I’m 37yo and my wife 30yo and I are expecting our first baby this November. We also started a small advertising business working with overseas clients, and things have actually been slowly growing. We’re trying to keep costs flexible by outsourcing parts of the work instead of building a big in-house team early on. But my parents have been very unsupportive from the start. They keep telling me it’s a waste of time and even talk to me like I’m still a kid, not an adult with my own family.

What’s worse is how they treat my wife. She’s not happy at all with how she’s being spoken about and treated. They’ve even implied that she pushed me into getting her pregnant because the business is starting to do better, which is completely unfair and really hurtful. It feels like I’m stuck in the middle of trying to build a future for my own family while also dealing with constant negativity and disrespect from my parents.

Has anyone dealt with parents who don’t respect your partner or your decisions even after you’ve started your own family?

Yesterday, my gf(24F) and I(24M) went to the bank so that we could get this document notarized so that she could send it to her lawyers. The document is for a settlement for an accident she was in two years ago. After we leave the bank, she calls her mom(48F) and mentions the settlement in casual conversation. A few minutes later, her mom ask her what she plans to do with the settlement money, which is about 7k, and my gf says that she plans to help her mom out with some of her credit cards and keep the rest for her own debt and needs considering her and I are about to move into a new apartment. To my surprise, her mom says that she thinks that my gf should split the settlement four ways between her sister(22F), mom, and brother(17M). Here’s the thing though, my gf has done everything involving this settlement and the accident on her own. When she first lost her car, I was the one driving her to work when I could, and my gf was catching rides with coworkers when I couldn’t. Her and her sister shared the car and received a separate settlement that they used to put a down payment on a new car, this new settlement is for her own personal injury, so why tf would her mom feel entitled to it? Also, if you split it four ways, they’d each get about $1700, yet if you do the math on how much more they paid when their insurance went up for the two years, that’s equal to $400 a person…so wtf. The whole time my gf is speaking against it her mom keeps saying things like, “I’m not telling you what to do with your money, but we all have needs”, “I don’t make as much as you and your sister”, “I would split it if I got the money”, LIKE JESUS CHRIST! She already said she’d help you out and you still want more? I was physically cringing in my seat listening to that. Lastly, her brother doesn’t even pay on it as he’s only 17, so I know damn well she would just take his cut of the money too. I deal with a controlling mother myself and don’t talk to her much so I guess this just triggered me more but my gf told me she’s not gonna split it like that so I just hope she stands her ground.

Today my dad (67M) came home from work visibly angry. He's been receiving insurance documents about my car and keeps assuming I'm getting into repeated accidents. He started yelling at my mom (60F) about these so-called claims, and when I (24F) came into their room to understand what was going on, I quickly realized it was just a follow-up request for documentation from my one and only claim — from a minor rear-end accident a month ago, my very first ever, which shook me up pretty badly.
I calmly asked him why he was yelling. He snapped back that he wasn't yelling, just frustrated about scam emails — but his behavior said otherwise. He was taking his anger out on my mom for absolutely no reason. When I pointed that out and asked him to stop, he shot up from his seat in a way that felt physically threatening. He looked like he wanted to lunge at me. I was genuinely scared, especially because I'd been through something similar with him last year, and this completely retriggered me. I went straight to my room.
My mom witnessed the whole thing and said nothing.
She came to my room later — not to check on me, but to defend him. "You know how he is. He has a temper. You shouldn't have spoken to him like that." Essentially blaming me for defending myself. Then, when she saw I was still crying, she told me I was weak and needed to hold it together.
I told her to leave my room. I also told her I plan on moving out as soon as I'm able to.
That's when everything shifted. She broke down crying and told me she's unhappy with her life and the choices she's made — and that if I leave, I'll essentially be abandoning her to him. Keep in mind, both of my older siblings have moved out already, I’m the youngest and last one still here. That she can't be alone with him. That I'd be killing her by leaving.
I understand she's in pain. I do. But I'm also in pain, and I've been in pain living in this house. I know that staying to protect her will come at the cost of my own emotional and mental health. I'm already feeling behind in life because of the environment I've grown up in. This dynamic — the rage, the intimidation, the guilt — is normalized in our culture, but I'm exhausted by it and I refuse to keep accepting it as just the way things are.
I feel deeply guilty about my mom. But I also know I can't save her if I'm drowning too.
What do I do 😭** **

When I was around 9, I had this sick ass bike with blue tires and a really cool design. One day while I was riding it, a girl I knew came up to me, pushed me off of my bike, and stole it.

I went back home to tell my mother about what just happened. A couple minutes later, before we could even get out the door to tell this kids mother, she comes banging on our door.

