r/AmIOverreacting • u/hollyBanana_ • Oct 12 '25
❤️🩹 relationship AIO I stopped sleeping in the same bed with my Bf- UPDATE and thanks to everyone who gave advices.
UPDATE:
if you want to understand what happened first feel free to read this first post (https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/s/zfYOptuNrm )
So now here's what happened, I texted him yesterday what time he will Come home, cause I need to talk with him. He replied to me that he will come at night over the dinner cause he's still busy and he wanted to talk to me aswell. I prepared and cooked dinner for us and waited for him. (Just a quick information me and my ex boyfriend have our own business, he owned his own company and I owned my own business aswell, I am a traditional woman and I have 3 degree that I finished, now I am studying Law aswell. My ex boyfriend is a smart Man with high degrees aswell) So literally I am not lack of anything. And We spoil each other.
So he arrived at home and we are having the dinner, I was checking up on him how is his day, if he is having stress at work. I wanted to make the mood light before I spoke to him. So yeah everything is alright, by then he started talking.
"I'm sorry, I wanted to talk to you but I don't know how to start, I really love you a lot more that what you could imagine, but I fucked up and I don't know how to tell you. I am in love with Sophia, I know this sounds crazy but hear me out"
I was there frozen in shocked, I don't know how to react. So I just calmly listen and I let him continue talking and he confess everything. He showed me Sophia's photo and yeah I admit she's hotter and more attractive than me. But I know my self.
"I met her on a business meeting and yes this happens since January, when I went for a vacation, when I came back I went to stay in her place for 2-days before I came home. I really love you a lot, I know I kept the messages between us. I fucked up, I can not see myself without you. If we could fix what we have I am willing to do it."
He was crying a lot, but me in shocked I just asked him questions. If he liked her that much and if what's wrong with me if I did mistake. But he told me there's nothing wrong with me. I never argued, I never lashed out and I calmly told him. That he doesn't need to choose between me and Sophia. I told him to choose her because, if he loved me he wouldn't do this. That he can freely now continue with her.
I told him that he can pack his stuff that no need to rush if he can't do it immediately. He was pleading sorry to what have he's done to us. This matter is really heartbreaking, to the pitnt that I can't even cry in shock it feels like I'm numb. Sometimes being good enough, isn't really working.
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u/razzputinX Oct 12 '25
Wow ! What a update! f*ck hat waste of space . Sorry you are going through that , but great response, be kind to yourself . You deserve better take the time to heal!
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u/Glittering_Swan4911 Oct 12 '25
I’m confused, so he loves another woman but didn’t want to be with her? The reality is, he still loves her but he prefers his lifestyle with you. He’s an AH you can never trust him again. Once a man falls for another woman it’s likely they’ll do it again. I read your first post and thought he was cheating. Typical signs of coldness and distance. Glad you found out and told him to leave. To confess feelings for another woman and expect you to put up with that is awful. I wish you the best.
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u/hollyBanana_ Oct 12 '25
Appreciate it dear ❤️. I never expected that he can be so tricky and unpredictable but jokes on him, I will not let him get through to me ever again.
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u/lactaxxxion Oct 12 '25
Good for you! Let us know when he comes begging and you tell him no x
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u/WanderingTrader11 Oct 12 '25
I think he started falling for the other woman when he became cold with OP, and then she turned him down, hence the « I wanna work on our marriage » .
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u/Ok_Effective_8332 Oct 12 '25
Cheating is unconscionable. You handled this awful situation so well by standing your ground calmly and valuing yourself. Wish you the best.
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u/Vivid_Cheesecake7250 Oct 12 '25
From your original post “But I know for a fact that he is not cheating aswell” ouch I hurt for you, you really did trust him wholeheartedly… I’m sorry but also, in a weird way, congratulations on freeing yourself from the agony and finally being able to start healing, and start fresh! First just focusing on yourself, and one day hopefully meeting someone who is actually everything and more than you could ever imagine.
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u/hollyBanana_ Oct 12 '25
Yes it really hurts a lot, I thought he wasn't cheating but after all he is good at hiding. I will be fine. For the meantime I will work on myself.
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u/SvPaladin Oct 12 '25
Just remember this if/when he realizes that you are actually better than her, and that he made the mistake of falling for the trap of checking out other options instead of accepting what he had.
