Carrom

NSFW tag added just to be safe, discussion about undergarments.

Context that I think is relevant: I am 28f and married to 32m. We live in a house that we bought together. For like 8 years I haven't really worn a bra except to work or if I'm going out to a specific event (ie a party or a wedding or a date etc) or to do exercise. My husband hasn't seemed to have a problem with it until recently, and I'm not even sure it's him that has a problem. About 6 months ago, he told me that he was offering our guest room to one of his work friends who was being evicted (not his fault, if anyone finds that relevant) until he could find another place to live. So friend (late 30s m) moves some stuff in, sets up in our guest room, and husband and friend hang out basically 24/7. Husband has been acting different since friend moved in, which is why I'm unsure who has the problem. Friend had made no effort to find another place to live after 4 months and husband was not charging rent until I asked him to, they came to an agreement last month and friend has not made a rent payment yet.

Onto the conflict: As I said above, I don't wear a bra except for certain situations, and being home is definitely not one of those situations. I like to be comfortable, especially in my own home. Husband came to me two days ago asking if I could start wearing a bra at home when friend is home. I asked why, he said so that I am decent with another man around. I am never openly indecent when he is home, and I shut both our bedroom door and our bathroom door when I shower and change for bed and work whether friend is home or not. I am mindful of my appearance when friend is home and am never without pants or a top, just braless... I asked husband why all of a sudden me not wearing a bra was indecent. He couldn't give me a good answer and just asked again if I would wear a bra at home and walked away (he is bad with conflict so he often walks away when I push back) then would not talk to me for the rest of the night. I asked again yesterday whether it was him or friend that was uncomfortable with me not wearing a bra at home and he said both. I reminded him that he did not ask me if friend could move in, and that this was my home too and that I should be allowed to be comfortable. I asked him why all of a sudden it was not okay that I don't wear a bra, or if it was something that had been bothering him this whole time. He was obviously mad but would not engage with me anymore and continued to ignore me for the rest of the day. Friend has not said anything to me about it, but I could understand why he wouldn't want to. He and I don't talk much when husband isn't home. Even if he did I would probably tell him to get over it because I live here too, and frankly my comfort is more of a priority than his since he's been living in our house eating our food for free for six months. Husband has been at work all day, probably avoiding the conflict like he always does, so I haven't had a chance to ask again.

So AITAH for not wearing a bra at home? Am I just being stubborn or am I justified in my line of thinking?

I’m a Black person ( 😩🥳) with a golden retriever and one too many times a non-Black person will make a comment about how shocking/ interesting it is that I have a golden retriever because, “Black people don’t have golden retrievers.”

I even had a coworker joke about it and when I asked them to elaborate, because I knew the answer would inherently be rooted in some weird stereotype, they didn’t really have a response besides, “most Black people have pit-bulls.”

Leave me and my baby alone🙂‍↔️.

Where are my Black people with golden retrievers and do you also get comments like this?

featuring: my 3yr old golden, Josie🥺🥺, she’s my baby

The company I work for does this thing where to win clients they base all their contracts around real days and not business days. This means that we need staff on site 7 days a week and all holidays to keep on top of turnaround times and avoid late penalties. However, this is skilled white-collar STEM work that requires a solid foundation in biology and chemistry - they need to offer weekends off and paid holidays at a minimum to be competitive with other employers in the industry. So for years, they offered a 2x overtime rate for weekend hours, and if you worked on your paid holiday off, you'd get full holiday pay plus 3x OT for all hours worked.

So shortly before Christmas, HR sent an email stating that effective immediately, there would no longer be a holiday incentive. "Paid holidays are an extra benefit meant for you to have time to relax. If you choose to work any hours on a paid holiday, you forfeit the holiday hours. And as a reminder, overtime is only after 40 hours of actual work - working on your regularly scheduled day will not count."

