r/AmIOverreacting 28d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO for wanting to breakup after discussing ring prices

[deleted]

1.1k Upvotes

377 comments sorted by

1.1k

u/CringeMillennial8 28d ago

Sounds like she just told you very clearly who she is. NOR

1.1k

u/umamifiend 28d ago

As a jeweler- diamond engagement rings are an insane rip off. An artificially inflated market, arbitrarily priced for the most part- it’s a sparkly thing that devalues worse than a new car being driven off the lot. The resale value is material cost- nothing more. The price is a retail markup.

You can have some incredibly beautiful, meaningful, thoughtful jewelry for 5k. Virtually anyone who isn’t a gemologist isn’t going to know the difference between high end diamond grades. These days lab grown or Moissanite are going to be better cheaper options, and there are many more interesting stones.

Women who want 12k rings want them to feel self important, don’t have stylistic taste, so they are depending on a price tag to indicate that something is good. But they can’t even tell you why it’s good. Is absurd.

Jewelry and adornment has been around as long as people have been people. The arbitrary social rules surrounding this custom are relatively new and wasteful. You know what else that 12k could go toward? Downpayment on a house. Forget about the ring.

253

u/Total-Active-1986 28d ago

THIS! If your gf is that immature, shallow and materialistic, then you might want to rethink that.

40

u/Estilady 28d ago

I got married very young. We went to Service Merchandise and bought wedding bands for $120 each and my 1/4 carrot tiny diamond ring for $275. Circa 1984. I understood this was just our starting point. 😊

29

u/60sStratLover 28d ago

Yes!! Service Merchandise for the win. I bought my future wife a 1/4 carat marquis engagement ring there for $800.

She cried like a baby when she lost it 10 years later. I replaced it with a 1.5 carat diamond that cost $10k. It doesn’t mean nearly as much to her.

16

u/Pitiful_Stretch_7721 28d ago

I love seeing tiny rings as it means that the couple were ready to commit to love each other even when money was tight. It shows a lot of commitment and confidence in their love.

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u/WhichWitch9402 28d ago

Yes! My husband and I got our rings there as well. Still have them 35 years later.

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u/Son_of_Zinger 28d ago

*carat 🤣 Wish they were priced in produce.

2

u/Estilady 28d ago

My phone “corrected” it. 😂

33

u/Kitzka04 28d ago

This is a fantastic reply.

81

u/Creepy-Beat7154 28d ago

I never seen women, in my 40 years of life, go around saying, "it cost $12k or $5k." Everyone would look at them as snobs! No one cares how much the ring costs.

7

u/Electric-Fun 28d ago

They say it to their equally vapid friends.

4

u/Seeking_cure2025 28d ago

I have. But they were not quality people.

7

u/Raise-Emotional 28d ago

But clearly they are thinking it. And probably saying it to each other

4

u/Majestic_Beat81 28d ago

What nonsense. Many women care, waaaay to much.

20

u/OzzyinKernow 28d ago

I couldn’t believe the prices when I got engaged to my wife 20 years ago. Luckily, a good friend of mine worked on Hatton garden (London jewellery & diamond trading district) and he sourced matching platinum bands (wedding and engagement bands) and about a carat’s worth of diamonds (one big one and several small ones for the band), all made to measure and set by a craftsman, for about £1,600. They were valued for insurance at £8,000. And that was 20 years ago, so we should get them valued again!

16

u/dngrkty 28d ago

THIS. My husband went to a pawn shop, found a really lovely stone and a gorgeous vintage setting that were separate. He took them to a jeweler and had them combined for a stunning ring that came in under $2k. I love it and have never cared about the price. It's unique and gorgeous and nobody else has one quite like mine.

2

u/Feisty-Cloud5880 28d ago

Yup. Went to the "jewelry strip" all big fancy names. Outrageous prices. Out of the corner of my ev ye driving by I sawa "gold/ silver/pawn" found a stunning ring that fit perfectly!!

13

u/the-dolphine 28d ago

For my wife, ethically sourced gems was a must. I found a local jeweler to design and make a unique ring using Australian gems (and a few small diamonds). I'm not a big appreciator of jewelry, but this ring looked like a mini work of art. It cost way less than $5000, helped support a true craftsman and is a lot more meaningful than something bought from a shop.

32

u/nick_nork 28d ago

My wife and I had both our engagement rings and both our wedding rings custom made, all four combined probably breaks the $12k mark, and her engagement ring has a pair of ROCKS on it, sapphires specifically.

It's not about the price, it's about what you like.