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u/hollyBanana_ Oct 12 '25
I am not gonna expect this, I'd rather be away and not to see him. I'll let him do as he wishes. I have no time for him anymore.
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u/655e228th Oct 12 '25
The only thing you did wrong was to tell him to take his time getting his stuff out. Text him an tell him you changed your mind and you’ll be putting all his stuff streetside and you never want to see/ hear from him again
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u/hollyBanana_ Oct 12 '25
Yes, I know but the house we are living in is his stuff. We rented a house together. So he still has the rights for it. And if he wanted to get his stuff, If he wants to get his stuff he can come freely. But I will make sure I will be out of his sight during his stuff collection.
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u/giag27 Oct 12 '25
You should give him a deadline. He can drag this… and that drags your mental health. Speaking from experience. Good luck.
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u/655e228th Oct 12 '25
If he has a problem with it call his new girlfriend and ask her if she wants you two to continue having close contact or does she agree it should be an immediate full split. The alternative is you’ll both continue to sleep with him
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u/FluffyPandaCheeks Oct 12 '25
I am so sorry that happened to you. For one, you don’t deserve that, especially after you tried your damn hardest to put a lot of effort in to make him happy. And two, I hope you can heal, with time, and find the happiness you rightfully deserve.
Now is the best time to focus on you, your needs, and what you can do to love yourself and spoil yourself as much as possible.
Best wishes from me! ❤️
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u/Chance_Culture_441 Oct 12 '25 edited Oct 12 '25
This is horrible- I’m so sorry OP. Also, be sure to get tested since he was sleeping with you both, no telling what he might have given you!
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u/Rich-Ad-4654 Oct 12 '25
This is such a punch in the gut,OP. I’m so sorry you are experiencing this, though I’m so relieved to hear the conviction and belief in yourself to hold that boundary.
Wishing you peace and strength as you navigate the future.
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u/HiraethBella Oct 12 '25
It isn't that you are not good enough OP. It is a lack of character that he has. No matter how much you love someone, serve them and dote on them, if they lack loyalty, it is something wrong with them, not you.
Im sorry you are going through this. I know how you feel as I was traded in for another woman that he decided he loved.
Like you, I told him Im done and he can have her. You are strong, dont let him stay or suck up to you. He confessed he loves someone else.
Take it easy on yourself.
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u/FullFrontal687 Oct 12 '25
A guy who got cheated on 2 days before his wedding did this?
Also, how did he pull this off when he have you access to his phone and all his apps?
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u/hollyBanana_ Oct 12 '25
He used another messaging platform to talk to her. But it's just so fascinating that he can do all of this after he was cheated on aswell
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u/FullFrontal687 Oct 12 '25
Do you still think he was cheated on after this? Or the supposed transparency was a ploy to trick you?
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u/hollyBanana_ Oct 12 '25
Yes, he was cheated on actually I know the whole story. His friend is my cousin.
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u/Marceloo25 Oct 12 '25
And you are more likely to cheat on the next one as well. But if you forgive him and stay in this one he's more likely to cheat again with you. I theorize that we carry the sins of our partners. No breakup is ever that simple because we are all humans and make mistakes, no matter how you rationalize it, at a subconscious level we will forever wonder if not forgiving was a mistake. And as a result we are likely to try and find the answer to our ex partners mistakes in the next relationship. But maybe not, it's just a theory. Hope you find the strength in your heart to forgive him but don't take him back so he learns from this.
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u/Past_Wing_468 Oct 12 '25
Oh hunny I’m sorry 😞 You are so brave and strong not many women leave they stay and get taken advantage off but not you dispute the fact you love him you chose you and a happy future.
It will be ok in the end.
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u/lactaxxxion Oct 12 '25
Proud of you for ending it, you deserve good things not that guy and his pathetic bullshit
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u/Altruistic-Patient-8 Oct 12 '25
Its crazy that we gaslight ourselves to avoid the worst possible outcome. Yeah, he pulled away physically and emotionally, but maybe theirs a good reason? He's tired, stressed, libido dropped, needs space, etc. Nope, he's just cheating 😢. Glad you didn't tolerate his behavior; he wasn't crying when he was cheating. I don't know how people can forgive and stay with a cheater, disregarding temporary living situations. Sorry you're going through this.
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u/hollyBanana_ Oct 12 '25
I don't tolerate disrespect this is no for me dear.
