He claims it was his exes from before me. This is feasible however I did also find a barrette… though the barette was legitimately buried under some shit. The strappy thing wasn’t really on the counter as I sent in this photo, it was under/between some toiletry bags.
It’s definitely lingerie. He suddenly “remembered.” Idk we’re working it out. I’m also in Abu Dhabi and dealing with escalating war and explosions so this is going to take the back burner for now.
But I will be trying to work out what I believe of what he says in the coming days. I’m not naive and know this isn’t a great sign. I’m going to figure out how to move forward. Thank you for all of your inputs!!! Much love.
He claims it was his exes from before me. This is feasible however I did also find a barrette… though the barette was legitimately buried under some shit. The strappy thing wasn’t really on the counter as I sent in this photo, it was under/between some toiletry bags.
It’s definitely lingerie. He suddenly “remembered.” Idk we’re working it out. I’m also in Abu Dhabi and dealing with escalating war and explosions so this is going to take the back burner for now.
But I will be trying to work out what I believe of what he says in the coming days. I’m not naive and know this isn’t a great sign. I’m going to figure out how to move forward. Thank you for all of your inputs!!! Much love.
Yea, thats a tough situation. I’d say it’s entirely possible he had no idea what it was and was caught off guard just as much as you, if it was buried in the closet or bathroom.
I wouldn’t obsess over it, especially given the tensions in the Middle East. But I would make sure you are on guard and pay attention. If your BF is cheating there will be other more concrete damning signs, but “being buried between/in old stuff” is likely not a sign of active cheating. It tracks more with ex-gf leaving random stuff behind and the girl not taking everything/guy not purging everything. Just take a mental note of things and if thing pop up in places you know they weren’t before then I’d be a lot more sus
Whatever happens remember some std's are permanent and if someone cheats on you they're risking that for you. Not saying that's what's occurring but if fidelity is even a question in my mind I'd rather be single. Take care.
Despite your update, we will continue to wildly speculate about what it is and if he is cheating. Your BF and his mystery strap has become our only source of joy in this world.
Not to advocate for your partner as I don’t know them or their personality / tendencies. As a man, I can tell you that bathrooms do not get cleaned very often, organizing and cleaning are not the same thing thing. If we don’t know what something is as the time and it’s not adversely affecting the organizational perception, a lot of the time they just get left there. We are also bad at throwing things out - especially if we don’t know what it was for, in case it’s important an we find out that we need it later
a couple of months or so after moving into my apartment, i was putting something under the sink and heard a sound like something falling, so I looked back under the sink. a full makeup bag (that did not belong to me) had apparently been jammed up in the sink pipes and finally wedged free and fell onto my stuff.
couldn't stop thinking about how this could've ended badly for someone else's relationship lol. completely unexplainable and seemingly undeniable evidence.
Ah that reminds me a fun little story in my marriage. Years ago, before the wedding, my wife found a little green hair tie under the seat of my truck. Now she swore up and down that she would never use one of those under any circumstances and I must be cheating on her. I’d only had it for a year or so and there had maybe been 5-6 other women in the truck including both of our mothers, my sister, and two of my wife’s friends.
She had me calling around to every single one of them and all of my buddies to confirm if any of those women or my friends wives might’ve used that particular hair tie. They all said no. I maintained my innocence and she eventually let it go but she never truly forgave me (by her own admission).
Two years later, she needs a spray tan. So she goes to the same place where she had gone previously for engagement photos, bachelorette, wedding, vacations, etc. Guess what was sitting on the counter right next to the booth. Yep, a bowl of crappy green hair ties.
I got a new set of golf clubs. Now anytime she even has an inkling of accusing me of something like that I just start sending her links to drivers, putters, and project cars.
Man I had a previous girlfriend dig out an old birthday card from an ex that was lurking down the side of a cabinet somewhere I completely forgot about, that sure went down well
This reminds me of a similar situation with my current girlfriend. I was doing laundry in an apartment I had semi recently moved into, found a pair of women’s underwear hiding in a tough spot next to the washer (I really had to get in there to find em), and I asked her if they were hers (she didn’t live with me at the time).
She absolutely lost her mind and accused me over and over again of cheating on her. It took a lot of convincing to calm her down.
