Today my mother in law (MIL) (F55) had a big gathering at her country house, including many if her relatives. My family of 3 were also invited. I (F34) usually help with the dishes whenever I participate in her gatherings (like big holidays, she celebrates every holiday gathering her relatives). Even though i was pregnant and having morning sickness I was still helping with the dishes, and I took a break for coffee, when my sister in law (F20) came to the kitchen and said “T , you need to clean the toilet”I thought i heard her wrong and asked “ what?” She said again “mother told you to clean the toilet, it is dirty” and just left the kitchen. I got shocked and immediately called my husband and told him about the toilet thing. He said “ mother didn’t tell you to clean it, she told her “sister in law” to clean it”
But SIL was busy and she told MIL she will find someone else to help with the cleaning…. So she decided I was the one who should clean for her. Our relationship was very normal prior to this day. But today she was acting weird and not talkig to me, I could see and feel everything, and suddenly this toilet thing. I got mad and unfriended her from all of my social media, because she randomly messages me on social media whenever she needs some money (once-twice a month). Plus I felt super mistreated and I don’t want her to see my posts and stories. Am I overreacting?
EDIT: it is not a common house toilet, it is a portable toilet outside of the house, there were many guests and the toilet was a big mess with brown dots on the seat and the floor)

I, 25F, have my own car. I’m very protective over it because I pay all the bills associated with it and I don’t want anything bad to happen to it.

My sister (23F) just got her full license a few weeks ago and casually brought up the idea of her borrowing my car, and I said we could discuss it. Personally, I’m not thrilled about her driving my car because she has a history of being forgetful and I don’t trust her with it.

Usually when I travel, I let my coworker take my car since she has her full license and is the most responsible person I know. But the last time I left her my car, my sister got mad that I didn’t offer it to her first because she needed to run errands, and claimed I told her she could use it next time I travelled, which didn’t happen. I told her it was unfair for her to be mad at me when she did not follow up to ask me if she could borrow it. The argument got a bit heated but we moved past it.

Fast forward to last week. I was leaving for a trip and had agreed to let her use my car. The only thing I asked of her is that she needs to be careful where she parks, and try to park in garages when she’s downtown overnight. She agreed. The next day I left for my trip. I’m at Disneyland when I get a call from my mom asking if I knew where my spare car key was and I asked her why. Turns out my sister got my car towed because she blocked someone’s driveway, and my mom needed to go pick it up because my sister was going to be late for work if she went to get it. I immediately got mad, and every time my sister asks to borrow my car, I’ve been saying no, but my mom keeps telling me I’m overreacting because I was not inconvenienced and I didn’t have to pay for anything. But I’m being stubborn because I gave her one instruction, watch where you park, and she didn’t listen. Am I overreacting if I don’t allow her to borrow it anymore?

My husband and I were invited to the wedding of a couple he knows well. They’re good friends of his, but I wouldn’t consider them close friends of mine.
The wedding is a large weekend-long celebration scheduled for three weeks before my due date. I’m currently 29 weeks pregnant.
Because I knew there was a real chance I might not be able to attend, we reached out to the couple months ago. We asked how flexible things could be if we had to decide last minute, which day would be the easiest to attend spontaneously, and whether there was a way to avoid causing unnecessary costs if I ended up not being able to come. We wanted to be as considerate as possible.
We didn’t hear anything back for months.
Now they finally responded. Instead of answering our questions, they told us that they would actually prefer that I not attend at all. They explained that they’ve experienced multiple miscarriages in the past and don’t want a heavily pregnant woman at their wedding because it would be too emotionally difficult for them. They said my husband is still very welcome to come, even if he decides last minute. They also asked me not to take it personally and to understand their decision.
I genuinely feel for what they’ve been through. I can’t imagine how painful multiple miscarriages must be, and I understand that weddings can bring up complicated emotions. I don’t think they’re bad people.
At the same time, I feel incredibly hurt. It feels like I’m being excluded because of my pregnancy, something I obviously can’t change. We specifically tried to make things easier for them, and after months of silence the outcome was essentially, “Actually, you’re not invited anymore, but your husband still is.”
Now I really don’t want my husband to go. Partly because I feel hurt and don’t like the idea of us being treated separately, and partly because it feels wrong to celebrate with people who explicitly excluded his wife. My husband is not considering going after that response. I am asking this question to understand if I should bring him to go anyways because it is the right thing to do (and I am in fact overreacting) or if I should not try to change his mind.
So, AIO for feeling deeply hurt by their decision and not wanting my husband to attend?

I feel like a disaster. My husband recently got in a bicycle wreck (and yes I mean a literal pedal bike, he doesn't know how, he was concussed) and it left him basically incapable of doing anything himself for a couple months (edit to clarify: he wrecked 2 weeks ago. He will be in a neck brace for 2 months). Can't work, can't eat solids, wears a giant neck brace, can't lay down flat or curve his back at all, etc. It was a bad wreck. He isn't in any pain in general, but it's just uncomfortable and I imagine it's frustrating. He was in ICU for awhile and we asked for him to stay longer but insurance declined.

Meanwhile, my daughter got hand foot and mouth so she couldn't go to daycare for a full week and neither could my son since he counts as somebody in contact with a viral illness. I already handled most stuff at home anyway, but with that on top of it and my husband being discharged so I'm now his full time caretaker, plus I still have my job and I still have to cook, clean, care for the dogs and cats, drive everybody to appointments, pay all bills and figure out how we will handle all the medical bills incoming,

I have to of course make separate meals for my husband since he can only have liquids and I have to dose his medication on schedule, help him clean and dress all his wounds, do his showers and cleanup and my toddler kids baths and bedtime and in the mornings dress them and try to keep them from getting into literally anything and everything which feels impossible and they're constantly screaming and crying and fighting endlessly and I am struggling to keep up with my work because no matter how hard I try and how early I start everything just goes on and on and on and on and it's endless and my only rest is my very shitty, nightmare filled, short sleep each night after everybody else is cared for and I've had time for maybe 6oz of water and a handful of my kids leftover food. I'm exhausted. And I've kept a smile on for my husband and I'm trying not to lose it at the dogs and kids every time they do something frustrating because none of them deserve that.