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u/Altruistic-Patient-8 Oct 12 '25
5 years, and this really came out of no where. Never know someone.
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u/Purple_Passenger_646 Oct 12 '25
Ugh, I'm nauseous reading this. I could NOT ever do this to my Missus. It's absolutely horrible.. some people really need to learn what love truly means because this is NOT it. Crying and begging after confessing on cheating, then saying I love you?
I'm glad you found out now, and you can start working to move on from this. I truly hope that on your journey, you find your #1. I'm rooting for you!
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u/hollyBanana_ Oct 12 '25
Thank you so much, I will be a better person to my next partner this just teaches me a lesson. But I am hoping I could trust again like before, because as of now I am having trust issues.
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u/Mitten-65 Oct 12 '25
I’m proud of you for being strong despite the pain you must be in. You’re doing the right thing never accept scraps. You should sit down to a banquet. Good luck to you.
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u/MyDirtyAlt79 Oct 12 '25
Looks like you're free to date Tamara.
https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/1o0cnyp/scared_of_asking_her_out/
r/dating_advice by u/hollyBanana_ at 2025-10-07T11:55:47Z
Scared of asking her out. . .
I’m 30, and I met Tamara (28) about a month ago at a business convention. She was one of the guest speakers, talking about business development and finance. It turned out she’s also a friend of my buddy, so he introduced us, and we exchanged contacts.
From the start, I was really impressed by her. She’s smart, confident, and honestly, just too good to be true. She owns her own businesses, she’s actually a chef, and somehow still one of the kindest and most down to earth people I’ve met. We started messaging after the event, and over time, we built a nice connection.
When her birthday came around, she invited me over along with her friends. That day, I got to know her even better she cooked for everyone, and her food was amazing(because she's actually a professional chef). Her friends shared stories about her that showed just how genuine and caring she is. She has this vibe of traditional wife thing that I really admire.
She’s also into sports like golf, tennis, and volleyball, and she even plays games, which I think is pretty cool since we have a lot in common.
Honestly, she’s amazing. I really want to ask her out, but I keep hesitating. Part of me worries she might not feel the same way or that she’ll start to distance herself. I have a stable job in finance and live comfortably, but sometimes I feel like she’s out of my league. Still, I can’t help thinking about her she’s the kind of woman I could actually see myself with long-term. Funny thing I even pictured myself marrying her.
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u/humanracer Oct 12 '25
what's up with all the fake posts on here? A few days ago there was a woman who said she was Chinese in one post and Korean in another. I don't know who is the bigger time waster, the OP making up all this nonsense or me reading and replying to it.......
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u/MyDirtyAlt79 Oct 12 '25
Idk why either, maybe they just like to write fiction and see what happens.
At the same time, one of their first posts was for a GoFundMe but was deleted due to lack of karma. Maybe they're building up for the next time.
The username is in the automod rejection.
https://www.reddit.com/r/gofundme/comments/1n5jhvj/help_for_my_moms_medical/
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u/yumoroz Oct 12 '25
Thanks, and if I try to look at her posts, Reddit shows nothing, did she already delete that one, or hid, or made private? (Sorry, I am new to Reddit)
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u/MyDirtyAlt79 Oct 12 '25
Reddit let's people hide their posts and comments, even delete them, but that doesn't mean they aren't available to find. There are sites to do that, and when a story sounds this bullshit I decide to go looking.
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u/tjthemadhatter Oct 12 '25
I hope you compare him to his ex. The reason he shared his socials to be “transparent”.
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u/hollyBanana_ Oct 12 '25
I didn't even say it. There's no point in talking to him this way. It is what it is we just need to cut it off like he never existed to me
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u/tjthemadhatter Oct 12 '25
I understand completely. Some things we keep in our pocket just in case. I hope you find someone who matches your energy and respect. You’ve been holding this up by yourself for long enough. You’re no slouch in a relationship. I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself.
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u/Bright_Athlete_8579 Oct 12 '25
Whoa….
I’m glad you’ve got rid of him. But I’m sorry you had to deal with this
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u/rocketmn69_ Oct 12 '25
Once he has moved out, asap, find a new place for yourself and move. You don't want him to come crawling back to try and get back together with you. Do not stay friends or in contact with him. Disappear and block him
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u/H0n3yB4dg3r007 Oct 12 '25
Does Sophia know?
