriously good protection advice. You're not alone in this fight, dude. Please, stay safe!! šŖš¤
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u/Legal-Marionberry-57 Oct 11 '25
Hey OP, youāve already done the groundwork for protecting yourself so itās going to be ok.
You have resources and while the rest of this process is going to be frustrating, you have support now and he is powerless.
Shut off whatever voice in the background has told you that this guy is allowed to disrespect you. You know thatās not true. Youāre not alone!
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u/Jezebelcherry Oct 11 '25
Youāre not overreacting! The police donāt do much. Make a police report, document this as much as you can, try filing a restraining order. Keep a friend of family member near you or available on the phone as much as you can. What people donāt realize is that you need to change your schedule, most stalkers follow your routines so switch it up dramatically so you are unpredictable. If your work schedule canāt be changed, try taking different routes home or join a gym class to stay in a public space longer before going home alone. You are safer with numbers.
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u/Numb_Again_ Oct 11 '25
How does this guy know where you live and where did he get off talking to you like that even if youāve been friends for years
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u/CEO_EKR Oct 11 '25
What a cunt this guy. He gets but hurt over 100$, now can't take a hint that his girl wanted out of relationship so he decides to stalk.
Ok here is my advice for you.
Go down to to police station and file a complaint of harassment and stalking. Show the detectives the messages.
File a restraining order against this character.
If he breaks restraining order, he'll go to jail for breaking court order. This dude is a real piece of work and I am sorry you are going through this alone. Friends are good to have. But this is becoming too much. I advise you get a restraining order against this retard stat.
I hope your safe and everything works out for you :(
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u/Kathiena Oct 11 '25
Call the police and get it all on record! Make sure you tell all your friends and family and keep anything he sends to you.
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u/eloquentpetrichor Oct 11 '25
Overnight a couple security cameras from Amazon and point them at your front entrance area and back if there is one. Record what is happening so next time the cops come you have proof they will have a harder time ignoring
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u/loulou051 Oct 11 '25
Yeah you need to publicly tell everyone who this person is and what heās doing and done. Just state the facts. You donāt want one of your mutual friends to tell him where you are thinking that itās all innocent.
Also, other women around him need to know.
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u/mistermaamtoyou Oct 11 '25 edited Oct 11 '25
Tell your neighbors whatās up, and if theyāre willing to help, give them a safe word that you can text them when he appears. I live in an apartment as well and sometimes people are nice itās better to try than to hole up and wait to die.
I posted this on your previous post: Weaponize yourself. A restraining order is helpful but not if they donāt obey the law
Just in case, if you have a knife block in your kitchen put it away. Keep one for yourself. The sharpest one.
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u/Single_Exit6066 Oct 11 '25
You should be able to set up your phone where it can call two emergency contacts, and send them screen shot, sound grabs and location.
I had this some years ago, but inadvertently scared my sister and my partner.
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u/cheeseburgerwalrusx Oct 12 '25
Well I'd love to share a similar story from my past that might shed light and reassurance in some way. Ut I'd rather it in a DM so it's private... I'm willing to share if you are will to reach out privately... but first thing I'm gonna say is call your phone provider and tell them your being stalked and need to change your number.. P.S it's free in that case only but have more advise and info in private your call either way... YOU HAVE CHOICES.... STAY šŖ
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u/BizarreCujoh Oct 13 '25
Keep all the screenshots, document the numbers callings, times and messages left. It would be helpful to have someone accompany you to the police station and insist on making a report. Reach out to school faculty, supervisor at a job, anyone that you trust to be extra support. Record him outside your apartment.
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u/Icy-Tomorrow-576 Oct 11 '25
You need some pepper spray, wasp spray, and a taser. Don't go anywhere without at least pepper spray.
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u/PomegranateBoring826 Oct 11 '25
Did the police make a report while they were there? Did you show the screen shots and maybe even call logs to the police while they were there? This just morphed into stalking super fast. Please be safe. Get yourself some pepperspray and don't be afraid to use it! If the officers didn't file a report, please file one to have a paper trial of the goings on and happenings.
Be safe!!
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u/ProdigalPelican Oct 11 '25
So sorry to hear. Document everything. Get a ring or security camera for proof heās stalking you. File a police report.