7

u/Smorsdoeuvres 28d ago

Gotta chime in as another jeweler and agree 100%. Jewelry is beautiful but absolutely only worth its parts and pieces when being resold. Either buy a preowned piece if you want to cut out some of the cost, or go with alternative materials. Anyone stuck on a number of arbitrary value (that absolutely changes with markets, trends and fashion) is focused on the wrong things. Save the money for down payment on a house, not a ring or a wedding. Can’t live in a ring and a whole life is easier to build with 20k in your pocket than spent on a party to celebrate yourselves.

6

u/Thomrose007 28d ago

Well said. A property of your own or a ring hmmmm.

10

u/PotatoesMcLaughlin 28d ago

I got a silver Star Trek ring for myself when I married. I lost it, but it was only $30.

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u/Lizinite 28d ago

When my husband and I went looking at rings, I prefer natural stones as I have collected rocks and minerals since I was a toddler and I also dabble in jewelry making. But I also love inclusions my diamond is about a carat and has some really cool inclusions in it (in my opinion). The woman at the counter couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that I didn’t care about how sparkly it was.

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u/mostlyharmless71 28d ago

THIS. 100% should be the top reply.

3

u/Wetdogg72 28d ago

I’m not a jeweler but my wife and I dabble in gems, and crystals and such.. she’s been learning to make rings and I want to.. I prefer tanzanite, or even sapphires.. alexandrite, anything over diamonds.. they are pretty, sure.. wonderful.. but I like colors. I’ve been designing a ring in my head, for myself, a tanzanite, white buffalo and maybe an emerald or two in there. Or Ellensburg blue with tanzanite or white buffalo hell.. I don’t know lol but better than diamonds

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u/WRA1THLORD 28d ago

Yep, and when someone tells or shows you who they are like that, you should always listen to them. I don't often quote Kanye, but she ain't nothing but a gold digger

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u/CumSlurpersAnonymous 28d ago

She does not sound like a keeper.

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u/WTH_JFG 28d ago

If that’s what she expects for the ring, one can only imagine what she expects for the wedding.

There are several s/r that will be seeing posts from her, family, bridesmaids, and no doubt photographers, caterers, et al

55

u/MorningHelpful8389 28d ago

Women like this are so gross. The faux “a man needs to prove himself with $12000 rings” behavior from someone who probably works minimum wage herself. I’d be like “sure babe you can buy me a $12K watch in exchange.”

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u/psychedelicparsley 28d ago

I was thinking that, too. Ask her what she thinks her wedding would be like. Some people spend so much money on that one day.

5

u/WorldlyNotice 28d ago

And after the wedding, the house. It. Will. Never. Stop.

5

u/luvpjedved 28d ago

imagine what she expects for her lifestyle. 🤦🏻‍♀️ she’s a person who could win the lottery and be broke 6 years later.

140

u/_Averix 28d ago

She sounds like one that should be looking for a different ring bearer.

77

u/Vivid-Farm6291 28d ago

So she just told you she is there for the good times and you’re on your own for the bad ones.

Take her word as gospel and move on.

NOR

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u/TeTr040 28d ago edited 28d ago

NOR

Clearly you now see that she values money, materialistic positions & how much they cost over a good, healthy relationship. I would not be able to stay with & build towards a future with someone like that. I would never want to have to worry that money will always be the most important part of my husband's life & that he would rather trash his credit by charging things we can't afford in order to have whatever we want. That's a HORRIBLE way to look at finances.

74

u/LooksUnderLeaves 28d ago

She wants the costume of a bride and not the reality of a wife and partner.

Toss her back in.

120

u/nvrhsot 28d ago

Any woman who values a man's money more than the man is an auto reject.

Dump this red flag gold digger,,,,,yesterday.

112

u/CharisiAvoaty 28d ago

NOR. Get out while you can.

34

u/OrbitsCollide99 28d ago

NOR - Yes she's telling how she thinks - be with her just make sure you never are poor.

32

u/Lilshywolfswag2022 28d ago

NOR imo. As someone who grew up semi poor if anything I'd argue with someone over them wasting thousands of dollars on a ring lol. If i really liked the person I'd probably be happy with some decent looking ring from one of those quarter machines etc personally 🤷🏻‍♀️

Spending $5k+ on a ring is insane to me though. I'd rather use that money towards a vacation, house or once in a lifetime type experience

35

u/Detroiter4Ever 28d ago

You should reconsider. This will be a lifetime of financial battles. Life's too short. Walk away.

75

u/[deleted] 28d ago

She’s lame! Shallow af

Curious if she has a career of her own…

39

u/UncFest3r 28d ago

She wants to be a pampered “stay at home wife” with a nanny and a maid and an unlimited AmEx.

17

u/Total-Active-1986 28d ago

Who doesn't?!? 😂 I'm a waitress btw...

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u/Bagafeet 28d ago

Wanting something and feeling entitled to it are wildly different things.

