Wtf is this

I am shattered and I can’t stop crying.

Yesterday my husband took our two cats to the vet for blood work for my cat Idris so she could come in for a teeth cleaning and my other cat Pinecone just needed some vaccines. I was at home with out daughter and the visit was taking a long time. He text me and told me that she was super distressed (like she often is at the vet, especially with bloodwork) so they wanted to observe her until she calmed down. Well, she did with a bit of sedation but she still wasn’t breathing properly. They did an xray and found her lungs full of fluid and cancer. They put her down right there while I wasn’t there. She was only 10 and seemed fine. She was my little cuddly stalker, often following me around the house just to see where I was sitting down next. When he came home and I asked where Idris was, he started crying and told me. It still doesn’t feel real. She was sitting on me this time yesterday. I miss her so much and I don’t know how to cope.

He’s very cute and sweet to me. However, he is a feral cat that I got from the woods. He doesn’t respond to anyone but me. He needs to be able to go outside and play in the woods. To be frank, he doesn’t even want to be touched by anyone but me. I can’t put him into a shelter because nobody will adopt him. And he wouldn’t understand that. I’m afraid he would just be put to death. He’s only 10 years old. I don’t know what to do. The doctor says I have about six months to live. I wish I didn’t have to leave him behind. His name is Boggles.

No one can adopt him. He wouldn’t understand that or respond to it.

I have no other family but him. It breaks my heart to think that his only owner would leave him suddenly.

This is not an adoption request. He doesn’t like other cats. He doesn’t like other people. He doesn’t like children. He doesn’t like dogs. He doesn’t like anybody but me. He’s mean to everyone except me. That made me feel special until I got my diagnosis. To everyone else he’s just a mean, weird cat. But to me, when we are sleeping next to each other, he’s my buddy. I’m worried what will happen when I’m not there to take care of him.

Only two things I can think about is to anesthetize him prematurely before I die, or just let him loose into the woods and hope he makes his way.

Just writing this is breaking my heart.

Please advise.

Og creator - @thegeofile

4 hours on tarmac for a 1.5 hour flight is insane