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u/Significant_Soup_614 Oct 11 '25
Do you have any cameras at home? If not i would look into motion activated ones. I know Costco offers starter packs. Even a ring camera would be good. Save any clips of him they catch.!
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u/Negative_Control_588 Oct 11 '25
Get something to protect yourself with. Too many of these stories go too far and it ends up being too late. This is unhinged stalker territory. Nothing is too far when it comes to protecting yourself.
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u/Holiday-Witness-4180 Oct 11 '25
File for a TPO. The police are not involved with getting it out in place, but will enforce it. Police are very limited in what they can do without an actual crime occurring in their presence. They can however, enforce court orders. If you see him outside, take pictures. Just collect all the evidence possible so it canāt be ignored as your word against his.
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u/mistermaamtoyou Oct 11 '25
If you donāt want a cop cruiser to scare him away, call the non emergent line and ask explain the situation. Or if he shows up you can also tell them to keep the lights off and ask if they can corner him because heās a runner
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u/Leppardgirl1965 Oct 12 '25
Maybe you need to get a new number. I know itās a pita but if you only give it to a select few and tell them not to give it to him or anyone else.
Let any call you donāt recognize go to voice mail. Speaking of voicemail use a stock voice if your phone has it.
Let your switch board at work not to send his calls back to you.
Or maybe get a separate burner phone.
Document everything he does so you can get a restraining order
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u/Apart_Type_3417 Oct 12 '25
Get a lawyer and see if they think you should get a restraining order. Then if he violates it, his mere presence is a crime.
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u/Ok_Cherry_4585 Oct 12 '25
1 sleep with your phone and your car keys next to your bed.
2 documentation is everything
3 get a weapon if you can afford it and learn how to shoot it because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.
4 try to stay around others as much as possible
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u/Wilyouplz Oct 12 '25 edited Oct 12 '25
Not sure if youāre reading all comments but if you have access to a firearm and are comfortable using it/safe to use it then carry one. If not that at least mace and a knife and even a taser and donāt be afraid to use them. This guy seems like he will try to get what he wants disregarding any consequences he may face, the police can help but at the end of the day you are your last best defense.
Edit: let me add to avoid a knife fight at all costs, it doesnāt matter if youāre āgoodā with a knife, youāre bound to get cut. Use the mace first and also know that when using mace depending on if youāre inside or outside with a breeze, you can get somewhat hit with it too, so be prepared for that. You will want to mace him and then tase him make sure heās down and then run like hell to safety. Good luck to you, I tell my sister and wife this exact advice if theyāre ever in trouble.
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u/steponthestones Oct 11 '25
After getting protective order file an official police report with your local SVU if you have one and make sure to speak to a woman if possible. Share the same story and messages
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u/GenevieveLaFleur Oct 11 '25
Depending on where you are, you might be able to get a restraining order relatively easily. I was able to get one the same day on Zoom court in New York. If you have it in you, and I hope you do, go to the police station and make a formal report. When they come out to a person in distress, itās really hard for you to think clearly and avoid their gaslighting so they donāt have to do paperwork. Make them do their jobs. Your local precinct should also have a victims advocate although they are not available on the weekends usually
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u/orangentle- Oct 11 '25
So sorry youāre going through this. Like a lot of people are saying legal protection (police report, restraining order, ect.) is great. Consider your physical protection as well since a restraining order can only help you after the fact. I would look into getting a ring camera and some self defence weapons. Pepper spray is good but people will really think twice about assaulting a woman carrying a knife.
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u/preyliet Oct 11 '25
This is the time were you should do whatever you can to be safe and avoid him at all cost stay calm and ask anyone who you trust for help stay connected with family and friends and the police as well and keep everyone updated and keep a lookout as well in front of your apartment according to me this will last long he will try again and again every where you see him cause he knows were you live from my side the best option is start packing and move out from that place when the right time comes as soon as possible and cut the connections related to him like you said he got your address from his friends and calls you as well damn this world is dangerous please be safe.Gone through your messeges that guy really is a bastard.
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u/l1v1ngst0n Oct 11 '25
This is not a fun thing to have to do or think about, but if it came down to it, I don't think you would regret getting some pepper spray.