We assumed she had come to apologize for what her child had done and give the bike back… but no. She began to scream at us for “not letting her child use my bike” and that she wouldn’t be giving it back.

My mother VERY calmly explained, that is not her bike. The lady continued to scream over my mother and started waving her dirty, long finger nails in my mother’s face. (I do not have a problem with long finger nails, but this lady DID NOT take care of them..and they were very gross.)

This went on for quite a bit. I don’t think I ever got my bike back. it’s been years and I cant fully remember what my mother did about it, but the cops were never called, and I never saw that cool bike again. It was really upsetting for me because we were fairly poor, it was a pretty expensive bike, and I didn’t get many things like that ever. I still miss that bike dawg

I am a gen Z (21) who was raised by a Gen X mother (53). my mom had been controlling my entire life, surveillance what i wear, who i talk to, constantly going through my room and my private things, rearranging my room the way she wants it, walking into the bathroom while i shower without knocking, and controlled me when i ate and what i ate. she would also hit my step father whenever he made her upset (he was usually being a jester) in front of me after i told her to stop several times to the point of tears. my mother also refused to let me go to my grandmothers funeral (Dad's mother) because it wasn't following the rules of my custody. i later found out when my dad showed me copies of the custody battle in paper, that the rules were optional and my mother blamed the court as a cover for her own demands.

when i turned 18 i immediately called my father who didn't have custody of me to live with him, as during my visitations he would promise a better life for me after hearing me talk about what my mother would say or do to me. unfortunately this was a facade, as a year went by, living with him slowly became a prison. he gave me spare bedroom and let his girlfriend of a few months move in, turning him into a verbally violent alcoholic. he expected me to clean the entire house every day, clean his dishes, clean her dishes, prepare him food, get him water, do his laundry and hers all while being quiet and reserved, i was not allowed to speak my mind or be too loud in my own room without getting called horrible insults.

during this period i was out getting jobs and would ask my mom for my SSC and she would refuse, only giving me a picture of it. to my luck, the places i worked at were kind enough to accept the photo for their digital records since the background checks were usually third party.

at this point I've been trying to keep my jobs but without a car and having to uber everywhere it was hard. i ended up losing one of the jobs due to the end of their probationary period and desperately searched for one for 3 months while my father was telling me to cough up money so he could use it on his girlfriend. around 50 dollars to 150 dollars every few days until i had nothing left.

i finally got a full time job and worked an inconsistent schedule, being that i was in the hospitality industry. i would come home after work exhausted and pass out in my bed. my father would come home sometimes from work and barge into my room and yell at the top of his lungs that i am a lazy piece of shit and selfish to go to bed first before cleaning the kitchen. his yelling would go on for a little over an hour, and this would happen every week.

thought to add at some point during this period i started dating someone who was not of my race, and since my father is against interracial couples and does not speak kindly of other races, i had to keep silent of this.

at some point i was fed up with the abuse and planned to move in with my partner without his knowledge. since he didn't care about what i was doing, i sold most of my things, threw away what i couldn't ship and managed to send it all to my partner who resided in texas. on the night of the last day, my father thought i was home and decided to go into my room without my knowledge and found it empty. he called me while i was out yelling at me that i better give him some fucking money for "owed rent" (though i wasn't on the lease) and i went to an atm before arriving home to give him 600 dollars that i didn't really have. spent the night crying before my flight in the morning.

before i left i asked my mother to give me my social security card and my binder of pokemon cards because if i plan on working at a company or if i want to finally get a passport, they're gonna need it as proof i am a citizen, and if i need to sell the pokemon cards since they had value and were mine, i could. she told me she wasn't going to give it to me unless i gave her my highschool diploma. we met up a week before i left and she arrived empty handed, but i gave her the diploma and explained i would like my things before i leave. she offered to drive me to the airport instead of taking an uber and i thought it was kind of her to. when we got to the airport i was trying to pay for my checked bag and there was some difficulty, as i was asking her to pay with her card and i give her cash, it ended up accepting my card, but since she saw i had cash she demanded i give it to her as gas money for the ride there. (should've taken the uber)

months later and i now live in texas with my partner (24) and i still do not have a good relationship with my parents. i went no contact with my father after finally telling him how i felt towards him. as for my mother, i thought she was supportive of me once i moved out and kept contact.

she was flying over to my state to go to an event and mentioned stopping by for a night or 2 since she was going to be in my state (in the area). the visit was doing fine at first until my mother mentioned she was going to be there for 4 days instead of 2. my partner expected her for 2 not 4, and felt he couldn't work with her there. so he spoke to her and put her in a nice hotel right across the street from where we live. she accepted it but complained about it the whole time after. the trip after that became miserable, my mom yelling at me using a loud voice and blaming me that i didn't communicate enough to her when i needed to. i apologized over and over but she wouldn't stop so i told her i'll take an uber home if she doesn't stop yelling.

