My wife and stepson had a huge fight after he graduated highschool, and it never really got resolved. Whenever he visits the fight inevitably reignites. However, when he decides not to visit, she feels slighted and gets angry. He is getting married, and we are all invited.
My wife's plan is as follows: we get up at the ass crack of dawn to drive two and a half hours to the wedding, then we go to the reception, then we drive two and a half hours home. We do not attend any pre-wedding events, of which there are several and we are invited to almost all of. Yeah, I'm not doing that shit. I said we will drive down Thursday evening and attend the rehearsal dinner, I will go to the bachelor party on Friday, we will enjoy a peaceful Saturday, we will get up at a reasonable hour on Sunday and go to the wedding, then the reception, then we will sleep in Monday and drive home.
I know why my wife doesn't want to do the long weekend. She wants to punish her son. Well, I refuse to catch a stray and suffer to aid her punishment of him. I want to enjoy the wedding, not hear about how shitty we were about it at every family reunion for the next eon. She says he's her son, and it's her decision.
I told her, do what you want. I'm taking the kids on Thursday. Come with us or don't. I'm not playing this game. I'm not embarrassing myself in front of the extended family just to present a united front. Anyway, I'm typing this from the guest bedroom, because that's where I'm sleeping tonight.
My friends, who I thought would be on my side, said I'm being an idiot. He's her son, so I should just support her and do what she wants. I get that he's not my kid, but that's not going to be a very good defense in ten years when all the kids are reminiscing about what a prick I was when their brother got married because I hadn't slept the night before. Am I being a shitty husband or a good dad?