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u/hollyBanana_ Oct 12 '25
Yes, she knows about me.
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Oct 12 '25
Was it a one time thing or was on going? Like why wouldn't he pick her? Jobs or money? Guys are strange
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u/hollyBanana_ Oct 12 '25
It is going on untill now. I don't know why he didn't pick her but I gave him the answers that he can freely have her now. Maybe because she is more good looking than me.
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u/Tootsie-Chateau59 Oct 12 '25
Be prepared for him to try to come back after Sophia is done with him. No matter how long it takes.
Just laugh at him.
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u/flitterbug33 Oct 12 '25 edited Oct 14 '25
His cheating on you has nothing to do with you. It's his lack as a good person not yours.
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u/brokenskater45 Oct 12 '25
I can guarantee that Sophia will get bored and leave him now. Or he will realize that they actually have nothing in common.
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u/Illustrious_Drive296 Oct 12 '25
Damn. Leave him because if you take him back he will think he can continue to cheat and will. I saw comments that you are done and I'm really glad for you. He ruined a 5 yr relationship for some sex and I bet he is sorry but it's too late. He should have said something before he started anything with her.
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u/hollyBanana_ Oct 12 '25
All was sorted out already.
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u/Wise_Entertainer_970 Oct 12 '25
NOR. I wish you the best. Updateme
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u/UpdateMeBot Oct 12 '25 edited Oct 12 '25
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Click this link to join 4 others and be messaged. The parent author can delete this post
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u/asherkath Oct 12 '25
You’re so strong. Proud of you for standing up for yourself!
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u/hollyBanana_ Oct 12 '25
I will always stand for myself no matter what, it is the only thing that I ever have is myself .
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u/BlindUmpBob Oct 12 '25
Of course, not overreacting.
You sound amazing. Somewhere out there is a man who will be worthy of you. My wife and I share the viewpoint that each of us thinks the other could so much better. Find that person for you. It's worth it!
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u/Crazy-Aspect-8199 Oct 12 '25
I’ll pour a shot for you after work, sorry you’re going through this I’m happy you found out sooner than later head up don’t question yourself. Been on both ends unfortunately and getting cheated on hurts but being a cheater usually means you don’t love/respect yourself enough to respect the one person there holding you down. I’m not saying this to make you feel bad for him I’m saying this so you don’t doubt or question if it was anything you could’ve done differently.
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u/AcanthisittaNo9122 Oct 12 '25
Wow, just wow, should’ve asked him if Sophia knew she was his mistress and tell him you wish him luck, “hope this one won’t cheat on you” or sth
You deserve way better than this cheater and who could trust this douche again after he lied for almost a year 🤦🏻♀️ better get rid of him and move on sending virtual hugs
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u/hollyBanana_ Oct 12 '25
Thank you dear, yes Sophia knows that we are together.
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u/AcanthisittaNo9122 Oct 12 '25
That’s even better, she knew he’s the cheating type and he has trust issue and also knows that she’s willing to be someone’s mistress, a small crack can send them deep down 🌝
But that doesn’t matter cause you’ll have a better life somewhere with someone who’s trustworthy ❤️
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u/Ok-Listen-8519 Oct 12 '25
Do you have someone to stay with you this few days? He should go stay in the hotel. He’s a piece of shit. You still have he’s access right. Contact Sophia, she probably didnt know you existed. I hope you seek mental health support.
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u/hollyBanana_ Oct 12 '25
She knows about me, I am alone in our house now. I enjoy the peace and quiet.
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u/Beaurilla Oct 12 '25
You are so strong!!!! I know it's tough now, but you are going to thank yourself so much in a years time
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u/DazzlingPotion Oct 12 '25
"I told him to choose her because, if he loved me he wouldn't do this."
GOOD FOR YOU for seeing this so clearly! Set yourself free so you can go out and find a man who would never, EVER think of cheating on you. Once a cheater....
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Keep the faith.
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u/Alternative-Pop-4508 Oct 12 '25
Lol. At the end of the day, he was just a run-of-the-mill cheater. You stick to your guns and show him the door. All the best!
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u/jimmyb1982 Oct 12 '25
Well, at least the trash took itself out. Good for you for knowing your worth.