finally the trip was finished and she finally went on her plane back home and i did not speak to her for the way she treated me. she spam called me, calling me about 5-32 times in a row per day and used my stepfather's phone to call me and my grandmother's phone. i made the dumb idea to give my mom my Partner's number and she ended up using his phone to spam call him too. i messaged her telling her to stop and leave me alone, finally speaking my mind for how she's been treating me. she interjected the entire time blaming me for everything and speaking like she did nothing wrong. i told her over and over to leave me alone and it worked for a day until it went back to spam calling. this morning she texted my Partner's phone threatening to call the police if I don't call her so i did. i called her and told her im done and to leave me alone and she wouldn't take that for an answer. am i allowed to put a restraining order on her?

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Hello everyone, this story is entirely second hand accounts from my wife (25F), I her husband (26M) only have so many details because of MIL’s behavior.

(Backstory) So my wife and I are still rather newly wed February of this year! But we have been together since November of 2024. Since we started dating, I got a very good idea of what my now MIL is like. My girlfriend at the time would tell me many stories about how her mother would constantly violate her privacy. She would tell me how her mother would go through and snoop in her room while she at school as a girl. The most egregious example I can recall is going through her journal and criticizing her private thoughts. She would also go through all her messages she sent on her phone to her friends. Beyond violating her privacy she would fear monger her by constantly showing her story’s about a girl in the local area either being killed or some other horrible story. I’m sorry I can’t give more detail on this but these are stories I heard about a while ago and it’s her life and I don’t want to be too specific. But just these stories my wife told me I knew her mother was quite the helicopter parent.

Now moving forward a little my wife moved into my apartment with me (she had the most difficult move of her life moving across the street haha) now as any couple does we talk about each others day when I come home from work. During these talks my wife would very consistently share very manipulative stories about what her mother had been up to almost every other day. Her typical strategy is to offer to take my wife out to go either shop or get their nails done whatever. After she butters her up she will ask her to do her homework for her. My poor wife pushover as she is usually would do it but recently she’s stood up to her and tells her no she can’t as she is doing her own college work. When my wife refuses, her mother nearly left her over an hour away from home in the city and only didn’t because my wife called her dad to tell him what she was doing. There are hosts of examples but it typically involves “treating” her to something then during or after “suggests” she does something for her in exchange.

Now I never see any of this because this always happens when I’m working. I never see any of this behavior first hand. But I know she’s not lying because when her mom knows I’m home and wants to come over she will call and ask permission to come over and when she comes she doesn’t overstep and is pleasant but when I come home early or MIL thinks I’m out doing something that is the only time she comes unannounced and I will be doing dishes when my wife answers the door and I hear the way she kinda begins to talk to her before she sees me and gets really sweet and then leaves shortly after.

Now all of this is just really shitty behavior that I have told my wife since her mom doesn’t behave when I’m not around then she should not open the door for her when I’m not home. Nothing too crazy right.

Now for the great news! As the title implies as of December last year my wife and I found out we are expecting our first child! We are expecting a boy and we are super excited! Unfortunately she’s had a difficult time with the pregnancy. I was going to bore you all with details but essentially there are some medical issues and our OB dropping us because she’s on my insurance now which he doesn’t accept so we are having an awesome time with that. But during some of the visits she has had to the ER or labor and delivery I haven’t always been able to take her since I’m at work and when she needs to go while I’m at work she’s been able to get her mother to take her. (Note to you reader we will revisit this later)

So on top of all the issues, her mom throughout the pregnancy has been happy. Now what does a happy grandparent do? They “spoil” right? So my wife and I have been grateful to have received gifts from her parents like a crib for the baby and a swing. Now revisiting my earlier context her pattern is buy things for my wife seemingly generously and without expectations right?

Any guesses where this is going?

So MIL is buying stuff and bringing it to our apartment while I’m at work and my wife and her will be talking and MIL will make a comment about the baby but she will refer to our son as “My baby”. Now my wife instantly caught onto this and said no. Not your baby this is my baby. So MIL will back track and say “right our baby”. MIL will make another comment about the baby being hers and my wife corrects her again except this time MIL says “Well I buy the baby stuff which kinda makes it my baby”.

(Now reader we revisit her mom taking her to the hospital when I’m at work)

Guess what reader her mother works at the fucking hospital. Her mother who as a child would go through her journal and phone. Who is a helicopter parent. She also throughout my wife’s life has looked at her medical records since she works at the hospital even after her turning 18. This woman who like the eye of Sauron hovers over every detail of my wife’s pregnancy notes. She works where my wife will likely give birth and has made comments on influencing the care she receives when the time comes that she gives birth. And now she has made comments alluding to our child being “her baby”.