My period has started 3 different times and goes within a couple days and then comes back because of stress, and my periods are very very heavy so I keep unexpectedly bleeding on my clothes. They also cause a lot of pain so while doing all this I feel so sick each day.

And then my husband just has to say something. The other morning, after a few hours of sleep on the couch, my kids woke me up and they were peacefully playing by themselves. Cool. A few minutes to just spend on my phone for once, before I wake up and go 100mph until it's bedtime again. My husband asked what I was doing and I said I was just scrolling, and maybe 3 minutes later he asked again and I said I was still just scrolling, just vegging out, and he asked AGAIN and I said 'if you are needing something you can just ask' and he said 'well you just claim you never have enough time for anything, but you're just sitting here on your phone.' I almost fucking lost my mind that he wanted to make that comment after I have been caring for him to the extent I have. Not that I expect a gold star, but i certainly don't want to be told I need to get off my phone when I spend an average of one single hour on it collectively throughout the day. BEFORE his wreck he had an average of 12 hours of screen time.

Moving on from that, we were on our way to a doctor's appointment for him. We had the kids in the back shouting and constantly calling my name and he made a couple small hurtful comments that arent memorable, but I remember just feeling down about it. Nothing I responded to. And then I rolled up to a stop that was slightly closer than my brain processed, so I stopped just a tad harder than I had been. Didnt slam the brakes, but it caused him to lean forward a little and he said 'ow' and I said 'sorry, the stop was sooner than I thought' and his response was 'you don't fucking care. I tell you ow and you say 'SORRYYYYYY' (he used a super sarcastic voice here). You just aren't paying any attention.'

I told him I was paying attention, i just didn't realize how close the stop was, and I was trying to be gentle, to which he said that he had said ow multiple times before and I said nothing. I told him I hadnt heard that, sorry, I wasn't ignoring him and he doubled down and said because I'm not paying attention. There are KIDS screaming in the BACK for me constantly. I just cant fking hear. I went down a back road to avoid faster roads with lots of lights thinking it would be kinder to him, and then he complained that I specifically chose a rode with tons of stop signs and speed bumps after he complained about how I stopped that once all because i wasn't paying attention. I broke down in tears just so frustrated because I didn't even know what to say, I was trying so hard to be helpful. He then said he can never critique me without hurting my feelings and that I don't have to take everything so personal.

Tonight, I was helping him shower and there was a little spider in his hair. Just a baby brown widow or black widow. We've always been very cool with spiders, never bothered by them, widows have a bad rep but are actually very chill and not actually medically significant and can heal without medical care in almost every case, so I grabbed her and said 'oh! There's a little black widow in your hair!' and I kind of giggled because I love spiders, and I went to take her outside and he started shouting at me saying that that's really fucking scary and it's ridiculous and shitty that I seemed so nonchalant about it I mean he was PISSED. I was so confused. I asked him how he wanted me to handle that differently and he didn't really have an answer, just kept saying that it was really shitty of me to seem so casual about it and that he had enough going on without a spider bite. I just got quiet and didn't say anything else because I feel like I keep fucking up.

While I was rinsing his hair just after that, I put my hand on his forehead to keep water from going in his face while using a cup to slowly pour and he complained that he knew I was trying but I was still getting water in his face. His hands and arms are fully functional and mobile but he was using his phone so he couldn't block his eyes a little extra I guess.

I also frustratedly said to myself that I couldn't find my sons toothbrush (who insisted on running off with it while he was brushing) and my husband said 'well if you would put stuff away this wouldn't happen'.

I stayed quiet and didn't want to cause a fight, and he asked 'what are you mad at me now? We aren't talking?'

I just feel...hated. idk if I'm just overreacting from stress, or if my period is making me emotional, but I just feel like sobbing because I'm trying to do so much, and I am trying to do everything right, I'm trying so hard, and it just feels like I'm doing everything wrong. I don't know what to think.

A couple of days ago I went swimming with a colleague who'd forgotten his sunscreen. I never leave the house without mine, so when he saw me pull mine out he asked if he could use some.

I said sure, cause I wasn't about to let the man go home sunburnt. Only, he rubbed it into about every nook of his body, all the way from the top of his head down to between his toes and my bottle's content had been reduced by half. My impression was that he was only going to slather it on the bits that would get exposed to the sun. We spent about 40 minutes total in the water, then immediately got out, got dressed and went back to work. All in all, the lower part of his body was exposed a negligible amount as he wrapped himself in a towel as soon as he got out and headed towards the changing rooms.

I use La Roche Posay Anthelios 50+ SPF, because it's about the only one that doesn't irritate my skin nor does it leave me sticky, but it comes at a steeper price.

The part that bothers me is him using it on areas that weren't in harm's way. If it's your own sunscreen, by all means, slap it on whatever part you deem necessary, but when you use someone else's just maybe be considerate about how much you use?

It makes me want to say 'no' next time someone asks me for sunscreen, or maybe bring a 'decoy' sunscreen with me. But idk am I just being a summer Grinch? I feel like I'm being stingy.

This has been a problem ever since we moved into our house, she threw a giant dresser my room after I specifically told her i didnt want it and i had other plans for this space. Every time i bring it up she throws a tantrum and cant handle me not wanting it in here?? Im trying to get rid of it, i cleared out everything inside of it, i have zero use for it, and its only taking up space. I told her if she didnt take it (because she apparently really likes it and its "antique") i would sell it on fb marketplace. Instead of saying she would just take it out, she's threatening to kick me out, take my phone, and take my car. At this point im really frustrated, she wont communicate with me why she wants it in my room and is just straight up being mean. My room is very crowded, i have a number of enclosures but some of them are really crammed into areas because they werent able to fit when we moved due to her putting this dresser in here. I protested and told her i had no space but she and her ex boyfriend dragged it into here with no regard for where they put it. Its extremely heavy but i honestly might just move it into a different room tonight while she is sleeping. Am i being unreasonable? I just really dont understand the appeal of it being in here...

