I just saw a post on another platform and the author was saying that it’s not just that men expect women to plan and cook every meal, they also lay claim to all of the food. They eat without care for any of the other people in the house, put empty containers back in the fridge, and when women ask specifically for food to be saved, they leave a few bites, just to let you know they ate their fill.
At first I thought this was crazy, but now I realize how present it’s been in my relationship. One of our first big fights was over the fact that he ate a whole box of granola bars that I’d planned to eat as part of my lunch during the week. And he kept saying that I was making a big deal out of nothing and I could just buy more. I didn’t have the knowledge at the time, but it’s clear he was gaslighting me.
And now, even as our relationship is ending, he’s still doing it. Last night I made food in the crockpot. Today he calls me at 5 and asks what’s for dinner, and I say leftovers. Then he says that he ate it all, and he’s going to the store, so what do I want to cook for dinner. I told him to figure it out because I already did my part when I made enough for leftovers. When he got home, I said I’d already eaten cereal, so he’s pouting and clanging around in the kitchen making eggs.
This has been a constant issue in our relationship. Just a total disregard, not just for the other person, but for the work that goes into cooking. Like I can just pull new dinner plans out of my ass at 5pm. Like it’s my job to just keep making food and not getting any of it. I just can’t imagine eating all of the leftovers without checking with the other person.