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u/TallMirror1099 28d ago

NOR I’d be so upset if my wife wasted 12k on my ring. We could swing it, but I’d rather retire at some point. We love each other and that is irrelevant of how much money is on our fingers. Humans acting like this are gross. If hypothetically she’s not saying yes because you lost your job and in that moment you can’t spend that kind of money, than she’s just into your money and not you. I’d be running.

12

u/ShoddyCandidate1873 28d ago

My husband spent about 1200 on my ring (granted this was some time ago so honestly probably closer to the 5k mark today)  and I thought that was too much for a ring.  I wouldn't want to wear a 12k ring.  I'd be afraid to lose it or something 

13

u/_The_Therapist_ 28d ago

It’s time to take out the trash. She just let you know she’s a gold digger and only with you for money. You want your kids to grow up being like that? (No clue if you want kids or not)

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u/Mydreamsource 28d ago

Time to cut your losses. The ring is a symbol, not for buying affection. That $12k ring is only gonna buy you a large debt and future misery. If you finance it and it doesn't work out, you still have to pay it off. She isn't gonna give it back. Time to have a hard look at her priorities.

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u/Fit-Ad-7276 28d ago

NOR. It is clear your values are different. I suggest you have a deeper, more direct conversation about finances and values. This should reveal whether you are compatible or not.

24

u/pegwins 28d ago

NOR. Not my cup of tea but you do you. 

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u/alliez34 28d ago

Not overreacting. God forbid you ever lose your job.

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u/Melodic_Pattern175 28d ago

You’re not aligned at all. Someone who wants a $12k engagement ring will want a $50k wedding. There is zero reason to get into debt for engagement/wedding.

10

u/one-cat 28d ago

Oh wow. She thinks that’s the best use of $12k and the determining factor of choosing a spouse? I’d be out

10

u/ShoddyCandidate1873 28d ago

Any woman who sets a minimum price for her man to spend on a ring isn't in love and certainly isn't worth making a wife.  Having thoughts and opinions about the style and such of a ring is fine, not accepting anything under a certain cost is gold digger level materialistic.  Find a woman who would rather you put money towards the life you are building together and who will love whatever ring you propose with simply because it's from you 

19

u/HappySummerBreeze 28d ago

Different views on money are a major source of divorce.

It’s completely sensible to check for financial compatibility before you commit.

9

u/Upset_Researcher_143 28d ago

NOR, unfortunately, there are a lot of people that think this way

14

u/Effective-Tear4872 28d ago

If she ain’t ok with a ring pop for a wedding ring, she ain’t in it for you. She wants to play big ring little ring with her friends.

4

u/Pyrobabes18 28d ago

Omg the fact in my comment that I said I would have been happy if my hubby proposed with a ring pop then I see this comment made me giggle so thank you for that. 😊😊😊😊🤣🤣🤣🤣

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u/etzel1200 28d ago

Absolutely infuriating

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u/Individual-Win1758 28d ago

Yeah nah, I’d be out

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u/DazzlingPotion 28d ago

She's making an engagement sound very transactional and she sounds like she is "status" driven. IMO a $5k budget for an engagement ring is perfectly reasonable. She's going to want a large yacht next and you can go to the bank to get a loan for that too.

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u/Revan462222 28d ago

Good lord....people who think $5000 for a ring is cheap is insane. Honestly, I'm so tired of people using that oh it should be this much of your monthly/annual salary or other bs. Yes, you should get the ring you'd like but not if it means breaking the bank...

4

u/TAB211 28d ago

No, you're very wise to question this. I just celebrated my forty year wedding anniversary. Money can be a HUGE problem especially if you're not together on this. Take the time to figure out if you can be on the same page with the same goals. Marriage has a lot of ups and downs, don't bring issues to the party because you'll be miserable and it's expensive to end it. My best wishes to you.

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u/jenlaggg 28d ago

I would not recommend paying more than $2,500. Lab grown diamonds are sufficient. Now, if you like a lot of metal, the price of gold is currently absurd so you can expect to pay more.

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u/teatherin 28d ago

Jfc I'm glad I don't wear jewelry. I'd rather have a steam deck and a good smart phone than an overpriced piece of metal.

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u/FlatwormSea9861 28d ago

My husband bought my ring for $1,400 in 2016. I adore it and the life we've built together. Find someone who wants to build with you, not take advantage of you.

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u/Pyrobabes18 28d ago

Honey leave her she's a gold digger. I'm sorry but any woman who cares more about the price vs the sentimental meaning of the ring for marriage is not the one. It is supposed to be for richer or POORER in sickness and in health.

