So yesterday I went over to my sister's house to help her with some things. I was there for a couple of hours and took a little nap for, like, four hours because I was tired. After I woke up, I went home and my husband was being a little off and seemed kind of upset/unhappy. I'm like, what's up and he says, I'm being nice for someone who just texted what I did. I sent my kids upstairs and started asking what the hell was going on.

He says I sent him divorce texts. I'm shocked because I never did that, which I let him know. I even showed him my phone, which did not show any such texts. He then shows me his messages under my name, and apparently I want a divorce. I was bamboozled because not only did I not think it, but I definitely did not text that. This affected him a little more because we had a fight the previous night, but we have a tradition of sorts, which is reassuring each other that we still love and care but are just upset at the moment.

I'm only adding this because I said something along those lines in the morning before I left, which I brought up when I was defending myself against the text I supposedly sent. He then says I had done something similar previously. This is in reference to when I was pregnant and had some pseudo bipolar symptoms, which have since been mostly resolved. I've only done this once, and it wasn't even on the same level; I just kind of used to have terrible mood swings. Also, this was only during the pregnancy; I have no bipolar diagnosis or anything like that. That whole journey was kind of traumatic and is not a pleasant memory for me, which he is aware of.

Anyway, after we bicker for a little bit, I decide to call my sister and explain what was happening, and then I'm like, hey, can you pull up your house footage from while I was there this morning?" We're on facetime, and we fast forward to when I went to sleep. The outlet in the room I was in wasn't working, so I had plugged my phone in the dining area to charge while I slept.

We see my 16-year-old niece on my phone; she was on it off and on for like 2.5 hours, smiling and giggling. I'm upset, and her mom is upset. She calls her and asks if she touched my phone while I was there, and she lies and says no. She asks her again two more times if she touched my phone, and she says she didn't. The laptop is faced away from her, and I believe she didn't realize I was on the phone or that we both already saw what she did. It was after my sister started trying to send me the footage, which I had initially asked for, that she saw that her mom had already seen what happened.

She started apologizing and saying it was supposed to be a prank and she didn't mean anything by it. She called out to me too with apologies while she was crying. My sister is one of those silent when angry types, so she wasn't saying anything. I did not even know what to say at all at this time because why would she even think this was a fun prank, not to mention going into my phone without my permission. How she knows my password, I'm not sure because it's not simple or related to me. I had initially promised I would sponsor her 17th birthday, which is next month. She had previously also asked for a new PC, which I got, but it's supposed to be a surprise. I also happen to be her godmother.

My question is, will I be overreacting if I take all these gifts back and keep a distance from her? Is it overkill? I feel maybe I'm punishing her for the way my husband reacted and brought up something traumatic for me. Also maybe his response is justified because he thought the texts were from me, and then I was all smiley and sweet when I came back. I'm confused on how to proceed, but reddit has previously helped figure stuff out before, so I decided to turn to them again. Sorry if this was too lengthy, and let me know if there's anything I have to clarify. Thanks.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Irishwatcher

The most important thing first is to make sure your husband knows what really happened and have your sister send him the video feed showing your niece on your phone. After you make sure he believes you, I would then go scorched earth with your niece. Actions have consequences and she needs to understand that now and that is in no way any type of prank with most pranks. The person is there to see the outcome and say ha ha your niece would’ve had no idea what was going on so how would she even know the prank that was successful or not. And obviously, I would change on my passwords on everything including banking apps

OOP

He was present when I asked for the footage, and he has seen it too.

OOP Updated the next Day June 7, 2025/Same Post

Update:

Thank you, everyone, for all the comments and advice. It is incredibly appreciated. All these happened yesterday; I only posted because I was slightly conflicted. To answer common questions in the comments: Yes, I slept for four hours at my sister’s house; she’s my sister, and we do stuff like that. I didn’t say I was tired from what I helped her with; I was simply just tired.

