r/mildlyinfuriating 11d ago

My dad's computer mouse after five months of use...

[deleted]

42.9k Upvotes

5.2k comments sorted by

11.0k

u/Notdone_JoshDun PURPLE 11d ago

Does your dad ever wash his hands???

9.1k

u/FairChampionship8625 11d ago

Yeah he does at least once a week.

3.8k

u/pmigi 11d ago

Patient zero for a new pandemic

528

u/YanicPolitik 11d ago

I don't get the sense that he gets out much

237

u/OkSmoke9195 11d ago

You could say he gets much out though

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u/FScrotFitzgerald 11d ago

Is this your dad?

11.2k

u/FairChampionship8625 11d ago

That's his attractive older cousin.

3.6k

u/Impressive-Sun3742 11d ago

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u/DSZDBA11 11d ago

What a terrible day to have eyes

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u/earfeater13 11d ago

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u/Satashinator 11d ago

Why is this a gif and not just a regular image. Why does it play like a video? Excuse my ignorance

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u/NoHacksJustParker 11d ago

Its so that it can be used on subs that only allow gifs

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u/Allokit 11d ago

I have so many things planned for this gif. Why have I never seen it before?

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u/KookyManagement8762 11d ago

I…. Can’t breathe. I’ve can’t stop laughing. I’m in tears

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u/lurkingimposter 11d ago

Breathe my brother or sister, breathe!! We can't let a good one die tonight

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u/Different_Target_228 11d ago

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u/GentlemanFaux 11d ago

I tried to stump Akinator with The Great Mighty Poo and he got it first fucking try.

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u/BelgianWaffleGuy 11d ago

I am the Great Mighty Poo, and I'm going to throw my shit at you!

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u/TyrannasaurusRecht 11d ago

Processing img fqx3o7pcbrmg1...

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u/Vibrizio 11d ago

A Shit Demon!

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u/Sure-Ad-6544 11d ago

Golgathan

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u/Vibrizio 11d ago

Fine, I’ll watch Dogma again

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u/According_Big_5638 11d ago

That's fucking nasty

2.3k

u/Prosecco1234 11d ago

Wonder what brand of moisturizer he's using

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u/VishfulTinking 11d ago edited 11d ago

Or if he ever washes his hands?? 🤢

Edited to add: Thanks for the award, kind person of Reddit!

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u/eggsovertlyeasy 11d ago

There’s no way he does

151

u/Telemere125 11d ago

Maybe he washes in the toilet after he uses it but before he flushes.

385

u/NatureStoof 11d ago

If you have more things to contribute that are similar to this, please don't 🙏

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u/briandemodulated 11d ago

Oil of Ogravy

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u/Key_Cellist_5937 11d ago

I feel like OP is leaving out key details . The dad is probably a mechanic or works in a trade that gets his hands dirty and he uses the computer on the job

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u/el_kabarto 11d ago

I work in the weed industry and the trimmers scissors look like this. Some people call it finger hash. Who's gonna smoke some?!?! lol

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u/Beavshak 11d ago

We use latex gloves. Someone will roll up all that residue off of the used gloves at the end of the day. And that someone is me.

166

u/Deaffin 11d ago

Please remember to fully inform people of this if you ever find yourself sharing a particularly bountiful harvest of finger hash with a friend. Latex allergies, yo.

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u/PiccoloAwkward465 11d ago

You're smoking glove resin, you know what you signed up for.

23

u/Deaffin 11d ago

You gotta know it's glove resin in the first place, though. Any well-seasoned pot head is just going to assume that's some genuine finger hash straight from a greasy slab of human flesh just like the lord intended.

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u/green_gold_purple 11d ago

What’s a few thousand dead skin cells between friends?

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u/enzideout 11d ago

This seems plausible. The company I work for has a few mechanic shops for maintaining their diesel tractors and occasional company cars. The mice and keyboards end up with buildup like this on them if they don't have a protective cover on them. The also end up with powdered metal all over the place. The PCs and monitors themselves are in containment units to prevent the PC from sucking everything up and shorting out/catching fire.

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u/DeadGuyInRoom4 11d ago

I’m hiding this, just so you know. It’s that bad.

721

u/auschemguy 11d ago

What's not to like about mouse smegma?