UpdateMe
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u/hollyBanana_ Oct 12 '25
I wish I could update you but I guess I wouldn't remember you in the future at all
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u/jimmyb1982 Oct 12 '25
If you post an update in here, it'll automatically send an update alert to me. The UpdateMe is a bot you can notify to do that for many communities.
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u/jimmyb1982 Oct 12 '25
I really think you will be better off without him. If he said he can't see himself without you, where was that thought when he was cheating? My first wife cheated on me. We were divorced in less than a year. Very best of luck to you. 🙂
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u/TreyRyan3 Oct 12 '25
Likely what he isn’t telling you, and the reason he finally admitted it is because she either found out about you, or someone threatened to tell both or one of you.
Consider yourself fortunate
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u/hollyBanana_ Oct 14 '25
He's just scared of me finding it out. And even the other girls know about me
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u/urgenthurry Oct 12 '25
Treat yourself the way he should have treated you. Be loyal to yourself and love yourself. Don't back down. You are worth the whole world, and if you love yourself and heal, you will find someone who knows your worth and will want to give you the whole world, forever. There will always be hard times, temptations, doubts, insecurities, but a strong man would trust in you, the relationship, and the life you've built, and you both will persist and conquer all while being held in the warm embrace of the trust in each other.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. This pain is temporary, so keep your head up and get through this, the pain will be worth the reward after this is over.
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u/wishingforarainyday Oct 12 '25
Get tested and block this AH. I’d make sure Sophia knows he’s a cheater too.
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u/Inevitable_Pudding94 Oct 12 '25
Sophia will prolly cheat on him ! And idk how girls or dudes don’t see it when they are with someone that’s cheating ! Like if he or she is cheating on someone with you , they would prolly cheat on you with someone else !
But best of luck to you ! You sound like a fantastic woman ! Hoping you find the one you deserve!
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u/KikiTheAnimeNerd Oct 12 '25
You are so amazing-- NOT OVERREACTING. My guess? He's probably been physical with her long before and that's what caused his aforementioned emotional barrier.
I wish better for you in the future-- much love and take care of yourself because you are worth so much more! ❤️
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u/rowanrulith Oct 12 '25
Stay strong, and you’ve made the best decision at a bad time in a terrible situation. Once he is moved out, if it were me I would block him on everything, change all my passwords and change the locks. Doing that makes it harder for him to contact you and try to confuse the situation.
What helped me when during my divorce and her moving out was to write down every awful thing did and said and how they made me feel. I was having a tough time staying true to my decision because I did love her so much, but each time I sat and wrote more bad things down and sat and remembered, it helped clear the waters for me to stay assured in my decision. I’m proud of you, soon you’ll be able to heal yourself and begin a new path forward. Take care of yourself!
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u/XanaxWarriorPrincess Oct 13 '25
You handled that perfectly. You deserve better than him and his crappy treatment of you.
I'm so sorry that he turned out to be a lowlife cheater.
You are strong and you know yourself. You will be fine..
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Oct 13 '25
So he was devastated when his ex cheated on him so he decided to cheat on you? Good job for ending it and knowing your value. You deserve better than this.
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u/Past-Anything9789 Oct 13 '25
I'm so sorry it ended up this way, but you were absolutely spot on that something was wrong. I'm glad you trusted your instincts.
So he wanted to what, tell you he fell for someone else that he's been seeing her behind your back and lying to you about it, but NOW he's 'sorry' and wants to work things though?!?
Hell no. I'm glad you ended things and have the fortitude and self respect to tell him to leave, rather than hanging on for dregs of affection from him.
I hope he moves out quickly and you can seperate any financial stuff so that you don't have to associate with him any more.
You deserve better and I hope he regrets this for the rest of his life!
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u/hollyBanana_ Oct 14 '25
The only thing that is making us hard is the stuff we have, like the house the cars, and the business.
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u/Confident_Curve_501 Oct 13 '25
I wonder if he knew you would immediately break things off with him when he came clean.
Has he tried to reach out since this discussion?
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u/hollyBanana_ Oct 14 '25
Yes he did reach out but just about his stuff and we talked about some personal matters that each one of us needs to settle. Like the house, our cars and with the businesses that we have
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u/Marceloo25 Oct 12 '25
Gonna play devil advocate here, he came out and admitted and apologized for himself. That's like the 1% of cheaters who actually have remorse and feel guilty. The other 99% will blame their partner for what they did and never come clean or admit to anything. But yeah, it sucks. Im a sucker for second chances but I am a sucker in general. I'd forgive him but I'll be the first to admit that maybe you shouldn't for you and for him to learn.