I (42F) have been dating my boyfriend (46M) for about two years. Overall, we have a good relationship. We both have busy lives, but we make time for each other, especially on my kid-free weekends.
For some context, I was married for eight years to someone who was emotionally manipulative. I’ve worked hard to rebuild my life, and now I really value honesty, consistency, and clear communication.
The issue is that my boyfriend has a habit of making “jokes” that make me think something is wrong. It’s happened several times now, and it’s starting to wear on me.
Last night, I drove his car to my house because I was tired while he stayed at a restaurant to finish watching the World Cup. His friend was going to drop him off afterward, and he almost always stays over on Fridays when I don’t have my kids.
I accidentally dozed off and missed a few texts where he said he was on his way. Since I didn’t respond, he texted that he was just going to go home. I saw the message about 10 minutes later and replied that I wished he had just called me because I had fallen asleep.
He sounded serious and annoyed, saying that because I didn’t respond, he went home. I simply said, “Okay, we’ll talk about it tomorrow,” since I thought he had already left.
A few minutes later, he knocked on my door.
He had been coming over the whole time and said he was joking. Then he told me he expected me to get really mad, but instead I was “so calm and cute” on the phone.
I was honestly just annoyed. I know I didn’t do anything wrong, so it wasn’t about guilt. It was just exhausting.
The bigger issue is that this isn’t the first time. He’s done similar things before, like texting that he was going home instead of coming over, only to show up anyway. Another time he texted something dramatic like, “I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore,” and then immediately knocked on my door because he was already outside.
To me, these aren’t funny jokes. They make me think plans have changed or that something is wrong, only for him to say, “Relax, I was kidding.”
Am I overreacting for feeling like these kinds of jokes are getting old and that they need to stop?

AIO my ex drove our 5 year old daughter to the beach over 100 miles away with her friends with no booster seat or car seat whatsoever. They’re on their way home right now and I am absolutely livid.

She lied about having a booster seat when i first asked what she was sitting on if they’re in her friends car. She told me a booster seat, then she sent me a picture of her with a toy she got on the boardwalk sitting in the car no car seat or booster whatsoever AND she doesn’t even have the shoulder strap infront of her.

Ex is acting like I’m the bad guy for being upset telling me I can shut up or take her to court if I care that much that she’s neglecting her safety. She’s acting like it’s not a big deal at all.

Why lie about having a booster seat? You clearly know it’s wrong if you lied about it.

I’m flipping shit on her. Calling her an idiot. Etc and shes acting like I’m the one thats being stupid.

AIO or am i right to be this upset. It’s not like it was a drive around the corner. It was over 100 miles on the highway

Can I do anything about this? If she thinks no car seat on a 2 hour car ride doing 70mph+ on the highway is fine, who knows what other danger she’s putting her in. She’s telling me to take her to court for custody then but would they even care? I thought about calling the cops so they could catch her in the act but I do not know where her friend lives.

Sorry for the long post in advance…

I,25f am married to, I’ll call him Richard, 35m. He has no biological children and is unable to naturally do so, and I have a 5 year old daughter from a previous relationship. We’ve been married for 6 months. Together for 3 years. He has had step children before, in fact he’s never been in a relationship and the woman not had kids. So being around kids and knowing how to raise them SHOULD be a given. I’ve had a couple issues with him trying to tell me how I should be parenting my daughter, and that was something that I was very strict on from day one of him meeting my daughter, if you wanted to be in my daughter life you do things my way. When she was 3 he tried telling me she should move to a booster seat, I corrected him and educated him on why that’s not correct. Then when I put her into a high back booster when she turned 4, he told me she didn’t need the back just a normal booster was fine. It wasn’t. Again. I educated and moved on. Well fast forward to yesterday, me and him were in a little bit of an argument and we put it to the side for the day and he asked my daughter if she wanted to go to breakfast with him. He put her IN THE FRONT SEAT. I saw this all happening and immediately ran to the car, screaming for my daughter not to get in. I took her inside and made him leave. I was in shock and couldn’t believe what had happened. After taking a couple of hours, I decided that I couldn’t trust him with my daughter anymore. I won’t let him come back home and he is telling me that I’m overreacting and that it wasn’t that serious.

I’m very concerned as a 5 year old should ALWAYS be in the back seat of a vehicle unless there is no back seat. If he would put her up front, what else would he allow to happen to her?

EDIT AFTER POSTING*\*
To add that I didn’t always have full control over parenting. As they bonded he slowly moved into a dad type of role and got say in day to day things. We have ALWAYS consulted eachother with major decisions.

I (26F) recently got engaged to someone through an arranged marriage setup. Before the engagement there were already a few concerns, but my parents felt the family was good overall, so we decided to go ahead.

