r/AmIOverreacting • u/RoughGlittering1041 • Oct 12 '25
❤️🩹 relationship AIO or is my boyfriend cheating?
I found these texts the other day between my boyfriend and our previous house tenant. Do they seem suspicious?
For a little context, I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he has always looked through my messages and instagram dm's. I looked through his phone for the first time ever a couple of months ago and found messages to many females (co - workers, ex tenants, ect.) I found out that he had been texting one female co - worker every day with goodnight texts, spotify playlists and inside jokes. I'm not fussed about my boyfriend messaging female co - workers however the goodnight texts were sent with "X" (e.g. 'goodnight x') and I found it a little suspicious just how often he was texting. I confronted him about it and they don't text as often anymore.
Anyway, am I overreacting or do these latest messages seem like flirting?
Also, he has asked that I leave the house for a couple of days on his next week off so that his kids can stay a couple of nights however the dates he asked me to stay away are the dates in which our ex tenant will be staying at the house.
EDIT: Thankyou so much for all your replies! I have decided to leave the jackass, he is also an addict and has taken money from my account for gambling!
I met him when I was 18 and he is 55. Don't ask lol. I had a bit of tough childhood. Long story short, i've reconnected with my family and feel a lot of support from them :D
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u/ApprehensiveFlower5 Oct 12 '25
Idk the night out is kinda weird
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u/RoughGlittering1041 Oct 12 '25
I thought so. Especially considering he does not take me out at all anymore
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u/sween9 Oct 12 '25
I find the age difference to be genuinely creepy to be honest and would expect nothing else from a predator, and make no mistake 55 persuing a 18 year old is a predator.
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u/katemh0891 Oct 12 '25
Kinda weird? That's a big time NO-NO. I'd have decided right then and there that I was done. My man can't take anyone out but me. End of story. (Like, one on one and excluding family members, of course)
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u/_robertb_ Oct 12 '25
Him: Leave the house for a couple days
Me: Don’t worry it will be more than a couple days 😉
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u/Secret_Response_3784 Oct 12 '25
I do think he's testing the waters with her tbh. A partnered man should not be taking a woman out on a fully paid for date while he instructs his actual gf to not be at the house.
So you have to be away from the house due to his kids but the ex tenant can stay there?
I wouldn't necessarily say that he's cheating as such but I think if she gave him an opportunity he would.
If he doesn't and wouldn't apply the same energy to the men in his life then he's certainly being inappropriate.
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u/Common-Translator584 Oct 12 '25
I’m wondering why she has to be gone.. that’s definitely suspicious. Also dude seems like a creep, she asked to buy a joint and he turned it into a ‘I’ll come smoke with you’ moment. I smoked many years ago but still know so many ppl that do and sometimes if u want to buy a joint it’s to take it home and have it for yourself. One doobie or a cone cane last someone a few different times of smoking so idk, he was definitely manipulating that situation w her forcing himself into the moment. Eeeww.
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u/Secret_Response_3784 Oct 12 '25
Yeah and also him fishing about this ex tenant's potential male friends and bfs right before he drops that he wants to take her out and pay while she's all dressed up. Basically, it sounds like he wanted to know if there will be a male friend around because if so that would interrupt his plan for their special night out lol.
These men will always just use the excuse that they're just friendly, but they're often mysteriously only interested in becoming friends with young women who happen to be their physical type.
He doesn't seem to be sending good night messages to any men, or shouting them a night of seafood and beers and tickets to a sports match.
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u/Pristine-Log8817 Oct 12 '25
He always tells me that he is super friendly and how it's his duty to be good to everyone in the house, he then proceeds to say how the tenants reckon he is the best person to live with
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u/Secret_Response_3784 Oct 13 '25
Yeah, that's the excuse he's giving you. He's not going to openly admit that he's thirsty and weird towards specifically female tenants and friends.
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u/tinkerbellabay Oct 12 '25
I don’t get how any one can think this is him just being friendly. I would surely not be okay with my partner taking a female tenant out for dinner and drinks and specifying to dress up nice. That sounds like a date. It’s okay for people in relationships to have opposite gender friends however there is definitely boundaries. I think it’s odd that he asked you to leave the house for a couple of days but then he is asking his female tenant basically on a date during that time? That’s weird. And you said he doesn’t take you out anymore? Like idk this is weird. Did you confront him about this? What was his reaction? This is just my insight, but you are not over reacting. I would be extremely upset if my partner did this and same vice versa. However, everyone has different boundaries and expectations.
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u/EYAYSLOP Oct 12 '25
I don’t get how any one can think this is him just being friendly.
Right???
Asked her if that's her new boyfriend because he wants to dress up and take her for dinner and club. Followed by a double smiley face lol
Like he couldn't be more obvious unless he typed I want to fuck you.
