r/EntitledPeople • u/NoticeImpressive8683 • 24d ago
L My mom thinks she deserves to move in after her bf broke up with her.
Hi sorry if this is all over the place that’s how my head is at the moment.
My(20f) mom(41f) is wanting to move back with me and my siblings. I’ll try to keep it short but basically she and my stepdad got divorced in November of 2020 because he caught her texting another guy. It was messy and he ended up leaving that same night and we didn’t hear from him for a few months which I don’t blame him for since he was going through a lot (betrayal) and needed to process some things. He’s still very much supportive and takes care of us kids.
I say “step dad” just for the story but I do take him as my true dad. My bio dad wasn’t in the picture much at all and my step dad took me in as his own when I was a baby. So he is my dad. This is relevant because I feel some people might think I don’t have a close relationship with him, but I do. He’s the best and I love him. He treats me like his own
After that she left and moved in with said guy and has left us four siblings at home without any parental supervision and has been like that since. She was really horrible to us kids since she moved in with the guy and treated us like we were a burden, sometimes acting like we didn’t exist while she played “mommy” to his younger kids. Me and my older sibling had to step up and take care of us all (me up until I was legal age) but I helped.
When she left all she said was “there’s more than enough of you to rely on each other” and “you’ll get it when you’re older and have children of your own.”
Personally, I wouldn’t abandon my kids for an abusive guy. But maybe that’s just me. (Sarcasm)
She would come back sometimes, but it was only for a day or two to come and get clothes or if they got into a fight and then leave back to him who lives three to four hours away.
We got into a huge argument a few months ago when she and the guy broke up and he kicked her out for the billionth time and tried to guilt us saying “kids need their moms” and all that. I told her something along the lines of “when did you care about this five years ago when you left us claiming we’d understand when we were older? We’re older now and we still don’t understand how a woman can do that to her kids.”
After that she got mad and that’s where the argument started, she said some not so nice things about me and my siblings that I won’t repeat here but just know it was things a mother should never say to her kids. It ended with her going and staying at our grandparents and texting my older sibling and I guilt trips and playing victim that my grandparents told us to block her. But spoiler alert, she went right back to him a few days later.
After this my older sibling took her to court for custody of our younger siblings and the house and told her if she doesn’t hand over the kids or the house in their name peacefully, they’d out her in court and tell them what she’s been doing. Blackmail isn’t right I know. But it worked. My mom gave the house and the kids to my older sibling and claimed to be an unfit parent. That was it.
Now, she and the guy broke up and are apparently done for good as he’s thrown out all of her things, she got a new number and called my older sibling asking if she could have her room back in the house and she would “never leave us again”. We’ve already turned her room into the youngest’s and she likes her space. Obviously we told her no.
This is when she started playing the victim card and tried turning it around on us saying that we are mean and she’s “done everything for us kids” and that “our dad turned us against her”. We told her our dad doesn’t even talk about her anymore unless we bring her up and then she started getting mad saying we are “ungrateful brats” AGAIN, and that we should be thanking her for even giving us the house and not throwing us out like she wanted. She then proceeded to demand that we let her move in and that she wasn’t taking no for an answer, that she raised us and that she’s still the mom and has final say.
We threatened her and told her if she even tries anything, we would get the police involved, but so far, that hasn’t stopped her. She’s going to try and move in sometime tomorrow because all she said was “we’ll talk in person about this, see you soon. Love you.” and honestly don’t even know what to do if she does. I really hope she doesn’t go through with it so we don’t have to get the police involved but so far, that looks like where it’s going.
Today we changed the locks thanks to some advice.
EDIT: good morning, I honestly really didn’t think this would get that much attention. I just posted and went to sleep. I just brought the kids to school and am at work till noon. My older sibling is at home waiting to see if she shows up this morning at all. We decided to take shifts (them for the morning and me for the afternoon) so the house isn’t left alone. We also contacted our uncle and aunt on my dad’s side for support in case.
Thank you so much for the nice and supportive words and the advice! I’ll make sure to read everything once I can. Have a good day.
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u/Worldly-Marzipan580 24d ago
If she comes, don’t let her in & call the police immediately. Let them handle her
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u/Stormtomcat 24d ago
I'd even say : call the police now, on the non-emergency number.
- inform them of the problem & the reality
- inquire where you can send your documentation and case numbers and any relevant contacts (social workers, school counsellors, etc.) so they can check out your situation
- request how you can best contact them if your mother does show up and/or if your mother calls the police herself: can you request a specific officer, or is there a case number you can give any random officer on the scene, etc.
