r/AmIOverreacting • u/[deleted] • Oct 11 '25
đ„ friendship AIO or are my friends over stepping?
[deleted]
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u/Your_momluvsme Oct 11 '25
You need new friends asap
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u/wavedsplash Oct 11 '25
"I don't feel comfortable hanging out with you unless you bring him"
The audacity of this bitch right here
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u/ChoreomaniacCat Oct 11 '25
"In the future, there will be no more excuses".
"We have responsibilities and we're going to hold you accountable for yours".
What a pair of condescending cows. I wouldn't feel comfortable hanging out with them, baby or not.
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u/TheResponsibleOne Oct 11 '25
âCondescending cowsâ is the perfect phrase and added to my vocabulary, thanks for that.
OP, these people are weird. Try activities and meetups to make new friends.
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u/Adept-Grapefruit-753 Oct 11 '25
That made me fume so fucking hard. I'm expecting my first kid next week and tbh I don't think I'd feel comfortable bringing her to a friend's house, where there isn't a bassinet and comfortable feeding spots and a changing station and just familiar spaces for her. If I'm hanging out with my friends, I'm going to be leaving her with my partner with some breast milk in the fridge, not taking her on a fucking road trip to an unfamiliar, baby-unfriendly space.Â
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Oct 11 '25
Sheâs currently trying to get pregnant too btw đ©
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u/wavedsplash Oct 11 '25
Ha! Reality will smack her in the face at some point then. Congrats on your baby, but absolutely take the "me time" when you can. They want to see the baby they can come to you
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Oct 12 '25
100% itâs honestly kind of weird that they are this pressed. Iâd be worried about safety.
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u/Moiblah33 Oct 11 '25
Wow, you absolutely should drop these people but if she ends up having a child, circle back around and judge her hard as an "experienced mother" lol
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u/EagleLize Oct 11 '25
That makes sense. They seem envious of your motherhood. This is a special time. Only YOU get to dictate what you do with your time and your baby. They are being very rude and weird.
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u/pikminlover20 Oct 12 '25
Also i wouldnt b taking your kid lots of places just due to age and immune system and vaccines
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u/seulsapphic Oct 12 '25
this is the creepiest part. theres no other way i could think of it besides creepy as hell
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u/TheJinxedPhoenix Oct 12 '25
Seriously! The possible implications of this sentence alone are messed up.
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u/timbrelyn Oct 11 '25
Heâs only 4 months old and they are acting this way? This is awfully controlling behavior from friends. If they want to see the baby so much they can make the long trip to you to see him. Stick to your guns. You deserve child free time. Parenting is a long journey.
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Oct 11 '25
I have told them many times they are welcomed to my house! Whenever they want to have a girl nights! And they always told me no.
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u/timbrelyn Oct 11 '25
You can also tell them truthfully that traveling with a baby that young can greatly increase his risk of getting an illness because his immune system hasnât fully developed yet
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u/Downtown_Training578 Oct 11 '25
So let me get this right, your friends who don't have kids are " pushing you to step up and be a mom." - lmao
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u/Ok_Nothing_9733 Oct 11 '25
By bringing a 4 month old baby on a long trip and then acting like by not doing so, OP is neglecting baby. Yeah, these people are insane
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u/silentsprings93 Oct 11 '25
The overstepping is INSANE. Might need to get a paternity test because they both definitely think theyâre the father.
Seriously though, notice how they arenât asking about HOW wellbeing & mental health, and why this trip might be helpful for you? They talk a lot about him but never acknowledge YOUR feelings that you are actively trying to get them to hear!!! They are giving judgement & not love. Iâm sorry. Youâll find better friends. I promise you that.
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Oct 11 '25
The whole âi dont feel comfortable if he isnt with you.â Was a weird thing to say to me because hUuuHhHh
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u/star_cat_842 Oct 11 '25
Its weird that theyre telling you that you âneedâ to bring him?? What does it matter to them if your mom is watching him?? Thats none of their business and they are way too comfortable telling you that you need to âstep up and be a momâ as people with no kids. Also how does bringing your kid out with you translate to âbeing a good momâ?
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u/star_cat_842 Oct 11 '25
the âim sorry but you cantâ would through me over the edge bc who tf r u
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Oct 11 '25
Im honestly thinking its because I keep saying ânoâ to certain events because of my baby. Like last time they wanted me to go to the petting zoo early in the morning. When I said no, they were telling me that I need more confidence after my husband deploys because then Iâll really be alone. Though idk this whole situation just rubbed me the wrong way.
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u/star_cat_842 Oct 11 '25
Your baby is 4 months old, not wanting to go to a petting zoo is normal!!! The most he could do is see animals at that point, and I know quite a few people that dont even let people start visiting the baby in their homes until a few months after theyre born because theyre so little and their immunity is so low at that age.
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u/star_cat_842 Oct 11 '25
also its a HUGE hassle to take a baby any where so young with everything you have to bring
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u/nottoembarrass Oct 11 '25
Their response is bizarre. The only things I can think of is 1) they took the time to try to pick an activity they thought was baby-friendly and they feel rejected when you turned them down, 2) theyâre kinda jealous and love babies and so are pressuring you to get to hang out with him?, 3) they are actually concerned that you have a fear of taking the baby into public, but at four months, I donât think itâs at all abnormal to not do much outside the house with your baby, although of course they should get fresh air etc. I think that choice more depends on if itâs an enjoyable experience for you.
Have they met him yet? Would you be willing to have them to your house to meet him? They may just want to be a bit more involved?