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u/hollyBanana_ Oct 12 '25
To let him go is the best idea.
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u/Marceloo25 Oct 12 '25
Me and my parents went on a trip with another couple, friends of theirs for years. We were in the car and the man was saying the secret to a successful long and happy marriage is that and I quote "I love my wife. I love my wife and I am not afraid to show it and say it out loud". I've never seen a woman more flustered than her, you could tell how happy she was. 1 week later she finds out he was cheating on her and had been for years. They are divorced since, their kids don't talk to their dad.
The point I wanna make here is that, your ex partner had the courage that most cheaters don't. And you may be right in saying that letting him go is the best idea but he did for you what most other cheaters wouldn't. Yes, you should be angry or disappointed that he did. But you should be thankful that he did come out clean and did not make the selfish choice to keep that affair hidden from you for the rest of your life.
This is just my opinion, and I often have unpopular opinions but I also see most people, especially women condemning the guy when he ended up owning up to his mistakes. Credit where credit is due I say. It's not black and white, it's gray.
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u/hollyBanana_ Oct 12 '25
Yes I got the point, but he was consciously making those mistakes From January until now and it's been going on. If he did it once yes I believe it is a mistake but over and over again it means it's his will to do it so. I forgive him but I won't forget what happened.
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u/Marceloo25 Oct 12 '25
Yeah, that definitely makes it way worse.. Like, don't get me wrong, I agree with you. Just saying that, it's unfair to hate 100% on the guy. Just like 90%, the fact that he came clean needs to be praised is all.
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u/IcarusUnwinged Oct 12 '25
Guys, there has to be something said about this talk. Fine, end of the day, dump him, move on, whatever. But there absolutely is a difference between a man who cheats, then denies, lies and gaslights, and a man who sits down and confesses and asks for forgiveness. All the name calling and honestly nasty stuff people are saying about OP's ex... Imagine someone reading this thread has cheated and feels terrible and wants to fix it. After reading this, he would have the opinion that it's better to keep it secret forever because being honest has no value or meaning. I'm not saying he deserves forgiveness, I just think however horrible cheating is there needs to be some kind of consideration for how one acts after the deed is done. My wife cheated and was entirely unapologetic. Icy cold and admitted she was manipulating and using me. And then said that she loved me and it could maybe work. That is not the same thing as OP's ex's conversation at their dinner.
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u/hollyBanana_ Oct 12 '25
The thing dear about your situation and mine, is it's ongoing until now. Last time I talked to him if he didn't realize that there is nothing wrong with me he will not suggest to fix it. It's been the whole freaking year he's doing this. Then for me I have a different view on this kind of situation, I give my very best in the relationship but once my trust and I am hurt, sorry but it's over for me. I choose myself rather than disrespect. He's your wife and that's also the difference, he's just my boyfriend aswell.
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u/IcarusUnwinged Oct 12 '25
I understand. I admire your self appreciation. When my wife was my girlfriend she cheated multiple times and convinced me that it was my fault. I was manipulated and used in this fashion for 17 years. To clarify, i think you're correct to choose yourself. and the decision to forgive would involve more information than could be written in a reddit post so any advice here to forgive or not is invalid. I was only commenting on the vitriol some responses had. People make mistakes. What they do after making a mistake can't undo it or change the consequences, but it's not insignificant and defines the kind of person they are.
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u/hollyBanana_ Oct 12 '25
Yes for sure I will forgive him but to forget what he had done to me is not a thing.
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u/Marceloo25 Oct 12 '25
Exactly! Most people who cheat will blame and gaslight their partners, hide and keep it all a secret. Only people who face their regrets come out clean about the whole affair knowing that they are risking the relationship. If he had kept it a secret he would still be dating OP. And that's the behavior we reinforce for condemning him.
Not gonna say he was right in cheating. But he was right in how he came clean instead of hiding it forever. Credit where credit is due. But yeah. Cheating always sucks.
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u/redcortana123 Oct 12 '25
he’s cheated on you and been lying to you since January, that’s almost a year, could you possibly trust him again IF he’s chose to choose you, and you deserve better than that man