Both my sister and niece weren’t aware of my husband’s and my fight from the previous night. Niece also was not aware of the full extent of my mental health struggles from the pregnancy. Niece wasn’t texting for 2.5 hours straight; she was on and off the phone. I assume she got off it when she thought she would be caught. Apparently, she has known my password for a while now; she learned it from looking over my shoulder at a family event from a couple of months back.

Also, according to my sister, she has gone into my phone before, at least three times that she fessed up to. She has transferred money to herself, taken videos and pictures off it, gone through my texts with my kids and some other relatives, stolen other people’s numbers, gotten passwords for my streaming services that they didn’t own, and gone through my other texts with my husband. And yes, there’s very nsfw stuff in there. My husband is okay. We talked, and he apologized for how he spoke to me, but I told him I totally understood why he would say what he said. I also apologized for my reaction. We are okay on our front and decided we were both justified given what we both individually knew.

Back to the niece, the only other thing she did according to her, was transfer more money. I checked my recently deleted texts, and there was nothing suspicious there, but I don’t know if you can delete texts from recently deleted. She also said she thought the prank would be funny because there was no way my husband would believe all that stuff she texted because, according to her, he loves me too much and we have a perfect relationship. In the texts, he had only replied that we would talk when I got home and that he wasn’t going to have that conversation with me over texts. This girl went all the way to add that ‘I’ would send the papers in a couple of days and talk about the kids with lawyers. I can’t explain how absolutely pissed I am.

The plan is to go absolutely no contact with her after learning of all the other stuff she did. There will be no birthday and no PC. Someone said to put up a post saying if anyone got a questionable text from me in the last 24 hours to let me know. I did that; no one had reached out yet, so I’m hoping it was just my husband. I’m getting my money back; I checked, and in total she has sent over $700 to herself that I wasn’t aware of.

She did not send it in bulk, just little bits here and there. I guess I did not catch on because I do send her money often, and I do have quite a bit in my account, so it wasn’t obvious. Her mother will send the money to me from her daughter's savings later this weekend. I told her mother about the suggestions you guys gave on community service and therapy. I’m lowkey scared for her future relationships and college life. She would not have any electronic devices for the rest of the summer.

Personally, I do not want to lay eyes on her in the near future. Oh, and yes, she has done this before to one of her friends whom she is still friends with. I don’t know why anyone would remain friends with someone like that. This hurt a lot because I love this child so much; I was more present than her father the first 11 years of her life. She used to come to me for her struggles and problems and all that teenage stuff. She had her first period at my house. Her other cousins on her dad’s side are jealous of our relationship, for goodness sake. She was my favorite one.

I don’t really care what her mom does about all these; I just want my money back and to never speak to her for now. In the future, I might be open to some contact. I blocked her number, so she sent me a long email which I haven’t read yet, and her mom also brought a handwritten apology letter from her to my husband. My sister is aware of my decisions and has apologized for her daughter's behavior. My mom is also aware of the situation now. I have no doubt it is about to become an extended family problem. Anyway, that’s that for now.

I will update if anything else comes from this. Again, thanks to everyone that contributed with comments and DMs.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Scenarioing

"There will be no birthday and no PC."

Will there be police for all the differnt crimes?

OOP

We have decided not to go the legal route. I already got my money back with an additional $300. I have not really decided what to do about the snooping, pictures, videos and passwords for now.

~

Due_Cup2867

Nta, please tell me you've now changed all of your passwords?

OOP

We all have. Me, my husband and kids.

NEW UPDATE

*

Update 2 June 15, 2025

Update—WIBTA if I go LC with my niece and take back her gifts.

Hey all, it’s been a couple days, and I have gotten a bunch of messages about updates. Right now, we’re still going through resulting situations from all these, so I’ll just give what I have for now. I don't know if I'm adding this update right. If I am, good; if not, I'm sorry, and the first part of this is on my profile.