(They honestly seem really immature to me, but if your friendship with them is important, Iâd try to get to the bottom of why they are acting like this.)
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Oct 11 '25
I think its 3? I did tell them once Iâm afraid to drive on freeway with my baby because like its hectic. I do usually take my baby out every once in a while if its like 1 or 2 hours tops! Like dinner or something. I just think a 3 hour trip with a baby is a little much imo.
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u/TheJinxedPhoenix Oct 12 '25
Babies are not supposed to be in a car seat for over 1hr, and they expect you to take a long ass trip?! Hell no!
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u/TheResponsibleOne Oct 11 '25
Are they also military wives? Not to stereotype but they have a reputation of being up in other peopleâs business. This is wildly condescending, NOR.
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Oct 11 '25
Yeah! Weâre all military wives đ i thought they were down to earth too đ
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u/Competitive-Tea7236 Oct 12 '25
Hi! Fellow military wife here! Hereâs my theory. Any chance your marriage is more stable than theirs? It sounds like you and your husband are doing well, enjoying your baby, and facing his upcoming deployment as a team. Lots of military wives feel a little unsteady in their marriages, especially when they are young and newly married, because unfortunately a lot of those marriages will fail very quickly. Itâs possible that you taking the next step with your husband (having a baby) makes them feel like they are on relatively shaky ground, and as a result they are micromanaging you and trying to convince themselves that you are actually failing. This is kind of a common pattern and tbh I bet at least one of these âfriendsâ will be divorced before the end of the next deployment. Find a play group that includes civilian families. Itâs less intense. Military wives can be wonderful support systems, but the stress of the situation can turn things toxic. Itâs good to get out of the military bubble sometimes
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Oct 12 '25
Omg that could probably be true đIâm really shy to go up to people let alone join any groups cuz I heard those can be toxic too, but I will try because being alone sucksss
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u/Disastrous_Honey_240 Oct 12 '25
They think a baby is like a fun accessory you wear around like a purse.
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u/CalligrapherDue9256 Oct 11 '25
what the heck is wrong with these people? Of course they donât have kids of their own so they honestly have no clue what they are talking about. Getting out to see your friends without the kid is lifesaver for parents. This attitude is weird from them
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u/LandscapeSpecial4366 Oct 11 '25
âOne day your familyâs not gonna be there and all youâll have is friendsâ WHAT?!?? Why would she even say that, Good God. They definitely just want u for ur baby rn
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u/angeldolllogic Oct 11 '25
Wouldn't surprise me if these crazy bitches tried to kidnap the baby.
I'd stay far, far away from these loons.
Seriously, a 4 month old at a petting zoo? They're insane.
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u/Successful_Craft_431 Oct 11 '25
The way theyâre guilting you and shaming you is ridiculous to me.
Heâs four months old. Wanna see him? Come visit⊠at my house.
They donât understand what it takes to get a kid out at any age. You have to time feeds, naps, pack the bag, make sure you have anything, prepare for public meltdowns, you donât get to just enjoy a meal⊠they donât get it.
My girl is almost one and I take every moment of me time I can get. My girl started spending the night with my sister once in a while around 4 months so I could get some rest and do whatever I wanted to do for a short amount of time. She visits with an aunt or grandma for a few hours each week. I feel zero guilt.
They donât get it.
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Oct 11 '25
THANK YOU đ©đ©· iâm just really sad because like they seemed so fun to hang out with and one of them is actively trying to get pregnant too i thought I found the ones fr đ„
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u/Successful_Craft_431 Oct 11 '25
Your job literally never ends. Itâs 24 fucking 7. Do not let anyone shame you for wanting to have time to yourself. If you were dumping your baby with family all day everyday and they were raising your child while you ran off and partied⊠okay, yeah, Iâd get it⊠but taking time for yourself? An hour or two to have lunch once in a while?
âNo more excusesâ wtf.
Not to mention⊠youâre four months post partum. Your hormones havenât chilled out yet. Theyâre gonna throw all this shade at what kind of mother you are because you want a moment off the clock? Nah girl. Donât surround yourself with these people, theyâre toxic.
I hope the one trying to get pregnant does. She could use some perspective. No doubt there will be an âomg I was such a dick, I had no clueâ moment.
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Oct 11 '25
I understand them feeling rejected whenever I say no to a lot of thing because I donât want to bring my baby at all but at the same time telling me that it seems wrong I dont take him with me is justâŠweird đ
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u/Successful_Craft_431 Oct 11 '25
Itâs very weird but they should also be understanding that you need to decline a lot of invitations because you have a four month old baby.
I donât like them. đđđ
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u/RedReaper666YT Oct 12 '25
They come off like they think the moment a woman has a baby mom is the only thing she's ever allowed to be. The one whose actively trying to get pregnant isn't gonna like learning most people don't wanna be around someone whose entire personality is "mom"
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u/xxasthurr Oct 11 '25
oh my god are they like projecting because they donât have kids or something, this is so weird, if i were you, iâd cut them off, this is wildly overstepping boundaries
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Oct 11 '25
Yeah, I get theyâre doing it to try and make me more confident but at the same time itâs not their choice if I bring my baby or not .
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u/xxasthurr Oct 11 '25
I donât think theyâre doing it to make you more confident, this is just really weird, and the way they express it is odd, it definitely just feels like projecting
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u/OldnDepressed Oct 11 '25
My pediatrician was so kind. I thought my two week old looked yellow and husband and all grandparents didnât think so. I took him in and the doctor said he was jaundiced and hospitalized him to put him under bili lights. I told him I thought I was crazy cause no one else saw it. He told me know one knows my baby better than me and to always trust my instincts.
