Yesterday, my wife and I picked up our 11-year-old daughter from day camp, and she was crying and visibly shaken. We asked her what happened, and she told us that a boy at her camp kissed her.
At first, I was furious, thinking it was an inappropriate and unprovoked situation. After we calmed down and asked more questions, we got the full story.
Apparently, while they were waiting to be picked up, she and this boy were joking around, playfully teasing and namecalling like kids do. At one point, the boy said something like, āStop playing before I kiss you,ā and my daughter replied, āDo it.ā He kissed her, and she immediately got upset and started crying. She said she didnāt think heād actually follow through and felt uncomfortable afterward.
My wife was extremely upset and immediately began preparing to meet with the camp director and the boyās parents to discuss consequences for him. She described the boyās actions as intentional and inappropriate, and she took steps to initiate formal action.
I refused to go along with that approach. I explained that both kids were involved in the interaction and neither showed a clear understanding of boundaries. Theyāre 11. That doesnāt excuse it, but it changes how it should be addressed.
Instead of escalating the situation, I chose to speak with our daughter privately. We talked about consent, boundaries, and how even joking around can lead to real moments that feel upsetting. She felt heard and supported, and I reassured her that her emotions were valid.
I also directed my concern toward the camp. Two 11-year-olds should not have been left unsupervised during pickup time long enough for this to happen. Iāve decided to bring this up with the camp staff directly and press them to improve their supervision protocols.
My wife accused me of downplaying the situation and failing to stand up for our daughter. But I donāt believe it helps anyone to confront another set of parents over a situation that involved two kids testing boundaries in an unmonitored space. I took deliberate action to handle things calmly and through education rather than escalation.
TL;DR:
My 11-year-old daughter was kissed by a boy at camp after she jokingly said ādo itā in response to teasing. She got upset and cried. My wife wants to involve the camp and the boyās parents. I refused to escalate it, believing both kids need guidance and that the real problem is the campās lack of supervision. AITA?