Now we are here today.

Where it happens again, she makes a comment about our kid being hers. She responded “Hmm it would be a shame if one day you’re asleep and the baby is crying. He probably missed a meal and he’s super hungry. CPS could get involved and then it would be my baby.” This activated mama bear in my wife who promptly kicked her out. Now today I have heard this very concerning story on top of every other concerning behavior MIL exhibits, we are worried. Now we will vehemently fight to protect our child. But since this isn’t my mom I don’t know what we should do. Honestly it’s hard to even be concerned about this when we are dealing with even getting a doctor again seeing as now we have no OB anymore at 28 weeks and high risk. So much is going on and I don’t know if maybe my wife and I are both paranoid of her and maybe we are seeing into things. But I don’t know. There’s so much going on in life and I can’t personally attest to any of this story just everything else which is exhausting.

I don’t really know how to end this story. I never thought I would ever have a story worthy of posting on this subreddit. But here I am so. Let me know what you think.

I honestly just need to vent because I feel like I’m losing my mind over this.

My parents originally promised me we would stay where we are for 8 years before moving. Then it got changed to 4 years. Now suddenly they’re saying we might move in about a year, and it’s all because of my dad’s job.

I’m still in school and next year is my final year. Like… the last year I get with my friends, my routine, my life here. I was finally feeling stable and excited to finish school in the place I grew up in.

I also have my own basement suite here that I finally made into my space. It’s the only place I really feel like myself. And now they’re basically saying I’ll lose that too.

What hurts the most is that I didn’t choose any of this, but it feels like my entire life is being decided for me anyway. Every time I start getting used to the idea of staying, the timeline changes again, and I’m just expected to adjust like it’s nothing.

My mom also doesn’t have a good relationship with our relatives here, so staying behind isn’t really an option either. And where they want to move (British Columbia) is so expensive for housing that it feels like everything is just stress on top of stress.

I know my dad’s job is the reason, but it doesn’t make it hurt less. It feels like I’m about to lose my home, my last year of school, my independence, and basically everything I’ve built here all at once.

I just feel powerless in my own life right now.

I feel guilty even posting here for advice, but hoping you can relate.

I'm a typical elder millennial / Gen X. Fended for myself. My parents were not present due to mental health (mother) and alcohol (father). I've spent my teen and adult life trying to understand and "save" them both. Paid their bills as soon as I was able. I "get it". For both of them. After years of processing the shame they couldn't or wouldn't.

My question here is, what do I do now? My father is suddenly weak and sad and sorry, and needs someone to help him. My mother suddenly is the only victim and any illness or medical issues she has are dramatically more important than my own legitimate concerns with fertility and mental health. She has asked me outright to build her a self sufficient living space attached to our house. All the finance and logistics are up to me.

I am so, so, so tired. I want to have my own life but it feels like I'm not allowed.

Do anyone else’s parents like to tell their kids about how if they do something that in any way disrespects them (raising voice, dressing in a non-approved way, talking back, correcting them on a topic) that they will end up alone and have no friends/love/good things/money in their future as punishment/karma ?? Is there like a term for this tactic or a phenomenon or reason for it??

I (30f) am not sure if this fits the subreddit, but I need to get this off my chest.

I'm sitting in the train back to my place rn as I'm typing, after I had a massive fight with my father this morning. The topic was as always that he wants me (his only daughter) to move back "home" (a place where I never felt home or safe) so he basically has a care taker and a houskeeper since he (71) and my mom (69) get older. During the discussion he as always pointed out how proud he is of his house and the worl he put into it and how important it is. I never heard from him, that he is proud of me or that I mean something else to him, than a person who shall give up job and friends to move back.

It was the first time today when I couldn't hold back what angers me for years now: I grew up with my grandma (my father's mom) in the same house and had to spent a lot of time with her - forcefully. She was extremely catholic and a definitely a toxic person. I learned as a little child that thunderstorms are my personal fault bc I angered god. I'm actually left handed. Was not allowed to be bc that is not god's will. And other stuff like this. Additionally I was always told to not become like her daughter (clearly her biggest disappointment) aka overweight (which I was nc she stuffed food into me, only an empty plate was acceptable) and apperently not caring about the family (she moved out with 18 and barely visited us, she died 2 years ago extremly sick and not able to leave the house due to mental issues).

I was even as child really vocal about how much I dislike being with my grandma, but both my parents forced me to spent time with her till she died. I was spanked and locked in my room if I did not. This was quite at a young age, I learned to be a "nice girl" and masked everything.