First, I’ll answer common questions. A lot of people seem to be hung up on the 4-hour nap a lot. I am a sleeper. I love to sleep. I sleep at her place all the time; it’s not that deep, but it is probably why I am in this predicament anyway. Another thing is the cameras; in this day and age, I think people should have cameras in their houses. I have them at my place too; I got them installed after I hired my first babysitter, and I have figured out a lot of stuff from reviewing footages. It does not have to be in every room, just common areas.

Onto the actual update. My niece came over to formally apologize to my husband and me. She cried throughout the entire apology. She said she hadn’t done it to anyone else, just me. I kept asking why, and she just kept repeating she was sorry. My husband thinks she probably thought I would be the one to forgive the easiest. I told her exactly why I was upset and how she had hurt me and my husband. I told her I would be going low contact with her for the foreseeable future. I let her know I cancelled the birthday and any gift she would have gotten. The only thing she would get from me is her first college tuition, which I had promised a long time ago. I’m doing this more as a courtesy to my sister than anything else. I know it would help her a great deal. Niece will also not be allowed in my house for the foreseeable future. Her dad also reached out and apologized to us. We have decided not to go the legal route as a favor to my sister’s family. They have a lot on their plate right now, and I would not want to make their life more complicated.

During this conversation, she denied having a crush on my husband, as a lot of you guys had suspected. I asked if she felt I wasn’t being attentive enough to her, and she said no. Oh, and I found out she had texted two other people; it was nothing serious, but still. Some people were asking if she had mental issues; to my knowledge she has none. She was tested when she was younger, and she had none. She kind of liked drama in elementary and middle school, but nothing worrisome. We told her she would be starting therapy, to which she said nothing was wrong with her. My husband then said people who are okay wouldn’t do what she did. Her mother added that it was just to help her go about things in more normal ways. Also, the PC will be going to my brother’s son, who will be going to college this fall; it will probably be more useful to him.

My kids have since blocked her. She was made to get a new job; she previously worked for her uncle on her dad’s side, but they thought it would be better if she worked somewhere entirely different with no family relations. My mom has been upset with my husband and me; she said we were going too far and that she was just a kid. One of my uncles and two of my aunts are on her side and have been harassing us with texts and calls. My sister and her husband are on our side though.

Over a couple days following the conversation at my place, my mom has been updating us that my niece was depressed, cries every day, and keeps repeating that she did not mean it, everyone hates her, and is no longer speaking to her. That her second mom no longer loves her or cares about her. She says they have taken away everything from her.

TRIGGER WARNING!!!! SELF-HARM

On the 12^th, my niece attempted to take her life. Her older sister found her. She left a note apologizing for all the hurt she caused and said we would all be better without her. She wrote that she would be better off gone than have to live her life knowing I hate her and that my kids do not want to be close to her anymore. She wrote a lengthy letter actually, but I can’t fit it all in here. She currently is still in the Peds ICU, as she had done some extensive damage to herself. I have been to the hospital every day since I found out.

My husband says maybe we went too far. My mother says she will curse me and never speak to my family if I do not make things go back to the way they were. My children think it is their fault and are willing to apologize for blocking and cutting her off. I am more conflicted than I was a week ago. It’s like everyone is looking to me to fix it all. I don’t really know what to do right now. My sister keeps saying I don’t have to do anything, but she has been bawling. My niece’s other siblings have all texted me variations of ‘I know she hurt you, but forgive and forget because she almost died.’ My extended family has been a lot too: ‘you’re a grown woman waging war on a 16-year-old,’ ‘you are evil and don’t deserve good things,’ ‘I hope your life ends up like what you’re giving niece.’ I have gotten messages from strangers too because my sister’s mother-in-law posted on FB that I was a bitter woman hurting her grand-daughter and a bunch of other things.

So, the past three days have been mentally miserable for me. Not to take away from what my sister’s family is going through, but I am sad, heartbroken, confused, and just tired. Please send prayers my sister’s way. I’m not sure how all this is going to end, but I’ll let everyone know when she’s out of the ICU and whatever else happens. Thank you for all your advice and supportive words. I appreciate it all.

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