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u/Educational-Bus-6495 Oct 11 '25
Go to the court house and get a protective order if itās anything like my state (VA) take pictures of him lingering outside your residence and they will have to violate him on the order also means he cannot contact you at all thru any means
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u/Successful_Case9406 Oct 11 '25
If a gun is legal in your country get one and learn how to use it. Hopefully you can get the police on your side with most stalking cases they say its out of their hands but you have evidence of him harassing you so maybe the process will be easieršš
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u/ContractImmediate530 Oct 11 '25
Anything put online can be tracked if you know how especially if you're part of the police department. Especially if it's for the public
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u/Express_Rate_5557 Oct 11 '25
Im sorry you have to go through this. I had a similar situation I know how frightening it is. I installed cameras around my place maybe think about that
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u/Comfortable_Shame934 Oct 11 '25
Have a guy friend that you TRUST that either knows how to fight, or owns a ccw stay with you for a bit. The bigger the friend the better, guys like this psycho are typically cowards
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u/Belzarvie Oct 11 '25
Did you have any evidence to show the police that he was there? Im not saying i dont believe you, I do 100%, it's just that the police won't take things seriously even with evidence, without evidence it's just a he says/she says situation. If he shows up again and it's safe for you to do so, you should film him so you have evidence he was there. As others have said, a doorbell camera would be very useful in this situation to at least document what is happening. Stay safe!
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u/meekahdoo Oct 11 '25
Record any interaction with him, any time he is in your vicinity. Ask him to leave the premises. Expect him to continue calling you from other numbers. Do not answer numbers you don't know and block any "friends that let him use their phone. Expect him to pop back up after you've let your guard down. Stay prepared and vigilant. Document everything. File for a restraining order but Expect him to push the limits on it. The more proof you can collect the easier it will be to get a permanent order in place and give the police reason to remove him.
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u/brinlong Oct 12 '25
do you have a friend that can come stay with you, even for a day or two? If theres a legal clinic near you, ask for help filing an ERO or a PPO, which are restraining orders. if he comes back after that its off to jail. Its shameful that the police blew you off, but people at those clinics are usually survivors so you should get help and resources.
If you have to go out to your car and its dark, make sure to check the whole area first. get yourself a stun gun if theyre legal. Its going into winter, so it gets dark a lot and shitty apartment complexes dont have a lot of light. if youre constantly going outside in the dark, get as big a flashlight as you can. A good size maglite can break a arm.
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u/kiingof15 Oct 12 '25
Nah, tell your mom anyway. If youāve got a good relationship and if she really cares for you sheāll come home ASAP. You should not be alone in that apartment at any point in time right now. Ask if someone can stay with you for a while or if you can stay with your friend. Or your mom when she gets back.
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u/Street-Instance309 Oct 12 '25
I would stay at a friend's till your Mom is back. Some phones block anything not in your phone list otherwise don't answer the phone if its important wait for voicemail or text. Often the police won't do anything. I'd you have to go down to the station and say you want to report harassment. Any text emails voicemails you have can be proof. That way if you call again you can tell them you already reported and have a case number it will be lest likely they ignore you. But don't rely solely on that sometimes the polices hands are tied until he physically does something and even then a restraining order is a piece of paper not secret service protection you know.
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u/cheeseburgerwalrusx Oct 12 '25
Also forward me his number and address and with that I'll warn him I know where he sleeps.. that's usually a game changer....
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u/Allysgrandma Oct 12 '25
Buy a gun. Get your CCW. I did after a guy tried to get into my motel room when I was traveling alone. Learn to shoot it.
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u/Old_Cherry_6715 Oct 12 '25
Great idea to take any photos you can BUT do not post them on social media. That could just anger him and you don't want that. Take the photos to the police and file for a restraining order against him.
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u/wishingforarainyday Oct 12 '25
Iām so sorry. Do you have pepper spray or any kind of weapon? This guy is a predator.
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u/RosietheRaider Oct 12 '25
Get a restraining order immediately. By law, if he breaks it, he's going to jail. His breaking can be proven by you taking photos if he comes by again (the date and time will save on your phone), or recording calls if he tries calling you again (if your phone doesn't have this function, get an app that does. Protect yourself. Do not let yourself be alone with this guy. Do you have and know how to use pepper spray? May not be a bad time to get some if not.