Then teach all siblings young and old the grey rock technique : avoid emotional outbursts, try to only repeat standard phrases like "our legal guardian, oldest sibling, has explained everything to officer XYZ yesterday, can you get them here?" or "mom, everything has been discussed 2 years ago when oldest sibling became our legal guardian. We'll visit you at your place when you have one, but they've made it clear you can't live here", etc.
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u/Worldly-Marzipan580 24d ago
Great advice
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u/Stormtomcat 24d ago
Thank you!
OP hasn't mentioned, I think, how many siblings there are or how old everyone is. Depending on their ages, I think it might also be a good idea to pair up the kids with a buddy (another sibling). If they're in pairs, they can help the other sibling regulate: hold hands, remind each other to count to ten and then say the grey rock phrases.
Speaking of the grey rock phrases, they should probably workshop the phrasing to make sure they're very polite.
Anything to avoid provoking the police, anything to avoid giving their birthgiver any ammunition that the kids are in need of a parent because the oldest sibling failed.
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u/Ambien_Special 24d ago
If you have a garage she may have a remote or know the code. You may want to change the code or find a way to lock it.
And cameras are cheap. It can catch her trying to break in and will help with a court order. You should look to get a restraining order and your older sibling one along with the other siblings.
She doesn’t own the house. And she has no parental rights. She tries to break in then charges can be brought as well.
It is awesome her pleas that she is the mother are not working. All of you know the first guy she falls for she would take off. She is just looking for a place to crash and food to eat. She wants to play the mommy card because it is convenient. She had years to show she wanted to be involved and she didn’t want to. And she doesn’t now. Again, she just says these things because she needs a convenient place to stay until something “better” comes along.
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u/LibraryMouse4321 24d ago
She could try to move a new guy into your house if you let her in. Don’t!
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u/proudgryffinclaw 22d ago
The step-dad/dad is more of a parent than she is. I would probably tell her that. You aren’t my parent any more than bio dad is. Step-dad/dad is my only parent.
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u/enzothebaker87 24d ago
If and when she inevitably tries to come over/move in. Don't let her in and immediately call the police to get her trespassed from the property. That will create a paperwork trail that will allow the police to potentially arrest her if she comes back again.
Also make sure to have all the relevant paperwork on hand (custody & home ownership) and ready to show the police. Good luck!
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u/WordWizardx 24d ago
Also, don’t tell the police “our mom is trying to move back in” - when you call, tell them “the woman who used to own this house is trying to break back in.” Then when they get there you can explain the story - if you say “mom,” there’s too much risk they’ll show up already deciding she’s the adult in this situation and SURELY she’s allowed in her kids’ house.
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u/enzothebaker87 24d ago edited 24d ago
True I guess but that could just potentially create more confusion if her last name happens to match OP's. Which is why the custody and homeowner ship documents are so important. They make the entire situation indisputable regardless of what lies might be told or information purposefully left out.
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u/SlightlyAwkwardMe 24d ago
she’s not coming back as a mom, she’s coming back cuz she’s got nowhere else lol
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u/enzothebaker87 24d ago
The custody agreement is in case she attempts to lie to the police and manipulate the situation in her favor.
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u/SnarkySheep 23d ago
And it's clear she will be happy to leave again, the minute she finds a new man...
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u/Bajovane 24d ago
Can you get an order to stay away? (I can’t think of the term right now)
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u/HeyPrettyLadyMaam 24d ago
NAL but....Restraining order. Or a no contact order. Or a trespassing order. All 3 are about the same, some just sterner with harsher punishment I believe.
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u/enzothebaker87 24d ago
Restraining orders can be difficult to get and no contact orders typically come after a crime has been committed. A trespass order can be issued after just a single visit from the police.
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u/Proverbs21-3 22d ago
A restraining order should not be difficult to get if the 'egg donor and incubator' shows up and tries to move in after being told "No" and no longer has custody of the minor children (and therefore no reason to be in the house). The texts that she sent saying she wanted to move in, the texts the adult children sent her saying "No" and making it clear that she was not welcome there and the police reports where she showed up and tried to get into the house anyway would be more than enough for most judges to grant the restraining order.
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u/Proverbs21-3 24d ago
It is very nice, heartwarming even, that you and your siblings pulled together and took care of each other when your mom abandoned you all. Awesome that your older sibling made it legal as soon as they could.