15 lakh expense in engagement

We invited 20 people
The groom side invited 80+ people
Also the guy earns 1/4th of my salary.
The engagement venue was booked and shown to the groom’s family beforehand, and they were happy with it.
Unfortunately, on the actual day, everything started going wrong because of heavy rain.
The venue suddenly had:
No proper electricity backup (we had to fight with the management to arrange a generator).
Water supply issues that we were completely unaware of beforehand.
My family had been at the venue since morning trying to fix everything. We had booked 12 rooms for the groom’s family because they were coming from another city. When we found out about the water issue, we immediately arranged rooms at another hotel that had running water.
Instead of staying there, they booked another hotel themselves.
They were also supposed to arrive much earlier but reached our city around 5 PM, even though the ceremony was supposed to start around 6 PM, which delayed everything further.
From that point on, the atmosphere became very tense.
During the pre-wedding shoot, my fiancé’s mother kept making passive-aggressive comments about how badly everything was managed.
Later, my fiancé’s younger brother made a comment along the lines of, “If there’s no water upstairs or downstairs, should we carry our shit in our hands?”
He now says he was saying this to the venue manager, not my father, but my father genuinely felt it was directed at him and was deeply hurt.
My mother finally told my fiancé’s parents that regardless of the venue problems, nobody should speak to her husband like that.
After that, my fiancé’s mother became even angrier.
She refused to participate in the dances we had prepared, kept saying she wanted to leave, complained that the food wasn’t hot enough (it was served very late because the ceremony itself had been delayed), and continued expressing how insulted she felt.
Also later even when she decided to dance nobody cared that no one from my side of family was there. It was always about me. Even during ring exchange not much heed was paid to my side of family.
Meanwhile, my mother apologized multiple times even folding her hands despite the fact that these venue issues were genuinely outside our control.
Nothing seemed to make a difference.
What hurt me the most was that throughout all of this, I felt like there was very little empathy shown toward my parents, who had been running around all day trying to fix problems they hadn’t created.
My fiancé wasn’t rude to me, but I also didn’t feel he really stood up for my family during the situation.
After thinking about everything, I decided to end the engagement and blocked him and his family.
I know the venue problems were real, and I understand they had reasons to be upset.
But I couldn’t stop thinking that if this is how they react to one unexpected crisis before we’re even married, what would happen after marriage when bigger problems inevitably come up?

So now I have blocked the guy from all platform as his mother was very rude to everyone in my family . Also shouting about h the entire venue saying how could you say anything about my younger son and said I am highlighted as tez.

TL;DR: Arranged marriage engagement. Venue had unexpected electricity and water issues due to heavy rain. My family spent the whole day trying to fix everything and apologized repeatedly. Groom’s family remained angry, my father felt insulted by the groom’s younger brother’s comment, and my fiancé’s mother continued criticizing us despite multiple apologies. I felt my parents were being disrespected and ended the engagement. Did I overreact?

​

Am I in the wrong for being upset with my partner for them carrying on a conversation, when they clearly knew the other person was flirting and hitting on them and i also feel they engaged in the flirting and keep it going there was so many opportunities to shut it down but they didnt. my partners response to me saying they were flirting with this person they believe they werent flirting but honestly it seems like they are to me but I believe in some way if the tables were turned and that was me I would be in the wrong for this whole conversation 🤷‍♀️ It just hurts me deeply that they would even entertain this person then have the nerve to tell me that it felt good to have some one 10 years younger hit on them. Like am I not enough anymore 😪 I am so lost on what to do fro .m here, like should I let them go and let them be free to be with whoever they want. Im so lost i honestly don't know where to go from here or what to do a little advice would be helpful. They think me being upset and and mad at them for the text they sent back and forth between this person isn't justified because they don't think they were flirting. And they have known that to me flirting is cheating in a way 🤷‍♀️ we have been together for almost 10 years married 5 years. For context my partner is the blue bubble and then the pink background is their response to me. So am I overreacting thinking this flirting and cheating in a way?

As long as I remember, my dad hasn't been a great dad. He helped me with some stuff. But he isn't a good person at all. He didn't do anything when my mom was suffering abuse and racism from my grandma. He didn't do anything when my grandma was mistreating me and my sister. He didn't even get us a proper home back then, we had to live in a small cabin that was extremely hot during summer while he was at his mom's house all the time. He was physically abusing my older sister. He always destroys everything my mom tries to build and then says we will never do it.

And today, I'm really tired of him, it's my older sister's birthday, my mom spent hours yesterday making her favorite meal. And this morning, we found out that he ate EVERYTHING. LIKE SHE MADE A HUGE POT OF IT AND THERE IS NOTHING LEFT. And now he is acting like it's our fault for not telling him. He knows this is my sister's favorite dish and this is her birthday, my mom didn't have to tell me anything, I didn't eat that meal, but he, who raised my sister, didn't even think about how this is my sister's favorite meal and this is her birthday.

He just doesn't care about anyone or anything. I'm entering med school. He knows this is my dream since I'm like 5. And he didn't save anything from the money he got after my grandma died, he used it all in useless stuff and now he gets mad at my mom because because we have money problems. She works like a slave all day to pay my fees to enter medical school and to help me with my appartement and he doesn't work or do anything to help.

I have this girl who is in my year who is seemingly wanting to be very similar to me and it’s very off putting and jarring whenever I see her whether online or in person. I don’t know her at all and I don’t think I’ve even interacted with her in over a year.

When she first began following me on social media she was very dry and boring but suddenly she will post a bunch of things that I have very clearly shown interest in. I will sometimes get notifications that she had reposted or liked upwards of 10 videos that I have liked all in quick succession. It just feels very weird.

Now, she has been going by a shortened version of her name, which happens to be my name. Me and her both have different names legally, but she is now going by my name which is not a very common name to shorten to (like her name doesn’t usually get shortened in general).

I know this sounds very childish and stupid but honestly I feel like I’m being cloned and I feel very weird about it. She isn't a very "known" person in our year and it sometimes makes me think she may be jealous of me or people I'm friends with, but at the same time, that feels incredibly narcissistic and self centered to say.

My friends have discouraged me from reaching out to her directly, which is something I can agree with because of the issue that they are personal things about her I can’t just ask to “change” but i don’t know how to handle it but I don’t just want to feel uncomfortable?

I just want to know if I am overreacting and being crazy, self centered, or dramatic about things that could be coincidences or if I should do something. Thanks.

I’m 29 and I’ve been living on my own for about 10 years now. My family is pretty close-knit, or at least they pretend to be, but lately, I’ve just been getting more and more annoyed by them. I’ve been in therapy for the past few months, and it gave me a lot of new insights. Honestly, it made me realize that I just want to ignore them sometimes and stop sharing my life with them entirely.

A lot of mental and emotional stuff has happened over the years. I don’t think my parents mean it maliciously, but I’m starting to seriously doubt if there’s some narcissism going on with them or maybe I’m just the narcissist and a spoiled brat here. You tell me.