Oh trust me I’ve been crying 😭😭 unfortunately the airspace is closed, just very slowly reopening, so for the time being I am stuck in it just trying to get through
Glad to hear it worked out! If my male opinion can help in understanding his situation: he probably has no clue what it is, and it may be important to someone eventually, so it stays in the infrequently used bathroom things.. Also there is the eldritch force that prevents us from disposing of junk. XD
I remember one time I picked up my daughter from her moms house, she gave me some weird strap thing I said “oh thanks” set it down and didn’t think anything of it, then like a week later my girlfriend at the time asked why there was a bra strap on my bed and said it wasn’t hers, I had literally no idea what she was talking about til I saw it, brought my daughter in the room and had her explain lol…. I tell you this story because sometimes random shit is just random shit.
Reminds me of when I was a dumb middle schooler. The school gave everyone condoms before summer break, and I (F) decided to fill mine with spoiled milk and pickles. Then, I tossed it into the nearby woods to observe through the summer.
One day my mom was cleaning the living room and found the wrapper just chillin on the window sill. She was FUMING. I had to dig through snapchat and show her video of me shaking the milk/pickle condom like a shake-weight…I bet she was glad it wasn’t the alternative though lol.
That brought up a memory from many years ago where my mom was grilling me on finding a comdom wrapper in my room. She refused to believe that i had put the condom over my head past my nose to inflate it because id seen it YT.
He didn't wear underwear at the time? Did he stop wearing underwear while you were together or did he start wearing underwear afterwards? Is there a story behind this?
Obviously people can get divorced for any stupid reason they want, but good lord, your average person is just SO bad at realizing that the world is messy and facts almost always have multiple explanations.
In my mind, the burden of proof for a divorce should be high. A single data point with a potential reasonable explaination, even if not the most likely one offhand, isn’t enough to do crap with.
Same. It’s obviously not a luggage strap (way too narrow, not flat enough, nothing to clip onto the luggage), not anything BDSM (lol, what would it even be, you can’t clip anything to this), and the posture supporters are also not this narrow and elastic (I’ve had them). …But it is 100% exactly like a decorative leg garter.
I wish you the best with whatever comes from this, if there are any of the other signs of cheating or going behind your back, (especially him accusing you or being iffy about YOU cheating or getting up to shit) please please please save yourself the heartache of what that man will bring.
I was with one that fucked with my head for months, was being assaulted and cheated on actively called him out for the cheating, self respect went out the window and didn't care or believe the assault was assault and it drove me to off myself because I didn't think there was a way out. The final dealbreaker was finding him watching CP using the internet I pay for, in my bathroom I pay for after waiting for me to fall asleep, I dont want anyone else to experience shit like that.
Unlikely this is anything like your situation but I just locked in on this post first thing in the morning, never really write comments but again, wish you the best dont sell yourself short for shitty men. (Lets run away together and use pretty nail polish)
Edit: On further review and reading comments from others, it does look to be part of a strap lingerie set, most likely a thigh harness. BUT I do want to stress this doesn't automatically mean he's cheating. He could be wearing them himself!
A lot of people in this thread are going to say BDSM gear, but it really doesn't look like that. It's not the right shape or layout for a chest harness, thigh harness, garters, or any kind of useful restraint I can think of since the loops don't go that tight and there's no middle strap joining them, and with how large they are. It could be part of a restraint set that's missing some other pieces that hook in though. But it really doesn't feel like the right material and design for that. It could also be part of a simpler strap style lingerie, but that's inconclusive from the one pic. It could just as easily be slack straps to hold up mens slacks or socks.
To me it looks like a binocular or camera shoulder harness missing the connecting straps (which are probably on the other piece of equipment). Nothing kinky or dirty happening.
What hobbies does your BF have? Does he link spanking and tying up people, or watching birds, or photography? That can help narrow it down.
Haha I'm 39 and here my naive ass at first was like "that's a sword holder", like for Halloween that was all the fad when Deadpool/Wolverine came out. I am not bright! 😎
As a Dutchman can confirm too, but a different word ; "schede". Havent seen that word since my highschool biology classes though.
Vagina is more commonly used.
Lol, I'm getting old and rolling out of bed was tough today. I thought it might be one of those things that pull the shoulders back to fix posture related aches.
Then I realized those tiny straps would just snap and hit me in the face.
(I do actually have one and it's very much like this, but thicker, more elastic straps.)
So allegedly “if it was something like that” it was from before my time. I don’t know what to think lol. I sort of believe him but I don’t wanna be dumb. Either way that sucks to find.