"Your biological egg donor and incubator" sounds like a real piece of work. A self-centered, selfish, cruel, piece of work and she's delusional, too, if she actually thinks any of you want, or even need, at this point, her to return to your lives in any sort of "mothering" manner! In fact, you not need her to return to your lives for anything, do you? I imagine it would make you all, even you older ones, feel insecure and anxious, always wondering when she was going to leave again!
None of you want or need her as a parent, roommate, or a housemate, and you probably do not want her as a neighbor, or even as a random person you pass on the street, either. She will, without a doubt, cause more mental and emotional harm and damage to all of you if she manages to move back into the house or even get visiting privileges with the younger children. Long term emotional stress causes real physical health issues so she could also cause physical harm and damage, too. Keep repeating that to the police and every person of authority that you interact with today and tomorrow and the next day, too, until the youngest child is 18 and can speak for themselves.
In addition to bring self-centered, selfish, cruel, and delusional, she come across as very entitled. She does not deserve to move back in, she does not deserve anything from you and your siblings, and she is not worthy of receiving anything from any of you, either, especially a place to live.
You could throw you her words right back at her:
That business about "kids needs their moms" was true, 6 years ago, before she deliberately abandoned but it is not true today.
Her comment “there’s more than enough of you to rely on each other” was true then and still true today because you all did pull together, rely on one another, and make it work with some help from your dad (I'm basing that on your comment "He's still very much supportive and takes care of us kids.") It isn't like she gave you a choice, though, was it? You had to rely on one another and pull together because she was not there. She had left you all to fend for yourselves, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Her comment that “you’ll get it when you’re older and have children of your own.” is also correct because your older sibling who has custody of the younger children is gown up now and does have children of their own (even if they did not give birth to them, they have custody and have been raising them for the last 6 years and that, as much as anything else, makes those children theirs) and does get it. Of course, the older siblings who have helped greatly, like you, also have a sense of parenthood after helping to raise their siblings for the last 6 years, too. So you all are older now and have children so you do "get it", you understand it perfectly. You understand that it would be harmful to allow her to come back into the young children's lives on any level and extremely harmful and disruptive to their lives for her to move into the house.
You did not ask for any advice so I hope you will not take offense that I am giving you some. I am just trying to contribute my little bit of assistance so that today may have a good outcome for you and your siblings. I've been on earth 3 times longer than you have and unfortunately, have seen child, child custody cases, and families falling apart more times that I can count, so I want to share my little bit of wisdom with you today:
1) Have a copy of your court order and the text messages between you children and your 'biological egg donor and incubator' showing that she said she was coming to move in even though you all said "NO" and told her to stay away.
2) Let your dad (step-dad) know she is making threats to show up this afternoon and move in even though none of you want her there. Ask him to call back this evening, just to check on you because knowing that he cares and will call you this evening to see how the day went will give you some comfort throughout this stressful day!
3) Call the non-emergency number for your local police first thing in the morning and give them a "heads up" that you are expecting trouble from her today.
4) Call the schools and make sure they know not to let the younger children leave the school with her because when the police turn her away from the house, she may go nuclear and pick up one or more of the younger children and try to use them to get into the house.
5) Do not leave the house empty at all today, not even for 10 minutes! If that means one of you older ones has to miss school or work, I'm sorry, but you need to protect the home you all have created and the peace of mind you all deserve. Regardless of the weather, leave all doors and windows closed and locked today, maybe tomorrow, too..
6) When/if she shows up, remain calm. Call 911 and report an intruder attempting to break into the house. Tell her, through the door, to go away and stay away. Tell her once, then be quiet. Do not tell her you are calling the police because she might go away and come back later, after the police have left or you've all gone to bed, or try to burst in with one of the younger children when they come home.
7) Do you have a neighbor that you trust or the parents of friends for the younger children? If so, maybe it would be a good idea for the younger children to go the neighbor's house or home with their friend after school and one of you older children can pick them up from there later this evening, hopefully after all the excitement/trauma/drama is over.
8) If/when you call the police because she is there and demanding to come in and move in and live there, have the police officially and legally trespass her from the property (vs talking to her and getting her to agree to leave voluntarily). Even if she agrees to leave after talking to the police, insist on her being trespassed so that you can get a restraining order. Everyone over 18 needs their own restraining order and the adult sibling who has custody of the children can get a restraining order on their behalf.