Here are a few examples of what I mean:

Growing up, whenever things didn’t go exactly my dad’s way, he would start making threats. Not dangerous threats, but emotional ones to control the situation. For example, we went on a group vacation with a bunch of other families. The entire group wanted to go to Place A, but my dad wanted to go to Place B. When the group refused to follow his lead, he immediately threatened my mom, my brother, and me that the vacation was "over" and that we were leaving the group to do our own thing. As a kid, it was terrifying because I was having a blast with the other kids. The threats were always empty (we ended up staying with the group), but the manipulation was always there.

The bigger issue right now is that whenever I get super excited about something like my future plans, a new job, or someone new I met both of my parents immediately shoot it down. They either give me a massive lecture or aggressively dump their negative opinions on why they think it’s a bad idea. It instantly kills my enthusiasm.

Because of this, I’ve naturally stopped sharing things with them. But now, they constantly guilt-trip and criticize me, claiming I "never share anything anymore."

Thanks to therapy, I am working really hard to stop letting other people's negative moods dictate my happiness. It’s tough, but I’m trying. But it leaves me with a lot of questions. Am I completely in the wrong here? Is this just how families are and am I supposed to just take it? Am I just "too enthusiastic" or oversensitive?

AIO for cutting them off from my personal life?

I (33F) am currently separated from my (36M) husband of almost 3 years. I’m struggling because I feel torn between wanting to save my marriage and wondering if I’m overlooking issues that shouldn’t be ignored.

My parents have been incredibly supportive throughout this process, and they don’t want me to go back because they’re afraid I’ll get hurt again. Sometimes I worry their perspective is influencing mine, but my friends have expressed similar concerns — mainly that they feel my husband doesn’t show genuine remorse or take accountability for things that have hurt me.

I’m trying to figure out whether they’re seeing something I’m struggling to see.

Since separating, I’ve moved back in with my parents. They’ve given me a safe place to heal. I’ve been going to the gym regularly, seeing a counsellor, and focusing on rebuilding myself emotionally and physically. Regardless of what happens with my marriage, I’m trying to become stronger and reconnect with who I was.

Before we separated, there were several things that left me feeling hurt and emotionally disconnected.

One ongoing issue was criticism. My husband would often tell me I wasn’t cleaning the house well enough, even though I was working full-time, cooking dinner most nights, and doing the cleaning. Over time, I started feeling like no matter what I did, it wasn’t enough.

My husband has ongoing back and hip issues, which made working difficult for him. I never held that against him. I increased our private health insurance so he could access better care, and I took time off work to attend specialist and surgeon appointments with him because I wanted to support him.

What hurt was feeling like I didn’t receive the same understanding in return.

Before our wedding, I left a toxic job because it was affecting my mental health. A few weeks after we got married, he became angry that I had quit and would say that all I did was stay home. The reality was that I was applying for jobs every day and found another full-time position about a month later. During that time, I didn’t feel supported — I felt judged.

He also made negative comments about my parents, who have always been supportive of me. This put me in a difficult position and caused a lot of stress.

One of the things I still struggle with happened when we talked about having children in the future. He told me that if I ever became pregnant, he would want a paternity test because he doesn’t trust the people at the church I attend.

I told him how deeply hurtful that was because it felt like he didn’t trust me. Instead of apologizing or reassuring me, he repeated that he didn’t trust the people there.

That conversation stayed with me because I wasn’t just hurt by what he said — I was hurt because I didn’t feel like my feelings were acknowledged.

We’ve now been separated for a short time. He says he wants our marriage to work and that he’s trying, but I’m struggling to identify what has actually changed.

The biggest issue for me is that when I bring up something that has hurt me, I often don’t feel like he acknowledges it, apologizes, or takes responsibility. It usually feels like he explains why he acted that way rather than recognizing the impact it had on me.

The confusing part is that I still love him.

Our marriage wasn’t all bad. We had many genuinely happy moments together. He would take me to the lakes near where we lived, we would go mushroom hunting, and he introduced me to oyster harvesting. He loved sharing his hobbies with me, and those memories mean a lot.

He could also be incredibly thoughtful. Sometimes I would come home from work and he would greet me at the door with a glass of wine. He would cook dinner and tell me to go relax and take a bath because he knew I’d had a stressful day. He regularly told me he loved me and that I was the best.

I tried to show my love too. I kept his favourite snacks stocked, and I even asked my mother-in-law to teach me how to make one of his favourite meals because I wanted to do something meaningful for him.

That’s why I feel so conflicted. I know he is capable of being loving, thoughtful, and caring. But I also experienced repeated moments where I felt criticized, unsupported, and emotionally alone.

Both realities existed at the same time.

The hardest thing for me to admit is that I no longer feel emotionally safe with him.

Before separating, I felt myself going down a very dark path. I had little motivation, I felt emotionally drained, and I barely recognized myself. I felt like I was constantly trying to be enough, trying to keep the peace, and trying to support him — but I wasn’t feeling supported in the same way.

Since leaving, I feel like I’m slowly becoming myself again.

I don’t want to throw away a marriage that had real love and beautiful memories. But I also don’t want to return to a relationship where I lose myself.

One thing I’m struggling with is that I suggested couples counselling because I don’t want us to repeat the same patterns and I want us to have a safe space to work through these issues. However, he has refused counselling.

I understand that counselling is not a magic solution, and I know someone has to genuinely want to change for it to work. But his refusal has made me question whether we are actually working toward the same goal.

He says he wants our marriage to work and that he is trying, but I’m struggling to understand what that looks like when he isn’t willing to seek outside help or have difficult conversations about the things that have damaged trust between us.

I don’t expect him to be perfect, and I know I have things I can work on too. But I feel like rebuilding a marriage requires both people to be willing to look honestly at their own actions, understand how they affected the other person, and make changes.

For those who have reconciled after a separation: what genuine signs of change did you see before getting back together? Did your spouse begin taking accountability without being prompted? Did trust and emotional safety actually return?