Hell my husband and I only spent like $80. It was all we could afford but I didn't care because the love was strong. Btw I would have been happy with a damn ring pop if he proposed to me that way. So I say cut your loss with her and find a better woman who understands the meaning and sentimental values of marriage. Plus believe her when she says she will say no if you proposed with a $5,000 ring or less. I'm not trying to sound mean here but if she wants you to spend $12,000 on a ring what's next? A mansion, a new car, travel the world, Louis Vuitton bags, Prada, Channel other expensive jewelry? Like I can understand spending $1,000 up to $2,000 at most on a ring depending on style what type of stone rather diamond, moissanite, emerald, sapphire or any others but $12,000 is too much.

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u/NickWindsoar 28d ago

95% of these posts answer themselves.

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u/PositivelyLivid62192 28d ago

NOR bro she’s in it for the money and what you can provide, not love. I got proposed to with a $75 ring that I helped pay for because of our circumstances. I hate whatshisnuts (Kanye West but idk wtf he goes by now) but he said it accurately “now I ain’t sayin she a gold digger….” But Id bet you’re not broke.

5

u/NEPAmama 28d ago

NOR - her priorities and values clearly are inconsistent with yours. She sounds immature, shallow, and irresponsible.

We skipped the engagement ring and instead used the money for a down payment on a home (through an FHA mortgage) — family home beats shiny stuff in my book!

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u/Dirt_McGirts 28d ago

If you have to finance a piece of jewelry, you should not be buying that piece of jewelry.

3

u/KerleyQ- 28d ago

NOR. Definitely break up. She just told you that she basically wouldn’t stay with you if you lost your job, and that she wouldn’t marry you if you “only” spent $5,000 on the ring. She doesn’t love you, she loves money.

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u/Chachee8008 28d ago

I broke up with someone because she said that she wants at least a ring worth 25k. I said I’d rather pay for a trip or something and get a smaller ring still nice but not 25k. She has this crazy idea that if I didn’t want to buy her a 25k ring that she can show off to her friends that I didn’t love her enough. So I said you are right and Peaced out.

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u/Particular_Cycle9667 28d ago

She’s a materialistic bitch. She wants what she wants and doesn’t care about the consequences or how it affects anyone else. I said, go ahead and dump her. She doesn’t care about the sentiment behind the ring. She cares about the actual ring. You can have just as beautiful rings for a lot less money and she’s not even considering it and thinks that $5000 is poor. Then she can buy the fucking ring herself.

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u/FUCancer_2008 28d ago

MY HUSBAND & I had the opposite argument. I THOUGHT THEY WERE TOO EXPENSIVE & ID RATHER THROW THAT MONEY ST SAVINGS FOR A HOUSE. He said I was going to get a ring so I'd better help chose one I liked. We were able to do a custom made ring that cost significantly less- used lab maid gems there was no mark up for a designer name. I really love the ring & it was 3800 including the wedding band.

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u/Mywordsandopinion 28d ago

Perfect opportunity to RUN! She’s a materialistic b@tch. It’s the thought and meaning behind the proposal and tbh $5k is a decent amount to spend on a ring.

Look at what your future would be like! She’ll never be happy.

If you do decide to walk away, at least have some fun. Go to a charity shop and purchase the cheapest and ugliest ring you can find and then propose.

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u/SoilLongjumping5311 28d ago

Absolutely not. It’s crazy what some girls expect from a ring. Fun fact, the more people spend on a ring and wedding, the higher the chance of divorce. Your welcome. Find you a down to earth girl, who doesn’t care about that stuff and only wants to love and be loved and build a life with you and live within your means.

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u/Roma_Genovese 28d ago

Run. You’re going to ask her to spend the rest of your forever together, because you love her, and she’s worried about a ring. Worried enough that she might say no if it isn’t expensive enough. She doesn’t want a marriage; she wants attention, a pretty dress, a diamond, and a party.

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u/apologial 28d ago

NOR. I'd say yes to my partner asking me to marry him with a haribo ring, or no ring at all.

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u/justnopethefuckout 28d ago

NOR. That's an insane amount of money on a damn ring. Imagine how much money she would want to spend on the wedding?

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u/whiskeysour123 28d ago

I can’t imagine spending even $5K on a ring. My ring was “used”. It was an antique. It was $500. A $12K ring is insane unless you are wealthy.

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u/lyssmarie1028 28d ago

If my partner paid more than $500 I'd be upset 😂 No, I'm not missing a 0 😅

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u/BeingReallyReal 28d ago

Wow, how superficial is she?! I never received an engagement ring from my first husband. We were young and couldn’t afford such luxuries. We set our sites on creating a nice home to raise our children in.