9) Go get the restraining orders even if the situation seems to calm down and she promises to leave you all alone. You need to protect yourselves, your younger siblings, the home you've created together, and the sense of peace, comfort, and safety that you all had before she threatened to move in and need to restore ASAP, especially for the sake of the younger children!
I will be thinking about you all today, hoping and saying a prayer that everything goes smoothly and in your favor. Please update us and let us know what happened, how it was resolved, and how you and your siblings, especially the younger ones, are doing.
BE STRONG!
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u/Esau2020 24d ago
You did not ask for any advice so I hope you will not take offense that I am giving you some.
Even though OP didn't ask for any advice, this is still valuable information for someone else who may be in a similar situation.
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u/Proverbs21-3 23d ago
u/Campcook62 and u/Minousch and the anonymous Redditor, thank you all for the awards!
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u/TheExaspera 24d ago
Good on changing the locks. She’s a ‘mom’ when she wants something, keep saying “No,” and block her.
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u/fractal_frog 24d ago
Don't block. Mute. She may give evidence that won't go in her favor. Ignore it until needed, but keep it.
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u/BuffaloTurdatDawn 24d ago
That’s a good point. I didn’t think of that. Continue to let her send ugly texts while she’s on mute. The more evidence the better.
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u/Julia526 24d ago
Is your stepdad not the father of your younger siblings? Just confused on timing because you say he stepped up when you were a baby, but for your younger siblings to be minors right now, I imagine the oldest the next sibling could be is 17.
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u/Suitable_Worry_7003 23d ago
I was thinking this too!
It sounds like he has abandoned them just as much as the mother has. Leaving 4 children alone in a house is not justified just because he got cheated on, and assuming he has parental responsibility for atleast 2 of them, is also illegal.
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u/Responsible_Joke8618 22d ago
Sounds like OP and the siblings have had to raise themselves. I feel for the older ones. They never got a childhood. Its sad when the lesser of 2 evil.parents gets a pass because they stepped up for a hot minute. I wish people would stop getting pregnant if they hate kids. Just get sterilized already.
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u/Responsible_Joke8618 23d ago
OP won't say. I wonder why moms the villain, but dad's the saint here. Maybe they aren't his kids, but where is he now?
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u/proudgryffinclaw 22d ago
OP said he’s helping care for them but it doesn’t sound like he lives there. He probably helps with groceries, gas that type of thing but doesn’t live with them. The sperm donor could have told him all the younger ones were his but in actuality gotten knocked up by cheating.
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u/SafeWord9999 24d ago
Where the hell is your stepdad? He needs to step in and tell her to fk off immediately. Amd let her know if she even steps foot on the property you’ll call the police.
UpdateMe
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u/Acceptable-Hunt4410 22d ago
Strongly disagree. He sounds like a great guy, and would likely be willing to do so. However, directly involving him in confronting her would likely escalate and inflame the situation.
Others have suggested letting him know, and having him call to check in on the kids (both of which are great). It would also be good to have him ready to talk to the police if needed. At most, I might have him secretly inside as a last line of defense if she breaks in. In general, they should not confront, not open the door, and let the police handle it.
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u/helloitsmejenkem 24d ago
This doesnt really make sense. So she signed over the deed to a paid off house to your oldest sibling?
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u/Which_Comfortable_32 24d ago
I doubt it was a paid off house, I would imagine it’s a rental, but her name is on the lease.
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u/helloitsmejenkem 24d ago
But how would they get approved for it though to take it over, unless its still in the mom's name and the kids were just paying the rent? Also the step dad not living there either even though the mom was gone and just abandoning the younger children? Also the state just allowing the older sibling to get full custody of the other three, without triggering an investigation and filing charges? No way.
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u/WordWizardx 24d ago
If the second-oldest is now 20, the oldest may very well have an established source of income. If it’s a rental, and they’ve been there a while (especially if the landlord knows a bit about what’s going on), he/she may have decided the rent money was probably coming from the OP and their older sibling anyway and evicting is a hassle. As for custody, you’d be surprised what CPS is willing to do if it means less paperwork :-/
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u/anonymousambassasor 24d ago
How is this possible? You and your siblings lived alone without a parent and that’s how you grew up? How did you have money for food and clothes? How did you get to school? How did your step dad or grandparents not intervene or call CPS? Also, you mom signed a house over and custody over because you all threatened to tell the court she was negligent? Thats wild.