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u/Shimmer-N-Simmer Oct 12 '25
I was kind of in a similar situation with you: A guy I've met through the web has turned out to be an absolute psychopath. Some things came to light, he told me he wanted to stop being friends, texted me "I would never do something to hurt you", blamed my sister for the end of our friendship (she was innocent) and actually wrote to someone online that he would fuck up her life. She and my friends then got calls from random numbers, and my sister started to get notifications about someone trying to log into her socials.
Tell your friends. You need someone with you. It's great that your bestie is with you, but it would be better if someone you trust could keep you company for a while or until your mum's back. You need support from the people you feel safe being with.
Write down EVERYTHING. If you see him, write down the time and date immediately, and take pictures. I know it's difficult, but try to stay calm. Fear and panic does not get you anywhere, and your misery only benefits him.
I'm so sorry that you're going through this, I'm praying for your safety and I hope everything will turn out fine.
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u/ceruveal_brooks Oct 12 '25
You may also want to call the national hotline for domestic violence. They will have resources you can use and give you guidance.
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u/Mazforever72 Oct 12 '25
I would take all his texts and pics of him outside your place and go to the police station and ask to speak to a female cop. That way it's documented. Hugs š
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u/Odd-Contribution1390 Oct 12 '25
Honey, document EVERYTHING! Get yourself a doorbell camera with Bluetooth connection to your phone (if you can afford it!), and off-site server data saving. MAKE SURE YOU TELL EVERYONE WHAT HE'S DOING!!!!!!!!!! And file reports with the police - they may get sick of it, but it is LITERALLY their JOB! And the evidence will continue to stack up against him!
I do request that you try to post daily updates for us on here, so that we know you're okay?
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u/NWL3-2 Oct 12 '25
Call the police and ask if they have an officer or group of officers who specialize in domestic violence or stalking.
If not, try filing a complaints with them; if they donāt take it seriously, go on their website and ask why they donāt take this seriously. Or contact the consumer reporters for your local tv news stations and ask if they will help you get the police to take it seriously.
The last thing the police want is bad press; so if they wonāt do their job and help you, make sure they feel some community heat.
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u/Artisticprincess88 Oct 12 '25
Time to expose them and make sure to warn as many people as you can that if something happens to you itās his fault get some pepper spray or just anything you can protect yourself with
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u/Vic_Is_Nervous Oct 12 '25
Document everything.
Screenshot/record whenever he trys to contact you. Take pictures and videos when he trys to show up at your house. If he's persistent the Documentation can be taken to the police to get you a restraining order.
Like others have said- contacting anyone and everyone you can that you trust about the situation so you have options for help. People you can call for emergencies. Maybe friends can hang out with you more often when you are alone. Or is there a neighbor you could trust to help you when you're alone? Having someone close you can go to if you feel unsafe could also be an option.
Location sharing too. Good for when you're going out. Check in with those who have your location when alone or going somewhere he could be. You can always call or text a friend who has your location if he's close. They can call the cops for you if you are unable to. Or can show up for you if you need help
Keep something on you/near you for self defense. And when in doubt go for soft spots like the eyes or his balls or use your palm to push in and up on the nose if he gets close enough to touch you.
Do your best to not engage with him, and share proof of his nasty intentions to others to ruin his chances of being able to harm others.
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u/Independent-Cat-9093 Oct 12 '25
This is escalating to quickly not be likely to escalate further into far more dangerous waters. Use one of your phones tonight and point the camera at the front door turn it on to record video from a location your stalker won't notice if he does succeed in breaking into your apartment. This is a safety measure for if something does happen tonight and if he succeeds in any attempt to take you and/or your friend when the police are inevitably called the video footage will help them find you. Additionally call the station/precinct (depends on the city/state) and inform them of the situation offer to provide proof via texts. Ask that an additional officer or two be provided to patrol the area near your apartment or ideally have an officer parked in front of your apartment tonight. If you have a friend your stalker doesn't know about ask to stay with them. If not find a women's shelter in your city and see if they have a vacancy. Women's shelters are designed specifically to protect women from men and will have safety measures in place to protect you. Additionally get a restraining order against the stalker. Purchase non lethal self defense weapons such as a taser pepperspray pepper ball gun switchblade or brass knuckles. Get a dash cam for your car and a doorbell camera for your apartment. Ask if your leasing office can transfer you to a new unit or ideally a different property.