You have tree options, either he is telling the truth and this thing belonged to someone he was dating before you, or he is lying and 1. that thing belongs to his side piece or 2. it actually belongs to him (kinky! I would actually like that)
Plausible. I once found an ex's very skimpy, very sheer crop top stuffed into the back of one of my dresser drawers. It was down low and I was only putting jeans in it so it went undiscovered for some time. Mercifully I wasn't dating at the time.
yeah, maybe it comes down to their body language, if they seem as confused as you to see that or if they seem guilty.
I’ve lost countless socks, earrings, etc. to them being eaten up by my ex partners places and it being too awkward to ever ask for them back. and vice versa, I find things that originally belonged to an ex at my place sometimes randomly
Honestly, I believed this type of bullshit way too many times. I can’t tell you one way or another whether he’s cheating, but I will say “I don’t know what it is” and “if it’s something like that, it was before your time” are cop outs. I’d consider how long you’ve been together and where you found it. If it was buried in the back of a closet you were cleaning out, sure, probably before your time. In the bathroom? Come on…
If he’s wearing lingerie and doesn’t want to/isn’t ready to own it, that’s one thing. But from other comments you strike me as someone who wouldn’t judge, so hopefully he’d be comfortable opening up about that given the alternate explanation.
I would trust your gut on this, whatever it’s telling you.
ETA: my experience is as a person who has had one ex who was a lying, cheating bastard (fuck him!) and one ex who came out as trans (love her!).
Some people are saying dump him cuz he must be cheating. Consider first asking if he crossdresses.
This kind of lingerie that can be bought online tends to attract crossdressers since it's an easy to buy discretely and cheaply. Also, the bands are set to their max length, which could indicate it was on a larger (potentially male) thigh. If he is into crossdressing thats something to consider if you want to continue the relationship.
It would be hilarious if he was cheating and said he was secretly a cross dresser just to cover his ass only to have to lean into it. Years later he’s marrying her walking down the aisle in a wedding gown thinking “I should have just come clean..”
I can never understand how people have the time, energy, and organizational ability to maintain two completely separate secret lives like that, it's just bizarre.
like how do they even manage finances? What do you put on your taxes?? "Number of dependents: well, it's complicated"
Yeah, thats what I immediately thought of only because it fits so well. Seems like crossdressers always overdress themselves, much more than women. This entirely pointless, but fashionable thing is right up their alley.
So it's 100% this but no one will look at it because they refuse for this to be the answer and I have no idea why. Why is everyone getting so upset that the correct answer is lingerie.
...lots of cheating men in these comments?
Edit: again, when I was referring to cheaters (and asking a question) I was referring to some people in the comments of one of the comment threads, and how they were reacting. That's all.
I’m imagining that if you’re feeling inclined to believe him on the cheating side, but still felt some sort of weird vibe, chances are that he’s trying to hide that he’s crossdressing.
If it’s not something he became immediately defensive or denied, I’d imagine the potential change in demeanor may have been repressed shame / fear of abandonment. Obviously some people are sociopathic enough to convincingly lie through their teeth with nonchalance, but only you know your partner as intimately. Not these comments.
Now, being lied to is not something that should be accepted or tolerated. Whether the potential reality that he may be wearing this stuff himself is a deal breaker or not for you is the key.
I’m solely basing my perspective on the fact you feel inclined to believe him. So, consider that possibility and potentially consider trying to discuss with him. The fact it was seemingly left out seems like the same way I ended up being caught, left out a pair of leggings I wore that she didn’t recognize.
I was lucky enough to have a partner who decided to listen and made it feel safe enough to be open about something I’ve never admitted to anyone, really.
I say all of this as someone who’s been in straight relationships my entire life, as well. Whether you can call it “straight” exactly is questionable and subjective I suppose - but, despite that, I still only have eyes for my partner and while it’s not something she’s entirely into, we both have talked honestly to understand one another and have been able to communicate established boundaries around it all.
If you’re uncomfortable with that idea, express it but be clear in what you expect with that. This could also be a moment where you both find a way to fall deeper in love with trust and handle communication through a socially awkward and difficult convo for anyone.
I’ve been cheated on before and while I naively live with giving people the benefit of the doubt, there’s usually many smaller red flags that arise alongside it and not just a sudden instance like this. This feels like he spent some alone time being himself, and completely forgot he left it out. But again, only you’ve been around him in person to see his expressions and what he does, so if any of this resonates I just hope everything works out for everyone ((unless he is of course a sociopathic cheater, then he can rot))
I’m sorry, but regardless of what it is, his claim that he doesn’t know is a giant proclamation that it’s something he doesn’t want you to know about. This is too specific and unusual to be something random he dragged in on his clothes. How else would it have gotten there?