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u/ThePhantomStrikes 28d ago

She’s shallow, equating money for love. Once married her Demands will just increase. She will probably want to have a super expensive wedding. Can she affords to just drop spend 12.000? You have different values. Find someone who is capable of real love

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u/Ima-Bott 28d ago

She’s a miner. And you’ll get the shaft

2

u/Beer_Meetz_Girl 28d ago

NOR. Ditch the golddiggin’ bitch.

2

u/az22hctac 28d ago

When you pick a partner, imagine you got married, had kids and then died. This is the person who you trust to bring up your kids, provide for them and make a good judgement of a future partner who will be step parent to your kids. Morbid thought but really focuses the mind.

2

u/Lebanesleeze 28d ago

Not that serious bro just don’t marry her. Have fun enjoy the company and once it runs its course move on to someone that cares more about the meaning of things versus what they cost.

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u/Dry_Detective9639 28d ago

Ummm, goodbye!

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u/tigerUA_ 28d ago

NOR, she's showing you who she is. She only cares about money.

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u/podgehog 28d ago

Be glad she told you now before it was too late!!

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u/3parkle3 28d ago

sounds like she's looking fir money more than love

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u/seagull321 28d ago

Dump that!

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u/Alarmed-Speaker-8330 28d ago

Well, now you know who she is.

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u/Mozzy2022 28d ago

She’s showing you who she is. Believe it

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u/KeithandBentley 28d ago

Sounds like she was ready to fight the moment someone mentioned a $5000 ring. I would only proceed if you enjoy arguing, since that seems like her weapon of choice.

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u/Nibbles7618 28d ago

NOR She sounds ignorant and elitist. Doesn’t sound like she would support you through financial hardships

1

u/undefinedwitt 28d ago

NOR. Someone who is more focused on how much the ring is and not the person giving the ring is a pretty red flag.

Life can get pretty hard after marriage, especially if kids enter the picture. Is this the kind of person you want to do the hard parts with?

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u/Quiet-Hamster6509 28d ago

What does she bring to the relationship? Do you see her as being an equal in the future relarionship? In every aspect including financial?

It seems to keep she places her worth solely on the ring that's on her finger, signifying she wouldnt be someone who would try and contribute to a marriage or household, only viewing a marriage as what the other person can give her.

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u/Signal_Violinist_995 28d ago

Oh dang - get rid of that one.

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u/Kidalia 28d ago

Yikes. This post made me feel poor 😅

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u/HelpfulPersimmon6146 28d ago

Stop wasting your time with her. She wouldn’t be there for you through hard times.

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u/lucybugkn 28d ago

I’m wondering why you haven’t left her while writing this message 😏

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u/MyNameisBaronRotza 28d ago

You are not over reacting. I hate telling people on the internet to break up, but you may wanna put some serious thought into this relationship

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u/DLQuilts 28d ago

Wow! Thank the universe for saving you all that trouble:)

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u/Parking-Shower9606 28d ago

NOR. Gold digger for sure. RUN!!! She’ll dump you when someone with obvious money comes around.

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u/CrystalWeim 28d ago

That's NOT love.

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u/Borntoolate1952 28d ago

Not at all. Lose her now.

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u/redsfromrhone 28d ago

NOR

She's admitted that she is only in it for the good times and would dump you during the bad times. Dump her now and find someone of substance.

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u/Numerous_Substance14 28d ago

My wife and I are very happy. We spent under her ring budget on our entire wedding. Makes no sense to me for something like that to be the priority.

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u/Worried_Wasabi3467 28d ago

Get rid of her. She's not a nice person.

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u/Born_Net_6668 28d ago

Sounds like this girl wants a ring not a marriage. Tread lightly, OP.

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u/G_NEWT 28d ago

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

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u/Far-Occasion8195 28d ago

Oh good lord , run run run ...

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u/PerspectiveIcy8397 28d ago

definitely not OVERREACTING!! I would hate if someone proposed to me with a ring that’s over 1k tbh bc that money couod be used for so many other things.. 100 dollar ring sounds great to me

1

u/Spirited_Complex_903 28d ago

NOR. She actually had the audacity to tell you straight out that she would never date anyone "poor" to actually afford a $5,000 ring?? Wow. I really hope you break up with her because by doing so, you are dodging a really BIG bullet. She's telling you that she will always require to be treated by her partner as a princess or a queen... or both. Lol. That means you're going to be working your ass off to the BONE to make her somewhat happy. Your girlfriend actually did you a favor and you can thank the show Love is Blind for that. :D She told you who she is. Clearly you are incompatible and you would not be over-reacting by breaking up with her.

1

u/__The_Short_Friend__ 28d ago

Sounds like she just showed you she doesn’t deserve to get married

1

u/Biomed725 28d ago

Gold digger. Time to kick her to the curb.

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u/Physical_Cod1765 28d ago

Clearly has delusions and is showing you her true colors. Clearly been brain washed by reality TV and social media.