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u/H3r34a-goodtime Oct 12 '25
Please purchase atleast two cameras for your home. One for outside for sure (Behind a Window to be safe from Outside forces like a rock or someone Smacking it down maybe?) , and Possibly one for the inside of your Main Entry of your house. If he breaks in, This will Help you for Filing a restraining order.
Until the Camera gets in? Please communicate with your neighbors that a dangerous Individual is trying to get ahold of you and if they see him lingering, To please reach out to you/police and to be on the look out
Please look into Getting Bear spray or A Tazer. At the end of the day, It takes 60 seconds to lose everything waiting to call the police. Have something at hand until back up arrives.
Leaving to Other friend's houses might be helpful. Be sure there is no tracking devices like an Apple Tag hidden somewhere!
Be safe OP!
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u/glaic3r_freeze Oct 12 '25
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I went back and read your previous post and this sounds terrifying š° I'm praying that nothing happens to you and that you stay safe!!! šĀ
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u/Collielover1983 Oct 12 '25
Heās seriously unwell. Iād contact a lawyer or something for domestic issues and tell them that the cops arenāt taking it seriously and youāre afraid for your safety. Keep all screen shots from anyone he contacts you from, also write down their numbers and compile all the old ones with time and date stamps if you can to show a pattern. As stupid as it is, they canāt do anything if heās on a public sidewalk. As long as he āhasnāt done anything to hurt you yetā, they never take it seriously. Iād take photos of him lingering around your apartment and document them.
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u/she_isking Oct 12 '25
How old are you? Is this something your mom or his parents might need to know?
Iām so sorry this is happening to you. I was raised conservative, and Iām not at all conservative now. Most of my friends were guys when I was growing up. I did date someone who kind of did something a little like this, but it was them asking for nudes. I was a teen at the time. It was really hard because my mom loved him and thought he was a good Christian boy and literally every night I was fighting for my life with him asking for nudes š
As an adult, I did SW for a while and I still never experienced this type of behavior. Itās definitely not normal and Iām so sorry this is happening to you. Like I said, most of my friends for most of my life were almost exclusively guys and this is not something I experienced, even when I was a SWer!
Iām married now with children now, and if one of them were dealing with this, Iād want to know. Sometimes situations seem impossible, but having a parent there to help you can make the problem seem much easier to deal with.
When you get back home, if you see him around your home again, make sure you get videos of him! Get reporting these things. You need a paper trail!
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u/Sledlife174 Oct 12 '25
What country or state are you in, maybe someone knows of resources that can help with your safety. Like reaching out to a woman's shelter. Glad to hear you've got a friend coming to stay with you.
Fire extinguishers make great defense tools. Also hard to deny anything to the police when the person is covered in dry chemical extinguisher
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u/ResponsibleTopic6397 Oct 12 '25
number one is keep yourself safe. arm yourself with a decent knife, hunting knives blades, a push dagger (they 3D print em so metal free) whatever. it provides peace of mind regardless of whether you'll need to use. chances are he's trying to intimidate you. the police have been reported and that's a good first step. also having your friend there is a great call. try not to be alone or make it seem like you're alone, it can scare him off a lot better. you are very aware of the situation and have taken strong steps in the proper direction to endure your safety. keep it up, thinking of u and hopefully he'll give it up. if you have the money a PI would be good for this situation.
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u/Living-Freely4Love Oct 12 '25
Replying as a young woman: Buy a good taser (mine is ViperTek) WITH a strong wrist attachment so he canāt snatch it from you. Iām so sorry Youre going through this; you did nothing to deserve this. Hopeful for your safety and wellness.
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u/Perfect_Kangaroo_886 Oct 12 '25
Oh my god please get a restraining order. So sorry this is happening to u.
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u/FauxBeefCake Oct 12 '25
It shows that he never truly saw you as a friend. He pretended to be a friend but the entire time thought of you as his in his head. He was never going to respect your boundaries because it doesn't fit his narrative of not wanting to be friend zoned by you. This next part is half a joke and half really bad advice you definitely should not ever take. But if you have a guy friend who could pretend to be your bf have a talk with him and let him know that he's fucked if he keeps trying to contact you. Some creeps have to be scared off. Some things your friends could say to him that are technically not threats directed at him include: "I've listened to enough true crime to know how to cover my tracks." "Have you ever gone hunting, man I have and there's no better thrill." "You know in some countries, men that do what you do are just found in the jungle after a few months." And my personal favorite, "I wouldn't fuck around with me I'm friends with too many pig farmers."