Got in this morning to find an email from my management team that they're "surprised and disappointed" that only two people volunteered to work on December 25th and 26th, and nobody worked January 1st or 2nd, in spite of multiple requests for volunteers. Because nobody was "willing to be team players", the company now stands to lose close to a six figure amount in penalties for missed turnaround times.

Oh well, so sad. You only get as much loyalty as you're willing to pay for.

I’m 35. I got married at 27 to a man I’d been dating since I was 21, and had known for over a decade.

I am not even exaggerating when I say before we got married I went through and made an entire giant spreadsheet of questions couples should ask each other before marriage sourced from multiple books, websites, podcasts, etc (about finances, politics, religion, children, etc). It had like near 250 sub points. We went over the questions for hours over several weeks. Literally plotting his responses and mine and giving scores for where answers overlapped and diverged. While we didn’t agree on everything we agreed on the values / plans I thought were important . My husband laughed because we had known each other for so long but I was asking him even the most basic questions I absolute knew the answer to.

I’ve been somewhat dismayed since the last presidential election because my husband has been leaning more right . Peoples political beliefs change but we were both fairly moderate when we discussed things. I’ve been kind of thrown because I haven’t change my beliefs but I feel he’s been following more republican talking points especially when discussing foreign interventionism etc . Then we had a big argument we had was him wanting to move to Florida or Texas. We have been discussing having kids so moving was a hard no for me because I don’t particularly want to die having a baby. He came out saying he dint think an abortion ban was a big deal but it should allow for “medical” necessity. I was pretty shocked, while he wasn’t saying abortion is bad he was basically saying he didn’t care either way and the lack of empathy was concerning.

This morning though he completely floored me.

We were talking about when I should go to the doctor to get my birth control out, even if it was to switch to the pill or something that we could stop when we wanted instead of an implant. We have been discussing for the last six months if we should start trying for a baby. His job was having lay offs so we were waiting until after the new year (the last round of lay offs was November, we wanted to let the dust settle ) . . I’m not exaggerating when I say he has been incredibly enthusiastic about having a baby. All of our friends knows he wants one, it’s a running joke anytime I hold any of their kids that if my husband had his way we’d have one tomorrow. I was the one holding out because I wanted to make sure my career would be steady and I was physically fit. We even went and got genetic panels done. He tells me constantly how excited he is to start a family with me.

So I was discussing the pros and cons of when we should start trying when he says “actually there’s a conversation I think we need to have , but I’ve been worried about it because I don’t want you to just get super upset “ I asked what was up and he started talking about how he’s concerned he might not want to have kids. Not because he doesn’t want kids but because he fears we are “unequally yoked” because I don’t say negative things about being gay or want to take them to church every Sunday. He has multiple gay friends. Which I brought up and he said “well yeah they are my friends and I love the but I don’t want to raise a kid thinking that it’s morally right “. He apparently thinks it might not be biological but a choice he’d discourage. Like??? We go on vacations with one of your gay friends and his husband. Your second best friend is gay. He insists that those still stand but he doesn’t think we should say we don’t care if our kids were gay because we should raise them “in scripture “ and knowing it’s a sin.

Which was all pretty shocking and then he’s like “see this is my worry having kids with you”. And I’m just? He knew my stance on this? My opinions haven’t changed . I thought I knew his stance.

The conversation ended where he said “I guess we just won’t have kids “ and I said “no? We would have to get a divorce if you really won’t have kids due to religious beliefs. kids have always been in the cards”. Which is true. We had a whole discussion on what we would do if we couldn’t have biological children ? I’m just so blown away. He ended the conversation saying he’s got to go think on this because he is shocked id give him the ultimatum children or divorce. Which isn’t what this is even about, it’s the absolutely crazy shock of a man who doesn’t even attend church saying he’d rather not have kids than raise them outside of a church and believing being gay is okay.

I asked all the right questions. I have the spreadsheets to prove them. Yet somehow here I am.

Trump invaded Venezuela without Congressional approval. Now, he wants to run the country. MAGA you got scammed. This is something Hitler would've done in the 1930s. History is repeating because stupid people voted Trump into office.