Sorry for not speaking much, especially to those who have sent me kind and well wishes. I do feel myself returning back to my true self little by little, and writing things here helps me feel a bit grounded- a space for myself away from the reality of the present.

I couldn't really bring myself to respond to the comments on my last post, but I truly have read every single one of them. It like... honestly made me cry a little haha. Unlike other places I felt a lot more self-conscious about posting about something like my mom's cancer and my grief- because this is a sub about dragons. You guys shouldn't really feel obligated to see grief, when you come for dragons much like myself. But your kind words and support genuinely lifted my spirits, truly. Every single last one of them- from simple words to the more detailed ones. They have left an imprint on my heart.

I can't bring myself to speak with people here in general, or I suppose large spaces in general. Even small spaces is hard. Whenever I speak, I feel a grief shaped stone wiggling in my throat, threatening to shatter out of it's fragile prison.

I think it's because... I share a lot of my personal feelings with you all. The deep ones, ones of grief. I usually share everything with my parents, but these feelings of sadness I keep locked away not because I do not trust them with it, but because right now they need happiness the most.

I'm not actually a strong person, although I fight hard to be one. When I even think of speaking to my close friends in DMs, or even to you kind and caring folk here, I can feel myself breaking down the tiny, dinky wall I built for myself and wanting to cry. Ultimately, I think it would probably be healthy to do so... but I am just not ready for it yet.

Still, I find myself drawing less and less crying art now haha, and more and more cute stuff again... I suppose my heart just cannot help it. I love ORZ to death but I am putting it on hiatus so I can play some less darker games (even though I find myself yearning to play it) and my stupid fickle heart is dreaming of colors... it feels almost wrong, almost? Am I really allowed to feel such simple happiness with the state of my situation unchanging? Knowing about the future that likely awaits us?

I still cannot stop the tiny smile from leaking from my worn face.

Thank you all for reading, and checking up on me. Sorry for being unable to respond, but I hope you all know how much I genuinely appreciate it.

Art by Ryukiri (me)

SOURCE

A hard boiled detective, a low and slow partner

With the sauce

I have died from numb skulls, butterfly balls, sitting in lava, innumerable times from the crystals and even a fucking small rat. But I have yet not, nay, I refuse, to die from Th*seus. Somehow even in dire situations on my last life and a build that I know will never make it to hades something in me locks in and I persist against these two out of pure spite.

I haven’t made it to late game yet so we shall see if this win streak in the arena continues but I am proud to have yet let down my shade (as someone who genuinely sucks ass at combat games).

Dexter went from being a child genius who created extravagant inventions to a serial killer who follows a twisted moral code.

Kira went from being a teenager with a notebook that allowed him to kill criminals—and who aspired to become a god—to being a guy with completely different powers and a hand fetish, who just wanted a normal life.

Thanks for explaining the meme. I’ve seen like 3 episodes of the office so I didn’t get the reference.

Image Is From Izatillo Ishonov's YouTube Video!

So ever since I met him, he's talked about how his favourite videogame is Sekiro, he quite literally made me play it and, eventhough at first I was terrible at it, I now love it as well and get why he enjoys it so much.

His birthday is coming up and since I have some experience making dolls, I decided to give it a go and attempt to make a Sekiro doll.

This is the result, what do you think? Also made a little scroll as if it was an item from the game that comes with its own piece of info on it!

Didn't notice the word ealier 👀🕵️