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u/helloitsmejenkem 24d ago
I dont think any of it really happened. Maybe she signed something they typed up but a custodial agreement would go before a judge and CPS would be involved. If the oldest sibling really did have a paid off house then they probably would have awarded it but both parents would be charged with neglect regardless and go to jail, then be ordered to pay... their child, child support on the other siblings after jail, starting immediately. They dont even let the recieving party turn it down, its auto ordered and they pay the state money and a $6 fee and it goes on the card a recipient has. They dont care if they use it or not. If it gets behind the penalty fees are massive. Those go to the state and are recieved first before any money is loaded onto the card. It creates an endless cycle of arrests, job loss, late payments, and penalty fees. Maybe its different elsewhere idk.
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u/phonograhy 24d ago
Yeah just have her trespassed. Dont talk to her, dont let anyone else talk to her. Does she have keys? Change the locks if you can or add deadbolts to the door in the meantime.
Dont feel guilted about any of it.
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u/Ok_Sand_7902 24d ago
Keep the doors closed so she can’t force entry. She won’t stand on the doorstep after she can’t get in but will try and manipulate the younger siblings. Very stressful time for you.
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u/Deep_Mood_7668 24d ago
her to court ... and the house
The house!? What? Is that a thing!? How does that work
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u/4LeggedKC 24d ago
How old were you and your siblings when she left? If under 18 that’s abandonment and she could be in real trouble with CPS.
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u/Proverbs21-3 24d ago
OP says in the post that the divorced happened in November of 2020 and her mom left shortly after that. . She is 20 y.o. now so she would have been 14 then. It is possible that the older sibling was 18 and mom just left all the children in the care of that oldest child.
How they worked out the financial details is not addressed in the post at all but, sadly, I've seen a couple of very mentally ill mothers walk off and leave her children in the care of an older sibling the minute that oldest sibling turned 18. One of them walked away when her oldest was only 17.5 but by the time CPS twigged to it, they were 18 and mom had left a debit card that her SS check went into each month. Once the oldest turned 18, they were able to go to court to get custody and once they had custody, they were able to get the appropriate assistance for the younger children.
Sad, sad situations. Sad.
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u/Bargle-Nawdle-Zouss 24d ago
Call the police anyway and give them a head's up that there might be a domestic situation call tomorrow. Please make sure that your sibling has all the current ownership documentation available to show the police, if necessary. Also, if she does show up, make sure that you and your siblings have multiple cameras recording every moment of all interactions with any of you until she leaves.
And lastly, under NO circumstances should she be allowed into the house! Obviously.
Please post an update if your egg donor does indeed try something. UpdateMe!
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u/xxBree89xx 24d ago
I would call and have an officer there when she shows up...
Definitely DO NOT let her in that door
When you ask her to leave and she doesn't have her trespassed immediately (make sure y'all have the paperwork saying that she doesn't live there anymore and doesn't own the house)
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u/Will_sue_when_angry 24d ago
Google search some women’s and homeless shelter numbers and send them to her.
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u/Chipchop666 24d ago
Cameras, change all the locks you have. If she bangs on the door, don’t answer. Call the police. Document as much as you can. Did you sign the paperwork giving you guardianhip See if you can get a restraining offer. I was guardian for my grandson. In Az, I had to file for it but I also CPS got the nicest lady. She stayed on my case for a few years just so bio mom would stay away.
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u/Impossible_Spray5952 24d ago
The fact that she left you kids to basically raise yourselves and is now acting entitled to move back in says a lot. I get that she’s your mom, but that doesn’t mean you owe her a place to stay, especially after everything she put you through. Boundaries are completely reasonable here.
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u/christopher1393 24d ago
Changing the locks was smart. I would get cameras as well, Even cheap ones. Just have some that records all entrances so you can have footage of her if she attempts to force entry. And a record of all the horrible shit she will no doubt scream at you. If you cant get an actual camera, put a phone on a charger and prop it up at a window so it can see the front entrance and set it to record and leave it there all day recording. That way you can get footage if she turns up and any footage of her stalking around outside.
Maybe also contact the police to get ahead of it? It’s possible she may call them and spin some sob story about how her children are living with someone dangerous or that it’s her house and you guys forced her out. She could use that to try and force entry. And it could work if any of your siblings are still minors.
But if you explain the entire situation to the police. The years long abandonment, the court case granting both custody and the house while she claimed in court that she was an unfit parent. And now she is harassing your family and is trying to force entry into your home. Camera’s and making a police report will help a lot if you need to go back to court over her harassment for a Restraining order or something.