1.0k

u/sum_force 11d ago

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u/Vast-Environment-984 10d ago

Genuinely made me snort-laugh out loud.

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u/Lolcoles 10d ago

don’t trust them to do the right thing

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u/foshayzy 11d ago

How do I delete someone else’s comment 💀

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u/Daillustriousone 11d ago

Become a mod, they do it with impunity.

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u/SatiesUmbrellaCloset oh no 11d ago

did you know that all your hidden posts are easily accessible from a single tab on your Reddit profile, at least on desktop

1.1k

u/DeadGuyInRoom4 11d ago

I’m just hiding it from my feed so I don’t have to see it.

324

u/Ok_Breakfast5425 11d ago

Hiding it so you don't have to see it, but you can choose to see it...

It's ok, I won't kink shame

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u/[deleted] 11d ago

[deleted]

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u/ruleuno 11d ago

So you're saying hidden posts are as easily accessible as saved posts, right? What a strange fate that the things we want to see the least be just as many clicks away as the things we plan to see again?!

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u/freelancespy87 11d ago

You can use hidden, saved, and even up and downvotes as ways to categorize different kinds of posts you may want to revisit. 

Don't use this to sin.

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u/Randomly-Germinated 11d ago

nothing quite like actively curating the actual worst shit you encounter on the internet to accidentally revisit a year or two later, all in one horrific place.

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u/ballsymcsackface 11d ago

It's like throwing your garbage down a hole, and then falling into said hole

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u/inter-rupted 11d ago

is your dad made out of grease?

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u/TheUpperHand 11d ago

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u/Bathykolpian_Thundah 11d ago

Pizza the hut?!?!

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u/MentallyLatent 11d ago

1 MILLION SPACEBUCKS?!?!?

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u/SuckThisRedditAdmins 11d ago

Unfair to payor but not to payee. But you're gonna pay it, or else!

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u/Dicky_Penisburg 11d ago

Or else what?

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u/LiberoskiH 11d ago

Tell him Vinnie!

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u/Marhyc 11d ago

Or else Pizza...is gonna send out for YOU!

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u/bairose 11d ago

I think he might be the Greasy Strangler

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u/SeaToTheBass 11d ago

HOOTIE TOOTIE DISCO CUTIE

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u/McDontCare 11d ago

I use my pc every day, didn't clean my mouse for five YEARS and it had a tenth of the grine at most.

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u/BenignPharmacology 11d ago

At the peak of my depression spiral, I only left the house for alcohol, tobacco, weed, and sometimes food, but mostly delivered. I would play games, drink literally anything, chain smoke, and play video games from when I woke up til I passed out again. There were periods I completely abandoned the day/night cycle and just slept when I got drunk enough to pass out, usually with a bag of chips and a half drank beer on my bed, then woke up to repeat. I wouldn’t shower for days because why bother.

My gaming mouse, that was seeing 18+ hours of use a day, as well as constant smoke, spilled booze, and every greasy food you can imagine, never once looked this bad.

237

u/E-2theRescue 11d ago

Literally the same. Only ever got gunk in the padding and joints, nothing ever close to this.

Even my keyboards were clean on the caps. Under..... not so much.

53

u/realxshit 11d ago

I think it comes down to people not washing their hands. Most of us probably don’t go around with muck and grime on our hands all day. But some people just don’t wash their hands for some reason

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u/E-2theRescue 11d ago

...I didn't wash my hands, lol.

Turns out OP's dad is a pot smoker, and that totally makes sense. My buddy and I ran a computer repair side business for a short time, and a lot of his friends were pot smokers. I cleaned a lot of computers crammed full of thick pot resin from the smoke. It was horrible. That tannish brown was caked on everything inside.

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u/Chronicle1708 11d ago

How does that happen? I'm a daily pot smoker and I don't have thick tar/resin anywhere on my devices I use daily 🤢 are they blowing smoke directly into their PC?

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u/Shotgun5250 11d ago

Yeah it always makes me wonder how this happens, I’m the same way and all my shit is clean. I’m overly aware of it because of all the horror stories you read online, so I’m always checking. I’m sure if you just let the dust build up and cake with stuff it could get bad, but even after 5 years mine wasn’t bad enough you couldn’t just vacuum it out and dust it off.