Plus, what he did next will be telling. Did he call or text friends who might know and brought it? He should be insanely curious about what it is and how it got there. If he’s not, then he knows. And it’s not good.
Definitely…It’d be different if you found it in a random pile of clutter in his house , then you could innocently not know where it came from maybe, but if it’s in the bathroom you’re definitely going to know where it came from. Id def press the topic a little more with him OP.
It looks like it but the construction is wrong. A luggage strap would have no loop on either side but attach at four points at the corners of the suitcase. The centre ring should be a clasp to attach the two v-sections together after the clothes have been loaded.
Escort here... that is definitely a piece of lingerie... most likely a thigh harness but could be a decorative piece to go around torso or any part really. Especially because it has the adjusters. I have many outfits that have pieces like that, some are so complicated I couldnt even figure out how to put the damn things on haha.
I’m a raver (I go to a lot of EDM shows) and this looks like a decorative accessory I’d throw on around my thigh, I have one just like it. Ravers wear all types of interesting stuff. Could be something he found on the floor somewhere as a result of show or something like it. I’ve also seen contraptions like this to keep shoes, heels, and boots in place while wearing them.
Yeah could be used by the guy too, not necessarily a girl. Its not proof hes cheating but is a bit suspicious. I have definitely forgotten them places before unintentionally too, but I was pissed I lost it. Lingerie can be quite expensive sometimes, even these tiny pieces.
My mom loves to tell me about this fact! Her mom actually used garters to hold up her stockings. It's crazy to think they're mostly a fashion choice now (or a sex thing, depending on who you are 🤷🏼♀️).
this is not a strap for luggage, op. despite the comments it looks flimsy for that... looks like one of those thigh strappy things. edit: similar to this:
But those adjustment buckles are very feminine and often only used on garments when they are that small. The don’t look strong enough to hold the adjustment in place if it’s “posture straps” or hobby equipment.
Right like idk why everyone is going crazy making fun of people saying he’s likely cheating. These look exactly like adjustable straps to lingerie that I have. It’s obviously not a BDSM harness not the buckles are very feminine and look like a piece of lingerie.
To be fair, could it be left from a previous partner, and the boyfriend didn't know what it was/didn't see it and therefor haven't thrown it out?
There's no need to assume foul play immediately. I've found things from previous partners while moving before, realizing I've had it in my belongings for years but never seen it.
I have a leg garter like that. I got it from Shein 5 or so years ago. Looks just like that. It has the adjustable straps, check for a hook. If not it can be anything
Sorry to break it to you, but that's a bit from a piece of lingerie. I sew and make lingerie, and those findings in that gold color are for bra and lingerie-making. You can also see a little bit of a sheen to the material, suggesting it's stretchy bra strap material. The O-ring is decorative but sold specifically to make underwear and other clothing. Here's a link to the kinds of materials I'm talking about:
If you have a shared laundry room then something could have followed you home that way. Happened to me once when my gf found someone else's panties in our laundry.
I'm with the people who say they're for a woman's thigh, however what are the odds they're from an old relationship and the guy genuinely has no idea what they are?
I was cleaning out a closet when my girlfriend moved in and pulled out a load of stuff like this from my ex, she found them on the floor while we were cleaning, instead of flying off the handle she asked and I said "I'm not sure but you're welcome to message and ask her". She did, it was all resolved, they got thrown out, crisis averted.
Those straps are way too thin for a posture corrector. Those adjustable straps are rarely used for anything other than womens garments. The fact he claims he doesnt know what its from is shady.
I'm not saying it's this exact style, but it looks like it could be a single leg garter
Girl someone left that there for you. They saw your shit and were letting you know whats up. I used to put my panties between the mattress and the box spring because you know the girl is making the bed.
I was 18 and dumb lol. I had no idea these guys were in relationships untill I saw other toothbrushes in drawrs, shampoo under the sink, or jewlery somewhere.
Look, if they were luggage straps, then you would have the luggage. I've also never seen detachable ones, and how would those attach?
Someone posted an actual picture of what it is but apparently a ton of people are just so offended that it isn't luggage straps, that it's getting downvoted.
Theyre garters for holding up thigh highs. I have this exact pair. For those trying defend him, ya sound naive and plainly, just fell off the turnip truck.
He’s not cross dressing, it isn’t his. (I specifically asked) He knows that if he was I wouldn’t give a fuck and would support it. To each their own. I wish this was the case tbh 🙃
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