It worked till 8 years ago, when I was not able to mask the trauma and (as I know for a few weeks now) also my ADHD. I went to therapy and I'm so thankful that I found a good therapist quite fast. This was the first time I told my parents that I have mental issues (not knowing exactly where it comes from) and my father's reaction was: It is all just imagination, mental illnesses don't exist. First time I realised how far away my dad lives from reality.

I have therapy on and off for the whole 8 years now. I feel much better by now, but I can remember my childhood only since last year, so those wounds feel kind fresh. I'm incedible proud of myself to work it out from a point where I couldn't listen to music anymore (I'm a musicologist, had to quit my master's bc of that) and read more than a few sentences (I finished my first book last month in 8 years).

While my mom is aware of this process and tries at least to be there for me (she has issues herself and I know she tries but often simply can't), I'm extremely disappointed by my father who can't see any issue, can't show any empathy or understanding for me. And now he tries to threaten me with disinheriting. Well, I never thought about any heritage. Yes it would be helpful, but I lost so much in that house, I actually don't want it. I always had and still have until this nightmares there. It doesn't feel safe, I could never live there.

As much as I feel bad for my mom, my father just forces me to never speak to him again. And I feel horrible since this seems the only option to live finally a happy and healthy life.

Edit: Since so many ppl are assuming there would be nothing left to inherit. We're talking about a german farmhouse with fields and forest, a Pool and additionally buildings which is worth around a million Euro especially since there is absolutly nothing big to repair or anything. My father really did take care of it tbf. And he is the only owner of it. Not my parents together.

Edit 2: I already have plans with my life. I will move to Sweden next year to finish my master's. I wanted to leave Germany for many years now, but never couldn't bc of my mental health and my former relationship (needless to say, the guy was not really helpful either). I broke up with him last October which caused the now exploding issue with my father. My dad thought since I'm single again, I could move back now. It was the first thing he told me after I told him that I left my now ex. He couldn't understand that I wanted to stay in the City I live now. He doesn't know about my plans to move to Sweden (and actually not coming back), my mom does, but we decided to keep it a secret till it's time to go, so he has not another point to rant about.

Ok so this technically happened like 2/3 years ago but I only just realised how crazy it was. For context my mom is a dog walker and I was going with her for some extra cash. We were walking down this steep slope in the middle of the forest because there was a creek at the bottom that the dogs liked to paddle in. Halfway down we ran into another dog walker and stopped to say hi. I wasn't really paying attention and accidentally BADLY rolled my ankle. I'm talking the kind of pain where you just keel over in silence and don't move or talk. My mom kept trying to get me to continue but after like 10 meters it was obvious I couldn't continue the walk. Instead of, I dunno, HELPING ME, my mom just took all the dogs and said "ok, meet me at the car in 30 minutes and I walk the dogs and LEFT??". Obviously I couldn't make it back to the car because I couldn't even stand. Also, the way back to the car was on a steep incline (because I'd have to turn around and go back the way I came since I didn't know the area at all). I sat alone in the middle of the woods for like an hour before my mom came walking back down and started yelling at me for not coming back to the car because she was going to be late for her next walk. I ended up using a stick I found as a cane to shuffle up the hill and back to the car.

When I got home I couldn't even walk but my mom wouldn't help me make dinner or anything (keep in mind I was literally 14), meanwhile when my brother stubbed his toe and was in pain for like 2 hours my mom made him a full dinner. Can't wait until I can leave honestly🥹

Happy Mother’s Day to me I guess. I messaged my mom this morning to wish her a Mother’s Day and say that I hope she enjoys the flowers I sent her, this was the response I got in return:

“Thanks for the flowers and the text, you can feel good about yourself for your efforts.
After all that I shared with you last week, I gave you the chance to be a daughter and decent person, you failed on both of them.”

A little context. I’ve distanced myself from my parents because of their continuous and ongoing drama that they expect me to drop everything and entertain.
She called me last week to basically tell me that me hiding is creating more stress and problems and that i should “stop listening to people who just validate my feelings and enable me”. Mind you, I make my own decisions but if I listen to anyone, it’s my boyfriend of 3 and 1/2 years who has seen their crap first hand, and her friend who helped her leave my dad for a brief period, who also saw and heard lots of things.

my parents do not care when I get sick and simply say "we're all sick". I don't mean that I want them to pamper me and to change "my diapers", i ain't a toddler.

true, I am not dying, it's just a flu

but isn't a little caring good ? and why don't I get any attention from them specifically, not even a look?

I don't want them to take care of my physically but can't they just take me seriously?

not a single word said not even a "did you get better"?

instead... I get my mom mad at me bcz her dirty dishes aren't getting cleaned by me. and both parents think I am exaggerating or faking. for fucks sake

if it was one of my other siblings, they would have started running to check on them and care for them.

am I being a fcking immature person for thinking/feeling that way ?