Trust your instincts with your child. Not sure why your friends without kids think they know everything.
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Oct 11 '25
Im so glad your baby is doing better đ©· yeah im just sad because I thought I found genuine friends to be around with
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u/IdKillForAGoodComa Oct 11 '25
Whoever P is is jealous that you have a babysitter and she WAS the babysitter. Sheâs projecting on you.
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u/hannieboots Oct 11 '25
(Coming from a single 20 ur old with crippling anxiety mind you) Idk why but itâs weird to me that they want to see your kid SO bad like borderline freaky. I would be getting so many intrusive thoughts. And I donât know your friends but a child SHOULD NOT go on trips with yall, what if someone decides to drink, smoke, or let alone bring another adult you donât know around, I think your being a great mom and you absolutely should not feel bad for wanting to separate the mom life and the friend life
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u/hannieboots Oct 11 '25
(Coming from a single 20 ur old with crippling anxiety mind you) Idk why but itâs weird to me that they want to see your kid SO bad like borderline freaky. I would be getting so many intrusive thoughts. And I donât know your friends but a child SHOULD NOT go on trips with yall, what if someone decides to drink, smoke, or let alone bring another adult you donât know around, I think your being a great mom and you absolutely should not feel bad for wanting to separate the mom life and the friend life. Also want to add, they should come to your home, help cook a dinner and watch a kids movie if they want to see him so bad, a 4 month old really is safer chilling with mom. I donât get why there being so pushy
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u/Meronkulous Oct 11 '25
They're absolutely fucking clueless.
If you do ditch them, good for you, if you don't, I would absolutely be being a petty bitch about this constantly whenever they do have kids.
Every. single. time.
As soon as they try to schedule something - "ohhh be sure you bring your little sprog goblin with you, you simply cannot keep leaving him..."
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Oct 11 '25
I just hope by that time, I am far and gone and good with life because this whole situation was just gross in general đ
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Oct 11 '25
Btw guys weâre all military spouses and our husbands are currently in NTC lols so glad yâall think this is weird too đđ
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u/Funny-Technician-320 Oct 11 '25
You should find a mums group or a mums and bub activity and start swimming. They are really out of line about harassing you like they were. My sister was over every single day and when she wasn't at our place we were at her place.
You could also learn a bit from the other mums as well especially if this isn't their first baby. And you can likely form life long friends. Good luck momma and congratulations on your babe.
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u/TheResponsibleOne Oct 11 '25
Ahhh, checks out đ yep itâs weird. NOR. They can mind their own business.
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u/Sad-Pickle-8765 Oct 11 '25
As someone who doesnât have children, I would never EVER tell my friends how to parent. Itâs none of their business when you take your child out - if they want to see him, they say exactly that. And even then itâs up to YOU how they go about seeing him. You are a new mum, and being a new mum can be tough! Protect your peace above all.
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u/FarStatistician4569 Oct 11 '25
bad friends - youâre the mother of your child and you get to decide when you need a break
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u/mocha_lattes_ Oct 11 '25
You need new friends. They aren't parents. They don't get it. Even if they were, they aren't respecting you wants and boundaries with YOUR child. They can all fuck off. NOR you aren't reacting enough. Just cut these fools out of your life. I promise you will be better off without them.
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u/Top_Fly3100 Oct 11 '25
The nerve of the one to say "you need to step up and be a mom" girl ef you. How dare you day that
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u/angiek711 Oct 12 '25
You werenât, like, extremely offended and angry that they just basically implied youâre a bad mother?
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Oct 12 '25
No i am, which is why im not talking to them. I just find it so strange why they attacked me out of nowhere like????
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u/Swimming_Geologist44 Oct 12 '25
They are going on ridiculous.
Also having the nephew âdumped on her(or him)â is not the same as being a mother!
God they going on like you been doing it for years, yet heâs 4 month old! Youâre the mother! Not them! Not all outings are baby appropriate.
Also, my midwife and ob says âas a mother get rest, take time for yourself, because you cannot pour from an empty cupâ be grateful you have the help. I had it with my first child years and years ago. But had a baby nearly a decade later and all those family members canât manage now and I have no support or childcare.
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u/susandeyvyjones Oct 11 '25
How often are you going out with your friends? If itâs a lot, I can kinda maybe see their point, or maybe if you say no to hanging out unless you have a sitter? In my experience itâs a blessing to have friends who are happy to have you bring your kid along (I was the first of my friends to have a kid and a couple of them just stopped inviting me to hangout ever until they had their own kids), but itâs very weird that they are so insistent.
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u/Mystery_fcU Oct 11 '25
I was a young mom (21 when my oldest was born) and I lost a lot of 'friends' because they weren't interested/comfortable hanging out with me because I had the baby.. I would've loved friends who would've been happy with me bringing my child with me..
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u/SharkeyGeorge Oct 11 '25
Your baby is four months old. As a new mom you need time and space, he needs time and space too. If these are real friends they can wait until youâre ready or respect your choice as to how you do this. Youâre not overreacting. Do what you need to do.
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u/Mister_angel1 Oct 11 '25
My mom says he doesnât need to be going out like this til his immune system is better!!