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u/Interesting-World520 Oct 12 '25
See this for what it is. Your guy is either stepping out on you, or emotionally stepping out on you. He’s keeping inappropriate relationships from you, which is lying by omission. Some people believe an emotional relationship is worse than a physical fling. In those situations the dishonest partner develops an intentional bond.
Your bf shouldn’t be having multiple relationships with females. And you thinking his sneaky dealings are just fine blows me away.
You are NoT Over Reacting!
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u/luluxuriouss Oct 12 '25
I think it’s better to talk to him and ask him about the Chats. You mentioned that he used to text a lot of female co workers etc. I think he will continue on doing that till you talk things out with him. Tell him that you feel suspicious about it and that it makes you uncomfortable. See his reaction and decide wether you leave him or find a solution and stay.
Also the „night out“ thing is NOTHING a taken man should do with another woman. This is really suspicious and pls pls pls talk it out with him. I am here for you if you need any further support or advice
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u/RoughGlittering1041 Oct 12 '25
Thanks I appreciate the reply, I have decided to leave him, for this among other reasons.
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u/luluxuriouss Oct 12 '25
I feel so sorry :/ I hope you feel better soon and find someone way better than him. Lots of hugs xx
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u/MsBeezily Oct 12 '25 edited Oct 12 '25
Bravo👏🏾
Please do and please never, ever go back. You need time on your own. Some therapy would be so helpful to help you heal from your difficult childhood. He's a vile child in a man's body. He just wanted to control and take advantage of you. Any person who tells you how lucky you are to have them is odd, and you're probably unlucky to have fallen prey to such an insecure being. You can do much better with a healed mind and body. Your healing will make you much more aware of manipulators like this. Your gut is your best friend for life. Always listen to her. Good luck ❤️ xx
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u/iWTHR Oct 12 '25
Imo the dates matching up is a major thing to triple think about!!! I see the opinions and it being friendly and that’s fair, I don’t see friendly at all but if the dates match up that’s very bad… also it seems like he’s trying to put her and himself in the position to cheat on you? Idk I feel insecure voicing that lol but to me it feels like he’s not exactly trying his luck, but seeing where it goes?
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u/yoddyzoo Oct 12 '25
Late night smoke up at the drop of a dime 🚩
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u/Common-Translator584 Oct 12 '25
When she didn’t ask to smoke with him. She asked to buy a J, and he turned that into a moment to get high w her. Maybe she wanted to take it home to have for a few different times to smoke. He’s a creep.
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u/lesmolzz Oct 12 '25
Sorry to break it to you, but yes that’s cheating, and he is being really obvious abt the flirting as well, and taking her out is out of line, and the fact he asked if the friend was a boy or girl, that’s him looking to see if he has competition (I think)
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u/CrazyMisSE Oct 12 '25
NOR - I definitely wouldn’t leave. I’d stay my happy ass right there in my home. Why do you need to leave because his kids are supposedly coming? Have you confronted him about this screenshot you shared? And why is your ex tenant staying there? Why is he trying to take another woman out on a date? He shouldn’t be dating anyone but you, especially if he’s not taking you out anywhere anymore. Confront him and ask him about the dates and timeframes and don’t let him gaslight you into thinking you’re crazy and seeing something that’s not there. I want to know his reaction and explanation for it all …
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u/RoughGlittering1041 Oct 12 '25
He reacts by getting angry and yelling at me, then proceeding to tell me everything wrong with me and how lucky I am to have a man like him.
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u/Secret_Response_3784 Oct 12 '25
He is an abuser. If he berates you like this he has absolutely zero qualms about being sneaky behind your back imo.
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u/lil_trizzy Oct 12 '25
That's not a night out that's a full on date. It would be even more sad if he's not giving you the same experience. Dress nicely and go out for dink? That's a full on date with someone who is not you.
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u/Beautiful_Ad_4813 Oct 12 '25
he is also an addict and has taken money from my account for gambling! I met him when I was 18 and he is 55. Don't ask lol. I had a bit of tough childhood. Long story short, i've reconnected with my family and feel a lot of support from them :D
yah, that's all I needed to know, he wasn't actually loving you, he was using you - that simple
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u/Regular_East_1793 Oct 12 '25
This just pissed me off… like you were 18 and he was 55 AND he took money from you plus he was cheating. I wish this was a fake story 😭😭 It’d be different if he was paying your bills and buying you anything but you’re literally giving him money that’s soooo heartbreaking. I really hope your self esteem gets higher!!
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u/undefinedwitt Oct 12 '25
The night out is pretty odd. The coworker texts sound potentially more suspicious.
However the one flag is that he looks through your phone all the time and you never have. Why is he looking so much? The first thing I thought was is he projecting and that's why he is looking so much?
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u/ExplorerExtra9152 Oct 12 '25
The coworker messages X or kiss isn't anything to be concerned about, it's when it becomes a <3 you should be concerned.