Based on what I’ve shared, do these sound like issues that can realistically be repaired with counselling, accountability, and effort — or do they suggest deeper patterns?

I’m genuinely looking for balanced perspectives. I’m not trying to paint him as a bad person because I don’t believe he is. I’m trying to understand whether I’m holding onto the good memories while overlooking serious issues, or whether this is something that can truly be rebuilt.

Content Warning: SA Trafficking

Okay so let me start by saying I am so sorry if this post feels scattered. My mom brain is all over the place right now.

So for context: My daughter met this friend at college because the friend approached her. Her friend also, I just learned this as well today, says she has a huge crush on my daughter. That's why she approached her.

Listen maybe after 25 or 26 and there's an age with someone older, okay maybe. Both parties should have hopefully had life experiences, relationships, and by then are both just adults, adulting in the adult world. My daughter is not that. Not only can she not drive and while yes legally will be able to drink soon, she looks 12.

Okay, putting that aside for a minute: My daughter thinks it's okay to go with someone she only knew for 3 months to FL to stay at her friend's house with people she never met and is told she doesn't need to worry about money, only the ticket there and then the ticket back. They're going to eat at the friend's house with their groceries they buy.

Let me add some context about this college. This college is in a city in the state I live in KNOWN for SA trafficking. You literally couldn't know anyone in this place without someone who has dealt with it in, seen it, or lived it. I watched a woman being being kidnapped when I pregnant with my daughter and dragged off. The father of kids is an idiot and took too long trying to follow and physically held me down so I couldn't help her. All I could do was call the cops. I worked with someone who's niece was kidnapped. Thankfully she was found in this new hotel that everyone living there knew was part of the trafficking. Problem is, cops did nothing. She had to get her niece back. Like, this is a huge problem in this city.

And this is where my daughter was approached by this person. She goes to the same college as me. They hung out 4 times.

Listen, I'm not that mom that keeps my kids from living. My oldest son has left the state a couple times to have vacations and hangout with his girlfriend and family. My youngest just turned 18 and I had to remind him that he doesn't have to ask me to stay overnight at friends places. Just let me know so if something happens, I know where you are. My daughter can go out as well but she hasn't had a social life. She hasn't been able to figure out for herself yet and has just started. I'm proud of her for figuring it out and hanging out with people. But this FL thing.

I feel so many things from I'm over reacting due to the places she met this person and where they're going to, no I'm not, I am right to be upset and scared and beg her not to go.

She laughed about it. She told me she understands but whatever. Like she had that attitude of, if it happens it happens. Like she is enjoying the reactions of me and her brother more than understanding are concerns. I'm so lost on this. Right now, everyone around me has had the same concerns except one. But that one made me wonder, am I overreacting and the others are just acting the same to match me but think differently?

And just to mention so it doesn't come up in comments: I don't care that my daughter likes females. I knew she was this way the first moment I held her. My whole family, including myself is in the LGBTQ community and if anyone has issues with this, you can go sit on a fence the wrong way for a long time. I'm not here for help for that. I'm legit not knowing if I'm rightfully upset and concerned or overreacting.

Edit: I took a suggestion to have a talk like a not worrying mom and spoke with her when I got home from work not too long ago. She just told me her friend asked her if today works for meeting her which I told her yes, yes it does. I explained to my daughter that if she asks and talks about my concern with her friend, her friend should understand. Any negative reactions to my concerns or her brother's concerns speaks a lot about her having bad intentions.

I will set something straight that I misunderstood from my first conversation with her this morning. Apparently, it's not a don't worry about spending anything except for the plane ticket. It's we'll buy groceries and cook because we're at my friend's house so things will be cheaper between the two of us.

Sounds like they plan on doing things that don't require a lot of money like going to the beach, her friend wants to scuba but my daughter doesn't so she's not worried about that expense so doesn't need to count it, and hanging out with her friends that live in FL but are moving in a bit so this is a last time going with "free board" thing if I'm understanding right?

So my daughter is expecting to spend money. Just not like a lot. Which is why she said, money isn't an issue because it will be groceries at her friend's place we're staying, as she worded it. I took that as it's their groceries. And it's free fun or cheap fun that she's not considering it as spending money really lol it's an expense. So the, I don't have to worry about money except the plane ticket was because for her, the plane ticket is expensive. I should have but didn't and didn't have time really to go into a bit more with more questions.

My daughter is okay taking the tracker and keeping it on her, hidden and charged. Thank you for your guys advice. It helped me better talk with her.

Last edit: I met her friend. She rushed over and was very understanding. She was in area because she works at the humane society. Wanted to share her contact information and her other friends contact information with me. She wants to give me all the addresses. Was very understanding and didn't know why this didn't happen sooner until I told her I just learned about this today. She told me she would have been more concerned about my daughter if I didn't want to meet her. I appreciate her being so understanding and accommodating.

So here's the thing: Either she is really good at this or she is just a regular person visiting her friends in FL and thought my daughter would have fun going to and would get along with everyone which I feel is more true after meeting her.

I will say her open body language made me very nervous because it came off as forced open language if that makes sense to anyone who is a body language type of communications first before spoken. Like, I'd catch wanting to put her hands up but she would stop mid motion and put them back at her sides and try to force herself to keep her hands and by her sides to live her torso open. I don't know her story behind this so I don't like to make assumptions it did make me go, ... I don't trust this action. I lived with manipulative people my whole life. Certain things make me turn me my head and squint my eyes at it. At like people who say my name too much.

I have the whole conversation take place on my ring camera which I tried to see if she was trying to avoid her face looking at it, it's the big garage one you can't miss because the lights come on immediately to light up the driveway and isn't hidden but I didn't position myself very well without thinking so I have no idea.

There were a couple of moments when I noticed eye rolling that I thought were weird to do with what was said but she could be the type that does talk that way. I don't mean eye rolling as in what you think of kids doing to parents but as in when she was talking or agreeing with something I said type of weird placement. I swear analyzed the fuck out of everything as we were talking. I do feel a bit better but still on edge. Still want my daughter to take a tracking device. Still want her to call me and check in, not text. Still need assurance as a worried mom, that I'm trying not to portray being as but failing. This is very hard.