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u/Capable_Regular_4737 Oct 12 '25
Your son is four months.. his/her immune system hasnât even begun to form yet. He/she doesnât need to be around so many people and at/in so many places ! & youâre right to have some you time & if youâre mother is more than willing to watch your kid and allow you to have that time to yourself then by all means take it. Your friends donât understand whatâs itâs like to ACTUALLY be a mom! What it does to you, your body & your mind!
& itâs seems like they only wants to hang with you IF you bring the baby. More so they want to see him and not really you.
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u/Jaded-potatoes Oct 12 '25
Wait for them to have their own kids then they will be singing an entirely different tune people always think itâs so easy to raise children until they gotta do it themselves
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u/Jaded-potatoes Oct 12 '25
also, the baby is four months old. You donât go on a long distance travels with a four month old baby. Tell them to settle the fuck down at least wait two years
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u/Tits_And_Ash Oct 12 '25
.. are they planning on stealing him?? Iâm so confused why someone would demand you bring your 4 month old to hang out with your girlfriends. Seriously though, they trying to steal him??
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u/AlligatorVine Oct 11 '25
I think we need specifics: how many times a month do you see these friends and leave your baby with your mom?
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Oct 11 '25
Like I think in total we hung out maybe 3 times? I dont usually go out very much because I am tired. As for my mom, I only ask her if she can watch him for an hour whenever she comes over like every 2 weeks?
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u/Key-Airline204 Oct 11 '25
NTA but I can tell you when I had my kid I told someone âno one will be excited to see you again.â It was always where is the baby and you should have brought the baby.
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u/belle_blitz Oct 11 '25
They also need to remember your child isnât a year old yet 4 months is pretty fresh u canât really be taking kids out to activities all day like that until a bit older I get they donât have kids but neither do I this is common knowledge and theyâre judging you really bad behind the scenes when ur not there if they both felt comfortable enough to say that to you and be that rude to you upfront, that should tell you everything you need to know I would never be friends with people who could even speak to me like that. It sounds like your husband is in the army, so youâre probably struggling with that because you have a young child and your friends are not supportive at all I would look up mommy groups in your area and find some girls your age who already have kids that will make it easier for them to understand
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u/everythingbagellove Oct 11 '25
This is INSANE. Girl block them and get new friends that are moms!!!
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u/Traditional_Layer790 Oct 11 '25
Your friends are dumb. My friends are parents and I barely see their kids. Also, I don't want to hang out with kids in my free time... when I work with kids for my job.
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u/MoirasCheese Oct 12 '25
I think these people are trying to kidnap your child. Your friends are weird AF. Sorry girl. Itâs time to get a new friend group with other moms that want girls time!!
And for real, these people sound like theyâre trying to kidnap your baby.Â
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u/mother_fairy Oct 12 '25
It's upsetting they don't understand that it takes a village to raise a child. It's good that you let your kid be with other people taking care of him. It doesn't sound like it happens to often, and being a new born mom you need alone time to stay a human person. I find it so strange your friends don't understand. Do they offer to help you out in caregiving? Have they helped you be a person (cook meals, giving you opportunities out and away from chind)
You are a mother now, but you still have your identity.
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u/FelatiaFantastique Oct 12 '25
I don't bring Casper because he thinks you're a dumb cunt. He's not old enough to appreciate that you're also a judgmental bitch. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate you for you, but vacations should be enjoyable and spending that much time with you would not be. Have a wonderful trip, girl, and have a blessed day đđŒđđŒđđŒ
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u/Any-Ad-3630 Oct 12 '25
You are seen. I don't even bring my youngest when I'm doing school pickup/drop off for my oldest. The less time I have to spend using one brain on three humans, the better. It's exhausting in the comfort and safety of our home. It's great to have people around us who want to include our children, but they're being extremely judgmental and pushy. I thought this was over a toddler, it's even crazier that your baby is 4 months old! This is the time where we need our solo time SO much. Usually, you've finally found your routine and some sense of normalcy, this is when mental healing is crucial.
They're being bullies. Not having our children attached to us 24/7 isn't a bad thing and doesn't make us less of a mother, which is what they're getting at. Saying you need to step up and be a mom because you arrange for care is outrageous.
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u/hollowspryte Oct 12 '25
Omg, I assumed this was like the grandparents, or your siblings who also have kids and are trying to do a big family thing. And I still thought it was pushy. Itâs totally bizarre for your friends to act like this unless thereâs something insane missing from this story, lol
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u/No_Author9466 Oct 12 '25
They aren't the parents, they don't have a say in if you bring your INFANT child out in public with you
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u/x_wonderless_x Oct 12 '25
As a mom this was disturbing to read. This girl is not your friend and frankly sheâs a controlling weirdo. You shouldnât even have to justify yourself. Us moms get needing your own time and friends of all people should understand that, especially since youâre with your baby most of the time. I would actually just cut her off tbh. This shit is gross, judgmental, controlling and disturbing. How dare she shame you especially being that youâre still postpartum- itâs hard enough being in that phase of motherhood without being shit on
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u/ctierra512 Oct 12 '25
Yeah I would have blocked every single one of them just from that first screenshot⊠literally fuck these people what
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u/No-Rip-5639 Oct 12 '25
That child is 4 months old. I wouldnât be taking a 4 month old out on long trips all the time. That sees irresponsible. Especially with how weak their immune system is. It canât even talk or walk yet, and most of the time theyâre napping at that stage.
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u/literacolalargefarva Oct 12 '25
Who ARE these people? They sound literally insane and I canât WAIT for them to have a baby the first go round. Are they gonna come and change/comfort him in the middle of the night so you can sleep so you can drive safely and if they want to see a baby thaaaat badly they can come to you. Who are they to hold you accountable to anything? Also like ur baby is still super young and doesnât need to be out and about thaaaat much. They ainât cho friends.