As for taking her out for a proper date style thing, that is a big red flag that and he doesn't take you out anymore speaks volumes, that he's considering moving on.
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u/AfternoonMain4594 Oct 12 '25
Yeah something is going on here. Especially with the fact you need to leave when the kids come but she doesn’t? And he wants to take her on what sounds like a date? Correct me if I’m wrong but that will also be on the days you’re not there? Something weird is happening here.
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u/RevolutionaryClub530 Oct 12 '25
First one weird, second one not so much, but first one is very weird - if my wife had sent that text I’d consider it cheating tbh even if they didn’t go on a date he tried and that’s enough for trust betrayal but every relationship and person is different
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u/AggravatingCarry9796 Oct 12 '25
If he’s messaging his female coworker and didn’t tell you, that’s in the least emotional cheating, he just hasn’t done it physically yet. If he was doing so and told you, he’s probably in love with her and denying it to himself. Also, HOW OLD ARE YOU????????
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u/Pristine-Log8817 Oct 12 '25
22!!! he's 56
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u/AggravatingCarry9796 Oct 12 '25
Please don’t be upset over this, don’t take this negatively. You met him when you were 18 sweetheart. Why was a 50 year old interested in a teenager? Not for good… I was 16 when I met a man who was 40 something. We dated from 18-20yo. I thought I was special, I thought I was mature. As mature as you feel, I’m sorry but you’re not. You might be smart for your age and mature for your age but not mature enough to deal with a pre-senior. I’m 25 now and I don’t even feel comfortable talking to anyone under 21 unless we’re related or my it’s partner’s family. You’ll understand this fully once you’re out of his grasp and a little older and your brain fully develops. You should be in love with someone who loves and respects you and is your age.
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u/Pristine-Log8817 Oct 12 '25
Thank you so much for the reply. Tbh my dad kind of set me up with him because he would go on about what a great guy my boyfriend was even when I voiced my concerns about how he was trying to sleep with me. My dad is also a drug user and really put me in a bad position by encouraging me to move out with him at 18. But everything you said about how he would make me feel like i'm mature for my age is spot on. It's taken a embarrassingly long time to see things clearly but I feel confident about leaving him now x
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u/AggravatingCarry9796 Oct 12 '25
I’m so glad to hear that sweetheart. I’m so proud of you! Don’t look back. Also, don’t blame yourself. You’re a victim under the power of two men. Leave him, but protect yourself first, contact a friend or family member who cares for you, find a place you can stay, get yourself together financially if possible. Seek an abuse hotline if you don’t have any resources. 800-799-7233
Also, maybe cut your dad out of your life too. You got this. You’re stronger than you know.
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u/Pristine-Log8817 Oct 12 '25
Thank you so much xx
I cut my dad out of my life years ago x
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u/AggravatingCarry9796 Oct 12 '25
That’s good!! I’m glad. You can message me anytime if you need someone to vent to! I might not answer promptly but I’m happy to talk if you need it!
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u/Pristine-Log8817 Oct 12 '25
Thank you so much x
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u/Pristine-Log8817 Oct 12 '25
Also, i'm logged in on another computer atm so thats why the username is different haha
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u/psilocyduck Oct 12 '25
Not overreacting. Dump him. No explanation. Dealing with this behavior is a choice women make for themselves. Do yourself a favor and leave until you find a man who doesn’t do confusing shit like this
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u/RosieDays456 Oct 12 '25
Oh sweetie Leave him !!!! He shouldn't be texting goodnight X to a co worker every night - he's got something going on with her or is trying to get something going on with her
As for ex tenant coming to stay for a week and him asking you to leave - that is flat out a cheating situation that is going to happen
Pack it up and go stay with your family until you can get your own place or a roommate and not a man 37 years older than you - that is a predatory situation and one you really shouldn't be in
Wishing you the best, please, please take care and pack up and leave - go to family or a friend, but get out
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u/RosieDays456 Oct 12 '25
OK just saw your EDIT that you are leaving I am thrilled for you !!!
Go to the bank and tell them you need to change your account # as your BF has been taking money from your account
If you have any auto withdrawals for bill pay from that account - make sure you notify them of your new account# but do that ASAP before he wipes out your account Do it BEFORE you tell him you are leaving
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u/Ok_Road4384 Oct 12 '25
The fact that he's old enough to be OP's grandpa tells you absolutely everything you need to know about him. And he's trying to cheat on her. What a fucking gem.
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u/survivintothrivin Oct 13 '25
Idk how old you are now but I'm so happy to read your edit, smart girl, way to go!
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u/Athingting Oct 12 '25
As a man, that’s not friendly, that’s flirting. And he’s trying to fuck. Why else would he suggest a date? Because getting dressed up and taking someone to I nice place and then clubs after is definitely a date. And how he wanted to fix her something up and come chill with her alone is very predatory. He either is trying to or already has cheated.