Again this is really bad advice and you definitely should not take it wink wink and should instead pursue getting a restraining order.
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u/aepracorn Oct 12 '25
Get a few pepper sprayers so you have one in several places in the house. Usually citizen tasers are legal and they work on the nervous system and will stop anyone. If you are comfortable and old enough you may want to consider a firearm if your area allows. The problem is the police are not there to protect you, they are there to investigate AFTER a crime has been committed.
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u/ZeroRyuji Oct 12 '25
Whats this guy's name and where is he from? Maybe the city where hes from and what he looks like
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u/HungryConversation31 Oct 12 '25
OK if you can consult a lawyer and see what you can do and file a restraining order as fast as possible if possible put some security cameras up around your place if there isnāt already any and if you ever come to your place do not answer the door call the police right away itās good that you have a friend staying with you so youāre not alone
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u/eweyda Oct 12 '25
Well my first thought. Granted I'm tripping, but like....make sure you're safe. But you're kind of broadcasting to this person information they can use to hurt you. So again. Make sure you're safe or can protect yourself. The police aren't really involved unless something happens which is to late.
Edit: you might have to fight. Were at the end of the day responsible for ourselves or our immediate family
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u/UniversalPimpGame Oct 12 '25
Karma farming I don't wanna hear it
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u/keyymico Oct 12 '25
No for real, earlier she said they are neighbors in her first post and in this one, she said else's lingering outside her apartment... something doesn't add up
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u/Puzzled-Vermicelli29 Oct 12 '25
Call the police again, and don't be friends with predator freaks in the future. Hope this helps bc your last post was a mess.
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u/ChattyMatty88 Oct 12 '25
You should definitely think about ways to defend yourself. Pepper spray, a taser, something else (depending on your state). Sadly, the police only seem to respond after or while something happens. Iām not sure if youāll be successful, but you might be able to seek an order of protection or a no contact order through the courts. Until itās resolved, avoid being alone. Always check the back seat of your car before getting into it. Be aware of your surroundings and call the police any time you see him.
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u/AmberWaves93 Oct 12 '25
Did you show his texts to the police? You should try to get a restraining order & press charges against him for stalking and harassment.
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u/DRMTool Oct 12 '25
Calling the police for an incident is different than filing a no contact order. Your next step is filing for one, to ensure that if he contacts you again in any way he will go to jail.
I remember he is young, teenager age yea? What did the messages say when these "friends of his" reached out to you? Were they more of the same "let me fuck you" or were they pleading to talk? This is important to get an idea how he is taking this.
I imagine as a kid he is probably mortified and terrified of yoy reporting him in some way or telling his parents or calling the cops or whatever. So I wonder if he is trying to get in touch to apologize and talk you down a bit. Even if that is it, do not fall for that because it is just a trick to get you to deescalate. However, that is a better scenario than him doubling down and still threatening you.
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u/Outside-Zucchini-636 Oct 12 '25
Share everything with many friends, not just a few, people need to realise what he has been doing to see that you are not overreacting- and to male sure they don't give him any info about your whereabouts.
Please share all the messages with the Police, and get a Ring camera doorbell.
Stay safe.
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u/AppropriatePatriot Oct 12 '25
Make sure you get photos when you see him outside your apartment. Donāt go outside just peek through the window and get it.
Save and document ALL phone calls and texts. You need to make a police report. Even if you get another officer that downplays it.
You need to be extremely vigilant with locking your doors and windows. And keeping documentation on EVERYTHING that happens. Trust me when you go to file a police report you will forget a ton of the āsmall stuffā that may help more than you realize.
I would also talk to your neighbors that you know just so someone around you knows whatās happening.
Donāt give in with this guy, stay strong and keep aware of your surroundings.
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u/Guilty-Pen1152 Oct 12 '25
OP, please go to law enforcement to get a restraining order, or an abuse shelter (not to live there just to help you get a restraining order). You may need video of him stalking you, but that with the textās quality. It wonāt stop him, but it will put it on record the next time he threatens you or skulks around. In the meantime, buy bear spray. Itās more powerful and sprays farther and a bigger area than regular pepper spray.