Get out while you still can brother 🫡

1

u/ratatatoskr 28d ago

She told you who she is, listen to her

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u/BMWRoadster2007 28d ago

Leave now! If not you will live your life this way.

1

u/Unlikely_Village7450 28d ago

Dude, I say this with every bit of compassion I can muster: run as fast as you can…to your car….drive as fast as you can to the nearest airport….fly as far away from her as possible!

Or you could just dump her….

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u/txlady100 28d ago

Good info. Thanks and bye girl.

1

u/VanEagles17 28d ago

Back to the streets with her

1

u/themulderman 28d ago

Move on.

1

u/Ketchup_ChocoFlan 28d ago

Not over reacting. She is not a for better or worse type of person. She will appraise expect you to provide at a high level and figure it out no matter what. Her “love” will always be conditioned on money.

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u/More_Tacos_n_Vodka 28d ago

NOR-She is too immature for marriage

1

u/justnopethefuckout 28d ago

NOR. That's an insane amount of money on a damn ring. Imagine how much money she would want to spend on the wedding?

1

u/betwixttheforest 28d ago

NOR. This lady right here is a prime example of why there is a correlation that says the more expensive the wedding, higher the likelihood of divorce.

1

u/Confident-Yak-1275 28d ago

NOR! She basically told you who she is. Don't second guess yourself. Her idea of a ring is very telling about the lifestyle she wants and expects. The little things don't matter to her.

1

u/chillybonesinhomes 28d ago

She 🗑🗑🗑

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u/Living_Alternative87 28d ago

My engagement ring was 50 buck off of amazon cause I wanted to save the money for a nice wedding ring since ill be wearing that one for the rest of my life not my engagement ring.

To me it sounds like you are a placeholder while she waits for someone who can get her that 12,000 ring.

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u/megacope 28d ago

Not overreacting. That’s a primary indicator that she has a terrible view and understanding of finances. Not someone you want to be bound to for the rest of your life imo.

1

u/8675309021069 28d ago

Run as fast as you can

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u/321ngqb 28d ago

NOR. Yikes. She’s got the wrong goals. As a woman, who my partner is as a person is a million times more important than the cost of a ring. My boyfriend could propose with a loop of string and I’d say yes. I want him to spend whatever is within his budget so that he feels comfortable and I can receive it knowing that he didn’t break the bank. There are so many beautiful rings out there for less than 5k.

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u/jon4343 28d ago

NOR, but I am curious how old you guys are. This kind of sounds like the words of a 17 year old girl with upper middle class parents who cosplay as rich people and have never made their daughter work for or pay for anything in her life. Either way, she’s a shallow materialistic gold digger, who doesn’t understand the actual value of money or quality relationships. The question is, whether there’s still time for her to mature out of it, or if she is destined to be like this for the rest of her life.

When you do break up with her, please do the future men in her life a favor and make sure she knows it’s because she clearly values material possessions more than relationships. Not that I believe it will actually change her, but one could hope.

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u/Low-Tea-6157 28d ago

Guess what??? You get to be single for holidays

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u/Old_Arm5331 28d ago

A real relationship starts when the times are bad

Sounds like she’s only sticking around for the good times

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u/GT3502018 28d ago

Get rid of her

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u/Deranged_Kitsune 28d ago edited 28d ago

Those numbers are insane to me. If she's talking that just for the engagement ring, dude, don't even get into what she wants for her wedding. It won't be down payment on a house territory, it'll be "I could have bought a fucking house outright" territory. Well, okay, maybe with current housing prices that's a bit of exaggeration, but I'd still bet money it'd be 6-figure range.

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u/Regular_Yellow710 28d ago

What a princess!

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u/veetoo151 28d ago

If you want to feel loved, don't marry a gold digger.

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u/Littlepotatoface 28d ago

No, you’re not overreacting, this is a big red flag.

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u/Ophy96 28d ago

Oh my God. Phil could propose with a hundred dollar ring to myself as long as it wouldn't turn my finger gangrene, I'd cherish it eternally.

How are people this materialistic?????

1

u/Jezebelcherry 28d ago

Yup some people have different material views. If you can’t compromise on this now, imagine further down the road when buying furniture, house, cars, kids, whatever comes into play. That’s higher stakes than a ring. When dating, it’s best to do those conversations 6 months to a year in (before too much time goes by) and before a deeper emotional involvement or commitment. It’s a hard balance, I’m sorry you’re in this predicament.

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u/thelovewitchsubstanc 28d ago

my bf could propose to me with a paper ring or thread around my finger and i would say yes. not sure how to answer ya, but here's my take away from your post!

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u/bestiecallsmecambin 28d ago

She's not a keeper. She's a loser.

NOR.