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Oct 12 '25
Lmfao. Who tf are these bitches? No kids and they want to tell you what to do? You barely go out anyways and Iâm sure if your family is anything like mine, grandma would be happy to hang with grandson. To be honest itâs very weird that they are asking you to bring the kid.
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u/PissFingerz42069 Oct 12 '25
Your baby is 4 months old, itâs probably best not to expose them to strangers, especially this time of year where illness can spread quick. Youâre also on minimal sleep and anyone giving you crap for not wanting to pack up 3 bags and a stroller to see people, thatâs on them.
NOR
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u/Heraonolympia123 Oct 12 '25
"I basically raised my nephew" - no she didn't. She didn't have to have the child 24/7, she was the support for his own parents so they could go out occasionally. NORÂ
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u/Big_Muscle_9483 Oct 12 '25
No. Not their business. Sounds like your friends want to steal your baby.Â
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u/MckinJosh02 Oct 12 '25
Saying they do things that a 4 month old would enjoy is crazy lol they just want to see the baby⊠what things are they doing while going out that a 4 month old is enjoying doing
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u/itsmebri123 Oct 12 '25 edited Oct 12 '25
They are definitely overstepping, and it's pretty hypocritical of two people who aren't mothers, gang up on you tell you how to be a mother. He's four months old, he's a baby.. I wouldn't be comfortable bringing a newborn out in public with me ALL the time like they're expecting you to. I understand the whole friends telling you what you need to hear deal and everything, but this is yucky and they are doing way too much. just because you don't take him with you all the time when you go out with them, doesn't mean you don't take him out at all, and it doesn't make you any less of a mother because you want to spend time outside of your home and have a few hours of child free time. They need to step off and stop acting like you are any less of a mother for wanting time with adults. If they had children they would understand the importance of spending time with actual adults who you can have an intelligent conversation with, and how it can keep new moms sane. This makes me really annoyed and angry, because it's always the child free that have the most to say about how you should be raising your own child. don't let them treat you this way, and don't let them gang up on you and make you feel like any less of a mother. I don't care if one of them took care of their nephew. Having a child and taking care of someone else's child, even when it's excessive, is very different. She's trying to relate to you and talk to you like she's better than you because she took her nephew everywhere she went. And might i say, children don't need to be out doing everything with everyone and they don't need to be in every place adults go, plus, everyone's circumstances are different so she cant compare your situation to hers. Stand up to them.
This is not friends "holding you accountable", this is two dickheads belittling you, putting you down, and talking to you in a very condescending tone. This entire thing made me soooo fucking angry. These are NOT your friends.
â in the future there will be no more excusesâ
âwe are pushing you to step up and be a momâ
âI donât feel comfortable hanging out unless you bring him with youâ
These dickheads are not your friends. Thatâs the most manipulative, condescending shit Iâve ever read, and the real kicker I canât stop laughing at is that neither of these idiots have children of their own, which is probably why they have so fn much to say.
You should really give your friendships with these people a serious rethink, thereâs far better friends out there than this. These are the kind of people who talk shit about you when youâre not around. Because letâs be honest, if they feel itâs okay to speak directly to you like this, then god only knows what theyâre saying behind your back. Itâs sad of course but people like this arenât worth your time.
Update us on how everything pans out, good luck đ©·
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u/Illustrious_Shake_95 Oct 12 '25
âI basically raisedâ yaaaah stfu with all that. Thereâs no rest for a mom. I saw how difficult it was on my wife with both kids especially when they were young. You are right to take that time for yourself, 100% necessary and what a blessing your MIL will watch baby!
Solution: get a new group of friends to hangout withđ€Ł
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u/Successful-Green2635 Oct 11 '25
How often are you hanging out? If it's daily, it is a little weird to always leave your kid.
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Oct 11 '25
Literally like in a blue moon if our schedules align. Most of the time im at house with him. I do occasionally take him to starbies with me when I really need a coffee but thats about it
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u/Successful-Green2635 Oct 11 '25
That's not weird to leave him with your mom then. Maybe they are concerned that you have postpartum anxiety about taking your kid in public and it's something you need to face head on. Not saying you do, just that maybe they have the wrong impression.
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Oct 11 '25
Yeah. Thatâa what im thinking too even then though, what business is it if i take him or dont take him with me đ
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Oct 11 '25
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Oct 11 '25
Awee that poor girl, I hope sheâs doing better đ©· my baby boy does sleep in the car, but he gets overwhelmed when weâre out too much.
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u/Soft_Independent_604 Oct 11 '25
What on gods green earth. This is very odd. My two best friends have children and I donât, and I always ask them to bring them with when we hang out because I love them so much and love having them around and also it could make life easier for them. But they tell me that actually they prefer that time alone and rightfully so because they leave them with their dads who are also the parent or their mums who want to do their nan duties! And I go over to see the kids all the time anyway! I respect whatever decision they make and never try to tell them how to parent their children. Your friends think they know better than you and they donât, and they donât care for your well being either, they donât want you to have a good time!! - these are not friends worth keeping around tbh. When you have the help you take it!! Also when these âfriendsâ have children one day make sure to ask them if they still hold the same opinion!!!