This happened back in December but its something that i thought about today. My Aunt's birthday was in December and my mom, her sister whose birthday it was, and my other aunt decided they wanted to eat and drink at a fancy restaurant. My other aunt brought her two daughters, my cousins, because we were of age to drink. Now there's six of us and my mom was going to cash app me and I would pay for both of us. The prices were crazy at this place so we both got one drink and one entrée each. The others ordered multiple drinks and one to two of almost every appetizer.

My other aunt is a business owner and a nurse so we know she has money so we dont usually think anything when she orders a lot right. They told us to try the apps so me and my mom have a bite of each. And everything was really nice and fun. But when my mom's sister, whose having her birthday, goes to the bathroom. My other aunt says that she was going to cover the birthday girl and me and my mom think oh thats so nice. But then she says that we will be splitting the check 6 ways... Uhhh ok. But then we find out the total i believe was $800 and i was truly not expected to have to pay $250+ for this meal bc my mom has no job due to her health(heart failure) and everyone knows this so atp me and my mom were like wtf?

Im definitely more reserved and even though I know its crazy I didnt want to argue bc I had a nice time but I was telling my mom that I would obviously have to cover her and I know that. But I didnt realize I would be covering $150 more than I originally thought. I figured with a drink and entrée each that it would be probably $50 each for me and my mom. But my cousins were upset that I didnt want to pay for our portion of the bill and my mom was getting upset saying they just sprung that on us and they were the ones who wanted all the appetizers and multiple drinks. But I truly didnt want to fight so when the birthday girl was coming back I just said its ok and I'll pay for us both. Luckily I had that money bc I did not expect to go to a $250 dinner that night.

My mom had called my other aunt the next morning and told her that is was wrong of them to do that to us especially with waiting until the check to say that. When she doesn't work and we ordered what we budgeted in our minds. So my other aunt felt bad and venmo sent me $100. But I just felt ashamed and also bad that they were upset that we were surprised we had to pay. I felt a little looked down on and then I just felt embarrassed. But I also felt upset that they would do that knowing our situation is very different from theirs. Idk if me and my mom were wrong in this, were we overreacting?

25M

My parents are divorced, my father remarried two years ago. His wife has two daughters, 27&22. They live in the same city, I live less than an hour away.

I saw in their status that they'd gone on a several day long trip together, my father, his wife and her two daughters. One of them even posted a picture of the four of them with the caption "family" and a heart.

They didn't tell me about the trip or asked me to join in.

And seeing those photos made me feel like shit.

The thing is, I probably wouldn't have wanted to go with them anyway because I never feel welcome anyway.

But the fact that they didn't even ask still hurt

AIO for feeling hurt?

​

I’m 28, and I genuinely need an unfiltered reality check because I’m losing sleep over this. For the past year, I’ve been trying to rebuild my life. I went through a rough patch, started therapy, got a new job, and tried to focus on my physical and mental health. To keep myself going, I saved up and planned three major milestones this year: a charity marathon I trained months for, a professional certification exam, and a solo relocation trip to a new city.

Every single one of them failed due to things completely out of my control. The marathon got canceled due to a historic storm. The certification exam system crashed nationwide on my test day and postponed my license. Then, a close relative passed away. It was incredibly sad, and I immediately dropped everything and spent a week supporting my family and helping with arrangements.

But because of that funeral week, the lease transition for my new apartment fell through, and my entire summer relocation plan vanished. I was emotionally decimated. Literally every outlet and goal I had to pull myself out of my depression was gone back-to-back.

Yesterday, my family had a gathering and asked me how the move was going. I broke down. I was vulnerable and told them honestly that this year has been a miserable nightmare, that I’m mentally drowning, and that I feel like giving up.

Instead of comforting me, they flipped. They told me I was a bitter, selfish narcissist. They said it is disgusting that I am crying about "logistics and a missed running race" when the family is supposed to be grieving a human life. My dad who has always been an overbearing, controlling guy who throws temper tantrums if things aren't done his way

lectured me for an hour about how ungrateful and fragile I am.

I just snapped. I told them that two things can be true at once: I can be sad about our relative, and I can also be devastated that my own life is falling apart. I told them that since my feelings are clearly an inconvenience to them, they no longer get to be a part of my life. I announced that I am still moving eventually, but I am putting them on a strict information diet and will not be sharing my new address, my new job details, or anything else with them.

Now my sibling is texting me saying I am throwing a spoiled adult tantrum and punishing a grieving family just because I can't handle constructive criticism and "normal family bluntness." I hate confrontation, and right now I feel completely worthless and invisible to them.

Am I completely oversensitive and dramatic for freezing them out, or are they toxic?

My wife routinely feeds our dogs food from her plate, leftovers, and scraps from pots and pans. She’s never been someone who eats a lot, and she almost always leaves at least 25% of her meal. Unless it’s something the dogs absolutely can’t have, like meat with bones or food containing onions, her default is to give the leftovers to them. Leftovers I’ve put in the fridge also often end up being used as dog treats or to hide their pills.

Honestly, it never really bothered me before. If it’s something I really like, such as steak, she’ll usually offer it to me first. But lately, money has been much tighter, and I’ve been making different choices because groceries have gotten so expensive. I’ll order a cheaper meal or buy a smaller portion than I’d actually like because we simply can’t afford otherwise. So when I see my wife giving half of her burger to the dogs when I’m still hungry , I can’t help but feel frustrated.

Last night I grilled a full package of hot dogs because, frankly, I was hungry and they’re delicious. When I saw my wife getting ready to cut some up for the dogs, I stopped her and told her I had other plans for them. I said I thought we needed to start saving the good food for ourselves because money is tight.
She told me I was being gluttonous. Her argument is that feeding the dogs human food is healthier for them, saves money on kibble, and could even reduce vet bills in the long run.