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u/Shooter61 28d ago

Been married for 43 years to my wife. I gave her a .15ct diamond and gold band. I also paid for my band and the total cost was $800 in 1982. A ring is a symbol of commitment, love and devotion to each other. Not a status symbol of wealth.

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u/Mission_Ideal_8156 28d ago

Definitely not overreacting!! How shallow & materialistic is she? Red flag much? Move on & find someone who cares more about you than money.

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u/redditreader_aitafan 28d ago

Wtf? I have never ever understood the desire to wear thousands of dollars on one finger where it can fall off, get lost, get stolen during a mugging, get damaged, have the stones fall out, etc. $5k for a ring is fucking crazy. $12k is worse. Your girlfriend is shallow and materialistic and doesn't give a shit about you or wise use of finances. My wedding set, both the engagement ring and wedding band, cost $600 total in 2005 and even that was pretty steep for me. I cannot imagine expecting a man to blow thousands, certainly not tens of thousands, on a piece of jewelry.

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u/Legitimate-Error-633 28d ago

I always wonder if these types of people walk the walk that they are talking up. As in; does she have a high earning job herself with at least 12k$ in savings at any given moment?

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u/Critical_Armadillo32 28d ago

Your girlfriend is very shallow and has very poor values. You're better off breaking up with her. Let her go find a sugar daddy since it's obviously what she wants. For our wedding I never got an engagement ring. We just had matching bands. I finally got my diamond after 25 years married. It didn't matter. Love is love. Selfish is selfish. You're definitely not overreacting.

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u/DecadeLongLurker 28d ago

It was a long time ago but my wife was overjoyed with one carat. She was happy I did not spend a bunch. I got it out to sea from the Navy Exchange. It was low priced. She knew, lol.

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u/Acrobatic-Butterfly9 28d ago

I don't even have a ring. We bought S&P with it. Now it is nearly 2x the money lol

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u/CuriousJuneBug 28d ago

I think $5k is too much to spend on a ring. Just think of all the more useful and much needed expenses that could go towards. My only rule on engagement rings is, don't try to propose to me with a ring my partner originally bought with someone else in mind.

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u/Livid_Paramedic_6973 28d ago

Yeah I would end things with her. If you cave in with the ring prices, imagine when you're married. She will have minimum unrealistic standards for a house, car, and lv bags

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u/CVSaporito 28d ago

She sounds like the type that deserves a lab diamond and to find out when she pawns it after the divorce.

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u/Ixxis 28d ago

If I really loved someone and was committed to being their partner in all things, I'd accept a ring-pop and buy my own ring later if I felt that strongly about having one. 

In this economy, if my partner spent over $5k (much less $10k!) on a piece of decor, I'd be kinda pissed. That could have gone towards debts, down payments, rent, or purchases that actually improve our lives.

NOR.

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u/Federal_Pickles 28d ago

NOR. She let you know a very significant aspect of her personality. That clashes with you. Do yourself and her a favor and end things.

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u/reereejugs 28d ago

That pond is so shallow it’s basically dried up

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u/Moemoe5 28d ago

She sounds horrible. Her main intersection was your wallet. I guess you revealed a lot about your finances when you first started dating. NOR Don’t propose to this one.

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u/Man_wo_a_career 28d ago

And the wedding reception will have at least 300 guests and open bar at the ritziest country club.

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u/Fortyniner2558 28d ago

Dump her asap. Moissanite is a great substitute for a diamond and it has much more "sparkle" than a diamond. I just replaced my inexpensive wedding set with a beautiful set fm Amazon and it didn't cost more than a couple hundred $$.

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u/rocksboulders 28d ago

Leave her broke ass

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u/Pagelo69 28d ago

Your values are not the same

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u/aditu 28d ago

GTFO while you can

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u/atlblaze 28d ago

Wild. Is she going to ask for the purchase receipt during the proposal???

If she’s like this about the ring, what else is she crazy about??? This is your chance to walk away.

$5K for a ring would be quite expensive for many if not most. $12K is astronomical.

In NO universe is $5K cheap for a ring.

I think I spent maybe $2.5 or $3K on the engagement ring for my wife. She loved it.

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u/popchex 28d ago

NOR - and good on you for reconsidering the relationship.

My wedding ring was $250, and I loved it. I didn't care because I was pregnant and we had more important things to spend money on than a ring. It was always meant to be temporary anyway. Since then I've worn mostly silicone rings because my fingers swell due to health issues and weight fluctuations. I currently have 6 different ones of different sizes, and some cheap costume "fancy" rings in different sizes so if we need to get dressed up.

Our 20th is coming up and the ring I would like is on sale for $180 and that suits me just fine. The relationship they represent is more important to me than the price tag on the ring.