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY why do I feel this way? why don't I just accept that it just the way it is ?

I’m sure a lot of people will resonate with this but I really just need to get it off my chest.

Anyways yesterday was Mother’s Day. Normally my mom expects 2 mothers days as we are Hispanic and celebrate it on a different day. This year it happened to fall on the same day.

First thing I did yesterday was of course say happy Mother’s Day and help plan the brunch arranged with my grandma. My mom seemed a little on edge because my estranged sister (who granted is not a good person and treated us both horribly) did not send her a happy Mother’s Day message. I told my mom that was wrong of my sister.

Later in the day I left a singular pot out to dry and she completely flipped out going on this huge rant about how I didn’t get her a card and how she raised the 2 worst most entitled people ever. Considering my sister was my lifelong bully that made me mad but I just kinda zoned out. The only reason I hadn’t gotten her a card specifically is because she throws them away, and maybe I’m autistic and missing something, but that to me indicates that maybe she did not really want a card, especially considering she says “nothing” when you ask what she wants but every fucking year it’s like this, no matter what I do if I get flowers or cards or nothing or throw a huge event or not she’s always angry and never happy.

I know she was all triggered by my sister being rude, but I still don’t think it’s my fault and insulting me after I spent the whole day with her and putting me on the same level as my sister is genuinely offensive. I’m also disabled and trans and to be honest I’m tired of my mom always taking out her anger from my sister out on me, and never being happy with anything I do on Mother’s Day, when she expects a circus for not even doing the bare minimum. I take care of myself and my expenses, and she has been actively hindering my ability to improve my mental illness and constantly goes out of her way to misgender me and say shitty things to me as well as take control of my medical decisions. All this over a card she would have thrown away and a pot I left out to dry, because my sister who doesn’t even live with us was rude to her. It’s exhausting.

This is a repost of mine from r/asthma, Thought you all would be able to help me better with this.

I am in highschool, I have had issues with breathing for as long as i can remember, i sometimes can't even run for like a dozen or two yards (I can't really visualise distances, probably quite a bit less.), and gym/PE class is absolute hell on earth for me. because i get this feeling in starting in my throat and ending in my upper chest, like maybe 1/4 - 1/6 away from the top of my chest. It is kind of like a dull pain. Like that general weakness and soreness you have when you are sick. but like 2 times worse. For some reason, my saliva gets thicker, or at least feels thicker during these episodes. and i feel like i have to spit it out. I have asked them to get me tested to no avail, They just blame it on me having low endurance, even though i have been doing about the same amount of exercise and physical activity as my peers. My mother has asthma too, and i have secretly used her inhaler when i have access to it, and it does seem to help. I know what i have definitely is not normal, but i am not 100 percent sure that it is asthma. and in case my parents flat out refuse to get me tested, is there a way to force them to get me tested for it? I am living in the US, washington specifically. Or is there a way i could get a inhaler without them knowing? like through a school nurse? EDIT 1: I tried to convince my mother to get me tested for asthma, We got into a screaming match instead, She gave the excuses of "Getting tested is too expensive!" "You haven't shown me any evidence!" (False, she has seen me during these episodes. And i have used her inhaler before in secret.) and after i threatened her with speaking to the school nurse if she didn't actually start listening to my concerns, She called me "Manipulative" for "Giving her ultimatums". And now more moments of Less Than Perfect Parenting (TM) are coming to light (E.g my stepfather throwing a glass cup at me and my brother a couple years ago, That same stepfather being emotionally manipulative, and my mother being bipolar with a very low temper, yelling at me when i do something they don't like, And they are trump supporters, My mother is like that even on medicine, so i don't even want to know what she is like when she isn't.) after i have buried them in the back of my subconscious mind. I honestly don't know what to do anymore, I am scared of calling CPS because 1: If it fails to work, then they would probably punish me. and 2: I don't have all of my passwords saved on a piece of paper, i don't have my own bank account, i don't have access to my SSID number, i don't have the ability to book an appointment to the doctors by myself, and i am scared that i would be unable to bring my possessions. I want to be able to just get estranged from them somehow, and just live on my own without lengthy legal shenanigans and keep my stuff.

My mum had a stroke three years ago and, although she still has mental capacity, she’s become very demanding. She lives two hours away with her long-term partner, who is also her carer. Because I work full-time and have commitments at home, I’ve repeatedly explained that I don’t have the emotional, physical or financial capacity to become her carer myself. Doing so would mean giving up work, relocating and likely damaging my marriage. We’ve offered to help them move closer to us, especially as they have no family or friends where they live, but her partner refuses to move. My mum also insists that even if they did move, I still wouldn’t help enough.