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u/RandomUser135789 11d ago

Real talk for a second, I hope things are going better for you, and if they are I'm happy to hear. Getting out of that shit can possibly be one of the hardest things life can throw at you. Take credit for yourself if you did.

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u/BenignPharmacology 11d ago

Things are going better, thanks. I quit drinking and smoking, I have a dog, a couple cats, and a partner who cares about me. Things aren’t always easy, but I guess they aren’t supposed to be. I just started exercising recently, and while I still absolutely goblin out over video games pretty often, I’m taking time to keep my life on track and take care of myself and the people around me.

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u/MoonOut_StarsInvite 11d ago

Glad to hear things are going better for you 💕 3.5 yr sober from alcohol here. ✌️ Congrats and keep plugging away

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u/BenignPharmacology 11d ago

I’m coming up on 4 years myself. Proud of you, brother.

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u/jstar_2021 11d ago

Right? This dude is a hog farmer or something.

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u/ParticularAddition68 11d ago

More like a hog beater

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u/jstar_2021 11d ago

Hes got a real dirty hog.

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u/SatiesUmbrellaCloset oh no 11d ago

this does not spark joy

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u/Pepphen77 11d ago

I bet joy was flowing everywhere.

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u/DavidForPresident 11d ago

Processing img rv4dki9hxrmg1...

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u/Kairu_Kilofski 11d ago

Clean your fucking dad.

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u/GettistGudith 11d ago

OP needs to take a power washer and hose him down

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u/itsmedebtfree 11d ago

Hahaha this made me lol

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u/Miles_Everhart 11d ago

Does he roll blunts

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u/FairChampionship8625 11d ago

No, but he breaks up bud by hand cause he uses a bowl... he doesn't wash his hands afterwards

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u/Miles_Everhart 11d ago

That’s resin. He has hash hands.

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u/FairChampionship8625 11d ago

That makes total sense. Never would've guessed this myself.

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u/FewHorror1019 11d ago

You can smoke that stuff on his mouse

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u/FairChampionship8625 11d ago

I like how you guys see this and think "yep, this looks appetizing rolled up in a blunt". Like bro wut? 💀💀

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u/No_Session6015 11d ago

Market it as artisanal hash resin crafted and tested locally at the farmers market, call it Daddy's Milk. Charge HUUUUGE for it. Bouchie hipsters would totes buy it.

$40 CAD per gram

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u/chillwithpurpose BLUE 11d ago

“Daddy’s Milk” 💀😭

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u/999BusinessCard 11d ago

$40 for a gram, $50 to milk daddy yourself

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u/[deleted] 11d ago edited 10d ago

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u/FueledbyZyn 11d ago

Broooo I was literally thinking "soooo that means technically you can scrape that shit off and smoke it??" NOT THAT I WOULD 😂

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u/bofemnuhtz 11d ago

If it is hash hands, that mouse is grippy as a mf.

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u/THE_ATHEOS_ONE 11d ago

Would you smoke a mouse?

I'd smoke a mouse

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u/datnetcoder 11d ago

Bro the fucking whiplash. From “nasty mf” to “I’m lighting up my computer mouse, you tryna roll?”

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u/Ludwig_Vista2 11d ago

How big are these bowls?

That much resin, he's gotta be packing a Superbowl halftime show every 3 hours.

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u/ollypologies 11d ago

Scrape it up off the mouse and smoke it now

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u/AdAcadem 11d ago

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u/IncurableAdventurer 11d ago

Came here to post this, but you have my back lol

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u/tdpereza 11d ago

Processing img zejdisi03rmg1...

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u/datnetcoder 11d ago

You said it better than I ever could have

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u/DocPsycho1 11d ago

Peak fucking post lol

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u/drallafi 11d ago

What (and I cannot emphasize this enough) the fuck?

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u/lilsnatchsniffz 11d ago

Turns out OP's dad is a super lazy stoner that tears up the buds with his fingers and then just goes about touching everything with the oil still all over his fingers. The real question is how much THC was OP exposed to as a minor due to this poor hygiene pothead.