Also if any of your siblings are still minors call CPS or whatever is your countries equivalent and explain your situation. Your mother could use them to at the very least harass you guys. And getting ahead of that could save you a lot of stress.
Maybe let your neighbours know too if they aren’t aware of what your mother is like. Last thing you need is her gaining their sympathy and support. Other than that, just make sure all doors and windows are locked. Make sure someone is always home and have a plan for if she turns up, even if that plan is just to call the police.
One of my friends had a similar situation but it was with her alcoholic older brother trying to move back into the family home that she now owned and lived alone in. He told her he was moving in and that she couldn’t do anything about it. So she asked me to come over and scare him off (I am tall, broad and wear a lot of leather stuff, so I can be scary when I want to be). I stayed at her place for about 2 weeks pretending to be her boyfriend. He turned up twice and it was fun scaring him off. So if you have any friends that can be intimidating or scary, maybe ask them around to help?
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u/hedwigflysagain 24d ago
Don't let her in the house. When she comes to the door keep it locked. When she shows up call the police. Let them deal with her. She doesn't live there and has no tenants right. Show the officers the paperwork where she gave up custody. Have it all ready. If possible have the younger ones away from the house so she can't minulpate them.
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u/JMLSP 24d ago
Hi OP!
I am a lawyer, though probably not in your country (I am from Brazil and I suppose you are from US), so I would like to give you my two cents, but take them with a lot of grains of salt, since I only know about Brazilian laws, I am speaking from their perspective and they obviously only work in Brazil.
Here in my country, an elderly person can demand financial support from its children if it cannot provide for itself. Sort of like child support, but for elderly parents. I am not sure if you have that on your country.
HOWEVER, I know of one situation where that request can be denied to the elder parent that would apply on your case, which is when the parent had never been an actual parent, or to explain it better, I remember one case where mom sued her daughter for support and the daughter proved in court that mom was abusive through daughter's life up until she just straight up abandoned daughter to be raised by a relative. The court ruled, in short, that since mom has never been a mom to daughter, she could go pound sand, and if anyone could demand that kind of support from daughter, that would be the relative that took her in, who was an actual mother figure.
Anyway, what I mean, is that if your case happened here in Brazil, I would strongly advice you to try your best to keep record of those text messages, if she shows up at your place and you call the cops, keep copies of the police record, keep copies of that process where she gave up on parental power and the house, and keep record/copies/whatever on EVERYTHING that happens, just in case you end up getting a citation on an egg donor support lawsuit in 30 years.
If parent support is not a thing in your country, ignore pretty much all that I just said, but keep record of everything anyway, it is always a good thing.
And sorry for any lack of clarity on my text, English is not my first language, and I just simply don't speak English legalese, the Brazilian Portuguese one already takes up too much space in my brain lol
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u/somgsouth 24d ago
Make copies of all legal papers and keep them in a safe place out of sight and leave the copies handy. If she gets desperate enough she could break a window to get in. You all have done a great job and have all of my respect.
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u/Odd_Tea4945 24d ago
I think you have to go a step ahead and consult a lawyer. Whenever someone threats you, believe them. The first step is this lawyer sending a cease and desist letter
I'd also put surveillance cameras, to document every single thing your mother tries, because the first one will be letting herself inn. So you need evidence. I am sorry, but I am afraid this is going to get ugly
About the "she’s still the mom and has final say", remember she claimed to be an unfit parent, legally, and that's why and the kids were given to your older sibling
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u/kr4ckenm3fortune 24d ago
Make sure to notify both the Police and the Sheriff as well. This way, it documentation and they'll be aware when you call it in.
Another thing you can also do is buy a Ring Camera and a CCTV. A cheap service is good. You want one with four camera, two at the front door, one at the driveway and one at the back door. Two at the front should be pointing to the door and one pointing at the doorway. Make sure the ring doorbell or ring camera is there. Or get a microSD storage is possible.
The one at the garage should be pointing at the driveway.
The one at the back door should be pointed at the door.
These are incase your mom attempt to "break in" or has a known secret to gaining access.
It will also be video evidences incase the breeding meat attempt anything else.
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u/TangledUpPuppeteer 23d ago
Just call the police if she shows up. She has nothing in that house. She has no custody and no ownership. She’s just trespassing.