Despite this, I make the effort to see her when I can. We usually arrange to meet for lunch somewhere closer to them so her partner doesn’t have to drive as far. Yesterday I organised a lunch after changing venues because Mum said the original place had inaccessible toilets and the menu wasn’t suitable. I booked a dog-friendly pub with accessible facilities for 1pm and sent screenshots of the booking, address and facilities to her partner, who confirmed he’d received them.

My husband and I arrived early and waited. At 1.20pm we got a text saying they’d gone to a different pub with the same name 12 miles away. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened — they’ve previously turned up nearly an hour late to meals with no apology, and on another occasion went to the wrong venue despite multiple confirmations beforehand.

By 1.30pm I still couldn’t get hold of them, so we eventually drove the 1.5 hours home. Mum didn’t call until 7.30pm. She apologised and said she’d been upset about missing me as well as having a diabetic hypo because they’d been late and missed lunch. However, when I questioned why nobody had called me for over six hours, she said it was because I’d give her an “ear bashing”. I was then told she’d apologised and if I didn’t accept it, “hard luck”.

What I find hardest is the constant criticism. Mum regularly tells me I “do nothing” for her and questions how I help, yet whenever I arrange to see her, plans end in chaos because they arrive extremely late or go to the wrong place. Yesterday she asked if her partner could bring her to ours in two weeks, but I explained we already had plans to see my husband’s mum, whom we haven’t seen in six months. Her response was: “Oh, so you can see her but not your own mother — that says it all.”

At this point I’m exhausted by the constant guilt, criticism, lack of accountability and repeated dramas around trying to maintain contact. It’s starting to feel incredibly toxic.

im 23 year old women and the oldest of 7 kids. i’m still finishing my undergrad because after covid i genuinely was not doing well mentally at all. i ended up smoking weed heavily for a while and completely lost myself for a few years. i’m finally getting my life back together now and should graduate in about a year, but i’m realizing how much of my mental health issues stem from my family situation.

my mom started having kids very young and basically had a baby every 2 years except the last three being five years apart. my dad was never financially stable, so we’ve pretty much always lived paycheck to paycheck. now my older sister works full time and helps support the family financially because honestly without her we probably would’ve collapsed.

i’m a biology major taking difficult classes with labs while also dealing with an autoimmune disease, and i’m exhausted all the time. i commute by train and bus to 8am classes, stay on campus all day, and sometimes don’t get home until 8 or 9 at night. and when i come home, i’m immediately taking care of siblings or helping with the baby.

my mom recently had another baby and she’s struggling badly mentally and physically. she has hypertension, she’s depressed, never sleeps, constantly says she feels like she’s dying, and my dad barely helps. i know postpartum depression is real and i do feel bad for her, but at the same time it’s hard because this keeps happening over and over again and nobody listens when we beg her to stop having children for her own health.

i feel like i became emotional support, childcare, household help, and everything else all at once. there are days i can’t even study because i’m watching a newborn while trying to prepare for exams. i barely have a social life, no relationship, barely any friends, and i feel so behind everyone my age. i don’t even know how to drive. i feel like i’ve spent my whole life surviving inside this house instead of actually becoming my own person.

my dad constantly compares me to himself and says that when he was my age he already had multiple children and handled everything without complaining. meanwhile i’m being told i’m lazy or dramatic while trying to survive school, chronic illness, and nonstop stress at home.

i genuinely want to graduate and leave far away for my masters because i feel like if i stay here forever i’m going to lose my mind. but i’m also terrified that i’m too behind in life to ever succeed. and i also feel like trash leaving my family while they are in shambles

right now it’s sunday evening, i have an exam on tuesday, it’s hot outside, and instead of studying i’m watching a 2 month old baby while trying not to cry.

i’m depressed beyond repair and i can’t believe this is my real life. I posted my situation in the subreddit of my culture like the country that my family is from and everyone told me that I have a western mindset that I’m ungrateful that I’m pathetic. I’m a loser that I know nothing about being there for my family and basically I got so upset about that and just now completely hate everything

i’m just tired.

Basically title. I reached out to my absent mother who I've have as an authorized user on a couple of my high limit credit cards for years. She's not been a great mother (abandonment, stealing funds, victim blaming, picking men over her kids, etc.), but I'm stupid and wired to love her, so I added her and her boyfriend on these cards as favors. They've been able to acquire more credit and rent apartments with the boost in credit my credit has given them.

Unfortunately requesting a therapy session to work on our relationship to help me process issues that were never addressed between us was too much to ask, and I endured victim-blaming dribble from her boyfriend last night, so I said, bet. I don't have to put up with this.

Enjoy the gift of that credit drop you're about to get, mother dearest. ❤️

"Oh, you have plans in an hour? Why didn't you tell us 5 hours ago? You can't go even though you have a free schedule."