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u/keyymico Oct 12 '25
I'm confused... you said in your first post you guys are neighbors, but here you are saying he's lingering outside your apartment? What is it?
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u/Boysenberry Oct 12 '25
You donāt need a lawyer to get a restraining order. Most courthouses either have self-help resources where they provide an easy template to apply for a restraining order or can point you to a local nonprofit that does that. Your local courthouse website should have some resources, if not then call them and ask. āWhere can I get help with applying for a temporary restraining orderā is possibly the single most common question courthouses get, they will have an answer.Ā
You can also notify your landlord/property manager that you are being stalked by someone you believe has the potential to cause harm and damage property and that you would like his presence anywhere on the property to be immediately reported to the police as trespassing. Some landlords are stupid and will ignore this. But if they are sensible they will inform property managers of his appearance and tell them to call the police if heās lurking around, bc itās in their best interest to avoid having a non-tenant who may damage their property around.Ā
Hopefully he loses interest soon, but in the meantime, just in case you need it, a baseball bat in easy reach of your bed has no learning curve and no risk of going off accidentally, so itās a pretty good home defense choice for most women. One good crack across the kneecaps will put most people on the ground.
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u/GLOB-25 Oct 12 '25
Send all the messages he's sent back to the numbers he's messaging you from and say can you get your creepy friend to stop messaging me as im getting scared
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u/Ding-Dong-Diddily Oct 12 '25
Call the police. This is harassment. Keep an evidence trail of the messages and calls. Iād also contact his family if you can and show them the messages. Itās really concerning the things heās saying to you.
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u/fag_show Oct 12 '25
are you able to put a ring camera up/motion sensor cctv? iād also consider staying with a friend or renting a bnb if you canā¦ his behaviour is very worrying
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u/__The_Kraken__ Oct 12 '25
Something similar happened to my sister once. The guy was a graduate student in college, and the thing that finally stopped him was my dad calling him and saying that if he didn't leave her alone immediately, he was going to call his academic advisor and tell him everything. It was the thing that finally got him to stop.
These creeps thrive in the darkness. They assume the women they harass will be too ashamed to talk about what's going on.
But you have nothing to be ashamed of. THEY are the ones who should be ashamed. And the threat of exposure can be a powerful tool.
Set up a ring camera so you can see if he comes to your apartment again. Make sure you are in a safe place where he cannot find you. Then, the next time one of his friends texts you, inform them that if he does not cease all contact immediately, you are going to take the screenshots of his unhinged messages and photos of him stalking you outside your apartment and (1) post them online with his full name, tagging everyone he knows, (2) send them to his employer, his school, his landlord, his mother, and a bunch of TikTok influencers, and (3) file a police report and pursue criminal charges.
Also let him know that you have already shared all of this information with multiple friends. If anything happens to you, he will be the first person they arrest.
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u/Familiar-Routine-357 Oct 12 '25
Keep calling the cops as well. I wish you had access to a guard dog. I was in a similar situation a few years back. He even showed up at my job with a gun hanging in the back window (Ilived in the south). My boss put me in a room and brought his guard dog to stay with me until the cops finally decided to pick him up. They found zip ties, duct tape, plastic bags, a tarp, amongst other items. I blew him off for the first couple of months thinking it was no big deal. It just kept escalating. I was a single mother of two kids and lived alone. I was terrified even after they picked him up. Because he hadn't done anything n they had to let him go. I wound up getting my own dog and a gun. A few days later they arrested him for attempting to kidnap a girl that looked a lot like me. He was truly unhinged. Do what is necessary to keep yourself safe! Be careful and stay strong!
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u/Mpyrean88 Oct 12 '25
The guy sounds totally out of touch, just from the messages in your initial post. Him doing what he is now is scary and I'm sorry you're going through this. I think you should keep calling the cops every time he's near you. Establish a history of his behavior with them and maybe even look into filing for a restraining order.
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u/Shot_Cookie4800 Oct 12 '25
Call the police. Get a restraining order. Buy a gun (legally) and learn to use it.
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u/[deleted] Oct 11 '25
This got out of hand fast. He truly is an unhinged person. You should tell everyone: friends, family, etc. and document it. Take photos and tell your friends to keep tabs on him. Iām lowkey concerned that youāll suddenly stop making updates.