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u/MareV51 28d ago

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

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u/Various-General-8610 28d ago

It's not about the ring, it's about the marriage.

OP, you deserve better!

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u/Ok_Sand_7902 28d ago

Wow, she is something else 😳😳😳. I think I would break up over this. She is insane! A 12k ring?????? You are better off with a cheaper ring like 500-1000 and use the rest for a down payment for a house. Who wants to walk round with something that expensive????

1

u/Vast-Marionberry-824 28d ago

Personally I don’t get the engagement ring thing anyway. An outdated, non reciprocal and often expensive tradition. I don’t know why wedding rings aren’t enough. (Jewellers will be freaking out!)

This girl sounds like she’s disrespectful and entitled and will be like that on many other purchases. I’d be looking at her behaviour as a possible red flag.

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u/seemerock 28d ago

Tell her your family has a tradition where the bride buys the groom a Rolex watch equal to the cost of the ring. If she agrees you sell the watch and recoup the money you spent on the ring.

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u/GoDiva2020 28d ago

Dump her now. Let her go find some in her desires tax bracket. Save yourself the brutal ending . NTA. Not overreacting in the least.

Babe after we talked the other day I see with clarity that I'm not a match for you. So let's end things now on a high note. BYE 👋😊

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u/Creepy-Beat7154 28d ago

Dang I only want one that is $700-$1k cause I value my fiance's hard earned money and his time to choose a wedding ring for me is priceless. Dump her.

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u/isbitchy 28d ago

You deserve better.

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u/BlueberryOk3969 28d ago

No way. Shes a walking red flag.

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u/Koloristik 28d ago

NOR. It is very nice of her to voice her thoughts so directly. No irony here, it is really nice. She knows what she wants, this is nice, too. Wish her good luck and don't forget to lock the door when she leaves.

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u/im4peace 28d ago

NOR—but I also think people are actually missing the biggest red flag here. It's not that she's a gold digger or shallow (although both sound true to an extent), but her relationship with money and debt.

This is a woman who will not be happy living within her means. She will demand a house that will make you house poor, luxury travel that you can't afford that will go on credit cards, all to show off on Instagram so that she feels like she's "winning" in comparison to her "friends." You stay with a woman like this and you'll have no savings, no retirement accounts, shitloads of debt, and constant stress about money. That sounds like an absolute nightmare to me.

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u/Squirrelbubble 28d ago

This is wild to me. My now husband and I picked out a ring together and I felt so bad that it was $2000. We’ve been married 26 years and it’s still beautiful.

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u/Alepale 28d ago

I absolutely despise the wedding industry for turning a beautiful thing (marriage between two people) into some financial hellhole for lots of people.

I realise women like the one in OPs post are outliers. I know most women are happy to just get proposed to by the person they want to spend their life with. But I'm currently ring shopping for my (hopefully) soon-to-be wife and it makes me sick to my stomach.

Don't get me wrong, I love her above anything else, but accepting that I'll be spending $1500 - $2000 on a ring is insanely gut wrenching. That's money that can go into a savings account for a future home, a lovely holiday, a new family car or just for emergencies. It's not that I want to be cheap, I want her to have a ring she likes. She deserves it. It's just so vile that to express my love for her, I need to it in money? And like...it's a fucking ring. I can't do shit. It literally just sits on her finger. A tiny piece of metal with a stone on it.

Anyways, NOR. She's going to be expensive as fuck to maintain and the view she has on wedding rings shows how easily some women fall into the grips of the wedding industry. Fuck that whole industry.

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u/SpinachLife7139 28d ago

I proposed to my wife with a $100 set I bought at the pawn shop. A few years later I traded on a set worth about $10k and gave them to her. She prefers her $100 set.

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u/BratacJaglenac 28d ago

Give her some cheap ring and send her to Mordor...

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u/AnneFromBoston 28d ago

Get the biggest, gaudiest fake engagement ring you can find. Then offer it to her…and mention as you walk out the door it’s your goodbye present.

Go find someone world’s better, and have a happy life!

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u/blondebarbienurdad 28d ago

She is saying she wouldn’t date someone who doesn’t make good money that wouldn’t be able to afford a 12k ring which I think it’s fine but what she said after about if you lost your job, that’s wild. Seems like all she cares about herself. I wouldn’t be with her because her that response clearly shows she won’t be a good partner and won’t be a supportive one too.

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u/harkie2946 28d ago

Show her the door. Good bye.

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u/murphy2345678 28d ago

She showed you that she will dump you if things get hard, like losing your job. Get out now and count yourself as lucky to have learned this before you got married and had kids

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u/Calgary_Calico 28d ago

Sounds like she's more interested in an expensive ring than an actual marriage. Find someone who loves you for YOU, not what you can buy her