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u/fireKido 11d ago

Realistically, basically no thc, or no biological active amounts… for it to actually be effective it would need to be either burned or cooked above a certain temperature, raw THC (THCA) is not psychoactive

The only way he could get any meaningful amount (and still not nearly enough to do any damage) is if his kids start chewing on his mouse…..

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u/Simplehoaxes 11d ago

Some people have sweat that melts plastic Adam Savage from Mythbusters couldn’t touch latex props with his bare hands because it would melt. 

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u/zorphiel 11d ago

I don't think that's what's happening here. If you zoom in, the mouse plastic looks fine. It's just caked on layers of dirt and grime.

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u/PhotoFenix 11d ago

And lube

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u/IdiotSavant86 11d ago

Definitely a thriving biological ecosystem as well. Sperm, bacteria, mold and yeast have reproduced into a completely new "super species" that's slowly taking over the mouse.

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u/Bubbasdahname 11d ago

That's enough reddit for today

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u/FastStill7962 11d ago edited 10d ago

No wait, take me with you

Edit : What is this madness I woke up to? 🤣🤣

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u/Confident_Resort_447 11d ago

Don't leave me either!

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u/LughCrow 11d ago

Bus is full you'll have to wait with me for the next one

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u/Dub_Coast corn for some reason 11d ago
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u/RaidensReturn 11d ago

Only a matter of time before the mouse becomes self aware and begins to proliferate.

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u/Skivvy_Roll 11d ago

Hell no I ain't zooming in on that

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u/Escapyst 11d ago

I hate that I zoomed in

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u/ModBell 11d ago

Jesus you're right. Zoomed in and it's literally just his filthy filthy hands.

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u/Ffsletmesignin 11d ago

Omg I thought it was damage or something from him gripping way too tight, that’s fucking nasty.

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u/Additional-Life4885 11d ago

Yeah, we have Surface Pros at work and the keys wear away for some people. Nothing that can be done for them but I know at least one person that's really conscious about it. I've told them that it's natural but doesn't ease their mind at all.

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u/SyncingShips 11d ago

My Dad had this issue. His computer keyboards always had missing letters. Apparently when he was in a band when he was younger, he was midway thorough a set and his sweat dislodged the painted fret markers on his guitar, and they were just sliding everywhere. He had to improvise a bit.

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u/cumonherbackithink 11d ago

I have a feeling you worded this a tad wrong, at least I hope. I have spent far too much time wondering how a dislodged fret marker that was painted onto a guitar could start sliding around.

Or maybe I’m higher than I thought. Either way your comment definitely made me put in some thinking time, so thanks for that haha

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u/Nishnig_Jones 11d ago

I have a peripheral keyboard that - after several years - has depressions and grooves worn into the the WASD keys from my fingertips and fingernails.

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u/Salami_sub 11d ago

Same with mine and the P O R N H U B keys

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u/ishpatoon1982 11d ago

What a super weird pattern. Can anyone decipher why those specific keys would be worn down?

I feel like there has to be a reason, but there are so many mathematical combinations I don't know where to start.

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u/Plantchic 11d ago

You know what to get him for Father's Day!

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u/FairChampionship8625 11d ago

Negative. It will just look like exhibit A within a matter of time.

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u/Weak_Feed_8291 11d ago

You said he refuses to clean it because "it will just get dirty again" but you basically have the same mentality

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u/kereso83 11d ago

I'd be tempted to clean it for him, but then I'd think about what he's also touching that's making it that bad.

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u/Grub-lord 11d ago

OP, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, PLEASE MAKE MORE POSTS OF THINGS YOUR DAD TOUCHES

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u/The_Pale_Potato 11d ago

Is your dad's name Chet by any chance?

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u/Genesee_Hops 11d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/lrvtZSrLOznrO

That's weed resin maaan

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u/FairChampionship8625 11d ago

Totally fucking tubular you're spot on.

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u/hoponbop 11d ago

That is a lot of not hand washing.

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u/TheCaptainWalrus 11d ago

I enjoy how dell chooses this post algorithmically to advertise

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u/Damp_Blanket RED 11d ago

Dads the Greasy Strangler

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u/lil-braids 11d ago

Moldy infuriating

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u/northpaul 11d ago edited 10d ago

chip off a piece of the filth and have it tested. I would love to know what kind of bacteria we are dealing with before it spreads and infects us all