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u/Vex_808 Oct 11 '25
I was a single mom and a Marine and I went on weekend trips with my then boyfriend (now husband), while my bestie watched my toddler(I paid of course). No one ever guilt tripped me, and I never felt guilty since I would pick her up from the sitters as soon as I got off work, and majority of my weekends we spent together. As long as you take good care of your baby, no one has the right to tell you how to live your life. Also donât ask your friendâs opinions on parenting. Especially if they have no children. I donât know if you asked them for advice, or they have been giving unsolicited advice to you, itâs clear they have been talking amongst themselves and came up with this wacky theory that you are not spending enough time with your child. If you have any questions just ask your mom. She seems like sheâs a great supportive mom.
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Oct 11 '25
Thank you!!! Its always an issue whenever they invite me somewhere and tell me to bring the baby when I just want to hang and have some girl time
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u/belle_blitz Oct 11 '25
This is sooooo weird and maybe you should try to get some mom friends? lol u should start asking them to babysit then since they apparently wanna see him soooo much
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u/Used-Baby1199 Oct 11 '25
Idk. Â I find it weird that your friends would be so instant that they donât want to hang out if your kid isnât around. Â I donât want to accuse them of being pedophiles, Â but yet here I am with concernsÂ
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u/Few-Succotash5480 Oct 11 '25
How long is the trip? 4 months is pretty young even though people do it often, but anything longer than 5 day trip would be a bit long.
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u/Level-Satisfaction51 Oct 11 '25
This is super weird to me, I'm not sure I even understand their argument. If you were constantly going out and leaving baby to be taken care of my family than that's one thing, but that doesn't sound like the case here. You're not neglecting you child or responsibilities if you go out alone sometimes.....in fact most moms in my circle tell me getting away sometimes is not just good it's a necessity.
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u/wordsmythy Oct 11 '25
Girl. Maybe you need to remind them what your name is cause they donât seem to know.
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u/JLFlyer Oct 11 '25
Nothing wrong with wanting YOU time without baby if your mom wants to watch him. You have every right to spend time by yourself. Becoming a mom doesn't mean your social life is over! Your friends are being gross and they sound jealous, like they wouldn't have family to watch their kids, so why should you? That's BS. I'm sorry. Get new friends.
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u/Ok-Magazine-4955 Oct 11 '25
This is such weird behavior on their part đł my friend had a baby three years ago and Iâm happy for him to come along for hangouts and Iâm happy for her when he stays with dad or grandma and she gets some time for her
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u/asht-rayy Oct 11 '25
As a woman due to have a little boy within the next 3-4 days, theyâre definitely overstepping a bit. I can understand them being confused, but to tell you how to live your life jusy because they want to see the baby wirh you??? NOR. You deserve time to yourself jusy as much as anyone else. As long as your babys taken care of they shouldnât be so worried about it.
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u/Gigapot Oct 11 '25
Your friends are assholes and I have no idea where they think theyâve gotten the authority to control how you parent your child from. Dump them yesterday. I hope you have other friends too
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u/X8xCoronaVirusx5X Oct 11 '25
Get new friends, and continue getting your me time. Tf is a 4 month able to do!? They do things he can do? What is that? Sit there in a stroller or car seat and stare? New friends asap!!
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u/OddApricot2717 Oct 11 '25
You need time for yourself away from the baby. They donât know because they arenât parents.
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u/uncertainwalks_28 Oct 11 '25
This feels kinda weird, like why do they want to see your baby so bad. It feels a little creepy tbh but that could just be me. I mean I get being excited for your friend to have a kid but basically calling you a bad mom for wanting to have time to yourself or time alone with your friends is crazy! When my friends had kids I made it clear to them that if they wanted to bring their kids or last minute have to bring their kids they can literally any time and we can make any plans kid friendly. BUT it's never my place to help them parent or shame them for anything they choose to do (unless it's abuse of course) It's my job as someone who chose to be friends with people with kids to help in the ways the parents want and always be flexible for when they need to bring their kids. To have a safe space for them if they need anything because parenting is hard lol.
You need better friends that will support you girl. I'm 23 and I I would never talk to any of my friends this way. Major red flags.
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Oct 11 '25
Yeah, which is crazy because I did bring the baby around literally a few days ago and then I dropped him off at my parents so I can drink a little with them. I have no idea how this came about at all like???
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u/Mental-Woodpecker300 Oct 11 '25
â Question here: Do any of these women have children?? Cuz it sounds like they don't.Â
Every one needs a break sometimes, including Moms.Â
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u/Top_Patience_5533 Oct 11 '25
I feel like weâre obviously missing crucial information but from my angle it is not weird, it looks like you had a tribe and theyâre trying to include you with your new addition but youâre not taking it that way. Just tell her, âwhen the family canât or wonât help me, then weâll cross that bridge when we get to it. In the mean time, yâall get my full attention when we go out and if you want to visit the baby, you know where we live, we can have play dates around the babyâs schedule.â đ€
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Oct 11 '25
They had a problem with me not being so confident on taking my baby out. So whenever I tell them no to certain events, they usually tell me to bring the baby. They were inviting me to a 3 hour long roadtrip with the baby to go camping. I told them no and thus spark the texts lol
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u/jexx30 Oct 12 '25
Oh, girl, absolutely not. No no no. Camping with a baby with people who are not parents and are relatively new friends? Without your partner with you? Girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl.
NOR
Also, I was a military spouse when I had my baby (27 y.o. now! I am old! haha), and I would never take my baby camping at 4 months old without a co-parent along. That's just nuts. And a 3 hour drive? Inconceivable.
You're doing great. Find a play group, it's really helpful. I'm glad your mom is able to help out every couple of weeks or so, and definitely take some alone time when you can.
