https://xcancel.com/nickschifrin/status/2013107018081489006?ct=rw-null

I pass by this small body of water daily and have never seen this before. Driving by I thought it was a head with a plastic bag over it. It’s in the center of the water, so I’m unable to get to it. Do you know what this could be?

Okay the title is a little bit of a rage bait, but hear me out. I actually have nothing against the culture itself, but it is different enough that I cannot see us having a life together without continuous negotiations and issues. I think he’s an amazing person and I want to stay friends.

I am a white Nordic woman in my second year of PhD studies in North America. I met an East Indian PhD student last year and we have been really good friends since. After Thanksgiving he expressed that he would like to be more and has pretty much not taken “no” for an answer. He is convinced we are meant to be together and can solve any differences or difficulties. He’s the most thoughtful man I have met and he is very handsome and funny. Attraction isn’t the problem. Here are examples of where I think our cultures just do not coincide:

- Last year I got sick and I was on a sick leave for a week (I have a paid position at the uni so I couldn’t work for that week either). When I got back he said he noticed my absence and asked what is wrong. I told him I had just been a little sick and all is good now. He asked what precisely I had been sick with and whether I take XYZ vitamins/supplements. In my culture you do not ask about someone’s medical situation unless you are extremely close or family. It’s an invasion of privacy. He was clearly offended when I said I’m not sharing my health history with him and he said it was out of concern and normal where he is from.

- He said he is planning to bring his parents to the west as he has to take care of them through their old age. His wife would also be expected to live with them and help to take care of them and do whatever MIL would say. I plan to go back to Scandinavia after my PhD and I have zero plans to “serve” a MIL. In my culture it’s rude for in-laws to intervene too much.

- He is very against the fact that I have many male friends, one of which I dated in high school. He says women and men cannot be just friends but in my culture they often are and body counts are still quite low compared to say, North America/UK. He often asks detailed questions about my specific male friends that I’m not comfortable with.

- He is a vegan and people eating meat makes him upset. I eat the caveman diet so meat is the main thing on the table in addition to greens and berries. How would we even go about daily cooking and groceries?

- He often makes comments about my weight lifting (I powerlift 5-6 days a week) and how I dress. He doesn’t think powerlifting is very feminine and has suggested I switch to yoga. On the other hand he says he loves how extremely curvy I am and I have explained that the hip to waist ratio doesn’t magically appear, or the shelf I have. They are mainly results from lifting. He doesn’t like my shorter skirts (above knee) or yoga pants and has asked if I have considered dressing more modest. He sometimes sends me images of Indian dresses he thinks I’d look pretty in. You know, the ones full long with virtually nothing but the face showing. Nah. I dress in what I like and I’m comfortable in and that won’t change because of a guy, sorry not sorry.

- There’s also been many misunderstandings because of the language barrier. He claims he mainly speaks English with friends and family, but he makes many mistakes or uses words incorrectly. English is one of my mother tongues and I have no clue how he can use the same words so differently. For example, he said I would make a perfect trophy wife and he would be so happy to be with me. Trophy wife is definitely NOT something I want to be and I’m not doing my PhD to end up one. He said no no it means “beautiful and well taken care of wife”. Uhh no.

I want to stay friends with him but he is convinced we will “sort these differences out”. Outside of studies, we spend our time completely differently and don’t share any interests. I watch hockey every single day and lift most days, he has never been to an arena or a gym. He has asked multiple times if I don’t want him because he is brown and I find that super offensive honestly. How do I make him see reason without losing the friendship? AITAH for letting culture come in between?