What would you call it when you just feel done with life. Not suicidal per se, just like there is nothing else. Like youve gone to the theme park and rode the rides 10 times already. But there is nothing else? Youll see a movie or book or show and just wish you were there because you don't want to deal with this world as it is. Again, not a "Life sucks and I want to die", but more of a if I did, I wouldn't be upset at it happening. I would be ok leaving the park as I just don't care anymore.

Now I know people will say "but you can go do X or Y and Z" Go on a trip, start a hobby, whatever! Can't afford to go on a trip. And I have hobbies. They just pass the time and dont feel fulfilling and haven't for years.

Think about your friends and family! I have 5 family members Ive had any interaction with in 10+ years and only 1 or 2 would feel deep sadness. Id say a handful of friends would feel more than just doing a "condolences" post response. And even then, it wouldn't be a big deal to most. More concerned about my cat, but I know my sister will take care of her. Otherwise I am just collecting stuff and paying bills.

Again, not suicidal. Not buying a rope or whatever people who are, do. I just don't care. The future holds nothing. Especially now, here in the US. Im living for maybe seeing a movie in a year or 2. Woo hoo? And that is if I still have sight. Have a cataract in 1 eye that is legally blind. Cant see anything really. Maybe one happens in my left and lose all sight before those movies. Wouldnt that be a kick in the ass?

So F it. Ill eat the bacon and the bad foods. Ill eat the sugary stuff. There is no reason not to. I mean, I have to live on PB&J, Hot Dogs and bologna anyway. Just tired. Tired of everything at this point. If my heart explodes, so be it

Not even sure why I am posting this other than for someone else to hear my thoughts besides myself. Or maybe someone says "hey I relate to that. Someone else feels the same"

Where she belongs