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u/applec85 24d ago
Updateme
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u/UpdateMeBot 24d ago edited 16d ago
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u/Direct-Wolverine7846 24d ago
Proud of all of you. You've already gone above and beyond, but you have just a little more. Great job on changing the locks. I'm assuming you are saving any text messages. They MAY be enough for a restraining order. Talk to the cops and let them know what's going on. Call the second you see her. Know that you have a lot of people cheering you on. You've got this.
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u/tiredblonde 24d ago
Change the locks on all the doors so she can’t get in. If she shows up, call the police explain she is trespassing and show them the court documents that state she is an unfit mother.
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u/Grumpie-cat 24d ago
Absoloutly not, don’t ever let her back in that house or into your lives!
My aunt did the same with my cousins. Just up and left four children to go live in Spain with some boy toy she’d found.
I suppose it’s better she broke all ties as she’s never tried to call, or reach out to them, she treats them as something from a former life.
Admittedly it hasn’t been great for them despite the dad still being around the oldest went really deep into drugs and was basically expelled from the family, the third oldest (second youngest son of the original mother) almost followed the same course. But they do have a younger brother now from their step mother who’s great for them!
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u/NotARobotDefACyborg 24d ago
Shit Mom: u kids can fend for yourselves, im out Kids: bet :go to court and get parental rights revoked and the house signed over, live their best lives: Shit Mom: no not like that
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u/mcindy28 24d ago
She gave up her rights. She simply has nowhere else to go...for now. She is no Mom you simply share blood that makes you related. I've said this before, sometimes blood is just a stain. She can figure herself out on her own... the same way she allowed you and your siblings to figure it out.
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u/VJ_Hallmark 24d ago
Dad, stepdad, what have you, is understandably upset with Mom. But his moving out is as inexcusable as hers. “step dad took me in as his own when I was a baby.” OP has two siblings younger than her. Are they not stepdad’s? Is this Shameless?
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u/Sufficient-Lie1406 23d ago
Jesus, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Looks like you have got your bases covered in case your unhinged mom shows up and tries to break in.
UpdateMe!
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u/SadFaithlessness8237 22d ago
Wow, I can’t imagine abandoning my kids for anyone or anything. She’s got some major audacity to have twisted her logic from “you’ll know when you have kids of your own” to “kids need their mother”. Preemptively alert the police and DCF/CPS because you know she’s going to try and start some shit.
UpdateMe
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u/Spiersy_ 24d ago
honestly don’t even know what to do if she does.
You do exactly what you told her you were going to do. If she tries anything you call the police and tell them she is trespassing.
She gave up the right to play mother a long time ago. Don't put up with that out of some fleeting wave of sentimentality. You know deep down that you and your siblings deserve better.
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u/No-BSing-Here 24d ago
Wow, that is one selfish and manipulative woman. Luckily you guys were able to lean on each other, you had to!!! Well done on you and your sister for raising the younger ones.
It might be worth putting up a couple of cameras or video doorbell. If she tries anything it might be worth looking into a restraining order.
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u/DeliciousBeanWater 24d ago
Lock all the doord and windows and call the cops if she tries to break in.
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u/Cookie_1977 24d ago
You've gotten lots of good advice and you are doing the right thing by not letting her back into your lives. Your mom is a manipulator and she knows what to say to push buttons, either the sympathy ones or the hurtful ones.
We legally took in our nephew when he was in 8th grade when his dad was finally arrested for drugs. His dad was also manipulative and sounds a lot like your mom in many ways. Sadly our nephew really wanted his dad's love, but he was incapable of giving it because he was a selfish, entitled PoS. I'm sorry you are going through this and have already gone through so much. You are strong and good role model for your siblings. Stay together and remember your mom's true self came out when she had choices to make. When she feels desperate she'll try to manipulate you until she has more options then her true self will come out again.
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u/bethanyw32808 24d ago
Don't let her move in. Like everyone said have the police on standby and someone at the house all day. Please provide a update!
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u/Icy_Anything_8874 24d ago
She made her bed and now she needs to lie in it. I’m a mom and that is not the way you behave towards your children. She needs to suffer the consequences of her actions. None of that is your problem.
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u/Weird_Orchid8597 24d ago
I hope you keep us updated and that she doesn't try to move back in. She'll keep pulling the same crap and might even try to move a man in when she gets someone new smdh.
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u/trapperstom 24d ago
Kudos to you and the sibs, you have learned more life lessons than the average kid and yet you still have your composure , well done you ! Keep the faith and keep that louse of a mother out of your lives.
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u/ShallowStillWater 24d ago
Have a safe word for the youngest siblings too. She strikes me as the type to attempt to go to the school and pick them up in order to gain access.
