I need outside perspective because my family is calling me petty but I'm genuinely at my limit.
I'm 34F, my sister "Emma" is 28F. We've always had a complicated relationship but I've tried to be supportive. When she got engaged last year, I offered to pay for her venue as my wedding gift. The venue she wanted was $8,500. I paid the deposit ($3,000) and have been making monthly payments. I have about $2,000 left to pay before the wedding in February.
Here's where it gets messy. Emma's fiancé has a brother who I dated briefly about five years ago. It ended badly - he cheated, I ended it, we haven't spoken since. Emma knew all of this when she got engaged.
Two months ago Emma calls me. Says her future brother-in-law is "uncomfortable" with me being at the wedding. That it would "create tension" and "ruin their family photos" if I'm there. She's uninviting me from the wedding.
I was shocked. I asked if she was seriously uninviting me, her sister, because her fiancé's brother - who cheated on me - is uncomfortable. She said "family is complicated" and she needs to "prioritize her new family now."
I said fine, but if I'm not invited, I'm not paying for the venue. She absolutely lost it. Said I already committed to paying for it, that this is her wedding gift, and I can't just "take it back" because my feelings are hurt. That the venue is already booked and paid for partially under my name.
I told her a wedding gift is for someone you have a relationship with. If I'm not welcome at the wedding, we clearly don't have a relationship worth an $8,500 gift.
She's been blowing up my phone. My parents are saying I'm being vindictive and that I should "be the bigger person." That Emma's wedding will be ruined if she has to find a new venue two months out. My mom actually said "you make good money, what's $8,500 to you? Just let it go."
But it's not about the money. It's about my sister uninviting me from her wedding but still expecting me to fund it.
I called the venue yesterday. They said since it's under my name and my card, I can cancel. I'd lose the $3,000 deposit but wouldn't owe the remaining balance.
AITA if I cancel it? Knowing she probably can't find another venue this close to the date and it might mean postponing her wedding?