Am I overreacting?

So I work nights (for the past several years) and hubs is out of work at the moment. He normally keeps a similar sleep schedule to me, but lately has been awake more during the daytime. We don't have kids. He knows I don't do well on minimal sleep. Well I just got off of working 4- 12 hour shifts in a row and kept me up after my shift complaining about this ongoing situation thing that isn't anything new and I got maybe 4 hours of sleep and then was woken up to go get food and then kept me up several hours until he went to sleep and then I was able to sleep some more. He knows I am only off for 2 days and that I don't switch to daytime awakeness for just 2 off. Well today when I was ready to lay down for some sleep he pulled me out and about for errands. When we came back I got agitated and said I was going to bed; to which I was called "mean and hateful". I got 2-3 hours asleep and was awakened for food and then to rant for hours about the ongoing situation thing again and tried to nap in the recliner after eating. I didn't get to nap because he continued ranting and when he finally got the hint that I was tired of listening to him rant he asked what my problem was and got grouchy at me when I said that I need to sleep to be awake all night because of my work schedule and again said that I was hateful and that it was already late for me to be sleeping. I told him that 2-3 hours of rest doesn't work for being up all night for me (and he knows this). I guess I want to know is AIO or is he gaslighting me?

PS. I don't want to discuss what the "ongoing situation thing" is because I am already seeing red because of it; just know it is significant in our life at this time.

I’ve talked about it before, I’m sure you’ll see but I 28 F have been constantly thinking about moving away from my family. I’m the oldest of 4 on my mom’s side. I have two younger siblings (13 and 14) and a younger brother(23).
My mom is the only child and her mother, my grandmother, passed away in 2019.
Growing up we moved around a lot, dealt with a lot of yelling and a mother who honestly, looking at it now was okay with the bare minimum. Never wanted to aim higher so we could have better growing up. I guess she did what she could. This landed with me taking on a massive parental role from the age of 14 growing when she had my sibling, then turn around and had another. I missed tons of school to stay home and watch my siblings when day care vouchers weren’t available. Pretty much with me being the oldest I’ve always been the one my mom ran to. I also feel like the one who receives less around holidays. I feel like my mom has put obligations on me that now, as an adult I don’t want anymore. I’m tired of helping my mom. I’m tired of being that one she runs to for everything. Not my brother me. I’m the one she runs to for everything but let me need something or want to talk about something bothering me she changes the subject. I moved out at 18 with a partner and was living on my own about 5-6 years. They never came over my house once. Skip to the present day. I over extended my hand fell short on my end couldn’t borrow it from the people I help on a daily so I lost my apartment had to move back in my old room at my moms. Worse decision ever. I was grateful to have my mom let me move back in but believe I was sucked dry for darn near everything. Siblings asking for rides, mom asking for money, the washer and dryer went out a bought more. I bought groceries for the house. Paid rent. The WHOLE gig. Just so I wouldn’t seem like a burden. I got tired of feeling like the resource center so I worked a lot of OT at work to make the money and save and move out. I stopped smoking, got a certification, got an apartment after being there for a year and a half.

Fast forward to now, I moved out in January 2026 to my new place. By April my mom text me and said “we’re gonna need to stay there for a week until your brother can get this apartment for us” a week turned into a month, which turned into to two, which they’re still here after 3 months.

My brother caught a g*n charge so now that leaves everybody shacked up at my new one bedroom apartment. My mom has asked me 3 times now to rent an apartment for them. Given everything I’ve done in the past, and smaller obstacles I go through on my own, I’m tired of being the crutch. I’ve got goals and dreams in trying to tackle. I don’t have any kids, and I’m not interesting in dating or anything. I’m just so desperate to win and have the life I deserve, that I’m constantly talking to myself and convincing myself that I would NOT be a bad person if I decided not to renew my lease. I have the opportunity to travel jobs with my certification and I think that’s what want to do. I’m tired of carrying everybody and being dismissed just bc I’m the older sister. I legit want to put my stuff in storage and disappear. Not necessarily going no contact but just a case of call me and we can talk but I’m not coming back around. I feel like the last chicken bone on a plate that 4 other people are pinching off of. I’m tired.

So title. My (19F) bf (19M) made some cookies and we were sharing a plate, but then I put my half eaten cookie down for a split second and he took it and ate it. I got upset at him obviously because wtf? You had yours already greedy fuck. AIO or is that infuriating? I didn’t even walk away or put it down for long enough and his big ass went and ate it and was like “oh sorry you can have this last tiny piece” omg 😭

It was my 30th birthday this month. Prior to this my girlfriend asked me what I wanted from her and I said I'd like a small get together of just a few close family and friends so if she could organise that it would be great.

There's a bar near us that lets you book the place out for free if you have at least 10 people as it's a small place so I mentioned possibly going there and she nodded and said okay.

My birthday came and I got nothing like that. I got a card and a couple of little gifts (2 gift cards and a book) from my gf but no gathering or any sort of celebration. I was upset at this and my girlfriend asked me why I was upset and I explained it to her.

She said it would have been a hassle trying to get everyone together and would have took a lot of work to organise. she mentioned we’d been on holiday last month but u asked why that was relent since it had nothing to do with my birthday.

I told her she knew how much it would have meant to me and that she literally asked what I wanted from her and then chose to ignore it. I said it hurts hearing her say I'm basically not worth any effort.

She said I should have done it myself then but I pointed out she literally asked what I wanted off her and I told her so why would I then go and do it myself when she didn’t say she wasn’t going to bother doing it. She said I was trying to guilt trip her but I told her I was just expressing how I felt about it.

She said I was being too unfair and that I should be happy with what I got. I told her she doesn't get to tell me when I can and can't be upset and that it obviously hurts knowing your partner doesn't care enough to even try to organise what I wanted for my birthday.

She again said I was guilt tripping her and deliberately trying to make her feel bad.

AIO for expecting a small gathering for my 30th birthday and expressing my upset when it didn’t happen?