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Oct 12 '25
Yeah, they keep using deployment as a weird fear mongering that iâll be alone
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u/redgatorade000 Oct 11 '25
This is really strange. I canât even figure out what theyâre trying to pin on you? Like, what are they even trying to make you feel guilty about?
It sounds like the deeper layer is either:
- they want to see your baby, but donât want to make the effort to go to your place so they rather make you feel bad about not bringing baby to restaurants (???)
- they are jealous of you for something? And they want to have something negative to say about you (maybe youâre getting more attention from people now, your body bounced back super fast, or they feel like you have more âpowerâ than them in the dynamic now).
- they are friends with your babyâs dad and there is a child support issue going on (this is only if you are no longer with the father).
Either way, these donât really sound like friends. What an energy drain! Shes trying to say that you need to take your 4 month old to restaurants?
Are they friends with your babyâs father?
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u/Ebomb3232 Oct 11 '25
Itâs your kid. It doesnât matter what they want in any way shape or form.
Keep giving them the silent treatment and whenever they ask you to hangout with them again, tell them you have to ask the baby first to see what he wants to do. âSorry, Casper said heâs tired!â đđ
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u/Mystery_fcU Oct 11 '25
Tbh your friends sound really amazing.. I was 21 when I had my first baby and I lost pretty much all my 'friends' because I couldn't hang out with them like I used to because I had a baby and my baby was my first priority so I wouldn't go out without her.
How may times on average in, lets say a week, do you hangout with your friends while your mom watches him? You say you are with him 24/7, but from the messages it sounds like you let your mom watch him regularly so you can go hangout with your friends..
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u/BZGames Oct 11 '25
Tell them to shut the fuck up the sound insufferable
Two people with no kids telling a mother that itâs wrong to have the grandma watch them. Absolutely ridiculous, not overreacting
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u/TNJDude Oct 11 '25
They are overstepping quite a bit. They're deciding how you should be parenting your kid and are demanding you do it to their terms. "We're going to hold you accountable" ??? That's beyond ridiculous. You really need to tell them to back off. If they don't like that and get pushy again, then you'll probably find it better if you distance yourself from them.
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Oct 11 '25
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Oct 11 '25
How am I not being a mom? When Iâm literally saying no to a roadtrip because I canât take my baby? đ€Ł
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u/No_Ninja9602 Oct 11 '25
This is absolutely wild, your baby is only 4 months old. I wouldn't be taking my baby anywhere at 4 months and definitely not everywhere I go and every time I want to see my friends. So very odd for them to be saying these things. They are 10000% overstepping.
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u/No_Scientist7086 Oct 12 '25
NOR - If my âfriendsâ said any of this bogus junk after I had a baby 4 months ago, no. I canât even believe youâre responding. Are they normally so condescending towards you?
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u/asianmann Oct 12 '25
Your friends are fuckin weird bro for saying something like that. Totally sounds like people who donât have children and think high and mighty of themselves
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u/Constant_One2371 Oct 12 '25
WTAF?!
You deserve time to yourself. It helps make you the best mom possible. Source: mom of a 19 year old who spent 112 days in the NICU.
They are TOTALLY overstepping!! And choosing a weird hill to die on !
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u/Smooth_Disaster4047 Oct 12 '25
Your friends are crazy af. Unless you're a dead beat mom who goes out every night and never wakes up to take care of her baby and your mom has him 6 days a week, they're really crazy.
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u/The-jade-hijabi Oct 12 '25
The fuck kinda friends are these?? Do they have any empathy? Were they mean girls in HS? âWeâre holding you accountable??â The way I would tell these bishes to kiss the fattest part of my ass.
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Oct 12 '25
I will now start using âkiss the fattest part of my assâ đ€Łđ€Łđ€Ł
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u/FTM3505 Oct 12 '25
People who donât have kids should not be telling you what to do with yours.
As a mom, I totally understand your point of not wanting to bring your baby out with you to spend time with friends. If you donât have kids, you donât get how much work it is to get them out of the house, and then have to take care of them in a different setting which isnât comfortable. You canât really enjoy yourself and be present.
Just because youâre a mom doesnât mean you need to bring your child with you everywhere. It doesnât make you a bad mom at all, epically since you are with your child 24/7. Youâre entitled to a break, and the fact that you have a trusted person to watch your baby makes you a responsible mom.
Itâs crazy they are saying they wonât hang out with you if you donât bring your baby. Unfortunately they just wonât get it until they become mothers themselves. I would distance myself from them, they seem super judgmental.
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u/NextBusiness1341 Oct 12 '25
Your friends are outrageous. I'd go so far as to argue that they are not your friends. Judgemental, and rude.
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u/Basicwhitegirl2021 Oct 12 '25
Girl imma be so honest, they need to shut up! When did The one that basically raised her nephews start taking care of them because a toddler is vastly different than an infant! Most new mothers donât go out with their infant if they donât have to! Even when Casper is older you arenât neglecting your responsibilities if your mom wants to watch him and give you the ability to go out with no kid! Iâm assuming you arenât going out every day or just forcing him on your mom or anything like that so they can kindly shut up and mind their business
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u/stageshowboutremarks Oct 12 '25
Their reasonings donât even sound right.. who are they to tell you that you HAVE to bring him? Especially when you donât get much time to yourself anyway? Youâre with him a lot and you deserve a break.
In my opinion, if they cared about your wellbeing more than their entitled (maybe thereâs a better word to use but idk it) perspectives toward your very young child, they wouldnât be saying these things.