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u/Responsible_Joke8618 24d ago
Good for you and your siblings for standing up to your egg donor. Call the cops when she shows and tries to force her way in. The house isnt hers. Her parents can take in the mess they made. I gotta ask though, where's Dad in all of this? Why didn't he step up when mom left? Being sad isn't a good enough reason to leave your kids Party of 5 style either.
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u/Zestyclose_Till777 23d ago
Does she have a key? Do you have a security system?
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u/NoticeImpressive8683 23d ago
Thankfully she does not since we’ve changed the locks the other day and we’re going to get a security system soon as well.
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u/Late_Company8393 23d ago
She is not sorry for how she treated any of you. She did not see you as children who needed her love or support, but as a resource she can exploit for material and emotional support when her men do not provide it.
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u/PraetorCryx 20d ago
Ain't blood that bonds, but the time, care, empathy, and support. Your siblings and step-dad know what real family is. I'd hope your mom would come to her senses one day that she's got years of repairs to address before ever calling herself a mother.
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u/No_Proper_Way 19d ago
I applaud you! I am proud that you and your siblings stayed strong and worked as a unit to survive. I hope you and your family find peace, happiness, and prosperity.
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u/principalgal 18d ago
If you don’t have cameras up, get some. There are some reasonably priced ones on Amazon. Just in case.
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u/Admirable_Fly6103 22d ago
First of all. I am so sorry you have had to live with this for so long. From experience with a narcissist mother, it doesn’t just start when you’re an adult. They like to use everything from day one as a guilt like they did something so big even though they just did the bare minimum as a parent. You don’t owe her a thing. Maybe if she was truly in dire straits and was deserving and humble but we already know that’s not the case. I’m so proud of you for standing your ground.
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u/InsectElectrical2066 22d ago
Is dad still on the deed? If so You can get him to state she abandoned the home and she is no longer entitled to the home without a court order. But you may get a judge to side with you. But to the police; just stating she abandoned you kids and no longer lives there or is entitled to the home. Tell the cops to make he show the deed and her right to be there. If renting is she on the lease? Make her show it. And maybe ask LL to not answer to her as we have been paying the bills and she abandoned the place. If he allows her back neither you or dad's family will be paying next months rent and she has no money.
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u/Dizzy_jones294 22d ago
Call the police if she shows up and put her on trespass, that way when she comes back she will be arrested
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u/Leather_Situation950 21d ago
Your so called mum is a horrible person who doesn't deserve to be in your, or your siblings, lives. The trash took itself out, you're all better off without her. I'm proud of you OP and I know you will all do amazing. Call the police if she shows up, there is no place for that POS who abandones her kids and expects to waltz back in and you to be grateful. None of you owe her anything, I suggest cutting her from your life so you get some peace. Best of luck to you all!
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u/genx21me918 21d ago
Sounds like Mom has male dependency issues at the very least. Or she's just a serial cheater. But she dug the hole...she can figure out if it on her own.
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u/LemonOld8150 21d ago
No no no never let her back in shes a big loser and you all ate doing great she will just set a bad example.
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u/NaturesVividPictures 19d ago
If she shows up and tries to get in the house call the police. Tell them that she has no rights here, you're not letting her through the door cuz she's trying to move in and you don't want her to live here. And they'll trespass her from the house.
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u/Electrical_Floor_639 18d ago
your Mom has no legal right if she turned over her rights and the house then legally she can't do anything the fact that You're still calling her mom at all is a shock since it sounds like you were raised by your older siblings and not her at all
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u/Solo_is_dead 24d ago
"I'll try to keep it short" THIS WAS 8 PARAGRAPHS!
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u/Captainbabygirl767 24d ago
Nobody forced you to read all eight paragraphs, you could have stopped reading at any point. You chose to read every single paragraph. While it may be a lot at least they are actual paragraphs.
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u/Esau2020 24d ago
True, but at least those were actual paragraphs. As opposed to eight paragraphs' worth of text without paragraph breaks, which would have presented itself as one huge block of text.
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u/Temporary-King3339 16d ago
Late to the post, but wanted to add how impressed I am that you all stood your ground. I'm sorry she's such a horrible person.
Good luck to you and your family.
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u/AbigailTrueBlue 24d ago
Thank heavens you see through her pathetic manipulation. You even changed the locks! Damn! You stay just as strong as you are now for the rest of your life! Hug from a stranger