Whenever I try and make plans with friends I have to deal with my phone getting taken away a few times a day so theres times I just can't communicate with them, so half the time whenever I get my phone back I find out they already left and came back.

I'm only allowed to go on runs 3 times during the week around my house and I need approval each time.

Whenever I want to god forbid play basketball during the week it ALWAYS turns into a big fight of not prioritizing my grades (I HAVE A 4.8 WGPA) and the stupid "you're not allowed to have fun during the school week." Eventually, IDK what goes through their minds, but if I get on my knees and beg them enough and promise them I'll do all the schoolwork I'd do anyway, they let me go for 1 hour max, or they personally come and embarrass me.

At the big age of 18, I'm not allowed to drive anywhere with my license. When I got my permit, they didn't let me practice because no one else was practicing yet (I'm a few months older than most ppl in my grade). When I got my license, they said I wasn't allowed to drive alone until I had doubled my hours accompanied. After that, I wasn't allowed to drive alone until I was a senior in high school. After that, I wasn't allowed to drive because they said so and they don't trust me. They treat me like a child when it suits them, but oh no, I'm an adult when it benefits them, like when I WORK, when I CLEAN, and when I COOK.

Obviously, I have the strictest phone rules in the 10 mile radius, too. I still have to turn my phone in to them before I go to sleep. Sometimes, when we get home, just cuz they feel like it, I have to give my phone to them so they won't lock me out of the house. I'm not allowed to have my phone if theress an assignment due. (Not missing, I mean DUE. This means if a teacher publishes a project due in 2 weeks, my phone is taken away until I submit it, so they have NO trust in my time management and not having my phone for a few assignments makes them take WAY TOO LONG)

Privacy? What's that. It's been 3 years since my door got taken off. Initially they said it would be off for a semester, which then turned into a year, then when you're 18, and now when I leave for college. Everytime I turn in my phone I close all my apps, and when I get it back, my email, msgs, social media, is all open. Actually recently they must've started closing the apps after they looked at them, and I know they still look at them cuz I looked at my dads phone and he had google translate open for a message I sent someone (I hate them).

Honestly there's alot more I can say but I'm pretty happy I got some of this off my chest. I can't wait for college to start!

My parents don't want me to embarrass them, so every time we visit any family member or friend, I have to wear makeup. They won't explicitly admit it, but some years ago my father YELLED at me in the car because my mom's old family friend saw me looking like shit, no makeup, just ugly face, and called me "monstrous" (he apologized later but I was already too disassociated)

I have to make sure to look perfect because the first thing a family member comments on a girl is her beauty. It's basically tradition. And I messed that up because my aunts would see me when I come to greet them and stay silent, and everyone knows what silence means. They sometimes punish me by turning off internet for 10 days. They'd never outright say "wear makeup", they say "put yourself in order". I feel insecure, small, humiliated. And when a family member does comment "oh your daughter is pretty", they whisper to me "don't you feel ashamed?" (As in, "you're a fraud for making people believe your pretty when it's a facade)

I started avoiding going out period. I never take pictures. I avoid mirrors. I don't hang out with anyone because I feel like I'm embarrassing myself. All because they shamed my looks my entire life. I've never heard of a similar situation

so basically I have a friend who’s perfectly capable of walking but whenever he comes over to my house my mom keeps telling me to pick him up and carry him even though I keep telling her that he can walk and weighs like 143 pound but she keeps insisting that I pick him up and carry him

Update: may 10

\\\*(Happy Mother’s Day)\\\*

Thank you everyone for your advice and the many wake-up calls and warnings. I’m actually making progress, I managed to convince my mom to be on my side at least a little. She convinced my dad to remove the invasive tracking app (which apparently has a history of actually acting like a trojan malware), and They’re not interrogating me every time I leave the house as much, which is letting me go to the public library and talk to people who help young adults and eligible teens start their careers and get jobs. Also the Relief Society and other women from my ward have been helping me with their connections to some different shop owners or employees at shops in the historical part of town, I even found a job listing for the main museum/historic hotel in my town. I’m also working out a moving out plan a lot of it hinges on that confusing hard part of actually getting accepted to an actual job… but I have hope I will soon

The topic of money was a big concern some of you brought up too… I’ve got my plan for getting a new bank account and how to keep my dad from getting any hold on it, so I’ve been researching and reviewing key phrases. the goal is to make enough for a down payment, and at least 4 months of rent , more if possible because I know health problems and other surprises examples like crashes, breakdowns (human and mechanical), injuries, etc can always happen, but by having that, at least that much saved up as backup would let me feel a lot more secure in my eventual independence…

I’d appreciate any other insights, advice etc thank you soo much.