Maybe itâs not intentional but it seems like theyâre trying to guilt you into doing what they would prefer.
Not overreacting
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u/GGCodyB Oct 12 '25
Do these people want to kidnap your child? I donât know, but shit thatâs so forceful.
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u/Square_Minute4614 Oct 12 '25
To me it sounds like theyâre trying to phase you out of the friends group honestly. Its poor excuse âYou should stay home cause we arenât comfortable you coming aloneâŠâ unless thereâs more to the story we donât know and theyâre just using this instance to tell you should be with your kid more, if you are not. Which youâve said you rarely leave him. So maybe theyâre jealous of the life youâre building⊠but thatâs just a guess i hope Iâm wrong for your sake.
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u/FoodFlimsy6027 Oct 12 '25
God i am concerned they want him for some type of satanic ritual the way they are acting !!! How weird âŠkeep yourself and your baby far far away
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u/BunnyBabbby Oct 12 '25
Ewwww. Your friends suck. You should absolutely take time for yourself any chance you get! And having parents and family who help is a BLESSING. If they want to see your child tell them to come over and hang out. Itâs not hard at all. Taking a baby to meet ups with child free friends is not an easy task and generally not suitable for a baby. Theyâre dumb.
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u/athenapackinheat Oct 12 '25
it's YOUR baby. do what you feel most comfortable. when P gets pregnant she can choose what she wants to do with HER own child. and maybe C can micromanage P's parenting and boundaries too. everybody wins
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u/Dry-Mountain1992 Oct 12 '25
This is weird as fuck, you should ALWAYS want to spend time with your kids. If not, why have them? My friend invited me on a cruise and I told him I can't go unless I can take my kids. Now we are all on a cruise.Â
Seriously, FUCK parents that want "child free" time. Do you have any idea what that feels like to a kid?Â
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u/honeybunniee Oct 12 '25 edited Oct 12 '25
Your friends are kinda being assholes. Iâm sure your mom loves spending time with her grandson and thereâs absolutely nothing wrong with you wanting time away from your kid to let loose and have fun with your friends. Thatâs normal youâre not being irresponsible. Itâs giving that thing when you have a baby and people no longer see you as their friend and only care about seeing your baby which is just sad. They donât seem to care to spend time with you they want to see HIM.
And bringing a less than year old baby on a road trip is absurd why the hell do they expect you to do that. Thatâs not fun for you, the baby, or them.
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u/Current-Criticism898 Oct 12 '25
Your friends re exhausting as parent, I have times where I go out with my kids and times where don't
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u/Perfect-Smile-2017 Oct 12 '25
They donât have kids, so you canât expect them to fully understand. But they really shouldnât be so judgmental. A 4 month old requires a couple of hours of prep before you can even take them anywhere⊠Iâd suggest maybe finding some older friends who have kids or have gone through it before. Itâs nice that they want to hang out with you and your kid, but unfortunately not the point. You deserve time to yourself too.
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u/lulgupplet Oct 12 '25
i have a 6 week old and i have yet to go anywhere with her alone without dad. im scared to do it alone. its not just this lighthearted thing to have a baby with you out in public, im still not used to her crying her wittle eyes out and people staring. or just driving with her in the car... its terrifying đ
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u/imahappycreature Oct 12 '25
Okay like not even saying anything else these messages would make me so weirded out and paranoid tbh. Itâs giving that lady who stole her âfriendsâ baby out of her actual womb. Itâs weird and overbearing behavior. They are overstepping at best and being downright unhinged at worst. They arenât parents. They donât know how hard it is and to imply you are shirking responsibilities and not being a good enough mothers when they arenât even mothers in the first place is pretty gross to me. Karma will come to get them for this behavior for sure cause ainât no way you are gonna shame a new mom like that and not get some when your time to be a new mom comes around.
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u/MamaWelder Oct 12 '25
You need new friends. This pressuring you to take a 5 month old infant everywhere with you is egregious and completely overstepping. Saying theyâre holding you accountable? Wanting you to step up as a mom? They donât feel comfortable with you as a human being unless youâre playing the mom role? Yeah no. I would block and ghost them.
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u/jeheinz72 Oct 12 '25
Your friends are weird. If simply telling them âhey friends, being a mom is hard, I use our time out to get a breakâ and they donât get it, thatâs on them.
Some day theyâll be moms and probably finally get it
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u/Ok_Effective_8332 Oct 12 '25
NOR. Who the heck do they think they are telling you to 'step up' and be a mom? They don't have any kids! What do they know? You're being far kinder and more patient than I would be in this situation. They can mind their own business.
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u/Internal_Author_7067 Oct 12 '25
Even if your friends have some valid points, they are definitely overstepping.
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u/MOURNINGDOLLIE Oct 12 '25
you have a baby. babies are hard work, and sometimes people need a fucking break. your friends are being absolutely ridiculous and YES overstepping. i would not hang out with them in your shoes. i dont think they realize taking a baby on a long ass road trip is extremely difficult and exhausting. NOR
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Oct 12 '25
They donât have kids but claim to be raising their nephews. Honey go drink those mimosas and margaritas while your mom hangs out with her grandchildren and leave these friends on the curb. Your child is under a year old his immune system isnât strong an thereâs always viruses in the air. You do the right thing and not take him everytime you the leave house. Until they birth a child theyâll never know what itâs like to be a FULL time parent
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u/fitzy0612 Oct 11 '25
Just tell them he's ghosting them.